Sorry that it took me so long to edit the scene but this week was crazy. Anyway, here goes. I hope it is improved.

THE SCENE:

With a loud boom the signal annoucing the start of the first round rang out. The sound still rang in Sariel’s ears when a huge surge of energy slammed into her. Like a big vise squeezing her body Mywars power enveloped her, making it almost impossible to breathe. She took a step back, swung around and landed in a crouch on the floor. Just a second, that’s all she needed to pull herself together, to get air into her lungs, but in a move so swift it was impossible to follow, Mywar was right in front of her, jumping high into the air, his left leg kicking out at her head. Instinctively she pulled back, jumped to her feet, aiming a vicious kick at his kneecaps.

Too slow. His leg crashed into her hip. Pained spread through her body like fire, but she ignored it, whirling around she somersaulted through the air, trying to get away from him, to put some distance between them and gain a few seconds. Landing on her feet she turned in a full circle, scanning the arena for her opponent, drawing one lungful of air.

Mywar stood about ten feet away from her. Smiling.

For a moment none of them moved. Mywars mouth formed the word: „Loser.“ With his left hand he beckoned her to come closer. To attack him, while he was standing there, waiting. Confident that she would fail. He was only a step away from the ice shards bordering the oval. Their sharp points gleamed in the light, their slender forms formed like daggers.

I have to…
attack him…
Have to drive him…
into a corner.
Let the ice finish him.

For a moment they both stood still, waiting for the other to move, to launch another attack. Mywar beckoned her again. His smile even wider than before. With two fast steps Sariel was in front of him, instead of aiming a blow at his body, she ducked low, trying to sweep his feet out from under him. But Mywar was too fast. Sariel saw only a blur, felt pain in her shoulder from a kick that sent her flying backwards. She landed hard on the floor. Without thinking she rolled away, scrambled to her feet and took several steps back. Tears stung her eyes. Shaking her head she tried to get rid of them. There was no time to wallow in misery. Not if she wanted to survive. If only she could manage to get through this round, maybe then she could use the upcoming break to plan her counter attack.

Mywar came at her again, covering the short distance between them with one stride. Sariel jumped back, ducked and jumped back again. Her breath was coming in short gasps. Weakness was creeping into her limbs, slowing her movements.
Everything started to blur, the ice shards, the white demarcation lines of the oval, Mywars movements. Her body didn’t belong to her anymore, moving of its own accord, responding to Mywar’s actions before she consciously noticed them.

A heavy stroke to her head sent her sprawling. Dark dots began to dance in front of her eyes and she could hear the murmur of the demons watching the fight, get louder and louder. Pain lanced through her skull, almost splitting it in half, clouding her sight. She could hear the blood pounding in her ears. She had to move, had to get out of Mywar’s range. Without really seeing anything she stepped to the side. One, two steps, then a jump back. Two more steps.
Why was there no signal to end the round? Surely they were already well over two minutes in the ring? Another blow sent her sprawling on her back, scrambling to get away from Mywar who was only an advancing shadow.

The bell! It rang out loudly, marking the end of the first round. Mywar’s shadow retreated. Sariel closed her eyes, trying to get some air into her lungs. She should feel relieved, after all she was still alive. If only the next round wasn’t looming in her mind. She needed to be better than this. She hadn’t landed a single blow, instead he had beaten her any way he wanted. She could still feel the pain of the blows she took. Getting up was a daunting prospect. Getting back into the ring seemed impossible.

“Come on, I’ll help you up.” Tamiro’s voice interupted her thoughts. Sariel turned her head, trying to focus on his blurred form. He took her hand, and pulled her to her feet. Leaning heavily on her friend she let him lead her to the corner where a chair was waiting for her.
“Straighten up,” he advised her. “Don’t let Mywar see how you feel. Don’t show any weakness.”
“Yeah, right. As if he doesn’t know,“ she mumbled, closing her eyes. Seeing only blurs made her feel even weaker than she was. “He is toying with me.”
Tamiro handed her a bottle of water and she began drinking in large gulps. Slowly very slowly some of the pain subsided. Her body didn’t feel anymore like it was on fire. Instead she felt sore, tired and in desperate need of some optimism. “So, what do you think, which weaknesses does Mywar have?” she asked him when her thirst was quenched. She still hadn’t opened her eyes, instead she rested against the back of the chair, trying to pull herself together. She needed to recover, which was a lot easier when she shut the rest of the world out.
“None, as far as I can see. But we knew that before the fight started. And you should guard your thoughts; you know he can read them, so be careful what you say or think.”
“I’m careful. Why do you think I’m talking to you, when I barely have enough strength to form the words?” She opened her eyes, focussing again on her friend, willing his form to change from a shadow to a human being. Somehow it worked, because first she saw his outline, then details came into focus. His hair looked as though he been been running his hands through it repeatedly. Then she looked over to the other side of the room, where Mywar was supposed to rest. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, looking bored.
Of course, he doesn’t have to sit down. Why should he? That was just a warm-up for him. As if sensing her thoughts, Mywar looked up and grinned. His lips formed a single word: „Loser.“
“Don’t let him read your mind,” Tamiro hissed through clenched teeth.
“Why? There isn’t much I’m thinking, and he knows that he is better than I am, anyway. Everyone knows,” Sariel responded, while at the same time trying not to think about the strategy that had been forming in her head earlier.
Of course now, she began seeing the ice shards in her mind’s eye. Damn, I cannot let Mywar read this. “I have to stay away from these spiky ice shards,” she began babbling. “They could kill me. A couple of times Mywar had me really cornerned. I have to be faster, to anticipate his moves. I can beat him. I know I can.“ She punched the air, like a boxer.
“Of course.” Tamiro looked at her as if she had lost her mind.
Another look at Mywar clearly revealed that he was amused, he apparently had been able to see through her ruse, whereas Tamiro was still clueless.

Yes, Tiffany, I truly am always learning. Especially here at WITS. I do hope to post a relevant scene in the future when what I'm writing fits in to the blog post. Thanks for all you do to assist fellow writers.

Smiling and nodding.

Yes, Victoria, the Potter Series has some great examples of Powers and Gadgets. Her scenes are smooth and don't give too much world building junk to claw through to see the real action and emotion.

Glad you are smartly following WITS! Maybe I will see you next time with a scene to post, eh?

Always be learning!

Birgit,

Ah yes, the editing fight scene sweat, it has a unique smell. LOL.

Great that you are digging in and respecting how much actually goes into editing a fight scene. They definitely are not slap n' dash scenes.

Don't think that it has to be perfect before posting again. Try to nail everything I noted and post. I will do another edit pass on it, okay? And while you are editing, let me know if you have any questions. You won a scene edit and those don't stop with a simple once-over. 🙂

Birgit, Good morning/afternoon and congrats from Colorado to Germany!

Take your time. I'm pretty sure it doesn't come easily to anyone. They just edit and edit and edit and edit and edit until it looks perfect 🙂

I can't wait to see the end product.

Cheers!
~TiffanyLawsonInman

And I'll be sure to ask some questions :). I just have to read all your comments first.