November 7th, 2014

2014 “Worst Storyline Ever” Contest

Chuck Sambuchino

To celebrate the release of the brand-new 2015 Guide to Literary Agents, I am bringing back one of my most popular recurring contests: The “Worst Storyline Ever” Contest. Except this time, it’s hosted on the Writers in the Storm blog. So if you’re looking for an agent and want a big database, check out the book. And if you’ve got a horrible idea for a story, I want to hear about it. Welcome to the “Worst Storyline Ever” Contest—a competition that encourages terrible loglines.

2014 “Worst Storyline Ever” Contest

A logline is a one-sentence line that explains what your story is about and shows the “hook” – the unique idea that makes people want to see more. You see loglines all the time on the back of DVD boxes. Here are some examples:

  • “Three middle-aged men defeat their midlife crises by starting a college fraternity.” (Old School)
  • “When a Roman general is betrayed and his family murdered by an evil emperor, he comes to Rome as a gladiator to seek revenge.” (Gladiator)
  •  “In a future where criminals are arrested before the crime occurs, a cop struggles on the lam to prove his innocence for a murder he has not yet committed.” (Minority Report)

But that’s all the examples I’m going to give you, because I’m not looking for good examples of a logline; I’m looking for bad examples. Nay – terrible, stupid, “oh-my-gosh-that-idea-REEKS” examples.

(Hi, everyone. Chuck here chiming in for a second. I wanted to say I am now taking clients as a freelance editor. So if your query or manuscript needs some love, please check out my editing services. Thanks!)

Examples of Bad Loglines (Previous Winners/Finalists):

a. “After an unidentified cow swallows an armed nuclear device in a botched Homeland Security raid, Agent Tom Anderson is thrust into an unlikely partnership with buxom organic farmer Daisy Jones to sift through three hundred cows and 10 barns full of manure as the clock runs down in a desperate quest to save Kansas City from a moo-clear disaster.”

b. “A young woman discovers she is half unicorn after farting a rainbow at her bat mitzvah, and must go on a hijinx-filled voyage of self discovery to find her real father and fit as ‘one of the herd.’ “

c. “Leonard the narcoleptic snail sets out on his lifelong dream of running the Boston Marathon while humming ‘Macarena,’ and invites you to join the excitement in real time.”

Here are the rules:
  1. Stick to the format, but have fun with the idea. You want your logline to be one sentence only and must be 60 words or fewer, and explain what the movie/book is about. It’s what you put in that one sentence that will win you this competition. So the trick is to make your logline a terribly creative idea that’s pitched in a minimal, professional manner. (Please note that about 10% of submissions are disqualified because more than one sentence is submitted. Do not make this mistake.)
  2. The contest will go until the end of the day, 11:59 p.m., PST, Friday, Nov. 21, 2014. Submissions received after that will not be considered. Once the contest closes at that point, allow up to the end of November for judging to occur. This post will be updated with the winners’ names by Dec. 1, and all winners will be contacted individually by e-mail.
  3. I (Chuck) will judge the contest, with some possible input from other Writer’s Digest staffers.
  4. To participate, simply click on “Comments” at the end of this post and leave your submission as a comment with your full, real name. If you are super paranoid about leaving your full name, abbreviate; use “L. Smith” instead of “Leonard Smith.”
  5. You can submit up to one logline for free. If you want to submit up to 3 loglines, all you have to do for such eligibility is tweet news of this contest and sharing the URL/link. Here is a sample tweet: Got a hilariously awful idea for a movie or book? Enter the “Worst Storyline Ever” Contest: http://bit.ly/1xe69JI – via @chucksambuchino. Include all entries in the same comment, and put your Twitter handle in the comment (if applicable), as well, so we can see if you tweeted.
  6. The contest is open to everyone of all ages, save those employees, officers and directors of GLA’s publisher, F+W: A Content & E-Commerce Company (formerly F+W Media).
  7. If you have any questions about the contest, do not leave them in the comments and do not e-mail WITS. E-mail me directly at chuck.sambuchino [at] fwmedia.com
The Prizes:

The top 3 winners (no order) receive 1) a critique of either their one-page synopsis or one-page query letter from me; and 2) a copy of either the 2015 Guide to Literary Agents or the 2015 Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market.

Good luck!!!

*  *  *  *  *  *

About Chuck

Chuck FW head shotChuck Sambuchino of Writer’s Digest Books edits the GUIDE TO LITERARY AGENTS and the CHILDREN’S WRITER’S & ILLUSTRATOR’S MARKET. His Guide to Literary Agents Blog is one of the largest blogs in publishing.

His 2010 humor book, HOW TO SURVIVE A GARDEN GNOME ATTACK, was optioned by Sony Pictures.  Chuck has also written the writing guides FORMATTING & SUBMITTING YOUR MANUSCRIPT and CREATE YOUR WRITER PLATFORM.

