Jenny!!!

(First—waving hi!!!)

Second - BRILLIANT. Such a deeply powerful, vivid image.

POWER WORDS: Fear, stalked, rabid, refused.

And taken together, this phrase is deeply character-themed because of the heroine's childhood experiences.

Think of a different heroine, with a different childhood—what would her fear be like? Maybe, "Fear was an omnipresent ache, eating at her hungry belly." Or what would a female cop be afraid of? "Fear was always two steps behind her, a stalker lurking just beyond the circle of light."

Thank you so much for sharing, and giving us such a great example to work with and learn from!

"Fear stalked through my childhood, a rabid dog that refused to be put down."

I love that before and after example, Julie!

I love these two particularly, Terry:

“Two tweakers, both scrawny, looking like they could barely lift the weight of their next fix, but so hopped up on meth it had been like trying to take down a couple of gorillas.”

“If Fish had had any doubts about the lengths Blackthorne would go for one of their own, they dissolved like the sugar Nana put in her coffee.”

I hope you get to keep them!

That is so reassuring to hear, Laura! I thought all that magic just slid out of your fingertips on the first run. 🙂

Excellent, Talia! I am glad you've got some new ideas for your WIP. Wishing you happy writing!

And I should also have said, that "My insides go hard, like old clay," is a great example of LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS to find the words or objects that will power up character.

Even if this scene doesn't actually take place in an art or pottery studio, we know from this piece of dialog that the character HAS been in an art or pottery studio. This is something that the character has seen and stored in her memory. PERFECT!

Miss W,

Two great examples.

But I LOVE, "My insides go hard, like old clay." Such a great visceral, told in a way that reminds us the character is into the arts. Brilliant.

KEEP THAT UP!!! 🙂