Writers in the Storm

A blog about writing

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Writing Character Descriptions that Hook Readers

by Angela Ackerman

I think we can all agree that characters are the heart of a novel. We build worlds around our story’s cast, spend dozens of hours plundering their psyche to understand needs, motivations, and beliefs, and even envision complete backstories. Then, of course, we go on to produce tens of thousands of words about their vulnerabilities and strengths as they rise, fall, and rise again on the path to their goal. We also revise, dedicating yet more hours to ensure readers understand and care about our characters as much as do.

Yes, it’s fair to say we work hard to make sure our characters live and breathe on the page. But here’s the irony…in all that effort, many of us overlook or underutilize another important area of character description: their physical appearance.

It’s true, a character’s features and physicality can be hard to convey. We may not have a strong mental picture of them ourselves, or if we do, how to sum it all up economically. After all, at the start of the story when we need to provide details on a character’s appearance, we’re also juggling everything else we must show like the action, setting, circumstances, plus the character’s motivation, underlying problem, emotion, and so on.

So we find ourselves asking, does the character’s looks really matter? Isn’t it what’s inside that counts?

Yes…and no.

Obviously, we want to start a story with action, pulling readers in by showing what a character is doing and why. But including some physical description is also necessary, too. Without it, readers may fail to create a mental image and struggle to connect with the character.

Avoiding physical description and leaving it up to the reader will also create a minefield for the writer because if they mention a physical detail (like a character’s pink hair) later on in the story and it clashes with the image the reader has created on their own, well, it breaks the storytelling spell. Worse, the reader loses confidence in the author’s skills and may be unable to fully suspend disbelief from that point on.

The Goldilocks Approach

We all remember that break-and-enter deviant, Goldilocks, right? Well, to take a page from her book, just like avoiding porridge too hot or too cold, we want to avoid both descriptive sparseness and information overload. Dumps of description of any kind hurt the pace and cause readers to skim, so we should make it our goal to offer enough to point readers in the right direction and then drip in more as needed. The rest they can fill in themselves.

Even more important than quantity is the quality, however. If we choose the right details, we open a gateway to great characterization and hook readers at the same time.

Choose Details that Do More

To avoid disrupting the pace it can be tempting to just give a quick overview of a character’s general features and move on, but unless the character is unimportant to the story, this wastes a valuable opportunity to show-not-tell. Whenever description is needed, we want to think about how to ‘spend’ our word currency in the best way possible. Even with physical description, we want to choose details that will push the story forward, reveal characterization, and show readers what’s hidden.

Try using your character’s appearance to allude to...

Personality. Is your heroine the type to wear bright yellow to a funeral? Does your groom show up to his wedding in a tux t-shirt and flip-flops? Is it a toss-up between which is tighter – the pearls strangling Aunt Edna’s wattle or her disapproving glare as a neighbor’s children run amok? Written with purpose, details about your character’s clothes can say much about their personality and attitude, priming readers to see them in the exact light you want them to.

Occupations and interests. Does your protagonist have the perma-stained grease hands of a mechanic or the meticulously clean ones of a model or physician? Is there a smudge of paint above one eyebrow or a clod of potter’s clay in his hair? Small details can hint at what a character does for a living and the passions they may have.

Perceptions and self-perceptions. Does the hero fixate on his beard so much he carries a comb and smoothing gel with him everywhere he goes? Does his socially oblivious sidekick have a habit of scratching his leg with too-long toenails at the beach, grossing everyone out? Does your heroine ask friends what they plan to wear before choosing herself or does she throw on whatever is clean? The time and attention a character gives to their appearance can show how comfortable they are in their own skin and whether they care about the opinions of others.

Health. Is your character disconcertingly underweight, does she have a bluish tinge to her lips, or is she always hiding her hands so others don’t see the tremors? Does she carry an inhaler or epi pen? A well-placed detail about her appearance can hint at an underlying condition, hereditary health issue, or lay the ground for an unfortunate diagnosis that will upend the character’s life.