Besides that, he is a freelance book & query editor, husband, sleep-deprived new father, and owner of a flabby-yet-lovable dog named Graham.

Find Chuck on Twitter and on Facebook.

136 comments to 2014 “Worst Storyline Ever” Contest

  • Oh my gosh, Chuck, how FUN is this! As a WITS blogger, we’re not eligible, but if my brain coughs one up (a mental hairball), I’ll post it just for fun!

  • An insomniac Egyptian Flea discovers his ability to sleep on clouds after falling off the back of a dog onto a cloud in the midst of a tornado, and now must find a bird willing to transfer him between earth and clouds.

  • When scientist Mary Oppenheimer discovers her lab partner is secretly a zombie bent on eating the brains of the world’s most brilliant thinkers, she teams up with his hunky, charismatic brother to stop him–until she discovers secrets run in this family and the man who has captured her interest and ignited her loins may also be a werewolf.

  • Ambitious amoebae evolve into complex carbon bipedal life-forms, dodging myriad extinction events en route to becoming dominant inhabitant of fragile ecosystem before inventing preclusive bartering system unusable by nine million other species, expending all natural resources in race to create disposable possessions while social networks thrive on apocalyptic demise until everybody dies and rest of universe tuts in knowing exasperation. Jim Ormonde @jimormonde

  • Melinda Primrose

    A fearless porcupine tries to prove to his family that the jungle is safer than the forest before getting eaten by a hungry lion.

  • Monte Gruhlke

    A renegade group of hyper-smart, 20-something physicists considered too dangerous for science embark on a wacky competition; the first one to destroy the sun scores a date with the very sexy scientist Darby Adare. It’s madcap mayhem and a non-stop party all the way to the finish!

  • My brain has gone dead and love this though I may, I can’t think of anything truly awful. Good luck to all participants … BTW … what’s new on the garden front with your gnomes ?? 🙂

  • tim soster

    Jerry, a self taught mathematician, settles in for a weekend long sci-fi movie marathon when he soon discovers a complex mathematical equation that opens a worn hole behind hi DVD player and sucks him onto his fantasy movie world; he has 48 hours to find the equation that will send him back to his world or forever be trapped in this bizarre world.

  • A CIA agent and three teenage girls seeking pirate treasure discover and accidentally detonate a nuclear bomb, rendering an upscale Caribbean resort spa uninhabitable for the next million and a half years – impelling billionaire owner Jefferson Peabody and mistress Elena Petroshkovina to locate an Antarctic hot spring and rebuild their resort by hand, aided by twelve Sherpas and a gnu.

  • A pink dragon loses her ability to fly, falls to Earth in Southern California, is discovered by Hollywood and ultimately finds cross-species love with the Geico Gecko.

    See? Never, ever read a post like this when you are about to get into the shower (aka think-tank).

  • Rebecca White

    Dabney, a deaf-mute Duclair duck, witnesses a gang homicide in Chinatown, and must race to learn the difficult International Sign Language for Deaf Ducks and communicate the name of the despicable perpetrator to his fianceé and sometime sleazy topless dancer, Hoa duck Daphne, before he is kidnapped and turned into Peking duck by the Gang of Hungry Four.

  • Derek Elkins

    A rich, young heiress is about to kiss the rich, young amnesiac of her dreams when Earth is invaded by Evil Robot Monkey Alien Overlords and Bigfoot kidnaps her, resulting in hilarious hi jinks as they struggle to overcome nearly impossible plot points.

  • Betty Castleberry

    Alonzo, a mustached, handsome, and politically correct barista, must find a way to not offend his favorite patrons who are little people when they order short lattes, all the while not revealing his true identity as the U.S. Olympic gold medalist in Gangnam style curling.

  • Geraldine Banes

    A she-Dalek commits herself to therapy after finding a CyberMan un-exterminatable.

  • A lovable, wacky, skid row bum with the ability to talk to pigeons must use his unique talent to foil a developer who seeks to evict the homeless from an abandoned parking structure and turn it into a hospital.

    Misha Burnett

  • K. Murashige

    Ninety-two-year-old L. Derley’s life takes a heart-attack-worthy turn when youthful, Russian, and bodacious Lolita Nabokov moves to his neighborhood and promises she’ll make his few remaining days the most thrilling ones of his life.

    • ygirl

      Lol i was trying to figure out what was L Derley and then i said it out loud!

    • K. Murashige

      Actually, may I change mine? I would like to enter this instead:
      When a Pilates class goes terribly wrong, all the stability balls in the room become portals, sucking up the Pilates students and spitting them out into a world where the only legal exercising activity is crossfit.

  • A simpleminded, flatulent dog and an elderly cat missing an ear, natural enemies in the wild, must team up to stop their owner, Fantasia, from falling in love with a man who is hiding a terrible secret from her: His conjoined twin.

    [my user name is my real name. I realize it would have been easier to write it again instead of typing all this out. C’est la vie]

  • So enjoying these horrific log lines – keep ’em coming, people!

