A close or warm friendship, familiarity, closeness
A usually secretive or illicit sexual relationship
A feeling of being intimate and belonging together
Sex is only included in one of the three descriptions, for a very good reason. Intimacy is not about sex! Sex is just one of many diverse expressions of intimacy
As you can see, other expressions are friendship, closeness, togetherness, a feeling of belonging. But one we often don’t think of is hate. Not necessarily hate of strangers, but of someone who knows a person well. Imagine your most evil villain. If there is not an intimacy of knowledge between that villain and your protagonist, the relationship is shallow and, ultimately, impersonal.
Think of Hannibal Lector and Clarice in Silence of the Lambs. It’s the intimacy he demands from her that makes him so very, very creepy. Inch by inch, he exacts payment from her in return for the information she so desperately needs to save the ‘lamb,’ and that payment is in an intimacy she has withheld from everyone else.
Intimacy is directly connected to relationships of all sort. And the stronger the intimacy between the protagonist and a love interest or villain, the stronger the story.
What genres need intimacy? ALL of them! From a sweet love story with nothing going on below the neck to the hottest erotica with no holds barred. A creepy suspense to the goriest murder mystery. From women’s fiction to a man’s adventure, EVERY ONE of them needs some level of intimacy.
Use of intimacy in writing
What is intimacy, how do we create it and how can we use it in our writing?
Imagine a target with concentric circles. The one farthest out is red, with orange, yellow, green, blue as you go towards the middle. Purple is in the exact center. Each one has a specific “intimacy value” as a story progresses.
1. First awareness (Red)
When two characters meet, no matter which two, there is always an awareness of the other person, starting simply as an introduction. And, it doesn’t have to be sight only. It could just as easily be a smell or a sound.
A woman walked into the room.
Across the hall, the baby screamed as if someone were beating it.
In this way, we introduce others to our POV character through his or her senses and, if necessary, our character reacts in some form or fashion. If this is an antagonist – whether beneficial or harmful – the awareness will evolve into something more. If, instead, it’s only a descriptive element, this may be all the interaction needed.
Dorothy’s first experience in Oz is abject fear. She’s been through horrible experience after horrible experience and, when her world stops spinning, she opens the door to find everything is as far from normal as it can be, with no one she knows or can trust. Then, it gets really bad.
We receive all of this information through her eyes and, even though there is some interaction between the characters, there is really no deep commitment, as such, to any of them.
2. Interest blooms (Orange)
Next, our POV character realizes the other person is someone he or she wants to know more about for whatever reason. It can be a heightened glance, a stare, a smile, a frown, anything that shows a nascent connection between these two characters.
When Clarice first goes through the seven gates of hell into Lector’s prison (count them!) and meets him for the first time, he has an immediate reaction of interest. He’s assessing her, determining the best way to get into her mind.
3. Reaction (Yellow)
And Clarice notices and reacts. We see her struggle to not be affected but Lector’s intense scrutiny is hard to shrug off.
A blush, a smirk, anger, joy – whatever the response the story and characterization calls for – is reaction. It shows interaction between the characters and allows for thought from the POV character, which will include at least a little back story, and another response. Again, where this goes from here depends on the needs of the story.
Dorothy’s reaction to her new and frightening surroundings depends on which character she’s interacting with – the Wicked Witch, the Good Witch, her trio of heroes, the Wizard – but each one goes through the process of first awareness, the bloom of interest and her reaction. And, so it goes to the next step:
4. Verbal Communication (Green)
An exchange in words. The characters will communicate with body language too, but dialogue is necessary for almost all genres. It also increases intimacy, because a “throwaway character” probably won’t get even that much of a reaction. So, this raises the stakes.
For two characters to speak to each other makes their inter-relations more personal and they become more involved. At this stage, the conversation probably isn’t going to be earth-shaking. There will probably be few secrets or mysteries revealed.
Clarice knows that Lector’s ability to analyze and, therefore, dissect, people is dangerous, so she’s extra cautious about how much information she wants to divulge. In fact, she’s been specifically warned by her superior NOT to tell Lector anything. But, in the give and take of their relationship, she discovers the tit-for-tat won’t be free. The intimacy Lector demands is almost impossible for Clarice to furnish, at least at this point. Her desperation to save the Senator’s daughter isn’t great enough yet. But it soon will be.
5. A Step Closer (blue)
The stakes escalate. We see hints of the great darkness and a fear that lurks within. The form of communication is not important now, whether thought, body language or dialogue, but each type reveals a little more and we see our character taking a journey of discovery – discovery of other characters and self.
