Writers in the Storm

By Margie Lawson

Want to write four or more books per year?

You can still use many of my deep editing techniques!

Writing one book a year?

You can use more of my deep editing techniques!

Deep Editing

In this blog post I’ll share three of the 3749 deep edit goodies I teach writers to use. That may be hyperbole, or not.

1. Use Power Words and Phrases
2. Write Fresh, Avoid Overused Phrases
3. Use Slip-ins for Backstory 

Let’s dive in!

1. Use Power Words and Phrases

These are words and phrases that carry psychological power. They carry a psychological message.

But they aren’t just active verbs. Most active verbs are not power words. They may work well, but they don’t carry a psychological message.

This Could Be Us, Kennedy Ryan, Immersion Grad, USA Today Bestseller

I turned to a random page, which was page 31. 

The power words and phrases are bolded.

I’ll show you what Kennedy Ryan COULD HAVE WRITTEN first.

We stare at each other in the awkward silence. Then Judah startles me with a soft touch over the bruise where Edward grabbed my wrist.

I snatch my arm away. 

I counted 8 power words and phrases in what Kennedy Ryan could have written.

I considered awkward and silence as separate power words. I considered Edward grabbed my wrist as one power phrase.

Here’s what Kennedy really wrote.

We stare at each other in the awkward silence. Awkward for me at least. He seems completely comfortable insulting my husband to my face. I’m still formulating an appropriate response and realizing there isn’t onewhen Judah startles me with a touch.

It’s a soft brush of long, strong fingers across my wrist. A dark bruise is already forming a small shackle whereEdward gripped me too tightly. I draw a sharp breath and snatch my arm away like his light touch was fire.

I counted 20 hits of power in that passage, compared to 8 in the tighter version.

Here’s another example from page 71.

The Set Up:  The wife is talking to her husband on the phone. He was taken to jail the night before. The FBI is accusing him of embezzling six million dollars.

What Kennedy Ryan COULD HAVE WRITTEN.

“Edward,” I whisper. “What have you done?” 

“Nothing they can prove.” 

He did it. He really did it. Oh, my God. 

Bits of his lies fly around in my head. I don’t know if he’s done everything Judah accused him of, but he’s done something. Until this moment I had held out hope that it was all a misunderstanding.

I counted 10 power words and phrases.

Here’s what Kennedy Ryan really wrote:

“Edward,” I whisper. “They mentioned offshore accounts and a summer house. What have you done?”

“Nothing they can prove.”

He did it. He really did it. Oh, my God. 

The world as I knew it falls apart yet again, bits of his lies and deceptions flying around my head, projectile, sharp, cutting at everything I believed about life, about our past. About our future. Dread gathers in my belly and slithers up my throat while the silence elongates between us. I’m rendered speechless by his arrogance, by his recklessness. I don’t know if he’s done everything Judah accused him of, but he’s done something. 

Until this moment I had held out hope that it was the misunderstanding he had claimed, that they had the wrong guy. But Edward’s evasiveness, his refusal to assert his innocence confirms a horrible suspicion that’s been lurking in in the back of my mind since the FBI showed up on our front porch.

I counted 39 power words and phrases in that passage.

Your numbers may be different than mine. But the real version has almost four times as many power words and phrases.

Amplification adds power by sharing more content and deepening characterization, as well as providing a chance to add more power words and phrases.

When emotions run high, amplify! 

And be sure you load up on power words and phrases when you amplify.

2. Write Fresh, Avoid Overused Phrases

Sometimes writers forget to write fresh when it comes to faces and voices and visceral responses. But fresh writing carries more interest and power than phrases readers have read hundreds of times.

See how Becky Rawnsley and Laura Drake write fresh.

Demonseer, Merlin’s Children, Book One, R. P. Rawnsely, 3 Time Immersion Grad

• My heart stutters, and the swirling heat in my stomach goes wild.

• His grief rips open my heart. Shock, wonder, confusion, loss, pour into the wound. 

Look at all the emotions Becky Rawnsley packed into those two short sentences.

• A rushing sound tears through my head. And the wild magic, my dheas, my deadly, dirty secret, surges fierce and furious deep inside my belly. 

Notice the triple alliteration in that example. D’s and S’s and F’s.

• My belly twists like I swallowed a snake.

• The hostility in his tone, the fury in his gaze pins me down, leaves me nowhere to hide.

Dialogue cue and facial expression -- followed by sharing impact on the POV character.