  • Johnny Goodchild has a problem. He’s looking at the POTUS, and seems to be the only one who notices the the President is not wearing any clothes. This wouldn’t be quite so bad, but his Father is the head of the KGB and his Mother heads the FBI.
    Can Johnny re-unite his warring family over the Presidental pardon?

  • A case of mistaken identity causes havoc at Sock Drawer Con as twins separated at birth independently and at cross-purposes attempt to influence the Ms. Sock Drawer contest.

  • ManjuBeth

    When C.B. Author finds herself trapped between Slime the Swamp Creature and Stix the cackling Kookaburra in the Australian Forest, she must discover a way to edit herself out and allow her characters to fight as leaders of their respective tribes for control of the magical Donut Shop. – Manju Howard

  • Tim Jozwowski

    On a dare, two feuding cosmetic surgeons sculpt a woman from biomedical waste which, when accidentally covered in Yoohoo and Circus Peanuts, becomes reanimated and hell-bent on returning its parts to their previous owners, fueling another dare: which surgeon can track the monster down, destroy it, and prove he is THE BREAST MAN.

  • Eduardo the long-haired dachshund never realized his racing potential until his owner put him in a hot dog costume and entered him into the ’30-yard Weiner Dog Races’, an annual charity event that raises funds for the Doggies with Halitosis Foundation.

  • Henry Clumes thinks his telepathic link with dairy cows is little more than an inconvenience until Claudia-Ann joins the herd and love blossoms, challenging human norms and shaking the foundations of the strict bovine hierarchy. – Wendy Allott

  • After allocating thirty years of her existence to care for the needs of others, born-again courtesan sacrifices all for a life of fame and fortune, only to be hampered by a condition in which smells rule her decisions, forcing her to find ways to quiet her olfactory senses in order to interact with her pawns without becoming sick.

  • Jeff Brown

    My name is Ned Fickle, I have two pet worms that I named Squirm and Squirmette and the pot in which they live now contains plutonium so that their offspring will grow crazy big and then I can finally recognize my life long dream to be known as THE BAIT KING of the WORLD!

  • Kristopher lee

    After learning he will die immediately after sex, Crosby, a young drone bee, must give up his life of luxury and find a way to escape his colony when he is chosen as a mate for the sadistic Queen Phoebee.

  • Felines all over the world are mysteriously journeying to take a final cat walk into the ocean, and while allergy sufferers secretly can’t believe their good luck, and scientists marvel that cats don’t have nine lives, Agent Hearkitty rushes to find the catnip that will draw the feline species back to dry land and avert a cat-astrophe. – Elisa O’Donnell

  • bonniegill

    Bad luck magnet Abby Fitzpatrick catches her boyfriend cheating with a mime, is cursed to become the Jersey Devil by an evil genie who pops out of her tampon box, and the hottest guy she’d ever met is out to kill her.

    This is my finished manuscript 🙂

  • L. Rogers

    A determined janitor is great at cleaning the whiteboards, until one teacher accidentally writes on the board in Sharpie, which causes the janitor to lose his “janitor of the month” award and quickly falls into a slight depression, causing teacher to feel guilty and they end up falling in love while she cares for him.

  • Hired by beautiful Vegas showgirl, Betsy Bodice Ripper, Detective Herman Humpledinker, an oversized St. Bernard and his trusty sidekick Sidney, a flamboyant duck, struggle with various disguises and wardrobe malfunctions in their search for busty Betsy’s missing ruby encrusted safety pin.

  • LOCWyche

    Two starcrossed snails are in love. Will they escape from France in time?

  • Gil, a young school janitor, and his highly-intelligent anthropomorphic pet typewriter, Doob, befriend a used car salesman and an alien named Himself as they travel through space and time in search of a legendary bronzed salami sandwich, the only thing that can stop an army of rebellious monks from exterminating all speaking life-forms everywhere. — Scott Edwards @equator42

  • J. Kuntz

    A 60 something warehouse worker gives up his day job to follow his dream of herding cats in the west, In the tradition of “The Cowboys” and “City Slickers”…Cat Wrangler

  • Join Nsiew, a young space alien, on his journey to Omaha, Nebraska in search of fame, fortune, and the perfect recipe for kung pao chicken.

  • J. Starr

    After an overfilled tub floats him out of the darken pit of Big Bob’s belly button, Lint Man must brave the dirty suds and scale the scummy tub wall before he and his lifelong dream of being knitted into a sweater are sucked down the drain forever.

  • When three sisters fall in love with two Martians on prom night, only the sisters’ ex-boyfriends, a trio of tambourine players struggling to make it in Toronto’s unpredictable tambourine scene, can stop the playboy aliens from winning hearts and destroying the world with the helium gas gun secretly stored in the prom king crown by an ancient Martian evil.