Hidden lineage. Does your character have a unique eye color, rare skin condition, or sun sensitivity? A physical peculiarity can help you set the stage to reveal your character is the long-lost descendant of a royal family, lead them to finding their birth parent, or shock them with the discovery that they belong to a race of magic users believed to have died out long ago.

Pedigree, station, education, and wealth. Rather than a hidden lineage, your character’s appearance can show-not-tell their importance within society. Wearing colors only a sect of assassins is sanctioned to use, the quality of their garments or adornments, observing the latest fashion, or showing a character’s bearing, posture, and manners can allude to their upbringing, economic status, or caste.

Secrets. Whether it’s a dried blood drop on the face of their watch, a strange tattoo behind their ear, or the fact they are carrying a concealed weapon at a bridal shower, details that are mysterious or out of place show readers there’s more to a character than meets the eye.

Backstory Wounds. Does your character have an odd bite mark on one shoulder, a chemical burn scar, a missing finger, or they walk with a limp? You can be sure that if it’s important enough to describe, readers will be intrigued about what happened that led to that peculiarity and want to read on to find out. 

Talents and Skills. Does your villainess have throwing knives strapped to her sleeves, chest, and back? Or does your hacker protagonist always carry a backpack full of electronic gadgets and a laptop? If a character’s skills require certain supplies, tech, weapons, or tools, it’s likely they will keep them on hand, a neon sign to readers that they have a special talent.

Emotional mindset and comfort zone. Body language, mannerisms, posture, and the buffer of space the character keeps around them (or not) will all help readers understand what a character may be feeling and how comfortable they are in a location. A character who feels utterly uncomfortable may be pulling at their clothes, sweating, and choosing dark corners over conversation. A character standing tense and watchful, ready to grab the knife at his hip is clearly expecting danger. Someone who loves to be the center of attention will be doing exactly that, confidently working the crowd, smiling and telling jokes, making people feel welcome and basking in the attention.

Motivation. A character who tests the release button on his poison ring before heading out to shake hands with his enemy makes it clear what his goal is, just as a grieving widow will by practicing tearing up in the mirror so she’s ready for her police interview to go over where she was when her husband was mugged and killed. Mission-oriented people dress, behave, and act in alignment with their goal, so describing them in the moment will focus the reader’s attention right where you want it to go.

This is by no means a complete list, but it hopefully gets the idea ball rolling. So, the next time you need to describe a character’s physical features, use it to reveal something extra that activates a reader’s need-to-know mindset, hooking them to read on.

Do you find it easy to write physical description, or is it a bit of a struggle? Let me know in the comments!

About Angela

Angela Ackerman is a writing coach, international speaker, and co-author of the bestselling book, The Emotion Thesaurus and its many sequels. Her books are available in eight languages, are sourced by US universities, recommended by agents and editors, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, and psychologists around the world. To date, this book collection has sold over half a million copies.

Angela is also the co-founder of the popular site Writers Helping Writers, as well as One Stop for Writers, a portal to game-changing tools and resources that enable writers to craft powerful fiction. Find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Top Photo by Maarten van den Heuvel on Unsplash

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New Programs on Amazon - Do They Help Authors?

by John Peragine

 Amazon can be sneaky sometimes and add new features with little lead time nor explanation. In the past few weeks, some new features have appeared to help authors and potentially harm them. The Big A is a company that wants to keep every cent it makes, hurting authors’ bottom lines. Being aware of new features and how they impact authors is important to be mindful of.

Buy for Others

On the right side of the page on Amazon is a box that reads “Buy for Others.” This is exclusively for Kindles. It allows customers to buy multiple copies of books for a group of people.

PROS

It allows authors to send multiple emails (with a link to an eBook) in one transaction with a note sent to each of them. This is great to send to groups like a book club, a library, or an event like a book reading.

CONS

There is no discount for multiple copies. This does not create much of an incentive for customers. I’d rather take a little less on each sale as an author and sell ten copies in one transaction. This not only helps with sales, but it pushes your book up in the algorithms.

Amazon Book Club

You can find a link to this in the right column. It allows people with similar interests to connect and read books together. You can join a club or create one of your own. Clubs are categorized by genre.

