December 8th, 2014

Margie’s Rule # 7: Get Fresh!

 IMG_3349Margie Lawson

How often do you get fresh…on the page?

Writers are beyond crazy busy getting their story on the page, developing goal-motivation-conflict, deepening characterization, sharing subtext with body language and dialogue cues, making choreography work, as well as covering the 3756 other dynamics they need to consider to make their writing strong.

Sometimes writers forget about writing fresh. Or they don’t include enough hits of fresh writing.

Fresh hits may be unexpected. But when they fit the POV character like Peter Pan’s shadow fit him, they’re yummy. Those twists of phrases, tweaks for humor, fresh visuals, and more, power the reader through your story. They make your book a page-turner.

Fresh hits may be humorous or serious. As long as they honor the emotional set of the POV character in that scene and don’t interrupt a stimulus-response, they’ll probably work.

Some fresh hits are super subtle. Others grab you and propel you through the passage.

Lean back and enjoy these examples of fresh writing.

 Seasons of ChangeSeason of Change, Melinda Curtis, Immersion-Grad

Example 1Melinda Curtis could have written:

Slade tried to swallow, but his throat was too tight.

But she wrote this fresh piece:

          Shameful. The word spiraled up Slade’s windpipe, closing it off to vital functions like breathing and calls for help.

Wow. Fresh and powerful.

Example 2Melinda Curtis could have written:

“They wore different outfits today.” He smiled.

Instead, she wrote:

“They wore different outfits today.” He used his papa-bear smile, the one that made her melt. The one that made her forget he was her boss.

Melinda used three amplifications to deepen character.

Example 3Melinda Curtis could have written:

Slade’s stomach clenched.

She really wrote this version:

Slade’s stomach wound up tighter than a slugger protecting home plate.

Ah. An amplified simile. Smart writing. Perfect cadence.

 

The Pieces We KeepThe Pieces We Keep, Kristina McMorris, Margie-Grad

Example 1 Kristina McMorris could have written:

The room went quiet.

You’ll be glad Kristina worked harder and wrote this line:

The quiet left behind was the type that followed a shove off a cliff.

Boom. That’s a powerful simile.

Example 2Kristina McMorris could have written just these three words:

Her chest cinched.

But Kristina added 16 more words:

Her chest cinched. An ancient grip squeezed out her air, the hand of a ghost reaching from the soil.

Out of context, it’s strong writing. In context, it’s uber-powerful.

Example 3Kristina McMorris could have been content with this cliché.

In her frenzied state, she’d follow him anywhere.

Kristina didn’t bore the reader by giving them something they’d read before. She treated them to this sentence:

In her frenzied state, he could lead her to hell and she wouldn’t think to object until waist deep in flames.

 

The Valquez SeductionThe Valquez Seduction, Melanie Milburne, USA Today Bestselling Author,

Margie-Grad

This time I’ll share a passage followed by a deep edit analysis.

Daisy had heard the expression ‘time stood still’ many times. She had even used it on occasion. She knew it wasn’t logically possible but this time it really did stop. She felt it. It was as if every clock in the nightclub, every clock on every smartphone, every watch on every wrist shuddered and then stopped.

Tick. Tock. Stop.

Belinda snapped her fingers in front of Daisy’s face. ‘Earth to Daze.’

‘Oh, my God.’ Kate nudged Daisy in the ribs. ‘He’s coming over!’

Daisy sat with her heart pounding like a piston in an engine long overdue for a service. Her skin felt tingly all over. She could even feel the backs of her knees fizzing like sherbet trickled into a glass of soda. She felt giddy. She had to grip the edge of the bar with one of her hands to stop from tumbling to the floor in an ungainly heap.

Deep Edit Analysis:

Rhetorical Devices:           

Amplification — in first and fifth paragraphs.

Anaphora – every clock…, every clock…, every watch…

Simile – Twice – Like a piston…, Like sherbet…

White Space – Empowers the passage.

Multiple Visceral Responses:

• heart pounding, amplified simile

• tingly skin

• backs of knees, amplified simile

• giddy, amplified with a full sentence

Fresh Writing – Yes!

 

This Side of SalvationThis Side of Salvation, Jeri Smith-Ready, Margie-Grad

You’ll find several hits of fresh writing in these back-to-back paragraphs, and a Deep Edit Analysis below.

