Writers in the Storm

by Fae Rowen

Because I write science fiction, I have to immerse my reader in the most important facets of my story's world with the first words. When you add this into the requirements of an opening hook, portraying the "real world" of your characters, and setting up the inciting incident, etc., the beginning of the book can seem quite daunting indeed.

Here are the first two lines of Keeping Athena, a futuristic romance about two warriors from opposite sides of the battlefield of space.

Athena WARme stared out her singleship’s viewport at the fighters racing toward her squadron. Keep Sphere ships obliterated the black of space.

From this, you know she's a fighter pilot in a squadron, and she's engaged in a battle against far superior forces. Yep, she's in trouble. Let me explain my thoughts for choosing these twenty-two words to set up the action and the heroine's world.

1.  The heroine is named and placed in a ship by herself, so it must be small.
2. She's under attack.
3. A squadron is between eight and sixteen ships, so she doesn't have a lot of back-up.
4. The enemy is named and the attacking force is large enough to fill the emptiness of space.

The air hissing into her helmet tasted off. Her life support was failing. Too fast. She couldn’t separate the pounding in her head from the alarm bell in the cockpit. Sweat coated the inside of her glove. In seconds the atoms of her body would be dispersed to Agra-only-knew what quadrant.

After her ship is severely damaged, we understand what's happening to her, even though we've never been in failing spaceship. First, I engaged the readers senses: smell/taste (the air if "off"), hearing (pounding of the alarm bell), and feeling (pounding in her head and sweaty hands). The feeling is visceral, something she can't control, so the reader gets a sense of Athena's fear. The last sentence states that fear, as a fact. This shows her warrior mentality.

Soon afterward, she passes out, certain that she is dying. Here, she is regaining consciousness.

Since when is the cabin bulkhead on that side of my bunk?  She forced her eyes open, then squeezed them shut. The utter blackness couldn’t be classed as unusual, but the suffocating feeling of confinement screamed a warning.

She tried to sit up and banged her head against the same smooth metal her toes had rubbed against. Cautious, she explored the hard surface only centimeters above her face with her fingertips. Her breath came in short gasps, inhaling air that smelled medicinal. Where am I? 

Her heart raced. Panic set in. The Wraith had died in the battle, disintegrating with her inside. I’m dead, and this is my coffin.

Slowly, I'm doling out the technology of her enemy's world. I wanted to give the reader a sense of the "coffin" around her by showing how it felt as Athena explored it. Again, the visceral hits show her ratcheting terror, from cautious data-gathering, to medicinal-smelling air to panic. Terrified, she jumps to the conclusion she's dead.

Later, when she's a prisoner, the reader learns about the ecology and culture of the enemy planet only when Athena discovers them. Why would I want to make my reader wade through an encyclopedia of facts about an alien world, no matter how interesting that world is to me?

When world building, I have to restrain my enthusiasm for my creation so I don't info-dump unnecessary data.

Here, Athena discovers the enemy world is not like her own.

The metallic-tasting water irritated her eyes but made for great buoyancy. It probably contained a high level of useful elements that could, at some expense, be extracted. But then it could contain harmful substances as well. No wonder the Keep colonists developed a lifestyle using minimal fresh water.

The reader finds out the water tastes bad, but could be a resource, albeit a costly one, of useful elements. We have a reason for the extreme water conservation on the planet.

Soon, her swim takes a nasty turn.

A scaly florescent sea beast rose above the crashing waves. Jaws capable of swallowing her gaped open, revealing needlelike teeth, glistening and dripping a sticky pearly substance. The roar that came from deep in its throat was deafening. Slowly the creature slid back beneath the surface. The disturbed water collapsed on itself, filling the space the razorfish had occupied as if it never existed.

Laura Drake loves how I make up words to convey the idea of my worlds without having to use a lot of description. Razorfish is an example. You can build your own picture of a huge fish with razors for scales, for teeth--and I don't have to describe it any more than I did.

Here's an excerpt from my young adult science fiction WIP to illustrate that you can get a flavor of the culture through a short monologue. The main female character is a shuttle pilot.

