Writers in the Storm

It’s your first sentence. The opening line to your masterpiece. The words that will grab your reader and pull him into your world. They. Have. To. Be. Perfect. No pressure.

We’re not here to give you a lesson in writing the opening hook. But it is May 1^st and we thought that was the perfect opportunity to celebrate some firsts.

So, we’re posting the first lines of some of our books. And we invite you, our amazing WITS readers, to post yours. One line. That’s it. But do include the title please. And please limit to three.

Laura Drake

The Sweet Spot - release date, May 28, 2013.
The grief counselor told the group to be grateful for what they had left. After lots of considering, Charla Rae decided she was grateful for the bull semen.

Sweet on You - release date, May 2014
Another night of blood and adrenaline.

Her Road Home - releasing August, 2013
Running away from home at twenty-eight -- that’s gotta be a first.

Fae Rowen

PRISM
O’Neill knew exactly when the glorious Prism sunset became her enemy.

Keeping Athena
Athena WARme stared out her singleship’s viewport at the enemy fighters racing toward her squadron.

The Promised One
Weapons at hand, the three unsuspecting men slumbered around glowing embers.

Sharla Rae

How To Fell A Timberman
“Whiskey Spit?” Noelle Bridger stared at the tall, middle-aged Norwegian standing beside her on the deck of the small mail packet, Excelsior. Ole Gjerset had met her in Seattle to escort her to her new teaching position in Seabeck. Or so she’d thought.

Jenny Hansen

Risky Baby Business (high-risk pregnancy memoir)
I freaking hate menopause.

Untitled  mom book
The story of my birth began in a Shakey’s Pizza Parlor in Virginia during my father’s birthday celebration.

Orly Konig-Lopez

Your Life, My Way (current WIP)
I thought her life was utterly perfect until she hired me to rewrite it.

The Day The Merry-Go-Round Stopped
I used to be normal. Sometimes I think I still am. Although perhaps not so much on the days I talk to inanimate objects.

Okay, your turn. Post the opening hook, along with title of up to three of your books.

We have a lucky reader who took the time to comment on Kat Martin's Real Setting blog. Writers in the Storm is pleased to announce that random.org picked comment #3 as the winner of Kat's new release AGAINST THE EDGE. Lorna Lee (of Lorna's Voice)--that's you!  Congratulations!

And all of you really stepped up the comment love for Margie Lawson's Stellar Writing Sells  -- maybe because the kind words you had for Margie served as your ticket in a drawing for a free course. Cover your ears, because Patricia Yager Delagrange is screaming now that she knows she's won Margie's free online class.  Congratulations to both of our winners. Kat and Margie will be in touch with you soon.

This is the third in a series of five posts by Fae Rowen of Writers in the Storm. In the first, the Secure Attachment style--the gold standard of human interaction--showed how easy it can be to fall in love. The second focused on the Avoidant Attachment style. Today she's back with more characteristics and another style, and we'll see why our characters can desperately yearn for love but are afraid to embrace it.

by Fae Rowen

The third attachment style is the Ambivalent/Anxious Model. A character with this attachment style grew up with parents who intruded their own mental/emotional state on their child. There was a lack of boundaries in the home. The caregiver had unresolved past issues that caused her to be distracted even when the child clearly needed help. Inconsistent availability, perceptiveness, sensitivity or effectiveness sometimes made the child angry. Instead of flowing communication which continually enhances a secure attachment style, unpredictable disruptions contribute to the Ambivalent/Anxious style.

As a child, your character was uncertain whether their own emotional needs would be met. This caused insecurity, worry, anxiety, and anger. Separations provoked interpersonal stress. Insecurity and unpredictability in life fueled desire for external relief, causing an urgent need to rely on and seek comfort from external interactions. (I bet you're seeing how this can play out in one of your characters!) Unnecessary caution, uncertainty and insecurity begins to manifest in relationships.

As an adult, the child's perception and expectation of "the worst" shifts real emotional connection to ambivalence. A relationship can end up with little chance of being accurately perceived.

