Writers in the Storm

Margie Lawson

A heartfelt THANK YOU to Laura Drake for inviting me to be her guest today!

The title should read: Kiss Some of Your “As”s Goodbye. But including the words, some of, diluted the power. No way I’d opt to dilute power.

If you’ve taken my Big Three writing craft courses, you know how to analyze and add power to a sentence and a scene. If you took my craft courses before 2011, you may not know about what I call the Pesky As Construction.

But there are times when “as” makes me smile. “As” is welcome when it represents “like.”  It’s also welcome when used as a comparison. It’s as sweet as agave.

A few positive “as” examples from multi-Margie-grads.

Debbie Kaufman, The Doctor’s Mission, 2011

Hannah Jansen was as plump and well-rounded as her husband was spare.

Julie Rowe, Icebound, 2011

The first step forward surprised her; she didn’t sink into the snow, the white stuff was as firm as concrete.

Robin Perini, In Her Sights, 2011

Face to face with her past, and she was just as ignorant now, as she had been then.

 Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead, to be released January 31, 2012

I didn’t have the energy to argue with him. The pain leached it out of me as fast as my body could produce it.

Okay. Time to switch to when “as” is pesky on the page.

There are two ways “as” is used that do not make me smile.

“As” is less desirable on the page:

1.  When it connotes simultaneity
2.   When it spotlights a stimulus/response reversal

I’ll clarify.  :-)

Simultaneity on the Page:

Dwight Swain, Techniques of the Selling Writer, cautioned writers about simultaneity, things happening at the same time. He recommended having “A” happen, then “B.”

Having one event follow another, is a smoother read. A more direct read.

Readers read linearly. They read one thing happening then another. It’s a cognitive speedbump to adjust thinking to accommodate things happening simultaneously. 

I’m not saying to never have things happen simultaneously.

I am recommending checking your manuscript for simultaneity, and deciding if you want to keep it or change it.

I’ll share an example from Writers in the Storm’s Laura Drake.

That’s multi-Margie-grad Laura Drake.

Also, recently contracted Laura Drake!

LAURA -- CONGRATULATIONS on your THREE BOOK DEAL!

Laura is currently taking one of my online classes, Fab 30: Advanced Deep Editing. Here’s an example she posted in class.

Before: 

A clock ticked in her head, matching the cadence of her feet as she pounded through the barn.

After:

She pounded through the barn. The clock ticking in her head matched the cadence of her feet.

Laura added this comment: Like the fix better - ups the tension.

I agree. Nixing the simultaneous action, and making it two sentences, made it much stronger.

BLOG GUESTS:  Please read both versions out loud. Here they are again:

Before: 

A clock ticked in her head, matching the cadence of her feet as she pounded through the barn.

After:

She pounded through the barn. The clock ticking in her head matched the cadence of her feet.

Hear the difference?

The AFTER has a stronger cadence. It carries more tension. It is a more compelling read.

Here’s a common “as” structure that connotes simultaneity.

As I flicked on the light, he tackled me.

What’s stronger?

I flicked on the light. (Here – show someone coming at him, knocking him down.)

Stimulus Response Reversals:

Sometime “as” spotlights a stimulus/response reversal. The response is in front of the stimulus.

When “as” spotlights that the RESPONSE is in front of the STIMULUS, most of the time I recommend flipping it, so the stimulus presents first.

A common example: She turned toward the door as she heard a knock.

The knock happens first.

There may be a compelling reason for leaving a sentence with the response presenting first. If so, no worries.

Do you need to nix every AS?

No!

When “as” is used as a comparison or as “like,” it works well. It’s a sweet “as.”

I recommend doing a FIND on “as” (space bar, as, space bar) and seeing how many you have in your full manuscript. Check them.

Nixing any “as” that connotes simultaneity or spotlights a stimulus/response reversal is likely to make the read stronger.

I hope you’re willing to kiss your as goodbye!

POST A COMMENT – AND YOU MAY WIN a Lecture Packet or an online course by Margie Lawson, or Tiffany Lawson Inman, from Lawson Writer’s Academy!