I hear the wahp-wahp of sirens, see the blue-and-red flash of lights through my eyelids, and realize that I am dead. Not heaven-bound dead, cashing in on my undeserved eternal ecstasy. Dead as in, if I’ve missed curfew—and therefore the non-end of the world—my dad is going to kill me.

Here on Stephen Rice’s lawn, “busted” echoes in a dozen panicky voices. I sit up quickly as barely dressed juniors and seniors scurry past, tripping over scattered beach towels, pouring out the contents of their plastic cups. I pity the grass its imminent hangover.

Deep Edit Analysis:

Power Words: dead, heaven-bound dead, cashing in, undeserved eternal ecstasy, dead, missed curfew, non-end of the world, kill, busted, panicky, barely dressed, pity, hangover

Backloaded Words: dead, ecstasy, kill me, panicky voices, hangover

Rhetorical Devices:

Onomatopoeia: wahp-wahp

Amplification: The first paragraph is loaded with amplifications regarding how dead he’ll be, how much trouble he’ll be in with his dad, if he gets arrested.

Cadence: Perfect.

Humor Hits: multiple – – including missing the non-end of the world, and personification, the grass getting a hangover

Fresh Writing – Yes!

 

Sweet on YouSweet on You, Laura Drake, Margie-Grad, RITA Winner!

Example 1:

The arctic wind howled around the corner of the huge building, to blast her, snatching her breath, tearing her eyes. Her desert-thin blood raced through her in a hopeless, frantic attempt to keep warm. She whipped her head right, then left, thinking that a wrong choice would find her dead, flash-frozen, like Jack Nicholson in that Stephen King movie.

Deep Edit Analysis:

Power Words: arctic, howled, huge, blast, snatching, tearing, desert-thin, blood, raced, hopeless, frantic, attempt, warm, whipped, wrong, dead, flash-frozen, Jack Nicholson, Stephen King

Rhetorical Devices:

Asyndeton: First Sentence

Amplification: First Sentence

Simile: like Jack Nicholson in that Stephen King movie.

Allusion: Jack Nicholson, Stephen King

Cadence: Perfect

Example 2: Two paragraphs

She knew from experience that the worst thing for her was idleness. Memories and loneliness would wash over her, rolling her in churning emotions, leaving her unsure of the way to the surface. Days later, the undertow would release her, and she’d struggle back, weakened, covered in a salty film of guilt.

Why had Murphy died and she survived? The army chaplain told her it was God’s will. The army psychiatrist said it was chance. She knew what Grand would say. That she had an unfulfilled purpose.

Deep Edit Analysis:

Power Words: worst, idleness, memories, loneliness, emotions, unsure, surface, undertow, release, struggle, weakened, guilt, died, survived, chaplain, God’s will, psychiatrist, chance, Grand, unfulfilled purpose

Backloaded Words: idleness, surface, guilt, survived, God’s will, chance, unfulfilled purpose

Rhetorical Devices:

Asyndeton: Twice. Second and third sentences in the first paragraph.

Rhetorical question: First sentence, second paragraph.

Amplification: Both paragraphs.

Amplified Metaphor – First paragraph

Cadence: Perfect.

 

Wrapping Up:

Three words.

Fresh writing sells.

Trust me. Don’t settle for clichéd and overused phrases. Get fresh. Give your readers chocolate-mousse-on-the-tongue writing. Keep them turning pages, wanting more and more and more.

BLOG GUESTS: IT’S YOUR TURN!

 Click in and say Hi. Or want to share your fresh writing? Just one or two sentences.

 Say Hi, post an example, or post a comment, and you’ll be in the drawing to win an online course from Lawson Writer’s Academy!

 Check out the courses offered by Lawson Writer’s Academy in January:

  1. Screenwriting Strategies for Fiction Writers
  2. 30 Days to a Stronger Novel 
  3. From Blah to Beats: Giving Your Chapter a Pulse
  4. Creating Reader’s Guides for YA and MG Novels
  5. Virtues, Vices, & Plots 

The drawing will be Tuesday, December 9, 8:00 PM Mountain Time.

All smiles…………….Margie

Margie Lawson Margie Lawson—editor, international presenter—teaches writers how to use her psychologically-based editing systems and deep editing techniques to create page turners. Margie has presented over ninety full day master classes for writers in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. She’s excited to share that Romance Writers of Australia is bringing her back to present at their conference next summer.