“Okay, you dirt diggers. Listen up.” she shouted to the men who, duffels in tow, pushed into a crooked line. “I’ve got a couple of guests on this flight. They’re here to check on mine safety and production upgrades. If you’re real nice, they might listen to your suggestions.” She waved her tourists inside to take the seats she’d assigned them by the cockpit door. “Here’s your safety lecture. Same rules as usual. No pissing or puking anywhere but the heads. No fighting and no blood in my shuttle. If I have to hose down the inside between trips, I’m doing it with you inside. It gets rowdy, I make it real rough going in. Questions?"

She's just shy of sixteen, and fully in control of men twice her age. Yes, it's a rough world. And she's a no-nonsense, in-charge young woman.

One of the reasons I love science fiction is that the setting is usually tied directly to plot elements. And that setting dictates the futuristic society as well, if I've done my homework.

The same is true for historicals. Regencies have very specific settings--townhouses, country estates, ballrooms, carriages-- and societal rules which constrain the characters in ways that drive the plot forward.

Contemporary settings clue the reader to lifestyle. A young woman in Manhattan has a very different view of life than a single living in a sleepy resort town in coastal Maine.

Engage readers fully by setting your story in a world that strengthens your plot, characters, and their goals. When the setting also influences their motivation and conflict, you've used world building to its best advantage. Whether you blast your readers light years into the future or into the historical past, the world building rules and skills remain the same.

How do you use elements of world building, even if you're on Planet Earth, to enrich your plot and characters? Is setting your ally in the writing process?

Note: In case you missed Fae's World Building Posts, here are links to Physical Setting Part 1 and Social and Cultural Aspects Part 2.

Writers In The Storm welcomes back Kara Lennox, a.k.a. Karen Leabo for some more plot-fixing magic. Look for Kara’s writing tips the first Friday of every month.

This is the seventh in an ongoing series of Plot Fixer blogs by double RITA finalist Kara Lennox. Here are the links for Parts 1-6:

Part 1 - Your Premise Isn’t Compelling
Part 2 - How To Fix a Weak Opening
Part 3 - A Lack of Goals
Part 4 - Is Your Conflict Strong Enough?
Part 5 – Raising The Stakes
Part 6 – 5 Tips To Help Improve Your Story’s Pacing

by Kara Lennox

The following two plot problems are related to pacing.

Plot problem #9 - The dreaded saggy middle

This problem is so common as to almost be a cliché. You have a dynamite beginning. The first three chapters practically wrote themselves. You know exactly how you want it to end. You see the scenes in your mind clearly. But you have no idea what happens in between.

One time when this happened to me, I turned the novel into a novella. But if that isn't an option (and usually it isn't) you need to figure out the middle before you write. Otherwise you have your characters stumbling around aimlessly, engaging in one pointless activity after another. It might be amusing, or reveal character, but if it's not moving the story forward, it's going to sag and you're going to get a rejection letter that says your story is "episodic." This means it doesn't build, and one scene doesn't logically lead to the next. (More on "episodic" when we talk about theme in a later lesson.)

The cure for this is plot points.

Now, I promised at the beginning that we weren't going to get into plot points (or turning points, I use the terms interchangeably). I lied. But this will be short and painless, I promise.

You need at least three major turning points, when something majorly important happens, and they need to be interspersed throughout the book.

There should be one at roughly 1/4 of the way through the book, one at the halfway point, and one at the 3/4 mark. Think of these as loose guidelines, something to play with as you ponder the plot points in your book.

The following applies to a 400-page book; adjust the page numbers accordingly if your book is shorter or longer.

ACT I
Introduce major characters, setting, tone, but as little backstory as possible.

We're going to lay this out by page number below:

40          10%     Inciting incident should occur before this point
60-80   15-25% Turning point that twists action into new direction. The point of no return. Hero or heroine makes a decision. Character goals must be revealed at or before this point.