  • David Danielson, a didactic dentist, attempts to seduce his nubile assistant, Natalie, who–unbeknownst to him–satisfies the chilling, sadistic tendencies she acquired from voodoo ceremonies performed on her by a hellacious shaman in her native Nubian lands by scheduling patients for unneeded tooth extractions.

    By Greta Boris

  • In a land where people have familiars after puberty that can get no more than four feet away, our heroine comes of age and finds that her familiar is a dolphin and her best friend, whose familiar is an elephant, has been kidnapped; she must save him.

    By Elizabeth James

  • D. Leone

    A super sexy, 70-year-old sewer inspector slipped on the floor right where 40-year-old nymphomaniac Edna’s water broke, and now she must find out: will the sewer inspector get up, or will he get it up?

  • Bob Fajardo

    Novice religious snake handler’s mentor dies from a copperhead bite at the novice’s first service, so the kid pockets the cash he’d found earlier and promised his mentor he’d post on the bulletin board, but that was before he realized that with good timing and a snake-bite kit he could get rich.

  • The Royal Cat Herder meets his match (and possibly his demise) when Princess M’Lady rescues and adopts a family of feral felines with a penchant for hurling hairballs at prominent officials and scullery maids at the most importune times with disastrous results.

  • A young man, who has never recovered from the pain and anguish of losing his childhood pet rock, forms a rock band in which the band members pass out rocks to the audience at every concert.

    Oh yeah!! Pam Stucky @pamstucky

  • Aaron Wyckoff

    1. As waves of zombies rampage across the land, one small-town high school biology teacher discovers that the only way to become immune to the disease and save his family is to consume the intestines of the infected, but as a fervent, life-long vegan he is left with a heart wrenching moral dilemma—will he have the guts?

    2. When a mechanical chicken invented by full-time professor and part-time barista Ephraim Bergenheimer is struck by lightning, the accident generates a chain reaction that will destroy the Earth’s atmosphere unless the professor, his estranged ex-fiancé, and her Tibetan yak herder boyfriend are somehow able to join forces and convince it to cross an experimental Roddenberry-Oppenheimer Atomic Degausser.

    3. When a sleep-deprived new father and owner of a flabby-yet-lovable dog named Graham is called upon to edit the manuscript from Hell (literally!), he inadvertently changes a key phrase that unleashes hordes of demons on the world, and only by recovering the fabled Holy Red Pen of Antioch can he hope to banish them back to the netherworld.

    Aaron Wyckoff – @ajwyckoff

  • Blissfully ignorant of pending ruin until quarterback Franklin Roosevelt was paralyzed, rookie George now must form a rebellion among the unruly clones of the former presidents of the United States who make up his scandal-plagued football team secretly being used as a think tank by wealthy Washington insiders in the near future.

  • Jasper The Friendly Zombie can’t understand why people run away from him and so he embarks on a journey of self-discovery accompanied by his friend Binky, a flatulent ghost, and Binky’s dog Ginger, a black labrador with a penchant for cough syrup and the bark of a Shih-Tzu.

  • The ooze that dropped from the alien spaceship started turning every blade of grass in Central Park into a tiny monkey with crab-claw hands and a machete tail – and there was only one thing that could stop them: Landscape Artist Alan Smiley!

  • D Oehlberg

    All the ex-lovers that were tricked into affairs by a married pastor decide to seek revenge by waiting til the pastor is out of town on business and sending a helicopter over his huge estate to bomb the home, knowing he worships money, and then throw out bags of fake money.

  • Shanna Williams

    A medieval warrior survives disaster in its varied forms on both land and sea, only to be killed shortly after his return home by a group of drunken nobles drag-racing on horseback.

  • Shawn Malenich

    Mortician and compulsive necrophiliac, Mahli Gustare, falls in love with a corpse in his mortuary, but in a mishap during the embalming process he accidentally creates a serum that brings her back to life and embarks on a journey that challenges him to either expand his horizons or re-murder her to get back the woman he fell in love with.

  • 1. When her hipster parents drag her to a 1970s Retro Fest, a twelve-year-old girl plasters her arms with vintage, pink fuzzy Slurpee feet stickers, which sends her back in time to 1976, where she becomes obsessed with the TV show, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.

    2. A mid-forties slacker, forced into The Witness Protection Program after he forages on private property and eats the last known non-GMO corn, enraging the world’s food activists, falls in love with a woman who heads a vicious heirloom seed cartel.

    3. After a lovesick optometrist falls for a felon manicurist who has lost her license, he begins sedating patients so she can practice on them, but when several of them don’t wake up, their families band together over questions regarding their loved ones’ bizarre nail designs, driving the lovebirds to hit the road in a cross-Carolinas crime spree.

    @Shelltex

  • In this movie, Barry, who is a barber embarks on the journey to become a butcher, his childhood dream.

  • An evil linguistics professor and his beautiful assistant discover how to remove all verbs from sentences, writing, reading, listening, standstill, difficult, no verbs, until his assistant turns on him, secretly obsessed with the letter t she will only do it in return for all the t’s, af’er ‘he ‘umul’uous ‘ime ‘he na’ions decide ‘hey would ra’her have verbs ‘han ‘s.