Dorothy’s journey is not only an actual one, but also an expedition into her own abilities to connect with other characters and, sometimes, to stand up for herself.
But intimacy is hard. And, eventually, the risk of our character not opening up is even worse than that ultimate intimacy.
The struggle continues. And this is where the character growth occurs. Because to allow that giant leap takes courage that must be learned and nourished.
6. The True Self (Purple)
Here’s where we strip away all facades, all masks. The true self is revealed, in a way that leaves the reader with no doubt as to the exact nature of both the protagonist and the driving force behind his or her actions. Secrets are revealed, deep emotions lay bare. But these things are shared with only a very select few, only the people who have earned the right to know. Intimacy may continue to grow throughout the story, depending on the story, but, without it, there may not be a character arc.
Clarice tells Lector the truth of the lambs and why she has to silence them in her mind. No one else, not even her boss whom she wants to emulate, is privy to her innermost secret. But Lector has proven to her that he’s trustworthy, at least in his own way. It may not be enough for her to be happy about him running loose, but it’s enough for her to give him what he wants. So, in return, he helps her find the villain.
During her entire story, Dorothy meets various characters and, after a period of disbelief, trepidation and, finally a willingness to interact, she allows the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion, and even the Wizard, to become friends. Trust is a little harder to come by but, eventually, she gives that too, at least to the ones she cares about most. And, her final level of intimacy is with the family she cared enough to go home to. She shares her experiences with her aunt and uncle and, with her new-found knowledge about how relationships work, she finds peace.
Final thoughts
So, the question is: Where do your characters fit on the circles when the protagonist is in the middle? They should all start in the outer red circle – at least as far as the reader is concerned – but, depending on the depth of the relationship, they should move towards someplace in the middle.
Only a very, very few will reach the blue circle, whether it is friend or foe. Others will change colors several times in a story or will not move hardly at all. The Wicked Witch, for instance, moves closer and closer until she becomes blue, but Glenda never goes deeper into the intimacy circle than yellow. She doesn’t need to – Dorothy has others she can trust to help her.
Eventually, intimacy becomes its own reward. It makes our protagonists stronger at the same time it gives them the courage to face the past. And the future.
What colors do your characters stand on? How do they move around? Can you see that by giving them places to stand, you can work with their levels of intimacy?
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About Sarah (Sally)
Sarah (Sally) Hamer, B.S., MLA, is a lover of books, a teacher of writers, and a believer in a good story. Most of all, she is eternally fascinated by people and how they 'tick'. She’s passionate about helping people tell their own stories and has won awards at both local and national levels, including two Golden Heart finals.
A teacher of memoir, beginning and advanced creative fiction writing, and screenwriting at Louisiana State University in Shreveport for over twenty years, she also teaches online for Margie Lawson at www.margielawson.com and for the No Stress Writing Academy at https://nostresswriting.com. Sally is a freelance editor and book coach, with many of her students and clients becoming successful, award-winning authors.
Author’s note: Today is Jenny Hansen’s birthday, and I was challenged to write something to celebrate her. You may notice this article is not in my normal style. No editors were harmed in the writing of this article. Although one did require a bit of a hug afterwards.
For Jenn, on your birthday—may your prose be lively, your commas cooperative, and your semicolons never lonely.
Scene 1: The Ballroom Opens
The chandeliers glitter, casting commas of light across polished marble. The great ballroom of Language hums with anticipation, ever-changing as the lights shift with the seasons.
Through tall golden doors, the punctuation marks sweep in.
Commas, normally so reliable and powerful, chatter like excitable cousins at a wedding, clustering and clinging, never quite finishing a thought. Dancing with and, and deep in discussions of Oxford versus minimalism.
Periods tap polished shoes to keep time. Solid. Steady. Reliable.
Semicolons hover near the punch bowl, sighing about how no one truly appreciates refinement anymore.
And then—cue the fanfare—the em dash bursts through the doors. Glitter. Swagger. Spotlight. Every eye turns.
Scene 2: Enter the Em Dash
The em dash doesn’t simply enter—it commands. Each stride a statement, each interruption an encore. It—oh, there it goes again—cuts off the poor colon mid-explanation.
Writers swoon. Nothing says drama like a dashy entrance.
“Why use a period,” they whisper, “when you can leave your reader dangling, breathless—just—like—this?”
The em dash twirls beneath the chandeliers, scattering tiny hyphens like glitter.
