Writers in the Storm

First a quick congratulations to the winners of the two most recent giveaways: Deb Kastner and cwolffe both won a copy of Laura Drake's debut release;  Karen Duvall will be taking a Margie Lawson class! Now, please give a warm WITS welcome to Melissa Cutler (take note folks, she's doing a giveaway).

I'm excited to be on Writers in the Storm today talking about how to keep readers turning the page long after their bedtime. One of the best pieces of revision advice I ever got was from a national best-selling author: There's no such thing as big problems in a manuscript. They're all little problems.

I wholeheartedly agree. What can at first look like a sweeping, vague issue (like the ubiquitous term pacing) really just boils down to a chain of small craft choices an author makes on every single page. I used the word chain because when it comes to page turning potential, layering is key.

If you've been told, either by agents, editors, or crit groups that you have a pacing problem, don't get overwhelmed. Yes, look at where you enter and exit each scene, but also try this: zoom in to a single plot point or interaction between characters and analyze how you build anticipation.

Okay, yeah. That's great. But how?

My answer: promises and answers. Throughout a story, the author continuously makes leading promises, both big and small, about what is to come. Readers, then, anticipate the fulfillment of those promises. On a whole book scale, this is easy to see in romance novels—the reader is promised a happy ending and (hopefully) reads until the promise is fulfilled.

But it's the hundreds of little promises an author introduces along the way that make up the lifeblood of anticipation and keeps readers up past their bedtime.

There are two distinct author skills at work here: 1) knowing how to frame promises that hook readers and 2) how to layer a momentum gathering chain of promises and fulfillment.

How you frame the promise: There are lots of ways. Here's a few…

1. It can be as subtle as planting an object in an earlier scene that will be crucial later on in the story. For example, if you pointedly explain that a character hides her diary where no one will ever find it, then savvy readers are going to expect that someday, someone is going to find that diary and all the consequence will be OMG important.
2. Or it can be more obvious, such as a qualifying statement tacked onto the end of a character's declaration. "It didn't matter how sexy her smile was, he refused to hold the elevator for her. Not after what happened last week." ***And you'll be rewarded with bonus page turning potential if you hint that the answer or secret is juicy or sexy or so huge that every other character's life will be forever changed.
3. Sometimes, these promises come in the forms of introducing a question in readers' minds. For example, having a character note a detail, or a hero realizing his girlfriend won't look him in the eye when she tells him she was home alone all night.
4. And sometimes the promises are a vague statement made by a character, either aloud or internally. "She took one look at the man across the lobby and knew her life would never be the same." Should you explain in the next sentence or paragraph why her life will never be the same? Please, no. Save that all-important secret for later, dole it out in pieces at critical moments

The point is this—don't come right out and blab a character's secret. Don't lay out a character's each and every intention up front. And whatever you do, don't dump the juicy backstory in a big, unexciting clump. Tease! Hint! Make them turn the page to find out. Most importantly: don't fulfill a promise until you've introduced at least one more.

I don't know about you, but concrete examples work best for me. To show you what I mean, here's a scene example from my June release, Tempted into Danger. On this page, the heroine has tried to kiss the hero, but he rebuffed her advances.

"Why shouldn’t I kiss you again?" she said. "Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t do something we both want. And don’t you dare deny it.”

You've just promised the readers they're going to get an information reveal. Do you give it to them right away? No way. Make the reader turn the page to find out.

I used these next lines to let the reader see what's going on with each character internally, which gives a hint that the answer is going to be juicy and emotional:

He whirled on her. The look on his face was dark, pained. “You need a reason?”

She raised her chin a notch. “Yes.”

Time to anchor the moment with some blocking that introduces the next promise—putting the two characters in close proximity. This particular plot beat, when an author brings two characters into each other's physical space, is one of my favorites and gives readers lots of great anticipation of what is to come.

Three steps and he was before her, his hands on her shoulders. His eyes squeezed closed, and he lowered his forehead to hers.

Do I let him answer her question now? Only with an answer that introduces a new question…

He brushed his thumb across her cheek. “Because one kiss with you wouldn’t be enough for me.”

“And that’s a problem?”

“Hell, yes, it’s a problem. Because…” He went silent.

“Tell me.”

It's time to let him come clean.

“Because all the things you deserve, I can’t give you any of them. I can’t even tell you my real name.”