To learn about Lawson Writer’s Academy, Margie’s 4-day Immersion Master Classes (in Denver, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Dallas, Seattle, San Antonio, Columbus, Jacksonville, Houston, and on Whidbey Island), her full day Master Class presentations, on-line courses, lecture packets, and newsletter, please visit www.MargieLawson.com.

110 comments to Margie’s Rule # 7: Get Fresh!

  • Rhay Christou

    As always wonderful words from a wonderful woman! Thanks so much for taking your time to share all our wisdom with us. Mucho appreciated and definitely another Margie blog that goes into the file to keep and read and reread over and over and over again.

    Rhay

    • Hello Immersion-Grad Rhay —

      Always fab to cyber-see 8600-miles-away you. Miss you.

      I can’t wait until I DO NOT is released!

      Such a hook-me-every-page story, and writing so strong other Margie-Grads will turn PINK. They’ll be visceralized.

      I know I DO NOT won’t be out until 2016. And when it finally hits the shelves, I’ll be just as excited, and proud!

  • As always, it’s a red-letter, circled and starred day to find my writing on a Margie post! Muah! You taught me to write fresh, Margie – and I’m proof it’s the difference between ‘good’ and ‘sold’!

    Oh and now my TBR pile is even bigger!

    • Hello Immersion-Grad Laura!

      Muah, muah, muah!

      I’m so glad you learned how to write fresh, and use 20+ rhetorical devices, and write uber-powerful facial expressions and dialogue cues and visceral responses…and more!

      Your fresh and empowered writing, and stellar story, got you a RITA! Your writing deserves more RITAs!

  • Another powerful prod to remind me to dig a bit deeper while I’m writing today, and to work harder to twist those cliches until they are screaming for mercy. Thanks for the kick in the posterior, Ms. Margie.

    • Hello Immersion-Grad Pam!

      You know I’m a professional prodder. Pretend I’m sitting next to you, prodding, prodding, prodding.

      I had the best time getting to know you in Immersion class. Love your writing. Hope to get to prod you again!

  • ManjuBeth

    Thank you so much for your posts. I always read them several times. Lots of great lessons to learn!

    • Hello ManjuBeth —

      So cool that you read my blogs several times. Smart!

      I hope to see you in an online class sometime. But I’m not teaching my BIG THREE courses this year. I’m taking that break to work on my how-to books for writers.

      If you’re interested in learning more, check out the lecture packets on my web site. I recommend diving into the lectures from my EMPOWERING CHARACTERS EMOTIONS course first.

      Thank you for chiming in!

  • Margie – as always – supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! I do find, though, that similes often leave me cold. Even fresh ones, I suppose. Might just be me. Thanks again for your expert analysis. Jax

  • Powerfully fresh writing – thanks for sharing, WITS!

  • Margie, your posts are like presents I cherish. I peel off the wrappings, and celebrate the wonders I find.

    As always, love the examples and since I have only read two of these talented writers, I can give myself another early Christmas present with the others.

    Happy Holidays to you and yours 🙂

    • Florence —

      Always great to see you!

      Ah — presents. With ribbons and bows and goodies inside.

      So cool that you’ll treat yourself to books from the authors in the blog. Enjoy!

  • Fantastic refresher! Thanks for the exemplary examples.

    • Hello Immersion-Grad Suzanne!

      You’re welcome. I hope your first Hertz and Avis book finds a contract soon. I can’t wait to read all your fresh writing and Hertzisms! Stellar, stellar, stellar!

  • I just started reviewing Deep Editing with my current manuscript, so this is very timely. Wonderful post, as always!

  • Great post with examples. I recently have enjoyed reading Melinda Curtis’s books and admired her writing style. I enjoyed seeing the break-down of how she makes her writing fresh

    • Hello Mindy —

      I enjoy Melinda Curtis’s books too! Proud to claim her as an Immersion-Grad. She’s coming to Colorado for her second Immersion class in March. Mel’s so fun. Can’t wait to stretch her brain again!

      The lectures in my online courses, and lecture packets, are just like the blog. Only lots more pages. They’re loaded with teaching points and examples and deep editing analyses. My kind of fun!