PROS

You can comment and talk about books together. You can find people who have similar interests to you.

CONS

That is about it because there are many more ways this is not good for authors.

  1. You can’t discuss the books. So what’s the point? It is a way for authors to get people to read their books. Stay with me; I will explain why this is only for the elite.
  2. The biggest clubs have tens of thousands of members. You are letting Amazon know what books and genres you like.
  3. How are books chosen? This is where things get dicey. Administrators make the choice of the book of the month for that group. There are two choices for clubs- private and public. The largest clubs are what you can see as a reader. The ones with tons of members. So who runs those big clubs? Amazon. They are listed as Amazon Reviewers. Books are suggested, and the administrator picks the book from those suggestions. The game is rigged. You can’t even find the smaller clubs unless you do searches. Under the featured book clubs are the featured books. Again this is way up on the food chain.

This service does very little for indie authors. It seems it is trying to pull people from Goodreads, which seems odd since Goodreads is owned by Amazon. (How old were you when you discovered that?) The only way I can see an indie author using this program is to search for clubs that read their genre and then suggest their book as a recommended read for that month. Even as I type that, it feels spammy and a whole lot of work for little return. Suggestions of titles are not public. (I believe only administrators can see them).

Kindle Vella

This new service has been highly anticipated. I have spoken about Vella in two previous posts Serialization Storytelling Part 1 and Serialization Storytelling Part 2. Vella has launched this week, and I have to say, it is a bit confusing for both authors and customers.

PROS

It is a platform that allows you to create serialized stories that help build a larger fanbase. You can create side stories and try out new characters and book ideas. You can make a little bit of money on each download. You can share stories with direct links to social media. (this is new). You can get 200 free keys. Each key is worth 100 words. So that is about 20K words.

Kindle Vella token prices and value
Number of tokensPricePrice of each tokenRough word count
200$1.99$0.0120,000
525$4.99$0.009552,500
1100$9.99$0.009110,000
1700$14.99$0.0088170,000

CONS

The dashboard for Vella contains very little except a place to add or edit stories. On the KDP dashboard, there is no way to track downloads or sales. People can leave an Amazon review like other books. It was not clear before the platform launched how that would work.

There is a fave’s function. This is what Amazon has to say about this function:

When you unlock episodes, you will receive one Favea week that you can award to the story you’re enjoying most that week. We’ll feature Top Faved stories so other readers can find them too.”

This means that readers can only like one series a week. My feeling is that this function will favor popular writers, not lesser-known ones, which means they won’t be very visible.

They do not link Author Central to Vella, and so you can’t connect the Kindle Vella series to your other books. This defeats the purpose of building an audience. You have to search for an author name or series name under the “Kindle Vella” tab.

If a customer buys a larger package of tokens, the author is paid less per token because the tokens cost less. Again, this is not an advantage to authors.

The biggest question mark is how authors will get paid. It is not showing up on the Kindle dashboard. If it does, will it show as a Kindle? Hard to say.

Hopefully, Vella will be doing updates. As of right now, it does not seem to offer authors, especially new ones, any advantage. You can’t post the series anywhere else, nor could it be a previously published book. This means, like KDP Select, Amazon has a lock on where you can sell your stories.

Kindle Summer Reads

This was a sneaky little addition. Under the price of the book is a You Earn: (points number). This seems to be a summer promotion - a beta test. Here is what Amazon says about the program:

"Earn Kindle Points, redeem for eBook credit.

Earn Kindle Points for every book you purchase July 7 - September 22, 2021, and redeem them for eBook credit. 

How it works:
Earn 5 pts per dollar on eBooks and 2 pts per dollar on print books. Earn bonus Kindle Points from occasional special offers. Visit Kindle Summer Rewards to see your Kindle Points balance and available offers. Kindle Points expire on Sept 22, 2021.

Redeem 400 pts for a $4 eBook credit.

Collect fun badges for reading and more.

Kindle Summer Rewards is a limited-access beta program open to select customers in the U.S.”