  • Defeated by the love of her life in the World Knitting Championships, Mary seeks to rebuild her shattered dreams of being famous by piloting an airplane made entirely of wool, and finds more than she bargained for when a local sheep farmer is waiting on the wing.

    Therese Calegari

  • 1. In the underwater kingdom of Aqua Falls, Chris the seahorse has a gender crisis.

    2. Gary is an all action hero in a pacifist utopia; he’s out of place but not out gunned.

    3. Lighting is a stallion that longs for the glory days before cars (BC), he rallies a herd and together they canter on the local car dealership.

    @andymckendry @davekilledkurt

  • […] a competition over at Writers in the Storm. They’re looking for creative log lines selling the worst […]

  • Kathleen Keelin

    Retired prostitute Sunshine McGee is excited to begin her new career in a bakery, but soon realizes how hard it will be to escape her past life as she becomes the prime subject in a city- wide whipped cream heist.

    Kathleen Keelin

  • Carla Cloutier

    A Siamese cat spends a day counting each stitch his elderly mistress crochets, as she works on an afghan one cold winter day.

  • Named for her father’s favorite exotic dancer, Misty Blue Waters has grown up hearing jokes about tassels, poles, and stiletto heels and — one dark and stormy night on the historic Lincoln Highway in Pennsylvania — takes her slingshot in hand and decides, much to the dismay of her employer at Ruth’s Precious Crystal, that “being done with all this crap” means shattering every notion people had about her before leaving it all behind to start a new life (using only her initials) and marrying delivery man Dirk Sky.

  • Tiffany Stine

    1. A writer obsessed with making the little pencils she writes with last starts a campaign to have all automatic and rotary pencil sharpeners banned from existence, rendering herself mentally unstable in the process and hallucinating about pencil sharpeners attacking her.

    2. Clouds turn deep shades of vibrant colors and descend, dissolving on anyone in the world who doesn’t have a vocabulary of 30,000 words; A high school student tries unsuccessfully to save all of her friends and family (including a sexy boyfriend) from that fate and is left burning dictionaries because she alone was spared.

    3. A rich man has a large enough mansion to accommodate several mistresses without them knowing about each other; when he finds one too many he has to decides to trust one with the secret, but when she gets the chance she intrudes upon a bed-scene and scares the girl into a faint. together they scare the other mistresses and get married, turning the mansion into an orphanage instead.

    ~ T. Su. Stine

    @StineVelvet

  • Let’s try that again after I’ve read the rules properly 🙂

    1) Johnny Goodchild has a presidential problem, his Father is the Republican Candidate while his Mother is the Democrat Candidate, and now he’s just turned eighteen, he is THE THIRD PARTY.

    2) Deep below the surface of the Nebraska, Delta-Phi Martians have wacky fun with Gamma Alpha Venusians, given Earthlings aren’t allowed in AREA CINQUANTE ET UN.

    3) Harder than solid steel, one man fights for the rights of pharmaceutical companies; his name is lost to history, but when you see the BLUE DIAMOND, you know there goes Viagra-Man!

  • M. Azarian

    When two sets of hirsute teenage male and female twins simultaneously suffer injuries during back waxing at a salon, their pain trips a portal to Medieval times, where they must find a cure for the Bubonic plague, protect priceless fresco paintings from crusaders’ attacks, and conquer typical teenage angst, in order to return to the salon and fall in love.

  • Armed only with dinosaur erotica, a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich, and the complete collection of Celine Dion albums, a streetwise Furby and the ghost of Friedrich Nietzsche hop in their 1971 Pinto and set out to save Arbor Day from killer mimes.

  • Discover what happens when a xenophobic gnome, an anemic sumo wrestler, and an anthropomorphic fax machine get on the bad side of the Canadian mafia and are blackmailed into running the Iditarod with a pack of wise-cracking chinchillas.

  • Logan Collins

    In the future, human-kind creates zombies for one purpose, to prove who is guilty of murder by arm wrestling.

  • When hearing-impaired Hank, who understands American Sign Language, meets hearing-impaired Marie, who understands French Sign Language, they take off on a globe-trotting romance as they realize international semaphore is their language of love.

  • Former Navy SEAL Mitch “Snot Rocket” Mitchell must confront the demons of his past when he finds himself trapped in an elevator with his middle school gym teacher, an animated bran muffin, and a beautiful deaf-mute redhead who communicates only in emojicons.

  • I’m tempted to pitch one of my actual stories just to see what happens.

  • Wiam Al-Najjar

    Athena finds out that her armor is a time-travelling machine so she time-travels to find herself in a skip which she thinks is Hades and starts fighting the garbage gorgons.

  • Ira, the Horned Dorset sheep, plans a heist at Wooley’s Bank in the baadlands town of Not Pecorinocheese without butting heads with the teller, for fear of penned-up frustration by his shear genius.

