Writers in the Storm

Colleen Story

Google “perfectionism” and “writers” and you’d think perfectionism was a deadly disease.

Pages pop up offering tips for overcoming the “disorder,” warnings for avoiding the “dangerous” tendencies, and help for “dealing” with it.

Even the beloved Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird) is quoted as saying:

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life….”

I’m not one to question the wisdom of Anne Lamott, but that quote does make me wince a little. I mean, cramped and insane? Is it really that bad?

What if you are a writer who happens to be a perfectionist? Are you doomed to failure before you even start?

Why Do We Pick on Perfectionists?

We all have unique character traits, and they can have both positive and negative sides to them. Someone who is very detail oriented, for example, is likely to shine at carrying a project through to a successful conclusion, but may have a hard time seeing the bigger picture, or envisioning the overall end game.

On the other side of the coin, someone who is a brilliant visionary is likely to have difficulty remembering everything that needs to be done on a project, and without help, may miss something really important.

The problem (or blessing) is that most of us can’t change these inherent characteristics. Not completely.

Studies have shown this to be true. According to the New York Times, for instance:

“The largest and longest studies to carefully analyze personality throughout life reveal a core of traits that remain remarkably stable over the years…”

Paul T. Costa Jr., scientist emeritus at the laboratory of behavioral science at the National Institutes of Health, found similar results in his studies:

“It’s not that personality is fixed and can’t change. But it’s relatively stable and consistent. What you see at 35, 40 is what you’re going to see at 85, 90.”

So to be so hard on perfectionism, above all other traits, seems to be a little unfair. After all, the perfectionist can’t really stop being so. Not entirely. To ask someone to do that is like asking a visionary to swap and become detail oriented, or the detail oriented to suddenly take on the visionary attitude.

They can try, but they’re likely to end up frustrated, and worse, to lose confidence in their abilities as a whole.

Yet there’s no doubt that though there are some good sides to perfectionism (really!), it can also have a damaging, negative influence on a writing career.

So what’s a perfectionist writer to do?

5 Positive Traits of Perfectionist Writers

It’s time to embrace what can be a positive trait in many ways. Let’s look at some of them:

1. Perfectionists are always trying to make their work better: A perfectionist writer is likely to never be satisfied, and that can be a good thing, because it’s a powerful motivator. This writer is going to attend classes, read, and work to improve his writing—which means he’s likely to continue getting better.
2. Perfectionists don’t let things fall through the cracks: Hyper-organized and hard working, perfectionists take care of the details and more. It’s their books that will get all the facts right, and their websites that will rarely be missing an important update.
3. A perfectionist’s work is to be admired: Though it may take a perfectionist longer to get her work out, when she does, it’s often a product of beauty. When you read it, you can almost feel the care put into every sentence and word choice.
4. Perfectionists are determined: Because they hold such high standards for themselves, perfectionists are often determined folks, motivated to do what they need to do to get where they want to go. They can endure a series of setbacks and keep fighting.
5. Perfectionists make good editors: These writers actually enjoy finding shortcomings in their stories, because it’s fun to fix them. This is one of their strengths, and one they can excel at not only in their own work, but in that of other writers, as well, if they choose to offer their editing services.

I’m not the only one who believes that perfectionism, properly controlled, can be a good thing. Veteran journalist Alina Tugend, in her book Better by Mistake: the Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong, writes:

“Being a perfectionist isn’t a bad thing; in fact, it may mean you have very high standards and you often meet those standards. Those who have perfectionist tendencies without having those tendencies rule — or ruin — their lives are what psychiatrists call ‘adaptive’ perfectionists. They find it very important to do certain things in the right way, but this need doesn’t hinder their lives and can actually help them achieve great success….”

Ann MacDonald, writing in Harvard Health, agrees:

“Desirable aspects of this personality trait include conscientiousness, endurance, satisfaction with life, and the ability to cope with adversity. This helps explain why some perfectionists become corporate leaders, skilled surgeons, or Olympic champions.”

Yet it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. We know that perfectionism—like any character trait—has a dark side. The answer, though, is not to deny that we have this trait, or to feel badly about it. Instead, we need to embrace the positive side, become more aware of the negative, and learn some coping techniques for keeping it in control.

In other words, as Dr. Jeff Szymanski, a clinical instructor of psychology at Harvard Medical School, says in The Perfectionist’s Handbook, we need to become “better” perfectionists.