PROS

It adds an incentive to buy books. It provides points for both physical and eBooks. Although, it can only be redeemed for eBooks. It gives you a bonus of 100 points to join their mailing list.

CONS

This, on the surface, sounds like a great promotion, but they're all sorts of problems and questions.

  1. This seems to be a grab for more emails so that they can spam you with “offers.”
  2. What is the compensation for authors for the $4.00 credit? Does Amazon pay their regular rate? I am asking you, WITS Readers, to help me find any explanation of this program for authors. I can’t find anything.
  3. It is time-limited. How many credits can a person earn? If they don’t use it by September, the credit vanishes.
  4. By the numbers- how many books does a person have to read for a credit. My book is $3.99 (20 credits). A person would have to purchase- not read- 20 books at that rate. So to earn a $4.00 credit, you have to spend $80.00
  5. This program price fixes eBooks. It forces authors to drop their eBooks to $4.00 or less because most people would want a free book (or two) when using their credit. Most people would not want to use credit and still have to pay more money to buy yet another eBook in a short amount of time.

This program and Kindle Vella are Amazon’s attempt at gamifying book buying. You earn virtual badges for achievements and microtransactions to buy more content. This pushes authors to set their books at .99 or for free and rely on these micro-transactions to make their money. This is pennies on the dollar. This is an extension of KDP select. Authors are forced to create a ton of content (not necessarily polished content) to compete. Those with 100 books make a lot more money than a person who might only have 1-3 books. It becomes quantity over quality.

What are your thoughts? Have you tried these new programs? Do you see them as beneficial? (Why, or why not?) Please share your thoughts with us down in the comments!

About John

John Peragine has published 14 books and ghostwritten more than 100 others. He is a contributor for HuffPostReuters, and The Today Show. He covered the John Edwards trial exclusively for Bloomberg News and The New York Times. He has written for Wine EnthusiastGrapevine MagazineRealtor.comWineMaker magazine, and Writer's Digest.

John began writing professionally in 2007, after working 13 years in social work and as the piccolo player for the Western Piedmont Symphony for over 25 years. Peragine is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors. You can learn more about his books at JohnPeragineBooks.com

His newest book, Max and the Spice Thieves, is available for purchase. Click Here!


Stories on Kindle Vella

As Evaline Hudson stands at the grave of her beloved husband Leonard, she knows someone among the large crowd of mourners murdered him. After her husband's partner's sudden and mysterious death, Evaline sets in motion events that will make an empire crumble and will bring the shocking truth of the town's true nature to light. In the most brilliant acting of her long career, Evaline Hudson brings her revenge to a stunning finish, marking the end of a long wait and the end of an era. Click Here!

Captain Cinn is in search of a sea plant he wants to harvest and recreate a stew made for the funeral feast of a long-dead king. Click Here

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5 More Writing Tips We Love to Hate

by Eldred Bird

In a previous WITS post, I covered five of the Twitter writing community’s least favorite tips and so-called “rules” for writing. One article wasn’t nearly enough space to cover the subject, so I’m back with five more!

As I stated last time, everyone has their own interpretation as to the meaning of these gems. All opinions herein are my own and may not reflect your reality when it comes to putting words to the page, but isn’t that what writing is about? We all create our own reality when we tell our stories.

Let’s dive in and see what we can learn about these five tips.

Don’t Use Passive Voice

First, let’s define ‘passive’ as opposed to ‘active’ voice.

Active Voice - The subject of the sentence is the one performing the action. An example would be, “Billy punched Mark in the jaw.”

Passive Voice – The subject of the sentence is being acted upon by another party. “Mark was punched in the jaw by Billy.”

While active voice is best in most situations, as with any other tool in your writer’s toolbox there is a time and place for passive voice. Active voice tends to keep pacing up and paints a clear, concise picture of the movement, and sometimes mood, of the characters. Passive voice can be used to slow things down a bit and reflect on the effect a character or object has on a particular situation.

Passive voice is also a great tool for character building in dialogue. If your character speaks in passive, it can indicate a lack of personal responsibility—things happen to them not because of their own actions, but because of outside forces. Evolving dialogue to become more active over the course of the story is a good way to show personal growth in the character.

