Writers in the Storm

by Sharla Rae

In Laura Drake’s recent blog My Editing Peeves, here at WITS, she points out dialogue tags. I have to agree that too many “saids” on a page or even in a chapter are annoying. Sure there are other tags like snarled, whispered, interjected, cried etc. But again, they stand out if overused. Included in this illustrious list are all the he and she thoughts.

After taking a hard look at tags, I realized something. Tags are tattletales! He said, he yelled, he whispered. It’s “telling." And one of the first lessons in writing is to “show” not “tell.” Don’t you love how writing is like knitting? One set of rules always weaves into another set. Okay, back to the subject of tags.

We can’t do without tags completely, but we can kill off some of the little buggers.

With only two characters on stage, tag extermination is easier. Using new paragraphs each time one of the two speaks eliminates the need for tags. Also, a character’s dialect, accent, or speech pattern may set them apart from other characters. Still, even with just two characters there are times it’s absolutely necessary to indicate who’s speaking to prevent confusion.

Now, place three or more characters on stage, and things get really complicated. Complicated, but not impossible. 

One of my favorite ways to kill a dialogue tag is through the use of body movement and/or body language. If a character is moving or has a certain facial expression, we don’t need the tag. Body language has the added benefit of expressing emotion. In other words, using this method “shows” a character is angry, happy, or depressed.  

Examples:

•  Instead of:  “Stop it!” James said. [He could be angry but then again he could be laughing hard and telling someone to stop it. But if we say: James said, angrily, we’re telling.]
Try:  James sliced the air with his hand. “Stop it!”
Try:  “Stop it!” James held his sides, laughing.

 • Instead of:  “Is she serious?” Amber asked, rolling her eyes.
 Try:  “Is she serious?” Amber rolled her eyes and laughed.

• Instead of:  “Gosh, I love this song,” Jill said, dreamily. [Yikes it’s an "ly" word!]
Try:  “Gosh, I love this song.” Jill closed her eyes and swayed to the music.

• Instead Of:  “Try it, you little weasel,” Jake bellowed. “Just try it.”
Try:  “Jakes palms slapped the tabletop. “Try it, you little weasel. Just try it.”

• Instead of:  “You jerk!” Pam screamed, swinging her handbag at him.
Try:  “You jerk!” Pam lashed out at him with her handbag.

The same idea applies to the he or she thought tags.

Example:

• Instead of:  Can this day get any worse? Jane wondered.
 Try:  Jane slumped into the nearest easy chair and kicked off her shoes. Could this day get any worse?

•  Instead of: If he comes through that door, I’ll brain him, Jill silently vowed.
Try:  If he comes through that door, I’ll brain him. Jill’s fingernails bit into her palms. [Shows determination]

Punctuation can be used to negate tags that indicate strong feelings. To demonstrate what I mean, I’ll use one of my above examples.

“You jerk!” Pam screamed, swinging her handbag at him.

Given there is an exclamation mark after jerk, we know Pam said this with strong feelings. Unless we want her screaming to draw the attention of characters around her, we don’t need to “tell” the reader she screamed. Also, her actions indicate anger and that makes the tag an even bigger overkill. But what if Pam said it under her breath so as not to draw attention? Do we need to say, she whispered? It works. But we could also say: Pam sneered and leaned close, her lips a mere inch from his ear. “Jerk.”

Note: Don’t over use exclamation marks. Again, body language will work just as well.

It must be said, though, that having all the characters on stage constantly nodding, scratching, dancing and throwing things would be just as annoying, not to mention ridiculous, as too many tags. So a few tags are allowed and in some instances they work better for a tight, straight to the point sentence.

I know of no set rules on how many dialogue tags are allowed on a page. The best rule of thumb is to vary your dialogue and cut them when possible. And if you’re still unsure, read the page out loud. Too many tags make the writing sound choppy. They also distract. The right balance will result in tighter writing that “shows” more and “tells” less.