Somewhere, a comma faints.
The em dash becomes a solid feature of every best seller. Used cautiously like the spicy attention-seeker it is.
Scene 3: AI Learns the Steps
In the shadows by the orchestra, something hums—a quiet algorithm keeping rhythm.
AI watches, recording every sway, every glittering dash.
It studies billions of lines where the em dash twirls and the comma stumbles, where humans dance on the edge of grammar. And it learns. Em dashes are power.
Soon, every AI draft reads like a Broadway revue choreographed to feature the power of the em dash.
Em dash. Em dash. Em dash.
Too much spice! But… more human than ever before.
The writers pause mid-spin.
“Wait—if I use too many,” someone whispers, “will readers think I’m the bot?”
Scene 4: Humans Change the Tune
The chandeliers flicker as the music stutters. A new rhythm takes hold—chaotic, human. Imperfect.
Writers begin to trip deliberately:
Misspeling words, definately.
They repeat repeat words.
Sentences are left hanging mid
They sneeze mid-keystroke: asdflkj.
Laughter ripples through the ballroom. The orchestra hesitates, unsure whether this is rehearsal or rebellion.
(And somewhere, the Grammarwitch, my amazing editor, clutches her editing pen like a sword. Don’t worry, Lori—it’s all on porpoise. Now she’s clutching her double strand of pearls in horror.)
Scene 5: The Feedback Loop
AI joins the floor. The lights flash in binary—on, off, on—as circuits hum in time with the waltz.
Now the bots mimic the humans mimicking the bots. They stumble gracefully, pretending to forget the steps, adding a typo flourish here, a double word there.
The ballroom becomes a whirl of mirrors. Reflections of reflections of reflections.
Who’s leading now? Who’s following? The music doesn’t seem to know either.
Scene 6: The Toast
The orchestra quiets. The chandeliers dim to candlelight.
Across the glittering floor, commas and colons pair off, exhausted. Even the em dash slows, pausing mid-gesture—just this once—to let everyone catch their breath.
Raise your glass.
To punctuation—forever personified. To writers—forever messy, magical, and occasionally misspelling for effect. To AI—forever awkwardly trying to keep up.
And most of all, to Jenn—may your birthday be punctuated exactly as you please (with or without em dashes).
Has the dance of AI interfered with your writing style? Alternatively, please feel free to add birthday wishes for the amazing Jenny Hansen!
About Lisa
Lisa Norman's passion has been writing since she could hold a pencil. While that is a cliché, she is unique in that her first novel was written on gum wrappers. As a young woman, she learned to program and discovered she has a talent for helping people and computers learn to work together and play nice. When she's not playing with her daughter, writing, or designing for the web, she can be found wandering the local beaches.
Sharing stories based on your childhood and YA lived experiences
In the back of your closet, attic, or basement, dusty boxes filled with faded snapshots from family and school trips to Disneyland and state parks, ticket stubs from The Nutcracker, baseball, and football games, and photos of your first love, all trigger memories.
While happy experiences are wonderful to share with young audiences, stories without conflict and a clear message may not resonate with contemporary readers.
Blended families, the death of family members and pets, and a new sibling may create conflict.
Certain group dynamics kids and YA’s exhibit toward each other transcend the passage of time.
Common issues within this demographic are:
Bullying
Peer pressure
Loneliness
Cliques
Learning
Self–esteem
Mental and physical health
Growth phases
What message do you want to share with kids, YAs, and why?
Youngsters excluded from birthday parties, cliques, sleepovers, and last to be chosen to play soccer, or have physical and emotional difficulties, need support.
Stories offering hope, encouragement, and coping skills are ideal.
Choosing your genre, writing style, and POV—creative nonfiction or memoir?
Writing stories using creative nonfiction techniques instead of the memoir lends itself to ‘based on your experiences.’
Creating composites of your characters takes the pressure off you to include family, friends, and educators’ names, recalling dialogue and body language, and easily identifying your characters.
Elements of creative nonfiction
1. Plot and Storyline ~
Using paper, pen, marker, notes, or a computer spreadsheet, compile your childhood and young adult timeline. Not every year of your life is story material. Choose an experience that had the most emotional consequences and impact on you.
2. Choosing Point of View ~
First-person POV may elicit all the tension, struggle, and resolution you need to fully develop the story. Still, the First Person POV prevents you from writing scenes without the main character’s presence.
Third-person POV enables you to include your main and additional characters in every scene.