BTW – I have a webinar on that topic on my website:

Game-Changing Power: Sharing Impact on the POV Character.

Amazing Gracie, Laura Drake, 4 Time Immersion Grad

• Her lungs tightened, laboring to pull in the molten air. Panic shot down her nerves, sending her heart into overdrive.

• Her row was called and she followed the line to the stage, her stomach jumping like it was full of crickets.

• She’d never seen a cow shot with a bolt gun to end its life, but she now knew the look. His eyes filled with confusion, then pain, before anger swept them away. “You came here. To tell me that?” His tone was low and deep, the warning in a wolf’s growl.

A fresh, big-time amplified look. And a fresh amplified dialogue cue too. 

• “If you don’t have any dreams, I feel sorry for you—but you’re not killing mine.” Her words had sharp points and her closed face was as firm as a rock wall. 

Fresh dialogue cue and fresh facial expression!

      3. Use Slip-ins for Backstory 

Slip in facts readers need to know. Things like setting, who’s who, your POV character’s age or age range, and how something emotionally impacts them. When needed, amplify.

Let’s look at the first paragraph of Piper Huguley’s recent release.

American Daughters: A Novel, Piper Huguley, 5-Time Immersion Grad

Chapter 1, Portia 

New Haven, Connecticut

October 1901 

The egg I had for breakfast this morning didn’t taste rotten, but these days, it was not always easy to know about the state of the food one ate because of the many ways merchants could mask spoiled food. Dear God, please don’t let me be bilious in public. I swallowed hard, harder, not wanting to draw attention or suffer the humiliation of being ill in public. I could not leave the hotel mezzanine and miss Father as he greeted the president. I sat next to some large potted palms, enjoying, for once, the feeling of invisibility, of not being seen or noticed. Of not being in the spotlight as Booker T. Washington’s only daughter.

Love those slip-ins!

She’s in a hotel mezzanine.

She’s waiting to watch her father greet the president.

She’s used to being in the spotlight and enjoying not being noticed here.

Backloaded the first paragraph -- she’s Booker T. Washington’s only daughter. 

Plus, she opened the book with a universal truth that grabs readers. None of us want to throw up in public.

Skipped a few paragraphs. President Theodore Roosevelt invited her father to dine at the White House. He’d be the first Negro to be an invited guest.

America—or better said, white America—was not yet ready, more than thirty years after the emancipation of enslaved people, to have a Negro dine openly at the White House with the president. No one, not even the horrified press, could be soothed that Father, with those gray eyes of his, had half-white heritage. His father, my grandfather, whoever he was, was whispered to have been a member of the legendary First Families of Virginia, the FFV, those white people who had settled the Virginia wilderness in the wake of Jamestown in 1619. After all, Father’s middle name was Taliaferro—an FFV name. 

The problem came from his other half, from the bloodline of the Negro cook and washerwoman known simply as Janey, my dearly beloved and adoring grandmother whom I had never met.

Piper slipped in that history in such a smooth, beautiful, empowered way.

So now, it was wonderful happenstance that the schedules of these two famous men would overlap just one week later here at Yale. I leaned forward, staring down at my father fretting with the rim of his top hat, circling it in his hands, waiting, waiting, waiting on his new friend, the president of the United States, who was due to come through there on his way to the auditorium for his speech. 

Piper oriented us to the setting again. Slipping in Yale and her father waiting for the president. She used the rhetorical device epizeuxis – waiting, waiting, waiting.

Then, the whirlwind better known as President Theodore Roosevelt walked into the lobby, surrounded by a cadre of other white men, who all had very stern looks on their faces. Father stepped out toward his friend, hand extended, and . . . 

And . . . 

And? 

And. 

The president passed my father right by without any kind of look, acknowledgment, or awareness of him as a human being.

Piper gave the readers a visual of the president ,and the white men with stern looks, and her father, hand extended. Then she used more white space power. 

Notice the punctuation after each “And.” That clever punctuation gives us insight into Portia’s changing emotions. I’ve never seen that before. Love it!

Wrapping Up 

This was just a tiny taste of my deep editing. A miniscule morsel. 

Check your WIP for power words and phrases.

Give your readers fresh writing. It’s worth using a few more brain cells.

Slip-in backstory and keep your pacing going strong.

Look for places where the emotion in the scene warrants amplification. And do it!

I shared three things that work for writers who write one or multiple books per year. There are lots more deep edit tips and techniques that work for writing fast. Check them out in my online courses and webinars.

Thank you for being here today! 

