Well, first drafts are the place to fix things 🙂

Thanks

Yes, it's one of my favorites, too. The movie is charming, too - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0300015/

Great suggestion. As it is now, it is a stand-alone sentence. I'll add the twist. Thanks so much! 🙂

Thanks for the super-quick reply! Your second suggestion probably best fits the overall tone (which is a little more lyrical than 'funny'). Although the last sample surely makes the boldest statement. Love it!

Have a great day!

Going for a more active sentence would make it a stronger sentence (also pitching is the up and down motion of a boat, so it's a little redundant to add slammed down, so let's fix that, too), as in:

The ferry lifted up, slammed down, and started up again on the next wave, but the watery roller coaster wasn’t why Vivi was in danger of losing her lunch.

Or you could go for more punch with a tighter sentences (depending on the tone of the rest of the book), as in:

The pitch of the ferry wasn’t why Vivi was in danger of losing her lunch.

Or you might go for even shorter:

Vivi wanted to throw up.

This is where you have to look at the tone of the overall book: Is it funny? Is it lyrical? You want the opening line to have the same tone, so you may want more description if you have a more lyrical book. If you have a fast-paced contemporary, you want the short punch.

And this is why only you know how to open your story because you're the only one who knows how the pace and story develops.

Shannon
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Thanks, Ella!