Why do I let him answer that question? Because now the readers have the promise of something else, given that the two characters are embracing, with their faces close. What is that next promise? A kiss, of course! Does he kiss her in the next sentence? Nope. It's another full page of them in close proximity before the actual kiss happens. And while they're kissing—yes, while the actual kiss is taking place—I introduce the next promise, which is a doosy. It's this subtle chain of author choices, this layering of promises, that pushes momentum forward page after page.

Combine this method of layered promises and fulfillment with scenes that start and end in the right place, as well as characters that readers care about, and you have yourself some great page turning potential.

Giveaway: I'm giving away a copy (print or digital) of my sexy cowboy contemporary, THE TROUBLE WITH COWBOYS,  to one commenter. So tell me, what manuscript are you working on right now?

My thanks to Writers in the Storm for hosting me today. I love hearing from readers and am really easy to find at www.melissacutler.net, on Facebook (www.facebook.com/MelissaCutlerBooks ), and Twitter (@m_cutler). And you can always email me at melissa@melissacutler.net or sign up for my newsletter (http://www.melissacutler.net/newsletter/ ) to find out about my latest books and upcoming events.

About Melissa

Melissa Cutler knows she has the best job in the world, dividing her time between her dual passions for writing sexy contemporary romances for Kensington Books and edge-of-your-seat romantic suspense for Harlequin. She was struck at an early age by an unrelenting travel bug and is probably planning her next vacation as you read this. When she's not globetrotting, she's enjoying Southern California's flip-flop wearing weather and wrangling two rambunctious kids.

By Laura Drake

Normally I’d be too nervous to claim a WriterStrong post, but today I’m emboldened by my debut release. After fifteen years of work, tomorrow, I become a real live author at last!

I want to celebrate with my WITS buds by giving away The Sweet Spot to two random commenters. Stop back; we’ll announce the winners on Wednesday’s post!

My goal is to learn something about craft with every new book I write. The Sweet Spot was my lesson in portraying emotion. All I can say is, thank the writing Gods for Margie Lawson. I knew what I wanted to say before her classes, but didn’t know how to get it on the page.

We’ve all read the usual heart-pounding, stomach churning, blah, blah, blah emotion. It invites skimming by the reader, because we’ve seen it all before. In fact, we’ve seen it so often that it can be considered cliché. It’s also almost ‘telling.’

If we’re not feeling the emotion in a deep POV, then the author is ‘telling’ us, right? It’s lazy writing.

Hey, I’m guilty of it too.

When I find one of those in my writing, I make myself stop, close my eyes, and put myself in the character’s situation. I actually picture the scene happening to me. Then I note what I’m feeling. Here’s a few examples from The Sweet Spot:

• The homing beacon in the Valium bottle next to the sink tugged at her insides.
• He hadn’t heard that delighted, tinkling sound in over a year. It slammed into his chest like a fist. Who made her laugh again?
• She understood then, saw clearly the fork in the river, but in the, churning current, sinuous shapes slid past, baring teeth. Hungry, guilt-tipped teeth. Petrified to numb cowardice, she let him leave, and floated away on her life raft of Valium.
• She felt around the edges of her mind. She'd forgotten something. Something important. It barreled from a tunnel and slammed her to reality. The hollowness in her chest made her gasp and she hugged herself, afraid she would implode.  Benje is gone

WRITE FRESH:

Have you ever read a character’s emotion that is so real -- said in a way that you’ve never read before? One that makes you think -- That’s just what it feels like!

One of my favorite authors, Jodi Picoult, does this many times a book. There’s a reason she’s NYT – with every single release. It’s a lofty goal, but one worth striving for.

• Agitation amped until a fine hum of electricity ran right under his skin, making him want to jump out of it.
• Her chest spasmed like a fibrillating heart; having forgotten the skill of breathing.
• Did she dare trust that softened spot on her freezer-burned heart?
• Oh, she’d been mad at Jimmy, plenty mad. In the beginning. But after the initial rush of words, the mad was gone, just like that. As if the anger were a heavy bucket of water she’d toted around; she’d gotten used to its weight. Apparently there’d been a hole in the bottom, and the anger had leaked out the past year, unnoticed. Now, without it, she felt kind of . . . naked.
• Hands busy, he shot her his, “I-may-be-wrong-but-I’m-not-admitting-anything” look.

TRUST YOUR READER:

Sometimes the most powerful description does not mention the emotion itself. The author trusts that the reader will get it.  It’s like a scary movie; your mind conjures scarier things than the cameraman could ever show you. Try this in a black moment, or a key turning-point scene.  It’s subtle, and can be powerful.