  • Debi

    Mmmmm, I can taste the chocolate mousse, so good. Thanks for the sterling examples. I want to emulate Laura Drake, go from “good” to “sold.”

    • Debi —

      Chocolate-mousse-on-the-tongue writing is the best! You want more and more and more.

      You can emulate Laura Drake, and go from GOOD to SOLD. Just do what she did.

      Take all my online courses, or get the lecture packets, then come to an Immersion class.

      Oh – and work super hard at applying all the deep editing tips and techniques and systems you’ll learn.

      You CAN do what Laura did, and do it well. Just do it!

      If you have questions about my courses, email me.

      • And Immersion Class. Don’t forget that! Margie, that’s where everything I learned from your packets and online classes came together. ‘Immersion’ is a good term – you soak in a hot, bubbling bath of Margie’s teachings for three days, and you come out having her lessons seep more than skin deep.

        That’s when it started naturally becoming part of my writing.

        I know I sound like a walking Margie commercial, but I can’t help it. Her stuff made miles more difference in my writing.

  • Margie, Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom! You always spark the imagination and help me write fresh!

  • I feel like a student with a gold star because Margie used Season of Change in some of her examples! Woot-Woot!

    • Hello Immersion-Grad Melinda!

      Your writing has earned so many Margie-Gold-Stars — you could start your own galaxy!

      Can’t wait to see you in Immersion again in March. My box of gold stars will be on the Magic Couch in the Cozy Room. No pressure. 🙂

  • “Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to disappoint you.” Something dripped as I spoke. Oh. It was sarcasm.

    Margie, your stuff is always brilliant and you have already changed the way I write for the better. Thrilled with your courses!

    • MM Jaye

      I’m far from an expert having only attended Margie’s Deep PoV class, but I love your snippet!

      • MM Jaye —

        Thanks for chiming in, and enthusing!

        BTW — I need to share that the real instructor of the Deep POV course is Rhay Christou. She’s an outstanding teacher and writer and person. 🙂

    • Leslie —

      You were the first to post an example. Thank you!

      Love your dialogue cue! A fun take on sarcasm. Good job!

      Glad my courses are helping you make your writing stronger. I bet I’ll see you in the next Fab 30!

  • Wonderful information- I always learn something from your posts:-)

  • Powerful examples, Margie. Thank you, and I hope these inspire me to freshen up my own writing.

  • carrienichols

    I always enjoy your posts, Margie! Thank you for posting your rules. I’ve learned a lot from them and the classes you teach.

  • What a great way to start the week, Margie, thank you! You dissected each passage with a surgeon’s skill and identified each writer’s technique so clearly…I know what I’m doing today. I’m going to review and refresh every page of my WIP!

    • Anne —

      I love deep edit deconstructions of strong examples. I love showing writers how they can take their bland or overused writing and make it carry more interest, more power.

      Kudos to you for reviewing and refreshing each page of your WIP!

      Hundreds of ideas regarding how to add power in my lecture packets. Just had to slip that in. 😉

  • Margie, I felt so humbled to be included — and now doubly so after reading the other examples. Thanks for all you continue to do to help push our writing skills. Hugs to you!

    • Hello Kristina!

      Your writing is stellar. Your books are loaded with hundreds of sticky tabs that mark strong writing I can use in my lectures, powerpoints, and blogs.

      Yes. Hundreds of sticky tabs. No hyperbole!

      I’m proud to claim you as a Margie-Grad. Can’t wait to read your next book!

      I hope we get to connect in person next year, somewhere.

  • eileenrendahl

    Love the examples and would love to win an online course!

  • Julie Weathers

    I always love these posts, but writing this way is a struggle for me. My attempt.

    Sticks jumped down and stoppered the flask. He was nearly two heads taller than Trelaine and thin as a peddler’s promise. A bright purple silk scarf around his head left tufts of hair sticking out like straw under a setting hen.

    • Julie, ‘thin as a peddler’s promise’ – that’s awesome stuff right there!!!

    • Julie —

      Your second sentence earned an NYT!

      That sentence is so rich, so perfectly cadenced, so fresh, it’s the kind of writing that will boost you toward a contract, toward bigger sales, toward bestseller lists!

      The second sentence is strong too. I think it would be stronger without one or two descriptors for the scarf. Try this:

      A purple scarf around his head left tufts of hair sticking out like straw under a setting hen.