Post a comment, or say Hi, and you’ll be in a drawing for a lecture packet from me! 

About Margie

Margie Lawson left a career in psychology to focus on another passion—helping writers make their writing bestseller strong. She teaches writers how to bring emotion to the page. Hundreds of Margie grads hit bestseller lists. 

A popular international presenter, Margie's taught over 200 full day master classes in the U.S., Canada, France, Australia, and New Zealand, as well as multi-day intensives on cruise ships in the Caribbean. She’s taught over 220 5-day intensive Immersion Master Classes across the U.S. and Canada, and in France, Scotland, and seven cities in Australia too. 

She also founded Lawson Writer's Academy where you’ll find over 30 instructors teaching online courses through her website. She developed 39 webinars that share her deep editing techniques and more! To sign up for Margie’s newsletter, visit www.margielawson.com.

Check out the online classes offered by Lawson Writer’s Academy in May!

1. Giving Your Chapters a Pulse
2. Conspiracy Theories in History and Writing
3. Virtues, Vices, and Plots
4. The Fiction Writer’s Future
5. Deep Editing, Rhetorical Devices, and More
6. Making Endings Pop, Deep Editing Style!

Don’t miss the 39 webinars in my Dig Deep Webinar Series!

By Janice Hardy

You might be missing opportunities to make your conflicts stronger. 

Conflict is one of those terms frequently used as a catch-all for compelling storytelling, when it’s really just one aspect of what makes a strong story. We use it even though we really mean the scene needs a clearer goal, or more tension, or a better character arc, but saying “this scene needs more conflict” sums it up in a convenient—if confusing—way.

It doesn’t help that so much advice out there (mine included) describes conflict as “the obstacle preventing the protagonist from achieving the goal.” This is technically true, but also false. The obstacles in the way of the protagonist’s goal are the challenges that need to be faced, and usually, there is conflict associated with overcoming or circumventing those obstacles, but an obstacle in the way isn’t all conflict is.

“Stuff in the Way” Doesn’t Equal Meaningful Conflict. They’re Only Obstacles. 

This misconception can lead to stories that might look conflict-packed, but actually bore readers.

To be fair, there’s nothing inherently wrong with random obstacles, and they can make for some fun storytelling. Overcoming a random obstacle can show an aspect of the character or reveal a skill. Sometimes a scene just needs “something in the way” to achieve the author’s goal for that scene, and that’s okay.

The problem occurs when the majority of the conflict in a story is a series of random obstacles that do nothing but delay the time it takes for the protagonist to reach and resolve the problem of the novel. 

They serve no purpose and could be swapped out or deleted, and the story would unfold pretty much the same.

For Example:

• Imagine the fantasy protagonist who must navigate the desolate wasteland to reach an oracle with answers she needs. While the wasteland could contain conflicts, if nothing has changed for the protagonist between entering the wasteland and leaving the wasteland, she likely faced no conflicts.
• Picture the romance protagonists who always have “something come up” to keep them from kissing or getting together. While this might work once, or even twice if done with skill, the “near miss” is a contrived obstacle that doesn’t create actual conflict, because nothing is truly keeping the two lovers apart.
• Consider the mystery protagonist who speaks with multiple witnesses and no one has any information to move the plot along. While speaking to people of interest is a critical part of a mystery, if nothing is ever gleaned, suggested, or learned from those conversations, they were only a delaying tactic and did nothing to create or affect the conflict. Speaking to one witness or twelve doesn’t change anything about the story or character.

It all sounds like conflict—overcoming the thing keeping the protagonist from achieving the goal—but it’s not.

What Meaningful Conflict Does Not Look Like

Let’s explore this further with my fantasy wasteland example:

Getting through dangerous terrain is a common trope for the genre. The protagonist’s goal (to reach the oracle) is on the other side of a set of trials and obstacles, and getting through that wasteland will be quite the adventure for the protagonist.

Say the protagonist’s first obstacle is that she must find water or she’ll die. It’s not easy, but she figures out how to get water.

She travels on until wasteland monsters attack. Again, it’s tough, but she’d prepared for this and fights them off and keeps going.

Then there’s a storm of some type, forcing her to face off against the elements. She hunkers down, waits it out, and emerges when it’s over.

Finally, she reaches a chasm she must cross. It takes effort, and she nearly falls and dies several times, but she gets across.

At long last, she reaches the end and consults the oracle and gets her answers.