ACT II
Escalating conflicts, twists and turns, allies and enemies, complications, character growth

200      50%     Major emotional turning point--SECRET REVEALED or LOVE SCENE or FIRST KISS, for example

300      75%     (or later) Turning point (dark night of the soul) New decision propels action in a new direction. Often prompted by a move from the villain/antagonist

ACT III
New goal, black moment, action inevitably hurtles toward the ending

page 340          85%            Last secret revealed (black moment, all seems lost)
340-80             85-95%      Climax--highest tension
360-400           90-97%      Plot twist--character sacrifices all--leads to resolution
396-400           99%            Resolve romance (or other personal issues, subplots)

This little cheat sheet isn't meant to be a straight jacket. If you can't make it work, toss it out. If just looking at it gives you hives, toss it out.

Some people find this sort of list helpful in hammering out their story's structure or spotting what's missing, or they use it as a springboard for brainstorming. Have fun with it.

Plot Problem #10 - The plot moves too fast

I don't see this as often as a too-slow plot, but often enough that it needs mentioning.

A plot that moves too fast leaves the reader's head spinning. Sometimes the author simply doesn't explain enough, or describe enough. You don't want to weigh down those first few chapters with info dumps, but neither do you want the reader to be completely lost and confused.

If you have four or more scenes per chapter, each one very, very short, this could be a warning sign. If your readers (critiquers, editors) are asking a lot of questions because they don't understand, it probably means you need to slow down and clarify.

Make sure every scene is grounded in a time and a place. If you just jump into the middle of a conversation--certainly a legitimate way to start a scene--make sure you fill in pretty quickly who the characters are, where and when. Some introspection is needed.

If you are deep into a character's P.O.V., they are going to be filtering everything they see, hear, touch, taste and smell through their unique outlook. Make sure your introspection is true to your character. If we feel we are inside a character's head and we know what he or she knows, it has a grounding effect.

Another way a too-fast plot manifests is if the drama doesn't build. I read a book once (published, so obviously this wasn't a fatal error) where the heroine was in constant distress. She received a threatening phone call. Her apartment was tossed. She was almost driven off the road. Someone keys her car. Someone tries to poison her dog. The entire book was one event after another after another, and it was exhausting to read.

The problem wasn't that the heroine was in constant trouble. The problem was, the danger didn't build. She was driven off the road fairly early, THEN her car was keyed. That is no way to escalate stakes.

If a number of bad things are going to happen to your character, try to arrange them from least horrible to most horrible. And give the reader a bit of reaction time between scenes of high drama or high action or danger, so they can catch their breath. Then, just when the reader has relaxed a bit, BAM, you hit them with something else.

Think in terms of scene & sequel. Something happens, the character reacts, then they make a decision which leads to the next something happening. (Check out Dwight Swain's Techniques of the Selling Writer for more detail on this, or Scene and Structure by Jack Bickham.)

Next time, we'll talk about how not to be predictable.

Do you have either of these plotting issues? What is the most difficult part of plotting for you? Where do you get stuck? Kara is here to answer questions in the comments!

About Kara

Kara Lennox, author of Project Justice series for Harlequin SuperRomance. Kara is an award-winning, bestselling author of more than sixty novels of romance and romantic suspense, for both Harlequin and Random House.

Six titles now available in e-book or print!

Hidden Agenda now available.

Sweet Romance Hard to Resist now available from Harlequin Heartwarming. Also, Callie’s Cowboy is an August release by Karen Leabo from Bantam Loveswept e-books.

By Lyn Horner

I write western historical romances, and I love researching the Old West. However, while my readers want to be swept away to another era, they’re not after a history lesson.

It’s my job to subtly weave in historical details. Today, I’ll give you some tips on how to do that, including examples from my books.

1. Let readers experience history through your characters’ five senses.

In real life we can describe our surroundings through what we see, hear, smell, touch and sometimes taste. Your characters should do the same.

When writing Darlin’ Druid (Texas Druids, Vol. I) I researched Omaha, Nebraska, and the city’s Union Pacific Station, ca. 1872. I collected train schedules and information about the station and its setting, along with descriptions of passengers and the town itself. My two main characters reveal these historical details from different points of view.