Online Classes offered by Lawson Writer's Academy in February:

1. Taking a Book from Good to Sold, by Shirley Jump

2. Kills, Chills, and Thrills: Writing the Thriller Novel, by C.J. Lyons

3. Taming WordPress: Create and Maintain Bolgs and Websites, by Tamela Buhrke

4. Platforms Aren't Shoes.  Start Marketing BEFORE You Finish That Book, by Tamela Buhrke

5. The Triple Threat Behind Staging a Scene:  An Actor's Take on Writing Physicality, Choreography, and Action, by Tiffany Lawson Inman

6. Empowering Characters' Emotions, by Margie Lawson

I’ll post the winner’s name tonight, 9PM Mountain Time.

Thank you again!

Margie Lawson—psychotherapist, editor, and international presenter—developed innovative editing systems and deep editing techniques used by writers, from newbies to NYT Bestsellers. She teaches writers how to edit for psychological power, how to hook the reader viscerally, how to create a page-turner.

Thousands of writers have learned Margie’s psychologically-based deep editing material. In the last seven years, she presented over sixty full day Master Classes for writers in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.

For more information on Lawson Writer’s Academy, lecture packets, full day master classes, and the 5-day Immersion Master Class sessions offered in her Colorado mountain-top home, visit:  www.MargieLawson.com.

by Jenny Hansen

A while back, I was doing social media for the accounting firm I work for part-time and I came across the following tweet:

Leadershipfreak Dan Rockwell - A no string attached book giveaway on today's post: 9 Questions that enhance engagement" http://bit.ly/rtNRQO

Hmmm…I’m a writer. I’m interested in "engagement"...particularly as it relates to my characters and potential readers. So I forwarded the blog to my personal email to share with all of you.

Here’s the full article, if you wish to read it – Dan Rockwell writes really  good posts. In this particular article, Rockwell examines the principle of open listening from the book, "Coaching for Engagement: Achieving Results through Powerful Conversations," by Hancox, Hunter, and Boudreau.

According to Dan, "open listening is rigorous work not passive silence. Fools can be quiet but they can’t listen." Below is the line that made me decide to write about this post:

Listen and you’ll know what to ask.

I’ll confess that I’m not half the listener I’d like to be. I come from a family of boisterous people that love to tell stories, finish each others’ sentences and talk all over each other. Two-way communication can get a little daunting in a family like mine. (I'm sure those of you that know me well find that shocking.)

Plus, I’m impatient. Far too often, I think I’ve got the gist of something my husband says only to have him stop and tilt his head (looking very aggrieved) and say, "I wasn’t finished yet."

Oh. Whoops. Um, go ahead…Sorry!

Yeah, it's embarrassing. Especially because I want to be a great listener all the time.

Our group of founding writers meets every Thursday night to go over chapters or plot out books. Over the time that we've been doing this, I've learned to watch my fellow writers' faces as we go over their book. If they get that deer-in-headlights look when I start throwing out suggestions, I've learned to back off and start asking them questions.

My favorite brainstorming technique is an "oldie but goodie" called The List of 20 that requires you to list twenty things (no matter how crazy) that could happen in your book. Doing this as a group is particularly awesome because the ideas fly in from multiple points of craziness.

While brainstorming and plotting are fun and enormously important, I believe the real magic happens when you take a moment to STOP and listen to what your characters have to say. When I shut my pie-hole and get out of the way, my characters tell me the damnedest things!

 

Listen and you’ll know what to ask.

This is what all the meditation, writing practice, walks, and showers are about for creative people.

They’re about shutting off the faucet of continual life-chatter long enough to listen to your characters.

When you listen hard enough, your characters will let you climb right down into the heart of them and discover what makes them tick.

In his blog, Mr. Rockwell shared the "9 questions open listeners ask that create engagement." He was focusing on business and leadership.

Today, I'm going to use his 9 questions to focus on character development. What would you find out if you stepped into your fictional world and asked your characters the following questions?

1. What are they focused on?
2. What does this mean to them?
3. How are they measuring success?
4. What values are they expressing?
5. What emotions do you hear in their voice?
6. What values or beliefs are behind their words?
7. How is this impacting them?
8. What strengths have they articulated that could be acknowledged?
9. What are they really asking for?