5 Challenges Facing Perfectionist Writers

Just what are the drawbacks to being a perfectionist writer? Let’s remind ourselves of a few of them:

1. Everything takes longer: Because a perfectionist is concerned with getting things just right, she’s likely to take longer to do just about any project. That means her career may proceed more slowly, because her releases are few and far between.
2. Writer’s block can be a common occurrence: If a perfectionist writer takes a break from his novel, he may find it more difficult than most to return. Just looking at the file reminds him of all its flaws, and he knows the sheer amount of work that will be needed to fix them.
3. Criticism is hard to take…really hard: A perfectionist writer tends to define herself by her achievements. That makes accepting criticism of her work extremely difficult, because it feels like criticism of her, personally.
4. Burnout is always just around the corner: If allowed to get out of hand, perfectionism can cause burnout in a hurry. Writers may find themselves burning the midnight oil to make sure everything is perfect, from their next novel to their next blog post to their next email, to the point that they eventually buckle under the demanding load. The result can be exhaustion and depression or even a serious illness.
5. No accomplishment is ever enough: Perfectionists find it hard to celebrate their successes. They win an award and figure the competition wasn’t that stiff. They get a publishing contract and fret about marketing. They hit the bestseller’s list and worry they’ll never get there again. It can lead to a downward spiral and an unhappy life.

This side of perfectionism isn’t fun—ask those who suffer through it. Science-fiction writer Veronica Sicoe, for instance, admits to being a perfectionist, and talks about her challenges:

“It’s not easy being a perfectionist….Being unable to enjoy doing something without grading the result is not fun. Being unable to forgive oneself for making even tiny mistakes is not fun. Being unable to move on unless a project is beaten to death is really not fun. And on top of that, we’re experts at giving ourselves a guilty conscience over almost anything. Just make your pick, we’d be able to feel bad about how we’re doing it in ten minutes.”

So what’s a perfectionist writer to do?

7 Tips to Help You Become the Best Perfectionist Writer You Can Be

First, realize that you are a perfectionist. Here are some signs:

• You’re hypercritical (of self and others)
• You spend more time than needed on a task
• You wait for the “perfect moment” to get started
• You focus on the details (rather than big picture)
• You have a hard time delegating

Next, work to embrace your perfectionism, but keep it from bringing you down by trying these tips:

1. Find areas where you can let up: Perfectionists tend to want everything to be perfect. Try to identify projects that don’t matter as much, and practice allowing them to be sub-par. Write your blog posts in WordPress and hit “publish” even if it makes you nervous. Take a first draft of a story to your critique group as is—don’t allow yourself to “fix” it first. Keep practicing. You’ll probably never feel comfortable letting some projects go without being “perfect,” but you can get better at it.
2. Realize that your standards are super high: Step back for a moment and realize that it’s likely that your standards are super high, and that there’s no real definition of “perfect” writing. Simply remembering that can help you go easier on yourself and your work.
3. Realize that perfectionism makes you less productive: Studies have actually shown that perfectionists are less productive than others. When you’re agonizing over one project, you’re slowing yourself down and allowing your perfectionism to call the shots. Make productivity a goal, and let your perfectionism work on that for awhile!
4. Practice fooling yourself: If your perfectionist tendencies make you likely to procrastinate, find ways to fool yourself into getting started. Tell yourself you’ll write for only five minutes, or that this isn’t the “real” draft, but just a “practice” one. Focus on the process of writing rather than the product. Come up with other ways to get around your perfectionist roadblocks.
5. Separate your work from your inner self: You may never be able to do this completely, but the more you practice, the easier it gets. The key is to face your fear frequently. Get your work out there more often. Let the criticisms come raging in, and then remind yourself of your value in other ways. Spend time with friends and loved ones, get more involved in your hobbies, and work on some of your other strengths (such as your parenting, volunteering, caregiving, or cooking powers).
6. When you feel tense, let go: When a perfectionist’s negative traits raise their ugly heads, the body usually responds, too. Muscles tense, and we become stiff and rigid. Notice how your body acts when your perfectionism is in full stride, and consciously relax. Bring your shoulders down, breathe deeply, and allow things to be as they are, reminding yourself that everything is okay.
7. Make failing a game: Perfectionists fear failure. They work to get everything just right so they don’t.  Make it a game to see how many mistakes you can commit. Not by faking it, but by trying new things more often. Send out more submissions. Query more agents. Try out more types of writing that are unfamiliar to you, like poetry, flash fiction, or something in a different genre than you’re used to. Submit your work to more contests. Gradually, you may start to have more fun with the whole thing, and failure won’t seem like such a big deal. You may also surprise yourself at the successes you experience!

Bottom line: Realize that your perfectionism is probably not going to go away, and that’s okay. In many ways, it can benefit your career. Limit its potential destructiveness by becoming more aware of how it affects you, and practice coping techniques that help.