Related Websites:

Three Places Where You Should Tell: http://wordplay-kmweiland.blogspot.com/2011/02/three-places-where-you-should-tell.html

From An Editor’s POV: http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/25/use-and-misuse-of-dialogue-tags/ 

The Use and Abuse of Dialogue Tags: http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/said.shtml

Avoid Creative Dialogue Syndrome: http://users.wirefire.com/tritt/tip4.html

by Charlotte Carter

As a writer, we all want to write a satisfying ending that will leave the reader sighing with pleasure. So here are a couple of tips to help you get to The End.

The ending of a story starts at the beginning of the story.

1. A character’s weaknesses and fears are established in the opening chapter(s). During the book the character will grow emotionally. At the black moment he fails to demonstrate that he’s learned his lesson, his character arc is not yet complete. The climax follows when he does make the right choice, (makes a sacrifice, takes a risk) he makes a leap of faith that shows he has learned his lesson, and his arc is complete. The resolution is showing that he’s okay with this new decision.

2. Close the story circle by making the ending a reflection or a mirror image of the beginning; the characters have changed and grown but the framework of their existence remains the same. Their reactions/success change in part because of who they have become.

In my book,  Between Duty and Honor - the impetus for the story is a firefighter dying in a warehouse fire (prior to opening). The hero of the story was unable to save that firefighter and subsequently falls in love with the deceased's widow; the ending swirls to its conclusion when the hero is able to save the heroine's child from a fire in the same derelict building.

In my runaway bride story (everybody writes one of those), in the opening scene she's trying on a fancy wedding gown; in the closing scene she's marrying someone else in a modest dress and the gown is en route to Goodwill.

I had the pleasure of writing THE END this morning to my upcoming book from Love Inspired, Big Sky Family (11/2011) and sent it off to my editor. In this case Arnie, the hero, with the help of a 'mentor,' comes to realize that despite the fact that he is a paraplegic, he is worthy to marry Ellie, the heroine. (Yes, I know it's a romance; in a romance the guy and gal always get together. That's the promise we romance authors make to our readers. It's how they get there that is the creative part.)

Happy endings to you all!

Books that leave you smiling by Charlotte Carter
  from Love Inspired:
    Big Sky Reunion, 4/2011
    Big Sky Family, 11/2011

Laura Drake

We all have them.  Things that make us crazy, whether we’re reading a novel for pleasure or critiquing a colleague’s work.  We’re readers first, and I believe these peeves are forged by what we’ve read; like Chinese water torture they fall, drop by drop, until you notice them and continuing until you can’t see anything else and want to throw the book across the room.

Mine?  I only have two.  But they’re so prevalent in genre fiction that they make me crazy!

First - adverbs.  Sadly, happily, quickly, slowly, hardly, completely – please, just stop!

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes in the middle of a quick-paced action scene, it’s all you can do.  But I’ve read published works that use at least one adverb per sentence, and that’s just lazy.

You don’t agree?  Let’s look at it.  I’ll use my own words as an example.

“She quickly hopped into the bed of the truck as the cattle trotted up, curious.”

First, you can’t physically quickly hop.  Hopping takes as long as it does – you’re in the air most of the time, right?  Try the sentence without the adverb.  Does it lose anything?  I don’t think so.

Do a “find” in one of your chapters for “ly” and highlight them all.  You’ll be stunned by how many there are.  Go through them one by one.  Is the adverb needed?  If so, consider rewriting the sentence to convey the meaning some other way – perhaps with body language.  It’s much more compelling.

My second peeve is dialog tags.  The ONLY time a tag is needed is when more than two people are present, and the reader wouldn’t be able to tell who is speaking without the tag.  Many times, your character has such a distinctive voice that the reader will know from his dialog who is saying the line.  Don’t believe me?  Check it out in your writing.  You may be surprised.

I know - the pundits say, “he/she said” is invisible to the reader.  But if so, why put it in?

Please, please, don’t get me started on adverbs in dialog tags!

“Can we leave now?” she asked hopefully.

Do not go there.  I’m a big girl – I can take you out.

What are your pet peeves?  I’d love to hear your rant.