I’ve never had this particular list of questions before, and I like it. My characters really like it. When I pondered the Big 9 above, my fictional peeps started shouting out their answers. (I know all you writers know what I'm talking about! Don't try to act like this schizo-sounding stuff doesn't happen to you...)

Rockwell also discusses some pitfalls to open listening, which nicely enough also apply to writing:

• Jumping for quick solutions – you’ll solve the wrong problem.
  
  This ties back to the List of 20. ALWAYS list all twenty!
• Discomfort with other’s frustration while they find their own answers. Let others struggle.
  
  Writer translation: Quit saving your characters from the crap pile. They’ve got lessons to learn, you helicopter creator, you.
• Assumptions, beliefs, and judgments.
  
  Writer translation: Don’t start thinking this is your book. It’s only partly yours. The rest belongs to your fictional people and they don’t need you butting in with things that don’t apply to them.
• Getting caught up in the details of the story. Keep the big picture in mind.
  
  Writer translation: "Whoa, Sparky. Watch that backstory!"
• Discomfort with silence. Shhhh!
  
  Writer translation: There are pages for fast-paced riveting action and there are pages where some introspection would not be out of line. If you convey those quiet moments well, they’re far from boring.

So, what techniques do you use to get those characters to open up and tell you their secrets? Do you have questions of your own you like to ask? What are they?

Jenny

Jenny fills her nights with humor: writing memoir, women’s fiction, chick lit, short stories (and chasing after her wildly teething Baby Girl). By day, she provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. After 15 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s digging this sit down and write thing. In addition to being a founding member here at WITS, Jenny also hangs out on Twitter at jhansenwrites and at her other blog, More Cowbell.

By Laura Drake

From the title, you probably guessed my big news – I SOLD!!!

After 13 short years at this, I’ve sold a 3 book deal to Grand Central!  My first, Total Bull, a PBR world romance, is due out early 2013. For the uninitiated, "PBR" stands for Pro Bull Riding. (Who doesn't like a cowboy?)

The deadlines will show up in my inbox soon, but over the weekend I had some time for reflection (at my age, you’ll hurt yourself if you dance for more than a half hour at a time.)

I thought over what I’ve learned in the last thirteen years that I sure wish I'd known earlier.

• Despair doesn’t last

I’ve been stymied at a zillion points in three books, not knowing what to do next. The plot was ka-ka, and I was stuck -- there was no way to get from where I was to where I needed to be.  Optimism seemed VERY far from where I was, floating at the bottom of the tank, trying to stay belly-side down.

But amazing things happened when I sat my butt in the chair (or rode my bicycle.) An idea would break, brilliant and perfect, and I’d scramble to get it down before I forgot it.  I went from loser to genius in less than a minute!

Unfortunately, delusions don’t last either.

• Positive reinforcement can become crack

I placed in a contest. Then I won a contest. I got an agent. I got to acquisitions at a publisher. My days were spent in a happy blur, waiting for the next hit of good news. When it didn’t come, my clammy hands shook and I got snippy with people.

Then I got rejected. The crash was legendary. I realized I’d gotten addicted to the winning and lost the love of just doing the writing. 

• Buzz is one of the great powers of the Universe

You’re shopping a sale at your favorite department store.  A woman beside you picks up a blouse. It’s gorgeous: perfect color, the right size, and OMG the price!  You just passed that blouse by a minute ago, but now that she has it, you want it. Bad.

Buzz is like that. The problem is, no one knows how to harness that power. But there are a couple of things you can do to put yourself in the shadow of The Force. Which brings me to my next point.

• Put yourself "Out There"

Submitting is only a small part of what helped me sell. I got my agent indirectly through volunteering at my local chapter. If you network, give of yourself, and reach a hand back to help others, it can pay off ways you can’t even foresee. And you get the added bonus of feeling good about yourself at the same time. Win-win!

• I’m never done worrying

I just move from angsting over one problem to the next in line. Repeat.

For those of you who have already sold your first book, what do you wish you'd known in advance? For those of you still writing your way toward that goal, what do you worry about the most?