  • The inexperienced actor Sam Awry tried to change his story when the show gun was fired off stage during the opening presentation of A COLD NIP ON YOUR NOSE.

  • In a post-sandwich-apocalypse society, teen wonderkid Helena H. Basket must investigate the locked room in her childhood mansion, a room which will answer the question of why all the chipmunks on earth are missing… or are they?

  • June Huwa Whiting

    A White House Thanksgiving dinner invitation has sinister overtones for Tex, a transgender tom turkey from Tulsa, who, fearing for his life, goes go on the lam and falls in love with Barbie, a Baptist bald eagle from Boise— and an undercover FBI agent assigned to capture Tex and escort him—dead or alive—to Washington in time for dinner.

  • L. Benedict

    A gang called the grizzly bears steal all the salmon from the fish market in downtown Seattle, leaving all the local seafood restaurants scrambling to control the sea of salmon craving customers.

  • After gigantic crocodiles emerge from an unkempt swamp in Louisiana at the start of the apocalypse, local Bayou caretaker Louis Monroe must use his hidden superpowers of communicating with the dead to enlist an army of kindhearted zombies to save his hometown from falling through the gates of hell.

  • Mole lives in a hole and a wrong turn sends him into a parallel universe where moles rule the world, but will Mole want to stay in this Mole-topia or return to his existence when he learns he’ll play a pivotal role in the imagination of Wind in The Willows author Kenneth Grahame?

  • After learning that he has only eighty more years to live, squirrel wrangler Jensen McNutt undergoes an experimental xenotransplant of six space alien hearts, falls in love with his surgical team, and sets off with them in a Volkswagen van to live out his final days playing bagpipes in an Abba cover band and visiting string cheese museums across America.

  • Bilal Baydoun

    When frequently-indigested and racially-ambiguous scientist Xi Al-Khansteinopolous is thrust into a fierce, pharmaceutical bidding war for his revolutionary antacid formula, he soon realizes that imminent riches cannot guarantee the acceptance for which his heart so desperately burns.

  • After discovering the health benefits of cow manure, an aspiring culinary artist has to convince the reality cooking show judges that what smells bad can taste good.

    When the last human on earth dies, a group of dust mites boards a space shuttle and travels the universe looking for an alternate food source.

    After being attacked by a hoard of zombie pigeons, a popular clique of teenagers turn into human-sized Taekwondo frogs who can only be stopped by the president’s son, a clumsy pubescent magician.

  • Todd Howell

    When a comet smashes into the Anderson farm the explosion gives the people of the nearby town the memories of aliens and the ability to time travel.

  • Nudist cowboy rides his faithful horse across the Wild West, fighting crime and saddle rash.

  • When fabulous, New York hairdresser, Andre, develops an unstoppable flatulence problem, he travels to the heart of Amish country for a clean start where he must face a world of no hairspray, the suspicious Amish mafia, and an unbelievably cute farm boy.
    ~K. Gaskill
    @kaitlyngaskill

  • This tender love story about a white rat, a rosy boa, and a near-sighted piranha who have a chance encounter while touring with a troupe of pygmy psychics bicycling across the Arctic isn’t just another mixed species love triangle, mind you, it’s the story of the search for the homeland of the elusive red herring.

  • When Jack Loham the CEO of the Louvre discovers the museums of the world are run by the Illuminati he falls back on his family secret and brings out his family heirloom, the invisible ‘all-seeing spectacles’ and secretly records the Illuminati conversations to hand over to the BBC.

    A man stood in front of his grave repeating, “I was such a handsome man” when the physic said, “hey man how’s it going?” and the man replied, “I was such a handsome man,” to which the physic replied, “but you’ve been dead for 300 years.”

    Glowy the goldfish knows the secret to life; a five second memory and he invites you into his fishbowl.

    @Tweetcoco

  • Joshua Hill

    After waking up a frosty December morning without his right hand, rogue pig farmer Joey Daniels must go undercover in a hillbilly-style detective crusade across the Montana backwoods in hopes of finding the limb thief to “right” the wrong and “hand” him a beating.

  • Selfless cat, Fluffy, goes on hunger strike to bring attention to the plight of homeless cats everywhere, melting the heart of Vladimir Putin, who donates millions to the cause and travels to America to meet his new best friend, Fluffy.

  • https://twitter.com/Miraclepam
    P. Schueller

    1. Big Mac, rap singer, meat packer, fish monger and computer geek, accesses a company computer and discovers a plot to barbeque Alaska with gasoline, but he’s locked in a freezer with fozen salmon by his demented employer, and must use his dying smartphone to convince CIA chief, “Crispy” Fry, to rescue him and prevent Nome from burning.