      The cadence is better. Sounds stronger to me.

      AND — You deserve that coveted NYT!

      Thanks so much for sharing your talent!

  • Always need that reminder to write fresh. Thank you so much, Margie! Cheers, Ashley Cockerill

  • MM Jaye

    Just wrote this could-be-fresher piece today. Note: heroine dumped the contents of a mojito glass on hero’s lap. Nothing worse than that 🙂

    When she offered her smile to him—as an entrapment—he took the bait and swallowed hard. And now his pants felt as sticky as when he was a teenager with an incontrollable libido. Only now, he was nowhere near relief.
    He turned his eyes to the bottom of his refilled tumbler. Maybe he had finally found something enticing on the island apart from amber liquids that burned your throat and messed with your head.

    Amazing post! A course on its own merit. I’m thinking, after the Deep PoV class with awesome Rhay (who’s a neighbor as I’m in Greece) to join again for the Beats class.

    Greetings from Greece!
    Maria (MM Jaye)

    • Hello Maria —

      Wow! Love that piece! Great content, great cadence, and fresh!

      Thanks so much for sharing your talent!

      Ah — You took Rhay’s Deep POV course. Rhay is a brilliant teacher. Several writers have told me they’d take anything that Rhay Christou or Lisa Wells teach. Amazing praise.

      Great to meet another writer from Greece! Any plans to visit the U. S.?

  • Thanks for the write-fresh reminder!

    My morning swim doesn’t usually involve corpses. If it did, I’d give up swimming for something less stressful, like coaxing cobras out of baskets or my mother out of bed before ten.

  • KathleenBaldwin

    Hi Laura! Hi Margie!

    I slurped up this post with gusto. Lots of fun! And what lovely examples.

    As one of your lucky grad students – I credit you for giving me the tools and encouragement to do as much of this scene milking as my angst-y little heart desires. And teaching me how to do it better & fresher.

    Big hug.
    Mega Thanks,
    -Kat

    • Hello Immersion-Grad Kathleen!

      THANK YOU!

      Your writing it sooooo strong! I’m proud you’re an Immersion Grad!

      Wish you lived closer. I’d dash over to your house right now and do the Snoopy dance and get silly and celebrate YOU!

      BTW — My 22 month old granddaughter is staying with me for two days, so I’ve been doing a lot of silly. So fun!

  • Margie great blog. Thanks for the wonderful examples. These are the passages that make me stop as a reader and reread. Love it.

    I was in a conversation over Thanksgiving and as a cliche was coming out of my mouth I thought oh no I can’t leave it like that Margie taught me better than that so I dug deeper and stopped the conversation at the table.

    I said, “I jumped down his throat and punched his esophagus all the way down.”

    The first one to recover told me that it was quite a visual and not much can shock him but that did.

    Thanks for being my shoulder cliche monitor. Since your classes, I haven’t been able to catch all the cliches but I am now more aware.

    • Hello Immersion-Grad Melissa —

      Ha! So glad your Immersion training is still going strong, even in conversations!

      Loved the way you amplified that cliche. Wish I could have been there!

      Miss you. Hope to see you in 2015!

      Hope you and Jenn are still deep editing together!

  • I’ve learned so much from you and your daughter TIffany! Here’s a little paragraph from my WIP:

    And so they burned tiny scraps of paper where they’d written what they wanted purged from their lives. As she’d done very month for most of her life, Annie had written only one thing. The same thing. She held the paper to candle flame,watching it catch fire and curl in on itself before the wind carried it away. it splintered into tiny embers that flickered like fireflies before turning to ash. Dead. Once the candles were extinguished, Grandma Tia’s sharp eyes settled on her.

    “Thunder moon comin’ tonight. Yer life is fixin’ to change.”

    Happy Holidays to you and your family!

    • Hello Debbie!

      Thank you! I’ll pass your compliment on to Tiffany.

      Wow! Love your fresh writing. Powerful piece.

      You earned NYT!

      Happy Holidays to you and your family too.

      Hope I get to see you next year!

  • Still hoping to one day find my way to a Margie class 😉

    • Kathryn, in the meantime, if you have self-discipline (which you’re going to need on this writing road anyway, right?) Buy her packets online and do self-study!