Example: Chapter one of Darlin’ Druid opens with the exterior setting and a few historic tidbits in the hero’s POV:

Outside Omaha’s Union Pacific Station, Captain David Taylor awaited the westbound train. Tired of the wait, he paced to a corner of the building, crossed his arms and leaned back against the yellow frame wall. This new depot was a far cry from the rickety old Riverside Station he’d passed through some years ago, he mused. Built on landfill, the new structure stood near the Missouri River Bridge, which had recently replaced the slow ferry service David recalled with distaste.

Admiring the bridge, he did his best to ignore the passengers and baggage crowding the station platform.

 Later, after David meets the heroine, Jessie Devlin, we see how she views the setting:

 With a sigh, she eyed the crowd on the platform. It was a mixed group. There were settlers with children in tow and all their worldly goods heaped around them. Others, well-dressed easterners, might be journeying west for business purposes, Jessie supposed, or simply to see the land in all its glory. She also saw buckskinned westerners, going home perhaps.

 And . . .

She made a face, recalling what her tourists’ guide had to say about Omaha. Since the completion of the Union Pacific Railroad three years ago, the river port had grown into a frontier city, which the guide touted as the “Gateway to the West.” Well, as far as Jessie could see, the gateway city consisted mainly of saloons, gambling dens and brothels. After three days here, spent in a cheap, vermin infested hotel, waiting for seats on the westbound train, she could hardly wait to see the last of the place.

 From these few paragraphs, readers get a picture of the raucous frontier city, the crowded train station, and travelers who rode the country’s first transcontinental railroad.

2. Use historical settings to provoke emotions.

Often, something we see, hear, smell, etc., touches off strong emotions within us. This can also happen to your characters. It’s a great way to present a unique historical setting, and it offers an opportunity for conflict between characters.

Example: During their journey west, David, Jessie and her brother Tye cross Wyoming’s DaleCreek bridge. This bridge wasn’t terribly high by today’s standards, but in its time it was taller than most buildings. And Jessie is afraid of heights:

Beside her, Tye was on his feet, craning his neck to see. “Bejaysus! It has to be over a hundred feet down! What a job it must have been building the thing!”

Jessie heard a rushing noise, spots danced before her eyes, and the world began to spin around her. Then someone was shaking her, hard. With an effort, she managed to focus her eyes and saw David leaning forward, gripping her arm. He wore an oddly concerned frown, she noticed absently as the rushing noise in her ears began to recede.

“Don’t look down!” he barked.

“Let go,” she mumbled, resenting his high-handedness even in her feeble state. She made a weak attempt to pull free, but he only shook her harder.

“Lean back and close your eyes,” he ordered sternly.

Not strong enough to argue, she obeyed his directive, and he released her. Tye said no more about the bridge, thank heaven.

3. Deliver history in dialogue.

Example: Dashing Druid (Texas Druids, Vol. II -- Tye Devlin’s story) includes a cattle drive up the Chisholm Trail. Here, the trail boss debates crossing the flooded Red River. His scout’s report reminds him of an actual tragic event:

Del nodded grimly. “How many other herds did you see?”

“Two wait to cross,” Jack replied as Chic handed him a plate of beans. “Another will get there a day before us.”

“Damn. And a bunch behind us. Sure hope it don’t end up like back in ’71. I trailed west that spring, sold to an outfit over on the Pecos, but I heard tell Big Red was a mile wide.” Del glanced at his segundo. “Weren’t you in that godawful stampede, Neil?”

“Aye, and a horror it was. Sixty thousand steers all runnin’ like the devil was after them. That’s how many were bedded near the Station at the time. Shanghai Pierce warned the other bosses ta move their herds back, but they wouldna listen. They feared losin’ their turn at the crossing.”

Del grunted derisively. “Durn fools.”

“Exactly. A few nights later, one herd stampeded and before ye knew it, they were all up and on the run. Took ten days ta sort them out, and I canna tell ye how many were killed or crippled.”