Possible ramifications of Ambivalent Attachment in Adult Relationships

1. May unintentionally create own nightmare through replaying inconsistent emotional availability or intrusiveness
2. Preoccupation with previous attachment wounds so that they are negative, angry, or despairing
3. Fraught with complaints and a feeling that there is no hope of ever finding fulfillment
4. Always defending against the next loss
5. Leaky boundaries between past and present
6. While s/he hungers for emotional joining, the primary feeling is wanting, but no having.
7. New relationships may be experienced as inconsistent and unreliable
8. Accept what they are given instead of asking clearly for what they want
9. Expects abandonment or the worst of their partners
10. Experiences chronic anxiety, frustration and despair related to relationships
11. Gives, in order to get, then wonders why partner sometimes feels angry instead of appreciative
12. Has difficulty trusting themselves, their partner, and the relationship
13. Need reassurance that partner is committed, will not leave them and cares about their needs
14. They have a lot of "story" and tell everything to try to get everyone to "understand"
15. See their children through the filter of the past, continuing generational trauma
16. Obsesses on trying to keep a relationship
17. Shows greater distress at having some quality attachment then losing it without warning
18. Has unresolved longing, yearning, and feeling that s/he can never have what s/he wants

Yes, those of us--and our characters--who grew up with caregivers that fostered the Ambivalent Attachment Style have a lot of obstacles to overcome in our adult lives to get to the happily-ever-after ending. You can use these "tells" of the Ambivalent style to lead up to the black moment, and your black moment will not only be believable but will carry more emotional power.

What kind of a partner, what kind of "repair messages" help the Ambivalent/Anxious character to cross the bridge to secure attachment? Through words and actions, let the partner demonstrate the messages that "say":

1. You are loveable.
2. I will be here for you.
3. I respect your boundaries.
4. You have a right to your own space and privacy.
5. Think of me as loving you when we're apart.
6. I hold you in my heart.
7. You can come to me or call me when you need me.
8. You don't have to give yourself up to be in relationship with me.
9. I love you just the way you are.
10. I am not going anywhere.
11. I am here for the long haul.
12. You are mine and I am yours.

I'm sure you can figure out ways to show these feelings to your Ambivalent character. I'm going to let you in on a secret here. Remember back in Part 1 of this series, I said that during this class I finally figured out why my husband fell in love with me? Well, when I heard this list, I knew why.

I tucked little notes where he would find them when I wasn't around. Notes that said: Bad News--I'm not here. Good news: See you soon. Thinking about you. Wish I was there. You're the best.

You get the idea. None of the notes were "hot." But every one of them reaffirmed that he was loveable. And that I wasn't leaving. I didn't call him or ask where he'd been when we weren't together. I gave him his space and privacy. He knew I was a little fussier about appearances than he was, but I never griped when he wore his cowboy boots to a fancy restaurant. I didn't try to change him. (Looking back, maybe he may have been testing me.)

And guess what? I didn't do any of these things to try to "catch" him. I didn't even want to get married, and at thirty, I thought he was a confirmed bachelor. But he got the consistent repair messages he needed to get to a secure attachment style. And he was able to recognize the caring, loving, and nurturing behaviors without minimizing or overlooking them. The rest is, well, years of wonderful history.

How can you drive this character crazy?

• An intermittent reward system. (Think Pavlov's dog here.)
• Perceived inconsistency in the behavior of others.
• Put them in uncomfortable situations where they must give or receive.
• Involve them in a tale or a movie of unrequited love--this highlights their feeling of deprivation.

The secret for the black moment with this character?  When love truly presents itself, it may be rejected because it feels unfamiliar and disorienting. A reader with this style will connect with this moment. Any human will recognize the character's behavior from their own interactions with the loved ones in their lives. And they'll believe, based on their experience.

So, how can you use the Ambivalent/Anxious Attachment Style in your writing? What characteristics can make your writing fresh and hook into the emotions of your readers?

Part Four in the series will post Monday, May 20.

It's been awhile but, sparing precious time away from her new granddaughter, Margie Lawson is back with us at Writers in the Storm. Laura Drake and Fae Rowen can testify to Margie's talents as a writing teacher. Here's another great lesson. Oh, as you read, you'll see that Margie is donating a course to one lucky commenter.

By Margie Lawson 

When writing is bad, we may quit reading. When writing is good, we’ll probably keep reading.  When writing is stellar, we’re hooked. We read faster, don’t want to stop.  And when writing is better than stellar, when it’s psychologically empowered, we’re immersed in the story, and we tell friends they must read this should-be-made-into-a-movie book.

That book is OMG NYT stellar.

Writers can learn what makes writing stellar and OMG NYT stellar.

Writers can learn how to honor their style and their voice. Writers can learn how to write with psychological power.

Writers can learn to write books that should be made into a movie.