At first glance, this sounds like a story with tons of conflict, right? But look closer…

1. Do any of these challenges intentionally try to stop the protagonist from reaching the goal?

Nope. None of those obstacles show anyone actively trying to prevent the protagonist from reaching the oracle. Any random person entering the wasteland would have encountered the same issues she did. It’s not personal, it’s just the wasteland.

And even though these obstacles seemed hard to overcome, were they really? Was the reader ever in doubt the protagonist would overcome them, or even be changed by them? Good conflicts come from a problem that creates a personal challenge to overcome, and one that matters to the protagonist. And my above examples don’t do that.

2. Does the protagonist make choices that change her view or force her to struggle to find the right path?

Again, nope. Nothing about the obstacles in my example challenges the protagonist mentally or emotionally. No hard choices were made to find water or beat a monster. There was nothing really at stake and no soul searching to choose the right path to the oracle. She just dealt with whatever appeared in front of her.

The scene would have been stronger if overcoming these obstacles required internal struggles, or caused a change in the character’s viewpoint or belief that made facing (and maybe failing) them matter to her character or growth. Readers would have cared more and been more uncertain about what might happen, because then the obstacles would have obviously had a point for being there.

From a larger story standpoint, the external challenges (physical problems) didn’t do anything to affect the plot or character. Similarly, the internal challenges (mental or emotional problems) didn’t exist. This series of obstacles were just things in the way. They provided no conflict to the goal, even if they did provide obstacles to the goal. Reaching the oracle wasn’t hard, because no matter how difficult those obstacles might have seemed, they caused no struggle or challenge to the protagonist on a physical, mental, or emotional level.

And that’s the difference between conflicts and “something in the way” obstacles.

Obstacles vs. Conflicts

Remove any of these obstacles and the protagonist consults the oracle exactly the same way, because the obstacles did nothing but kill time until the scene could occur.

Which is an easy way to find obstacles vs. conflicts in your scenes. 

Conflicts involve struggle. They’re about facing a challenge and having to decide what to do about it—and there are consequences to making the wrong choice and losing (and, remember, death isn’t a real consequence, as protagonists rarely die). 

Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t ever have an obstacle in your story. They’re a perfectly useful way to add a little excitement or interest to a scene, as long as you also have true conflict in there as well. 

If the wasteland protagonist was uncertain if seeking out the oracle was the right thing to do, or she doubted her ability to traverse the wasteland alone, and she made choices to do this that had real consequences, then they might be perfectly fine. They might trigger some deep soul searching about her choices, or make her realize she was risking more than she wanted to for the answers, or prove to her that she wasn’t ready for something, and that would have serious repercussions for her future. 

And thus, those obstacles become more than just “stuff in the way.”

Just a quick heads up before the end…I’ve just started a daily writing tips email, sending story-based writing tips four times a week. They’re quick, fun tips that take just minutes to read, and you can use right away to improve your writing. You can sign up for it here.

Have you made this mistake? How often do you use obstacles vs conflicts on your scenes?

About Janice

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author and founder of the popular writing site Fiction University, where she helps writers improve their craft and navigate the crazy world of publishing. Not only does she write about writing, she teaches workshops across the country, and her blog has been recognized as a Top Writing Blog by Writer’s Digest. She also spins tales of adventure for both teens and adults, and firmly believes that doing terrible things to her characters makes them more interesting (in a good way). She loves talking with writers and readers, and encourages questions of all types—even the weird ones. 

Find out more about writing at www.Fiction-University.com, or visit her author’s site at www.JaniceHardy.com. Subscribe to her newsletter to stay updated on future books, workshops, and events and receive her ebook, 25 Ways to Strengthen Your Writing Right Now, free.

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by Jenny Hansen

We all have things that keep us from writing. It might be a lack of time, or analysis paralysis. It might be an inability to start or to finish. Perhaps it is a lack of knowledge -- of craft, or story structure, or even your own characters. Maybe, just maybe, it is the flat-out fear that you are [fill in the blank]. Not good enough, not talented, or -- heaven forbid -- a hack.

Creatives have very fertile imaginations and it is our special talent to create mental messages strong enough and scary enough to fell a rhino.

Let's leave that talent on the back doorstep for a moment, and talk about something else...

Perseverance Matters

One of my favorite allegories from Aesop is "The Tortoise and the Hare." Allegory is a story form with an underlying message, and boy does this one resonate with me. You have the bouncy boastful rabbit with all the running talent and speed in the world. Then you have the plodding methodical tortoise whose only talent is perseverance, and keeping the goal in mind. Mr. Tortoise has that Dory the fish mentality of "just keep swimming" that is an absolute gift.