    2. AARP magazine spokesman, Sam Puttie, known to all as “Silly,” warns members that vampires are invading Senior Centers nationwide in search of victims with outstanding veins who love a good kisser, and commandeers Nassau robots, designed to look like wrinkled Yoda’s, with walkers and wheelchairs that convert to vampire zapping lazers, to foil the invaders and sell new subscriptions.

    3. A cartoon character, Malvin, and his tiger, Slobbs, conspire to distress the neighborhood with hi-jinks that draw the attention of Bertie, the gangster’s daughter, who tries to blow them away with hand grenades, tommy guns, and homemade nuclear bombs, but they discover she’s a transvestite, invite Bert into their boys club,and save the neighborhood from nuclear Armaggedon.

  • Sylvia Telfer

    A sheep farmer in the Scottish Borders has a breakdown after accidently consuming his pet lamb, Aye, and the ‘No’ win in the Referendum, and plots to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall, despite the UK’s Prime Minister cunningly bribing him with Mars Bars and Irn Bru, secretly hoping obesity will rid him of the escalating peril north of Westminster.

  • Kati Jewell-Harrison

    In the long awaited sequel to ‘Onions In A Pickle,’ ‘If We Hadn’t Been Caught In The Same Bed, We Wouldn’t Be In This Jam Now,’ is the gripping story of two hairy strawberries reminiscing about their sleazy lives from allotment to jar.

  • After officially having himself changed into a vampire, Sarah’s husband Jaxson Carpenter finds himself craving body parts and their blood desperately, and begins stocking his home refrigerator with severed heads, cut off hands, torsos and legs, but then before his wife can join him in the change, she becomes his latest snack, and too late – the Zombie Apocalypse has arrived…

  • Mikal O'Boyle

    Leo was going to be the next Louis Vuitton, that is, until his unique fashion of using human skin for clothing is discovered, forcing him to escape on a flight to what he thought was going to be Greece, but when the plane crashes, he finds himself to be the only survivor washed up on an island that is home to a cannilbalistic tribe.

  • Mikal O'Boyle

    (I’ve shared on Twitter but don’t know to copy that into this post.)

    Second entry:
    Little Miss Buffet suffers from extreme gaseous expulsion brought on by over-eating, but her flatuation frustration is blasted when along comes a spider devoid of olfactory senses on his legs – making the story of the gaseous girl and the sans smell spider a windy tale.

  • 1. “After moving to the San Fernando valley to pursue her dream of becoming the world’s most prolific and well known pornstar, Anita Cockburn is forced to take roles as a Hollywood actress to pay the bills and keep her dream alive.”

    2. “Mistakenly guided into a black hole, interstellar traveler Bucky Nova wakes up in the body of a highly trained captive gorilla recruited by NASA for a top scecret space mission to locate missing astronaut Bucky Nova.”

    3. “Tim Cook’s dirty little secret begins to spread chaos when his beloved and closely guarded Android phone becomes possessed by a transcendent Steve Jobs putting Tim’s power as Apple’s CEO and his life in jeopardy.”

    Jean Gaultier – @countrsidegent

  • After a near death experience, a young down-and-out New York lawyer finds he can speak to animals – and is subsequently forced to defend a Central Park Zoo lion in court after it’s falsely accused of killing its keeper – in this Doctor Dolittle-meets-The Devil’s Advocate family drama.

  • Suzanne Saunders

    A circus clown seeking happiness becomes a motivational speaker, inspiring others to become clowns, but panic arises when stores begin to run out of clown make-up and costumes, causing an identity crisis amongst the clown masses.

  • Jim discovers that his father, an elderly CIA agent who died in an unpredicted snail storm in the Sahara, was part of a plot to steal the president’s muffins and start a war between the leading muffin-eating countries of the world; and must flee for his life cross-country on a tricycle when accused of being involved in the sweet crime.

  • Following 30 days in the life of a recovering alcoholic, each day will be a 10 minute short written by 30 different writers for a 300 page screenplay. I Was Drunk When I Wrote This…coming to theaters near you.

  • 1. A dyslexic fifteen-year-old girl must use her ability to read people’s minds, weeding through the lies her small town neighbors are telling, to uncover the truth about what happened to her invisible boyfriend before he disappears forever, but will she be able to straighten it all out in time?

    2. When two robbers take her beloved town bank hostage, an orphaned 16 year-old girl, born with the uncanny ability to stand really really still, offers to make like a statue inside to collect important intel for the feds, but will she be able to keep calm and carry on when she learns the robbers are actually her long lost parents?

    3. When they discover their caretaker’s slippers have gone missing, a blind dog, a three legged cat, and a mouse with an attitude, all living inharmoniously under the same roof, grudgingly set out on the adventure of a lifetime around the house to find the slippers before their person gets home because he might be bummed without his slippies.

    @KellyByrneCA

  • In a world of puppets one marrionette and one tubesock with googly eyes will need to band together to rescue the Princess Macrame from the clutches of the vile Lord Pleather and his horde of yarn-eating mothmen all the while having to overcome their own biases and mutual distrust all before Dark Lord can unknit the world.