• Myfaultmyfaultmyfaultmyfault. The taunting litany chided her as she groped her purse for her keys. Finding them, she dropped the purse, scattering former essentials of her life onto the cement floor. After a few fitful tries, her shaking hands managed the lock.
• Hearing a rapid tapping, she looked down to see her foot bouncing on the bleacher. She made it stop.
• She muttered, staring at the login screen for their accounting software. Password? She tapped in the first number that occurred to her, the date of their anniversary. The program popped open to the business checking account. A single, sparkly bubble rose from the depth of her mind. “Nobody changes those things once they set them.” The bubble popped.

Short and pithy:

You can give flavor of genre or your story world with short succinct descriptions. They showcase your voice. Done well, they can ‘show’ the reader the mood in just a few words. Capture it, and your reader will be in the scene.

• A strange calm radiated from her chest to fill her body, a liquid balm that cooled her hot skin and stilled the roar in her head. Sounds came to her; the drone of a lone cicada and the soft burble of water as it tumbled over rocks in the river’s bend.
• Stetsoned cowboys strutted around glittery ladies in a barroom mating dance. The females flitted and flirted, choosing their mates for the evening.
• Bella wore the black faux leather like chain mail.

So, what do you think? Have you ever tried any of these to get the emotion on the page? I’d love to see some of yours posted in the comments!

Margie Lawson is back with another can't miss blog! AND, a giveaway. Read on!

Writers know SHOW DON’T TELL, but some know it cognitively. It’s rote.

They know SHOW DON’T TELL the same way they know i before e except after c.

Applying SHOW DON’T TELL is tougher than it seems. It’s one of Barbara Kingsolver’s Top Five Rules for Writing Fiction.

Show, don't tell. Everybody knows this rule, and most of us still break it in every first draft.

I don’t care if you TELL in your first draft. I care if you TELL in a polished draft, or in print.

I see way too much TELLING in assignments posted to my classes. And sometimes the writers can’t see the problem.

One way to learn the power of SHOW DON’T TELL, is to look at a sentence and ask yourself, “What’s the Visual?”

I’ll share a few BEFORE and AFTER examples from my online classes. You’ll see my notes from class in red font.

These two writers gave me permission to use their examples, and their names.

Examples:

The first example is from Callene Rapp, a multi-Margie-Grad, and Immersion grad.

Callene Rapp, Bloodstone

BEFORE:

The cat turned to face her, snarling and snapping its jaws.  But instead of running away, it now saw Elieana as its new prey.

My notes:

PINK – Love the alliteration.

BLUE – Telling.  I’d nix TELLING.

 What’s the visual? How does E know she’s prey?

AFTER:

The cat turned to face her, snarling and snapping. But instead of fleeing, it crept toward her, one paw then another, lethal, menacing.

Excellent!  Much stronger! 

Callene provided the visual, gave it a cadence boost, added power words, and made me cringe.  ;-)

BLOG GUESTS:  My last sentence is an example of an obscure rhetorical device, ZEUGMA.  So fun – and powerful.

Second Example from Callene Rapp, Bloodstone

BEFORE:

She scrambled to her feet and ran to Lia. The furious look on Arin’s face stopped her cold. A mix of fury, panic, fear.

 Blood was everywhere.

My notes:

PINK -- Stellar writing.

Love that flicker face emotion!

BLUE  -- What’s the visual?  Where is the blood?

 AFTER:

She scrambled to her feet and ran to Lia.  The furious look on Arin’s face stopped her cold. A mix of fury, panic, fear.

Blood welled up from Lia’s ruined shoulder, gleaming darkly in the moonlight. It pooled on the ground, covered Arin’s hands and clothes. Too much blood. Too much for a little girl to lose and live.

Wow!  Look what a difference Callene made in that rewrite.

She did more than share the visual, she amplified that visual, added more power words, and backloaded the paragraph with a power internalization.

Here’s a BEFORE and AFTER from Lori Freeland. Lori is a multi-Margie-grad and an Immersion Master Class grad too. 

Lori Freeland, Awakenings

BEFORE:

I turned and marched up another flight of stairs.

The stairwell was silent behind me. I turned around again.

Rane hadn’t moved.

My notes:

BLUE – Okay. But what’s the visual? 

We’re missing the subtext. Missing the emotion. Missing the power.

AFTER:

The clomping behind me stopped. “You won’t like it.”

I climbed a few more stairs. “How many flippin’ stages are there?”

“Four and the third lets you download other people’s memories.”

I stumbled down the steps I’d just come up.

He caught me by the hips.

Even through my jeans, the burn of his hands slammed my stomach. I spun to face him. Had to grip the railing for balance. He was too close. Intimate close.

