Comments on: Starting Hard Conversations: Writer Edition

By: Peter Melnick

Peter Melnick — Fri, 01 May 2020 00:39:00 +0000

Thank you for this wonderfully open, smart post. I understand your 24 hour rule in terms of what it is to be triggered - a kind of fight-or-flight response, seemingly to present events but deeply rooted in past trauma. It's a great suggestion. As writers, we have the tools to give articulate voice to whatever we're feeling - enough rope to hang ourselves but good! I'm pretty good at recognizing when I'm in that slightly altered state. I'm also familiar with the thought, "I should sit on what I'm feeling, but... Oh hell with it, I've gotta say something." That impulse rarely works out well.

By: dholcomb1

dholcomb1 — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 19:33:25 +0000

In reply to tashaseegmiller. Thank you.

By: dholcomb1

dholcomb1 — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 19:32:39 +0000

In reply to Jenny Hansen. My bigger issue is she wants me to critique her work. Give her all of my wealth of knowledge in the industry. She hasn't taken the time to do the research, know exactly what she needs to do, etc... I can't do her work for her.

By: Jenny Hansen

Jenny Hansen — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 19:19:28 +0000

In reply to tashaseegmiller. Ha! I do think most people are doing the best they can. I had a long-time married person tell me this before marriage (and our relationships with writing professionals is kind of a marriage): "Everyone should give 100/100. If you subscribe to 50/50, someone will always be measuring whether 'that was REALLY 50/50.' But if you give 100/100 every day you possibly can, everything will even out. Your 100% on some days might be pitiful, but it is still the best you've got for that day."

By: tashaseegmiller

tashaseegmiller — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 17:17:32 +0000

In reply to Jenny Hansen. Oh, that is a good piece of advice. Another I' recently heard was "What if everyone really is doing the best they can?" Sometimes it makes me cringy, but I try to keep that in mind when frustrations rise.

By: tashaseegmiller

tashaseegmiller — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 17:16:19 +0000

In reply to dholcomb1. While it is absolutely necessary to start conversations one way, that doesn't mean everything resonates with everyone. Sometimes a firm statement and a hard boundary is better. Wishing you the best of luck with your future conversations!

By: tashaseegmiller

tashaseegmiller — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 17:14:51 +0000

In reply to ecellenb. The balance is so tricky and there are many writers who think it's better to sit and fume rather than be a pest. Based on the editors and agents I've talked to, they rarely think a client is being a pest. It's part of the working relationship.

By: tashaseegmiller

tashaseegmiller — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 17:13:19 +0000

In reply to Eldred Bird. Yes, exactly. This is also the reason I don't honor the "don't go to bed angry" mantra - sometimes you need time to sit and stew and process and come to a place where communication can happen.

By: tashaseegmiller

tashaseegmiller — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 17:12:18 +0000

In reply to Micky Wolf. Oh, good luck with the agent seeking! And remember, a no is about a million things, not your worth as a writer.

By: Jenny Hansen

Jenny Hansen — Tue, 28 Apr 2020 04:17:27 +0000

Tasha, I've always thought that if we knew how little people thought about us, we'd be insulted. Everyone is busy running their own race and they rarely are thinking about ours. I think writers believe those editors and agents spend a lot of time thinking about them and their stories because they are so immersed in their own stories. My husband and I had our pre-marital counselor give us some of the best advice EVER prior to getting married: "Give each other an 'out with dignity.' Try to enter every interaction believing that the other person might have acted with the best intentions and give each other the benefit of the doubt." That advice has served us well in our marriage.