Genius can't be rushed.

I think about books like Lord of the Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien) and Gone with the Wind (Margaret Mitchell) that took more than a decade to write, and wonder how society would be different if they'd given up.

It's hard to be patient while you get the story out. Sometimes writers rush to publication. Or we give up on our stories to early, before we've really given them a chance to grow up and be who they were intended to be.

One of my favorite quotes is about how much you can accomplish with simple act of perseverance:

"Most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year, and underestimate what they can accomplish in five years."

~ Tony Robbins

Our books aren't comprised of a single writing session, they're the product of weeks and months and years of effort. If we just focus on our characters and getting them onto the page, we can create something from nothing in that time.

How profound is that??

How do we stay engaged over the long term?

Obviously, there are dozens of ways to master our goals, but here are the five things I think make the biggest impact over time.

1. Remember Your Dream  

It's easy to get lost in the weeds in this writing life. To forget why you want to tell stories, and who you want to tell them to. Some people set mantras around their house - their workspace, their bathroom mirrors, their refrigerator. A lot of us use quotes that resonate.

Any of you who have hung out here for a while know Laura Drake and her favorite quote from The Last Lecture.

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

~ Randy Pausch

You don't have to be the best or the fastest writer out there if you simply stay engaged and persevere. Remember the dream that started you down this path, and keep it at the forefront of everything you do.

2. Stay Hungry

When I say "stay hungry," I'm not talking about cookies and chips. (Although both of those are the shizz.) Writing success is defined differently by each of us, but nobody gets there without a hunger to publish their stories.

Hunger makes grandiose statements like, “I will not stop. I will not give up. I will find a way.” 

Hunger is why you get up two hours early to write, or why you remain at your computer deep into the night.

Hunger drives you to the next level. It pushes you to visit blogs like this, go to classes, learn skills, and find resources. 

That hunger to see your book in print, or on a movie screen, keeps you reaching for more and refusing to settle for less.

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. 

~ Maya Angelou

Stay hungry, my friends. Stay hungry.  

3. Acknowledge Your Fears

Whether it's fear of success, or failure, or something else entirely, a lot of writers have to overcome the barrier of their fears. Step one is to acknowledge them. Step two is to know that you are not alone. Step three is to read posts like these, so you have some tools to overcome those fears.

• Writing Past the Fear by Laura Drake
• The 5 Fears that Spook Most Writers by Me
• Is Fear Freezing Up Your Creativity (also by Me)

Having just finished a cancer journey, I've got a lot to say about fear...and how to do what you need to do anyway.

4. Get Your Butt in the Chair

I'll share a little secret with you -- this entire post was inspired from a comment Mary Tate Engels made on a January post by William Wu. Here is what she said:

I am the Queen of Writing Procrastination so this really speaks to me. Long ago I took an online class from Holly Lisle.

She coined the 4 thinking barriers:
SAFE never starts
PERFECT never finishes
VICTIM never acts
FEEL never thinks

‘I’m not ready’ encompasses all of those. They are all barriers and stories we tell ourselves. I’m practicing a different mindset.

"Butt in Chair, Hands on Keyboard" works!

(Did she nail it, or what? If you sit in front of your manuscript with your hands on your keyboard -- or however you do your writing -- great, glorious, story-making things will happen!)

5. Bring Back Playtime

I follow a delightful writer and teacher named Jill Badonsky, "who lives life like creativity is her oxygen." She's playful and funny and wise. She says Creative Play is the key to keeping your muse in good condition. Because, "Procrastination, resistance, overwhelm, fear, and perfectionism will be confused and leave the vicinity."
 
Brava, Jill...Brava!

Final Thoughts

I could write about this topic for hours, but then y'all would stop reading...because you have stories to write. Just to sum up:

1. Remember Your Dream
2. Stay Hungry
3. Acknowledge Your Fears
4. Get Your Butt in the Chair
5. Bring Back Playtime!

That's the list I'm putting on my bathroom mirror. What is going on yours? What are the barriers you're working to overcome? If you feel comfortable, share some of your journey in the comments!

About Jenny

By day, Jenny Hansen provides brand storytelling, LinkedIn coaching, and copywriting for accountants and financial services firms. By night, she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction, and short stories. After 20+ years as a corporate trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

Find Jenny here at Writers In the Storm, or online on Facebook or Instagram.

All article photos from Depositphotos.