He gave me an I-told-you-so look.

I backed up a step, putting us more eye level, and tightened my fingers around the cold, metal rail. “As in, I double as a flash drive?”

“As in an Imax in your head.” He rested his foot on the step where I stood, leaned in, leaving zero personal space between us. “The memories will feel like you lived them. Complete with whatever baggage they bring.”

Kudos to Lori Freeland.

She added visuals. She empowered this passage with a look and a visceral reaction and proximity and fresh writing.

She gave the scene more emotion. More psychological power.

No surprise that judges are impressed with her writing. She’s won four writing contests.

Here’s another way writers sometimes TELL.

TELLING TAGS

I call the two or three words tacked on to the end of some sentences telling tags.

They often are “with” or “in” phrases like, “with a thud,” or “in anger.”

Consider this sentence:

Brad Pitt kicked the cement wall in anger.

In context, the reader would know his emotion. It’s probably frustration or anger.  No need to label the emotion for the reader.

Brad Pitt kicked the cement wall.

Sometimes the writer SHOWS AND TELLS.  If the emotion is ambiguous, include the label. If it’s obvious, nix the label.

You’ve probably read these lines:

• His eyes opened wide in surprise.
• He slammed his fist on the table in frustration.
• Worry lines around her eyes deepened with disapproval.
• He stomped out of the room in anger.

Sometimes writers avoid the Telling Tags at the end, and put the label at the beginning of the sentence.

• Depressed, her shoulders slumped.
• Irritated, he slammed the door.
• Emotional, she wiped her tears.
• Shocked, he opened his mouth, closed it.

We usually don’t need Telling Tags.

Some writers fall into a pattern of using them. It’s easy to nix them. Easy to break that pattern.

What Emotion is Behind the Visual?

Sometimes writers can create an opportunity to write the emotion behind a visual. When they do it right, it’s a natural flow. No speed bumps.

Laura Drake is one of those authors who weaves emotion into her scenes so smoothly, you don’t see it coming until it squeezes your heart.

Laura Drake is also a multi-Margie-grad, and an Immersion grad.

Laura Drake, The Sweet Spot

The POV character is in the cereal aisle of the grocery.

Scanning the boxes of cereal, her gaze snagged on Benje’s favorite brand. Her fingers tightened on the cart handle. How dare it still be here when he wasn’t?

She’d gotten pretty good at steeling herself against these little jabs to the heart, small wounds that drained her if she didn’t avoid minefields like the toy section, or the kid’s clothing department. But how do you shield your heart from Count Chocula? Her finger traced the cartoon vampire on the box, then made herself move on. If someone found her sobbing over a box of cereal they’d probably haul her away. Clean up on aisle six! Lord, she wanted a pill so badly her skin crawled. Surely she’d earned it today.

What did Laura do?

She used a visual, a box of cereal, as a trigger for emotion. She gave us visuals. She amplified. She added power words. She included a short visceral hit. She used humor, and angst.

She put me in that cereal aisle. I felt her character’s pain.

FYI: THE SWEET SPOT will be released May 28^th.

BLOG GUESTS:

At the end of every paragraph, ask yourself, “What’s the visual? How could I make that paragraph carry more psychological power?

If you’d like to read more stellar examples and my deep edit analyses, check out the Pubbed Margie-Grad Blog on my web site.

Check out my lecture packets and online courses too. I’m teaching two new classes this year:

This month: A Deep Editing Guide to Make Your Openings Pop

In August:  Visceral Rules: Beyond Hammering Hearts

The lecture packet for the Make Openings Pop course will be available in June.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!

Post a comment and you could win an online course from Lawson Writer’s Academy!

The winner will be announced Sunday evening on this blog.

BRENDA NOVAK’S DIABETES AUCTION!

NYT Bestseller, Brenda Novak, donates an amazing chunk of her life to fundraising for diabetes research. She selflessly gives months of her energy, creativity, and what would have been writing time and family time to her diabetes auction.

Margie’s Donations:

1. A Year of Lawson Writer’s Academy Courses

2. A 25 page Triple Pass Deep Edit Critique

3. Immersion Master Class Donation Package!  Registration for 4-day Immersion class. Lodging in Margie’s guest room. TWO BONUS DAYS after Immersion class ends.  Margie deep edits your WIP with you for three hours on each bonus day. Total Value: $1500!

THE DIABETES AUCTION runs May 1ST to May 31ST. Tour the Diabetes Auction site: http://brendanovak.auctionanything.com