      • Great idea Laura! Self-discipline isn’t an issue (I’ve self-pubbed 4 books) … and I’d love to get “Fresh” … which packets do you recommend?

        • Kathryn Jayne —

          You’re right. You’ve self-pubbed 4 books, you rock self-discipline. You can do my lecture packets and make your writing big time stronger!

          I recommend starting with my BIG THREE — in this order:

          1. Empowering Characters’ Emotions
          2. Deep Editing, Rhetorical Devices, and More
          3. Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist

          I’m not teaching those three courses online next year. With my heavy travel and presenting/teaching schedule, and my need to work on my how-to books for writers, I had to let something go.

          I will be teaching two online courses this spring:

          — A Deep Editing Guide to Make Your Openings Pop

          — Visceral Rules: Beyond Hammering Hearts

          If you have questions about my courses, please email me.

          Thanks for posting!

          • Awesome. I’ll be signing up on the weekend to get at least the first packet as the timing is perfect as I’m only 7000 words into a full rewrite of a story I adored, but was written long before I had any clue about craft.

            • Nikki Weston

              Hey Kathryn Jane,

              If I may, I really want to second the recommendations about the study packets. I did ‘Deep Editing’ online in February, it has strengthened everything I write and was a fun challenge. I have the Empowering Character Emotions home study packet, it too is simply wonderful. The value for money I got cannot be overestimated. Enjoy every minute with the best writing teacher in the business.

              Best of luck with your study and career,

              Nikki Weston.

              • thanks for chiming in Nikki … I can hardly wait! I’m away from home right now, taking care of a friend’s farm so I can’t actually buy until the weekend and now I’m just itching to get started 😀

      • Orly Konig Lopez

        I agree with Laura, the packets are very helpful. And as soon as you can sign up for an online class, jump on it. But clear your schedule first! 🙂

    • Hello Kathryn Jane —

      I’ll help you find your way to Immersion classes in several states. 😉

      I hope I get to work with you sometime!

  • Tricia Sanders

    I can never get enough Margie in my life. Thanks for all your prodding! You’re the best.

    • Hello 2-time Immersion-Grad Tricia S!

      Miss you! Hope we can catch up soon.

      Thank you again for hosting an Immersion class. YOU are the best!

      Hope I get to see you next year!

  • Alisa Boisclair

    Thank you for another eye-opening post. I’ve printed it and saved it to Evernote. The examples provided definitely helped to bring the point home.

    • Hello Alisa —

      Thank you for letting me know you like my teaching style. I’m the queen of sharing examples and deep edit analyzing them. My lectures are LOADED with examples and teaching points.

      Have you taken any of my online courses? Or ordered any lecture packets?

      If you have questions, please email me!

  • Such wonderful examples! I love when I come across a bit of ‘fresh’ writing in a book. It will stick with me for days, months–sometimes years!

    I’m in the final stages of tidying up a book before I have to turn it into my editor, and I came across this passage the other day and was quite proud of myself:

    “The world teetered around her, waiting for something to happen, for a final shove to send things spiraling into the abyss. The tension hung so heavy on her it bowed her shoulders.”

    Great post!

  • Sharon Marie

    Margie, you never let us down when it comes to revving up our writer engines with fresh writing morsels.

  • Beige Wishart

    Margie,

    You are the zenith of zingers.

    Adrenalin shot through his system like rockets in a warehouse fire. Each rocket exploded, each in a different direction, each lit up a different imagined horror. Catapulted out of bed, shot down the long hall, a slide show of Cat in various scenes of danger switched in his brain at the speed of light.

    Beige

  • Thank you for the great post and the lessons. I’ve bought the lecture packets and am slowly going through them.

  • Once again, a great series of examples to make us stretch from ordinary to extraordinary. Now to apply it to the page… Thanks, Margie!

  • Always love it when you stop by here, Margie, and share lines that pop off the screen. Such an inspiration to go back and work harder. I’ve already FBed, but now I’ll tweet, too. 🙂 Everyone needs to get a Margie “prod.” 🙂

  • Hey Margie! Gibbs would be so proud of you!

  • Fae Rowen

    As always, Margie, your lessons are sweet and to the point. Sometimes the best way to see what I’m not doing is to see “it” done right! Thanks for some great lessons today.

  • karenmcfarland

    Ooh, I love those awesome examples Margie!