I’ll share several ideas in this blog regarding how to add power to your writing. You’ll find examples and analyses--and humor too.

Please keep in mind that these are little bites of a few dishes from my deep editing smorgasbord.  Picture a smorgasbord that stretches across America, coast-to-coast. Lots more info in my courses and lecture packets. That deep edit smorgasbord is loaded.

Ready to dig in?

What makes writing stellar?

We’ll start with Writers in the Storm, Immersion Master Class grad, Laura Drake. Since Laura attended an Immersion class in May, 2011, she landed three contracts, selling a total of seven books.  Her upcoming debut novel, THE SWEET SPOT, will be released May 28^th   (You can Preorder HERE.)

Laura Drake, THE SWEET SPOT:

Opening Paragraph:

The grief counselor told the group to be grateful for what they had left. After lots of considering, Charla Rae decided she was grateful for the bull semen.

A few paragraphs later:

The homing beacon in the Valium bottle next to the sink tugged at her insides.

She sipped a glass of water to avoid reaching for it and glanced out the window to the spring-skeletal trees of the back yard.

Her gaze returned to the two-foot wide stump the way a tongue wanders to a missing tooth. Tentative grass shoots had sprung up to obscure the obscene scar in the soil.

She hadn’t thought that an innocent tree could kill a child.

She hadn’t thought that an innocent coed could kill a marriage.

And if those pills could kill the thinking, she’d take ten.

Deep Edit Analysis: Power words: grief counselor, bull semen, homing beacon, Valium, spring-skeletal, stump, missing, tentative, obscene, scar, innocent, kill, innocent, kill, pills, kill. Visceral response: tugged at her insides. Multiple emotion-themed words.  Simile. Parallelism. White space. Backloading. Perfect cadence.

Award-winning author and Immersion Master Class Grad Robin Kaye. Robin’s writing is as fresh as it is funny. Enjoy the opening of BACK TO YOU.

Robin Kaye, BACK TO YOU:

“I think you killed him.”

Ten-year-old Nicoletta said it with such immutable calmness, Breanna Collins wondered if this wasn’t the first time a strange man had entered Nicki’s room at three in the morning and been taken down by a woman wielding a cast-iron frying pan.

Bree’s heart traded punches with her sternum, winding her more than a ten-mile run uphill. She sure as hell hoped Nicki’s assessment of the intruder was right. Better a dead burglar than a live one.

The dim glow of a streetlight outlined the shadowy figure lying facedown on the carpeted floor between Bree and Nicki. Dropping the skillet, Bree skirted the body before grabbing Nicki’s arm, pulling her off the bed, and shoving her toward the door.

The man groaned, and, like something out of a horror flick, a vise-like grip closed around Bree’s ankle. She landed hard, kicking and screaming. She reached for the frying pan, only to be flipped like a tortilla on a hot griddle, and covered with one extra-large serving of man.

Deep Edit Analysis: Fully orients reader to who, what, where, and when. Fresh visceral response: Bree’s heart traded punches with her sternum. Clear choreography. Strong visuals. Multiple power words. Multiple Humor Hits. Perfect cadence.

Joan Swan is a two-time Golden Heart finalist and a two-time Immersion Master Class grad. Fresh writing. Fresh style. Winning books.

Joan Swan, BLAZE:

The unease spread from bone to bone, muscle to muscle, until the serpent-like invader coiled around her body, chest to hips. A slow squeeze made it hard to breathe.

Deep Edit Analysis: Six Emotional Hits in 30 words. Used analogy of a serpent wrapping around the character, squeezing, making it hard to breathe. Fresh and empowered visceral response.

She squeezed her trigger. Again. And again. And again.

Too good. Too comforting. Too easy.

Keira didn’t know how many time she fired before Luke’s voice penetrated the ringing in her ears.

“Keira, stop! He’s dead. Keira!”

Somewhere in her mind she registered a hand on hers, the tug of her sleeve, warmth around her shoulders. Then she was in the car. She couldn’t hear anything but that obnoxious buzz. Couldn’t see anything but a fuzzy black background. Couldn’t feel anything but cold. Bone-deep cold.

Deep Edit Analysis: SHOWED Keira’s dissociative shock. Multiple senses. Short phrases, short sentences. Rhetorical devices: asyndeton (first sentence of last paragraph), anaphora, twice (three-time repetition of  ‘too’ and ‘couldn’t see’). Emphasized cold. White space. Perfect cadence.