As freelance editor Lisa Munro says:

“In the end, managing perfectionism is a life long process; it requires that we tackle difficult emotions….We need to believe that we’re good enough. Not perfect, but good enough.”

Do you have more tips for encouraging the positive aspects of perfectionism, or limiting the negative? Please share them with our readers.

Additional Sources

Daniel Goleman, “Personality: Major Traits Found Stable Throughout Life,” New York Times, June 9, 1987.

Melissa Dahl, “How Much Can You Really Change After You Turn 30?” Science of Us, November 24, 2014.

Therese J. Borchard, “Good Perfectionism Versus Bad Perfectionism,” PsycheCentral.com, May 16, 2011.

Colleen M. Story writes imaginative fiction and is also a freelance writer, instructor, and motivational speaker specializing in creativity, productivity, and personal wellness. Her latest novel, Loreena’s Gift, was released with Dzanc Books April 12 2016. Her fantasy novel, Rise of the Sidenah, is a North American Book Awards winner, and New Apple Book Awards Official Selection (Young Adult). She is the founder of Writing and Wellness, a motivational site for writers and other creatives. Find more at her website, or follow her on Twitter.

 

Sierra Godfrey Fong

Most writers I know make sounds resembling a dying wildebeest when you mention yet another social media outlet to grapple with.

And usually that’s Instagram.

We get Facebook (because we have to), and we get Twitter (you get Twitter, right? If not, you’re missing out on wonderful things like #MSWL and #pitchmad!). We get Pinterest because you can just be passive and pin all the pretty.

But Instagram isn’t so clear in terms of use and marketing for authors.

Is it really necessary?

And yet, Instagram is one of the most fun tools out there. It really is! Bear with me and let me show you.

The basic mechanics of Instagram

First, understand that Instagram doesn’t want to be anything but mobile, so if you’re hoping to use it on your desktop, you won’t (well, unless you use a tool like Bluestacks, which I recommended in my last post on Social media tips for keeping your sanity).

For a long time, I didn’t care because—what? Was I going to take photos of my feet or my breakfast? Who cared? Turns out, there are tons of times you might want to take a photo and upload:

• When you put together your TBD pile
• When you get your ARCs in the mail if you’re pubbed
• When you and your cat are enjoying a nice cup of tea (I’m guilty)

Think of Instagram as snapshots of your life. Behind the scenes snapshots. And people LOVE seeing the person behind the words. And therefore, Instagram is a terrific tool.

Just like Twitter is a quick little foray from your head, Instagram is a visual snapshot of your head.

Tags work just like Twitter

Yes, and there are tons of authors waiting to see your photos. There really are! You can find your tribe just as easily on Instagram as on Facebook or Twitter. Try these:

#amwriting #editing #authorsofinstagram #authorlife #authors #writers #writersofinstagram #books

Frequency matters

The ideal posting frequency is 1.5 times a day. Instagram recently changed their algorithm to resemble Facebook’s in that the more you post, the more you’ll be seen.

Followers are as sneaky as on Twitter

You’ll get the usual people following you so you’ll follow back, just like on Twitter—yawn! And you’ll hear people tell you that the way to get more followers on Instagram is to follow loads of people you don’t know and see what happens. Um….or, just be yourself? And followers will come because you’re awesome?

There are plenty of marketing opportunities

There’s so much fun to be had for writers and authors on Instagram. There are:

• List challenges, like the current #ListifyLife challenge that me and author Roni Loren came up with. It’s just all about writing lists – one topic per week. Search for it and see!
• Instagram take-overs. This is a really fun idea where a friend or fellow author takes over your account for a set period of time, like a day or a week. They post and their followers get exposure to you, and vice versa. It’s a fun way to inject something different into your posts.
• If your reader audience is in the 15-25 years-old age, Instagram is the way they are connecting now. But DON'T be promotional. Be authentic.

Joining Instagram is easy

It's best to use a mobile device, because Instagram was designed for mobile use. Go to Instagram.com. When filling out your profile, use your real picture--a really good one of the real you. You are going to use Instagram to build your brand. Build your brand around your author name. You want to sell you, why you write. Be positive. Follow people and leave comments.

Like Twitter, Instagram uses hashtags and limits your characters. You've got 150 to say what you need to go with your pictures. The easiest time to post is right after you take a picture you want to share.

The best time to post on Instagram is quitting time, 5:00 p.m. The optimum number of posts per day is 1.5. So that means a single post one day, two the next, and alternate on that schedule.

You can be as creative as you want. You can be as engaged as you want. It's another way to connect with your potential readers. And it can be fun. Really!