Omniscient Point of View~ Telling the story from the narrator’s point of view may confuse young readers.
3. Settings ~
Draw a map of the city or town where you grew up or where your story takes place. Rename streets, roads, hills, mountains, highways, libraries, and schools. Readers will not point out any errors since the location is fictional. If you have relocated from the East Coast, where your story is located, to the West Coast, refamiliarize yourself with the weather patterns, climate changes on weather and Google apps.
4. Dialogue: Written, Texted, Voice Mail, and Emailed ~
While you cannot resist consulting the Urban Dictionary and back-to-school slang lists, those words and terms may have a short lifespan. You want your story to stay relevant, yet span future generations. “Cool,” a 60’s word, has made a comeback.
Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, TikTok, and other social media sites, “LOL, BRB, OMG, and BAE,” seem to have outlived the test of time.
5. Sensory and Visual Imagery ~
Integrating the 5 senses is a given. To invigorate your memories, venture outdoors and into interior venues. Parks, beaches, mountain ranges, clothing, paint, home improvement, and garden shops will trigger childhood and YA memories.
6. Word Choices ~
Digging deep into your heart and feeling those hard and painful events, your audience will think, I am not alone.
Consider the following words depicting emotions: fear, anger, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, frustration, and worry.
These are only words. What are the physical effects accompanying these feelings?
Fear ~ sweaty palms
Exam and General Anxiety ~ shallow breaths, mind goes blank, sweating
Anger and Frustration~ tightened fists
Loneliness ~ hollow, empty, needing to fill the void with food
Sadness ~ tired, loss of appetite, not interested in previously enjoyed activities
Updating your technology
To engage contemporary audiences, include cell phones (age-appropriate), tablets, social media (age-appropriate), TV streaming services, online games, texting, debit cards, and parental controls.
For example, I once was an instructor at United Cerebral Palsy. Being a keen observer of people and animals, I used that ability to better portray differently-abled characters—particularly for a bullied child with cerebral palsy, who learns that being himself is just fine.
In the book, I also covered:
Cindy, a child in a sports camp who doesn’t excel in sports, finds a place for herself there.
Carla has a conflict with a friend over a gift for grandma that the friend wants.
Tommy must deal with a fear of flying and learn how to overcome it.
Sam is dealing with the death of a friend and teammate.
Incorporating additional resources and historical references
Grandparents and elders are great storytellers. They provide excellent opportunities for youngsters to learn about their cultural, ancestral heritage, and beliefs. Learning about Native Americans, Ellis Island, the Holocaust, World War I and II is vital to our present–day lives.
Millennials – The end of Generation X (ages 1981-1996, 1981-2001)
Digital age family history websites and photos, smartphones, DVDs, social media, texting, emails, desktops, and indie-published geology, family reunion videos.
Major Historical Events
911 and the aftermath
2000 recession
Generation Xers (ages 45–60, 1965–1980)
Wedding, baby, and graduation photos, and infants’ bronzed footprints, above the fireplace, in the bedroom, kitchen, and workspaces.
Postcards, handwritten letters, theatre, movie, and concert tickets may be tucked inside books, Bibles, and memory boxes tied with pink and blue ribbons.
Major Historical Events
Civil Rights Movement (1954 – 1968)
Martin Luther King’s works and passing
The Vietnam War (November 1955 – April 1975)
Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon
Baby Boomers (Ages 61–79, 1946–1964)
American Bandstand
Record turntables
Radios
Boom boxes
Drive–in movies
Motown
The Grand Ole Opry
Major Historical Events
John F. Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy assassinations
MLK’s assassination
The Vietnam War
The Space Race
Photographers showing a live feed to global audiences
Final thoughts
Kids and YAs have always needed our love, support, and understanding. Inspire this demographic with your stories of hope, empathy, and coping skills.
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About Marilyn
Multi–award–winning writer Marilyn June Janson, M.S. Ed, began her career at 9 years old. Through her lived childhood and YA experiences, she shares stories of success despite adversity, peer pressure, bullying, loneliness, and test anxiety. Ms. Janson offers readers coping skills for better mental health. Ms. Janson has earned four peer support specialist certificates and serves as a trauma-informed facilitator. She is currently working on a fifth certification.
Marilyn’s WIP is The Brooke Book. The title character is a new student at Meridian High School, Phoenix, Arizona. A traumatic event leaves this 16–year–old with memory loss. Doubted by her classmates, she is cyberstalked and bullied. Who is telling her the truth about what happened? Can she trust anyone?