We’ll wrap up with examples from Immersion Master Class grad, Julie Kibler. Julie’s debut novel. CALLING ME HOME sold at auction (St. Martin's). Foreign rights sold in 12 countries. Julie has book signings in the U.S., and in Milan and Turin, Italy. First print run: 100,000 copies.

CALLING ME HOME was released on Feb. 12, 2013. On March 12, Warner Bros. acquired the movie rights.

Julie Kibler, CALLING ME HOME.

Four Visceral Responses:

My face went hot and the backs of my hands tingled as if they’d been spanked.

A creepy-crawly feeling in my stomach scratch-scratched its way up to my heart.

Fingers of dread curled up and pinched the back of my neck.

My heart sank down low, somewhere around my navel.

A Power Internalization:

I’d thought myself so grown-up. Louie had surely recognized me for the inexperienced little girl I was, playing dress up, playing like I knew what to do with a cigarette and a cocktail and a man. Playing right into his trap.

Deep Edit Analysis: Power words:  grown-up, inexperienced little girl, playing, cigarette, cocktail, man, trap). Rhetorical Devices:  Anaphora (three-time repetition—playing with), zeugma and polysyndeton (a cigarette and a cocktail and a man), Perfect cadence. Backloaded.

Kudos to Laura Drake, Robin Kaye, Joan Swan, and Julie Kibler!

I’m sure you noticed, they’re all Margie-Grads.

I wish I could have shared examples from the literally hundreds of published Margie-Grads. I’m proud of all who have pushed hard to deep edit, to write fresh, and get published.

Stellar writing sells.

Writers often ask me, how much stellar writing do you want or need?

More than you think. But not so much that it’s intrusive.

No speed bumps. No overwriting.

I enjoy strong writing, what I call stellar writing, on every page. That may be taking a trite sentence and tweaking it to make it fresh.

Here are three examples from Laura Drake from THE SWEET SPOT.

These three sentences look simple. You wouldn’t notice them. But they’re deceptively strong.

1.    She stalked him, anger advancing with every step.

Deep Edit Analysis:  What’s special about that sentence? It’s fresh.

It’s not a variation on these sentences:

She strode toward him. She’d never been so angry in her life.

Or – She was so angry she could spit nails.

2.    Hands busy, he shot her his, “I-may-be-wrong-but-I’m-not-admitting-anything” look.

Deep Edit Analysis:  I like hyphenated-run-ons. They can be uber-fresh. They can deepen character.

It’s not a predictable stare or glare. Not harsh, piercing, or lasered.

 3.    Words piled into her throat, and she swallowed.

Deep Edit Analysis:  Fresh. Emotive. Powerful!

Can you feel the emotion?

Love that sentence!

What could Laura have written?  Something bland. Something trite. Something that’s an invitation to skim.

Writers can add power in small ways, and big ways.

An occasional hit of OMG NYT stellar writing will help you sell, or boost you onto bestseller lists.

How often is occasional? Some authors may treat writers to an uplift a few to several times in some chapters. If you can only put NYT in the margin a few times in your WIP, you could do better.

If you’d like to read more stellar examples and my deep edit analyses, check out the Pubbed Margie-Grad Blog on my web site.

Check out my lecture packets and online courses too. I’m teaching two new classes this year:

Starts May 6^th:  A Deep Editing Guide to Make Your Openings Pop

In August:  Visceral Rules: Beyond Hammering Hearts

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!

Post a comment about the authors or their examples, or post ‘Hi Margie!’

You could win an online course from Lawson Writer’s Academy!

I’ll post the names of the winners on the blog on Sunday evening.

BRENDA NOVAK’S DIABETES AUCTION!

NYT Bestseller, Brenda Novak, donates an amazing chunk of her life to fundraising for diabetes research. She selflessly gives months of her energy, creativity, and what would have been writing time and family time to her diabetes auction.

Margie’s Donations:

1. A Year of Lawson Writer’s Academy Courses

2. A 25 page Triple Pass Deep Edit Critique

3. Immersion Master Class Donation Package!  Registration for 4-day Immersion class. Lodging in Margie’s guest room. TWO BONUS DAYS after Immersion class ends.  Margie deep edits your WIP with you for three hours on each bonus day. Total Value: $1500!

Fae Rowen also donates to the auction: a week at her beachfront timeshare at  Lawai Beach on Kauai, Hawaii.

THE DIABETES AUCTION runs May 1ST to May 31ST. Tour the Diabetes Auction site to find lots of editor and agent donations.