Are you on Instagram already? What challenges, successes, or just fun times have you had on Instagram? What's your best shared picture?

(Note from Fae: Sierra is collecting cool pictures in places with little-to-no connectedness. Never fear, our Writers in the Storm group will respond to your comments. And Sierra will be here when she can throughout the week, so check back for her responses.)

About Sierra

Sierra Godfrey writes fiction with international settings and always a mention of football (soccer) or two. She is a member of the Women’s Fiction Writers Association and a quarterly contributor to Writers in the Storm. She writes weekly about Spanish football for various sports sites, and is also a freelance graphic designer. She lives in the foggy wastelands of the San Francisco Bay Area with her family.

Come visit her at www.sierragodfrey.com or talk with her on Twitter @sierragodfrey.

Kathryn Craft

Turning Whine Into Gold

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” wrote Leo Tolstoy in 1877, in the memorable and beloved opening to Anna Karenina. But lately I’ve been wondering if perhaps the opposite isn’t true—that people are happy for all sorts of reasons, but unhappy for only one: that life isn’t fair.

Either way, I love such pronouncements. They make me think. I am drawn to discussing the latter here because if there is an industry one might choose that perfectly exemplifies unfairness, it is the one in which every reader of this post is engaged. And when you think about it, the publishing frustrations that make us feel whiny boil down to a variation on one sentence.

It is not fair that this other author got _______ (an agent on her third query, a sale without a synopsis, a hard-cover edition, a three-book deal, on the New York Times list, a six-figure advance, any sort of promotional budget or creative marketing, so much mainstream media coverage, such rabid fans, so many Amazon reviews, such distinctive awards, so many foreign rights sales, a movie deal, a five-city or five-continent book tour, or genes that keep her slim despite the fact that she puts in just as many hours behind the computer as you do and posts just as many Facebook photos of wine and chocolate) and I didn’t.

Tell me you’ve never uttered a single one of these things, at least in private.

(Mm-hmm. I haven’t either.)

Facts:

Publishing has always been a highly selective industry.

Not everyone will find representation.

Not everyone will get published.

Not everyone who gets published once will publish again.

Not every book can get every kind of promotion or recognition.

Some foreign publishers won’t care what you write, just as many of the American ones didn’t.

Conclusion:

It is not possible for every career to look the same.

In times of great disappointment, this conclusion will still make sense to the left side of your brain, even as the more affective side dissolves into a hot mess.

Imagine this next sentence in a dreamy voice:

“Imagine a publishing world in which we all feel we have been dealt with fairly…”

Oops. There are problems with that.

• If everyone got published, “discoverability” would be just as laughable a notion as “sales.”
• We storytellers would be out of a job.

If no one were ever thrust into awkward, humiliating, or painful situations—if none of us were ever beaten down by life’s unfairness—even we would have no need for stories in which our beleaguered hero would rise again and prevail. For stories that expose pockets of hidden richness. Stories with twists that show there isn’t only one highway to a happy ending. Because despite the way Tolstoy set up his story, characters, like determined real-life people, can find happiness in all sorts of ways.

The injustices we suffer make us want to set things right. Overcoming obstacles is the only way we can know, to paraphrase the opening of another classic—Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield—“whether we shall turn out to be the heroes of our own lives.” We feel most successful when an unfair system leaves us the momentary victor.

To develop the even keel that will drive us ever forward, writers are left with the complex task of accepting all of the following:

• life isn’t fair.
• our own industry will never be fair.
• given the chance, we’ll capitalize on that unfairness to our own advantage.
• competition fuels both our desire and the health of the industry. 

I know it hurts when others get recognition that you desire. (Not “deserve,” mind you—in the absence of a meritocracy, that word helps no one’s spirit.) The next time you want to melt into a weepy mush, go ahead and mutter the words—Life isn’t fair—because it’s absolutely true.

But then dry your tears and add: Thank goodness.

Let’s get real. Have you mastered the art of being truly happy for the accomplishments of fellow authors? How have you used your disappointments to drive you forward?

About Kathryn

Kathryn Craft is the author of two novels from Sourcebooks: The Art of Falling, and The Far End of Happy.

Her work as a developmental editor at Writing-Partner.com, specializing in storytelling structure and writing craft, follows a nineteen-year career as a dance critic. Long a leader in the southeastern Pennsylvania writing scene, she hosts lakeside writing retreats for women in northern New York State, leads workshops, and speaks often about writing.

Kathryn lives with her husband in Bucks County, PA.

Twitter: @kcraftwriter
FB: KathrynCraftAuthor