  • 1.Interpol agent John Standish is brought in after aliens from outer space steal all the coffee in the world, causing mass hysteria from coffee withdrawal,because they need the caffeine to fuel their warp five drive with a coffomatic engine.

    2.After watemelons become monsters attacking citizens in Witchita, Kansas, biting them and they become half watermelon half human, scientist John Newcomb and his sexy lab assistant Lorna Lush are called in to develop an anti-toxin before the watermelonolus virus spreads and infects everyone.

    3. Before submitting his entry to the Worst Story lines ever contest blogger Michael Writer hits his head on the computer monitor after staying awake all night coming up with a winning log line that causes him to develop amnesia, forgetting who he is, a pitch for the TV movie Let the Blogger Beware.

    Kevin Osborne @dreamsinger6

  • When a teacher is unexpectedly hit by a meteor on a field trip at the Nevada Test Site, she is kidnapped by the government and sent to Area 51 where she must learn to control her new nuclear superpowers by fighting in cage matches against alien flying monkeys.

  • Erica Hershler

    Laurie Lei, the heiress notorious for having each strand of her hair sheathed in platinum, enjoys challenging would-be robbers once her tresses are injected with Medusa serum, causing her hair to turn into angry, poisonous snakes if removed involuntarily.

  • When Dandy the dandelion realizes his purpose is to grant wishes and carry thoughts and affections instead of spreading weeds, he gains confidence and strength and renews hope in all he comes in contact with before turning to seed.

  • N Talbot

    Buddhist Monk, Awashin Calm is going to prove that being Zen isn’t all it’s cracked up to be as he steps outside the prescribed tolerance perimeters and slaps the next a-hole that cuts him off, either during communications or on the path to Nirvana, while admonishing, “Now, this is Karma and if you don’t like it, bite me!”

  • Shondra Snodderly

    An all-werewolf boy band must overcome their collective fear of vacuum cleaners and bond over their love of Sailor Moon fanfiction in order to rescue the world’s Milk Bone supply from alien parasites that look a lot like Bob Hoskins in drag.

  • danielle hammelef

    When Amazon delivery drones crisscrossing drought plagued America spawn King-Kong-sized killer dust bunnies, Prince Lone Starr and Princess Vespa interrupt their Hawaiian honeymoon to steal the maid-shaped spaceship that transforms into a giant atmosphere-sucking vacuum from the now dust-free Planet of the Apes and battle their fear of bad hair days and tangled schwartz to save the Earthlings.

    ~ Danielle Hammelef

  • Mary Jacks Bailey

    The Vice President and Chief of Staff are missing, and there’s not enough money in the budget to search for them, so the President issues a secret executive order to cut the white house staff in half by hiring Hannibal Lecter as the new executive chef, a sort of recycling in a tasteful way.

  • A.

    When paleontologist/adult film star Dr. Richard Growler inhales T-Rex bone powder and is transformed into a dinosaur, he finds his cognitive abilities unimpaired and insists on carrying on with his life as it was before—including fashioning an enormous lab coat and continuing his x-rated films, with a new series called “Tyrannosaurus Sex.”

  • A. Kania

    When paleontologist/adult film star Dr. Richard Growler inhales T-Rex bone powder and is transformed into a dinosaur, he finds his cognitive abilities unimpaired and insists on carrying on with his life as it was before—including fashioning an enormous lab coat and continuing his x-rated films, with a new series called “Tyrannosaurus Sex.”

  • Dumpster Dan, the homeless hero, saves the city from an invasion by aliens who arrive by spaceship in the park–all while struggling to understand his fall from prosperity as a Wall Street broker.

  • Tiffany Alford

    A world of Blue people roam the planet in search of whales for a wild harvest feast to honor their Blue Godess, hunting them using Shrinky Blooms which strink their target to 5 feet with a sting, at the same time the whales gather on hills above the blue people ready to dominate their world, their only amonition orange glow eggs with hypnotic properties.

  • Chichi, a young female chimpanzee, has been trained to tap dance by a demented zookeeper who lost his daughter in a freak polka accident, and now she seeks fame, fortune, and the secrets of Argentinian mysticism by teaching herself to tango solo instead.

  • It was the easy life for Candy Dan, inheritor of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, until Katie Everness, winner of the 74th Candy Games, starts a rebellion in Factory 12 that tries to destroy his perfect utopia.

    Carnivorous bird trainer Chipper Dean takes on his greatest challenge yet, to win the world championship of gay animal trainers to win the heart of his true love, romance model Fabio.
    -Sarah Mendonca @scaredybones

  • Has the winner been announced?

  • Andrew Marmion

    Dominic Savoy has entered the maniacal dream world of Effetena where he is dressed in women’s clothes and must dual with the evil Lord Mortimer Bouquet with a bunch of red roses – and to the death – if he is to have his man’s manly clothes returned, after which he can de feminise Effetena and restore order to the masculine population.