    Okay, hee, hee, hee, here it goes…

    “She could feel the tension build as his pace amplified. He acted like a man who had just gotten his feet wet at shore and was now swept away by a fierce undertow— like a man who had finally achieved diplomatic immunity but who still needed a passport in order to gain entry.”

    As you can see, I don’t know what I’m doing. lol. Please consider me a work in progress. 🙂

  • Another great post in a awesome series, Margie! Thanks for helping us keep it fresh!

  • Thanks for a fantastic post. I learn so much from you…and I just referred a new acquaintance to LWA today. I told her you’re what the MFA programs are missing. 🙂

  • Wow, I love that sherbet line. I adore when someone describes an emotion in a fresh way that seems so “well, of course” to me.

    Love these examples! Working on some of my own in my final edits before querying THE BOOK. (You know the one, Margie! 😉 ) Thanks for all you do!

  • Hi Margie. I can’t stop telling people how useful your courses have been for me. It’s wonderful to be able to share snippets of this greatness with others through your blog posts. Now I can’t let unfresh writing go unaddressed. It stares at me and says, “ho hum.” Your awesome examples hit your points home-sweet-home.

  • Margie, you rock! I’m looking forward to the class in May. See you in Denver. 🙂

  • Shanda

    Margie,
    Once again you have inspired me to write fresh. : ) Thanks so much for your classes and packets. And thanks for these great examples. Kudos to all those excellent writers.

  • Janet B

    I love your lessons. I learn so much.

  • Michelle

    I was just referred to you by a friend. I’m excited to study your posts and order your packets. I hope to see you in Provo Utah at the Storymakers conference.

  • Richie Wines

    Great to see another good word from a great teacher. Can’t wait until my next immersion clinic. I need to have this stuff hammered in more often. Dakota and Tal say hi.

  • Nikki Weston

    Hi everyone,

    so pleased to take a break from my busy day and discover the freshest of writing from some of our best! Thanks WritersInTheStorm for the blog post, and a huge thank you to Margie, you wonder woman!

    Best – Nikki

  • Thanks for the great blog post. I always learn so much from your blogs and the times I’ve attended a session you taught at a writing conference and from the classes I’ve downloaded. I’m hoping to do more in the future!

  • catemasters

    Such great examples, Margie. Thanks for sharing. I’ve taken a few of your classes – they are the best!

  • Melissa

    Wonderful post! I have your lectures, and love the way you teach.

  • Many, many thanks for the prod and examples to start this week out!

  • Margie, my personality twin (according to the color-coded test)! What awesome examples again of fresh writing. I’m currently ready to dive back into revisions. I have a bunch of paragraphs circled with these words beside it: WRITE THIS FRESH! Now, to just do it. 🙂

  • Margie, you are a treasure. A national treasure of writerly wisdom. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  • Thanks for the great examples and reminders. I’m working on a new draft for Immersion class next summer–looking forward to it.

  • I’m bookmarking this blog post for those times when I’m struggling to make my words fresh instead of tired. I’ve attended the one-day editing workshop you taught at ECWC and one on-line class, which I wasn’t able to totally complete because, happily, I got a four book contract and wound up immersed in unexpected deadlines. Now that I find myself having to write faster and faster, I feel like I need this more and more so my writing doesn’t because predictable. Here’s a snippet from my as of yet unedited June release, Triple Time:

    A woman stood with her back to him, fists clenched. Her attacker lay at her feet, wheezing for air and curled up like one of the shrimp in the scampi Gabe had left half eaten at the Rainbow Room.
    “No means no, asshole.”
    The guy let out a muffled moan and she bent over him, making her short skirt ride even higher up her toned thighs, in fishnet stockings that ran down her long legs to disappear mid-calf into a pair of hot pink Doc Martens

  • I learn something new with each post. Margie, you’ve taken my writing to a whole new level. I’m a believer.

  • Great examples. I hope to hear you speak again.

  • Margie, your enthusiasm for sharing examples of all the techniques you teach comes through in every blog post you write. And that energizes me to put your techniques to use in my WIP. Thank you!

  • Love your examples! They make fresh writing seem so easy, but I know from your classes it’s work , but oh so satisfying when you uncover your own gems.

  • Brianna Soloski

    This is very helpful. Great examples!

  • […] a recent post, Margie writes about the importance of writing fresh and shares some great […]