 4. Use historical settings to expand your plot.

Example: I read about a place along the Chisholm Trail called Panther Creek. Later, an elderly gentleman, whose father lived during the trail drive era, showed me the real Panther Creek. Excited to think big cats once roamed there, threatening cowboys and cattle alike, I decided to build a sequence of scenes around that setting:

“Listen up,” Del barked a moment later. “Most of you know this place. For those that don’t . . .” His steely eyes pinned Tye briefly. “. . . it’s called Panther Creek. And there’s a good reason for that. The cats have caused stampedes here before.”

He looked at each of them in turn. “I don’t want that happening to us, ’specially with other outfits nearby. So we’re gonna ride double shifts tonight and every night ’til we move on.”

 Three nights later, as Tye rides night guard . . .

 The panther had screamed a couple times earlier, but he’d sounded farther away. He was getting too close for comfort now. Along with the other night guards, Tye attempted to calm the cattle, not an easy task when he was on edge himself.

Glancing at the stars, he judged it nearly time to head for his bedroll. Three nights of double guard duty had left him dog tired, but the panther’s presence overrode his need for sleep.

He stiffened in his saddle when another blood-curdling cry rang out, sounding dangerously close. Dozens of cattle scrambled to their feet, almost ready to run.

“Stop your racket, ye devil,” Tye muttered. Figuring he was closer to the troublemaker than anyone else, he made a quick decision. Not giving himself time to reconsider, he swung the grulla toward where he thought the shriek had come from, certain the panther wouldn’t attack him. He’d seen the creatures down along the Nueces and back in Colorado. They must roam all over the West. Lions, some miners called them. Despite their fearsome cry, they usually ran off when a man approached.

He’d drawn near to a rocky outcrop when a long, shadowy shape detached itself from the rocks and took off running with a snarl. Startled for a second, Tye kneed his horse after the predator to make sure it kept going. Oddly, the cat appeared to limp, but it still outran them for a good ways. Then it stumbled to a halt, whirled around and shrieked.

The grulla stopped so short, Tye nearly catapulted over its head. Before he could regain his balance, the horse neighed in terror and reared. Losing his grip, Tye tumbled from the saddle and hit the ground hard, knocking the breath out of him. He lay there for a few seconds, fighting to breathe while the horse galloped off. Then he started to sit up . . . and froze.

Not ten feet away, he saw the dark form of the panther.

 5. Write historical figure(s) into a scene.

Example: In Dearest Druid (Texas Druids, Vol. III – planned release March, 2013) the main characters meet the man who actually commanded Fort Sill, Indian Territory (OK) in the spring of 1876:

Slim and middling tall, the youngish looking man was far from imposing, but Jack knew him to be a ruthless Indian fighter. He’d defeated the Comanche, Kiowa and Southern Cheyenne in what whites called the Battle of Palo Duro Canyon, burning lodges and winter food supplies and ordering more than a thousand Indian ponies shot. Left afoot and starving, the tribes had been forced onto reservations.

The commander nodded at Jack and gave Rose a smile. “Col. Ranald Mackenzie, ma’am. May I ask your name?”

“Aye. ’Tis Rose, Rose Devlin, sir,” she said, fingering the cross at her throat, a habit Jack had noticed before, whenever she was nervous.

“I’m pleased to meet you, Miss Devlin. I understand you need my assistance.”

“Aye, sir, we must go to Jack’s mother. She’s very ill and perhaps I can help her, but I won’t know until we get there, and –”

“Whoa, slow down,” Mackenzie said, holding up his good hand, keeping the other with its two missing fingers – the reason Indians called him “Bad Hand” – behind his back. He aimed a piercing look at Jack. “What’s this about your mother, LaFarge?”

“I got word a few days ago that she’s near death.”

“Sorry to hear that, but I suspect I’d rather not know how you found out.” When Jack didn’t respond – he wasn’t about to admit Tsoia had jumped the reservation to bring him the bad news – Mackenzie turned to Rose again. “May I ask why you think you can save the woman, Miss Devlin?”

I hope you find some of these techniques helpful.

How do YOU create historical settings without sounding like a history professor?What sorts of historical details do you love to see? Is there a particular era that interests you?

About Lyn Horner:

Find Lyn at: Texas Druids
Texas Druids @ blogspot

Also blogs at: Cowboy Kisses
Sweet hearts of the West