Avoid Flashbacks

Personally, I don’t have a big problem with this one if it’s made clear we’re going back into a character’s memory. Therein lies the problem. The transition is where writers are in the most danger of tripping up the reader when the flashback starts. Give us a clear lead-in to the flashback so we know where we’re headed, then make it obvious when we return to the present.

The other problem I see with flashbacks is they can easily become backstory data-dumps. Treat your flashback just as you would any other scene in your story. Weave the information into the narrative and don’t dump unnecessary details that don’t help to move the story along.

Maintain One Single Point of View

I think a quote from one of my favorite movies (A Knight’s Tale) sums this one up well:

“You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.”

There are so many good books out there with changing POVs that this tip can be considered total hogwash.  High on that "good books list" is The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner, so changing POVs is not a new concept. That doesn’t mean every story that uses multiple points of view will work.  Again, it’s all in how you wield this sword when chopping your manuscript into different parts and pieces.

As with flashbacks, be careful to make the transitions clear to the reader so they don’t get confused as to who they are currently following. My personal rule is to only switch POVs at a chapter or scene break. This gives a clear delineation between the viewpoints.

My current WIP, a fantasy, is written third-person close POV whenever the MC is in the “real world” and switches to first-person when he is in the fantasy realm. After the first couple of switches, the reader clearly understands where they are simply by the POV.

Don’t End Sentences in Prepositions

If you’re trying to get a passing grade in your English class, by all means follow this rule. Otherwise, feel free to end your sentences any way you want to (see what I did there…). If it works with your voice and flow as a writer, then do it. Use sentence fragments too, if you like. If it makes the sentence feel awkward, maybe you need to take another look at it. Maybe awkward is what you were going for. Bottom line, if it works for you, it will probably work for your readers as well.

Make Writing Your First Priority

When I saw this reply to my query about tips on Twitter, it struck me as so ridiculous that I just had to include it in this post. The reply came from David Martin Lins, author of the newly released novel Skull Valley.

Okay. The worst I ever heard was... "Anyone can raise your children, only you can write your book. Prioritize the book and hire a babysitter." - a keynote speaker at the conference where I met you.

I can’t believe a keynote speaker at a national writing conference would throw out that kind of advice. And as if that wasn’t enough:

She also said she has an egg timer she starts when her now-adult daughter calls her so she can get back to her writing.

I think it goes without saying (but I’m going to say it anyway) that family comes first, especially your kids. The world is not going to implode if you don’t hit your word count goal for a couple of days.

Spend time with your kids. Read to them, tell them stories, and listen to the stories they tell you. Odds are you’re going get some writing inspiration out of the exercise and your children will benefit from some quality time with mom and/or dad.

Some Final Thoughts

I’m going to wrap this post up in a similar fashion to how I ended part one. Keep in mind that these tips have come from the experiences of others. Any time we get a piece of advice it’s up to each one of us to determine what we do with it. Mull it over to see what applies to your work and how it applies. The advice we choose not to incorporate into our work is just as important as what we decide to hold onto. In the end, it’s all about communicating with the readers and building your unique voice as a writer.

What do you think of these writing tips? Do you have a favorite (or least favorite) piece of writing advice? Share your thoughts with us in the comments.

About Eldred

Eldred Bird writes contemporary fiction, short stories, and personal essays. He has spent a great deal of time exploring the deserts, forests, and deep canyons inside his home state of Arizona. His James McCarthy adventures, Killing KarmaCatching Karma, and Cold Karma, reflect this love of the Grand Canyon State even as his character solves mysteries amidst danger. Eldred explores the boundaries of short fiction in his stories, The Waking RoomTreble in Paradise: A Tale of Sax and Violins, and The Smell of Fear.

When he’s not writing, Eldred spends time cycling, hiking and juggling (yes, juggling…bowling balls and 21-inch knives). His passion for photography allows him to record his travels. He can be found on Twitter or Facebook, or at his website.

Top Photo (background) by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

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