Writers in the Storm

A blog about writing

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Judgement! Or Why We Don’t Believe in our Writing

By Sarah “Sally” Hamer

Humans are judgmental creatures. We look at ourselves in a mirror on the way out of the door and make a decision as to whether we look good enough to go outside. We might fluff our hair or touch up lipstick or straighten a collar, but we’re still judging. Is it good enough?

  • Good enough for what?
  • For whom?
  • For what occasion?
  • Who sets those darned rules, anyhow?

How we judge ourselves comes from our culture and our upbringing for the most part.

Humans are hard-wired to live together in groups, small or large, and the groups around us are intimately engaged in what they will accept in our behavior and appearance. In some cultures and time periods, for instance, a man is not allowed to have facial hair. But other cultures and time periods not only expect that facial hair but will judge a man for not having enough. Whatever enough is. We obey those social rules at the risk of being ostracized and laughed at and, in some cases, even thrown out of the group.

So, what does this have to do with writing?

It works in exactly the same way.

We are our own toughest critics. After all, we create something deeply personal and give it to the world to tear apart. Writing is an intimate process, and we have so many chances to distrust ourselves. We know that EVERYTHING we write will be judged by somebody, so we judge it first. And, for some people, it never goes any further.

After all, it’s supposed to be perfect, right? But we set impossibly high standards for our work, comparing it to everything we’ve ever read. We write, then edit, then write and re-edit, and can find it very difficult to be satisfied. In fact, the quest for perfection can be so paralyzing that the manuscript never goes out of the door.

If that’s not bad enough, we’re judged by everyone who reads anything we write. People have opinions, formed by their experiences and ideas. Different people like different things—in fact, if we all liked just one book, there would only be that one book. So, each of us has likes and dislikes that sway our reading decisions. What kind of books do you like? I’m into happy endings and dragons. It’s not a good story without dragons, right? But what about the people who would never purchase a dragon book? They’re certainly entitled to their own opinion and to buy—and read—what they want.

But too often it turns into judgment. If I like those dragons, do I have the right to tell you that you are wrong if you don’t like them?

Finding the right fit.

Part of the problem also is that commercial fiction has an entire wall of pigeonholes that books are supposed to fit in. Finding the right pigeonhole can be an entire class of doubt on its own. Most of us do research on what we think is acceptable to the audience we want to read it. If we’re writing a romance novel, for instance, there are established and pretty darned specific rules. It’s probably not as carved in stone as it used to be when I first started writing decades ago. But back then, even the best-written book in the world wouldn’t be published by the “big” houses, if it didn’t mean the accepted criteria.

Other genres can be just as restricted: a mystery almost always has a dead body and a puzzle to solve. Suspense stories allow the villain to be known, even to the protagonist, but it’s a cat-and-mouse chase from beginning to end. Major fantasy sagas almost always have a mysterious character who leads an innocent unknown hero/ine into an adventure. And the list goes on and on.

So, we judge our writing.

  • Will it fit in the established pigeonhole?
  • Does it need to?
  • What if we just want to write what we want to write?

Honestly, it depends on the WHY of writing. Why are you writing? Often when I’m talking to a new writer—or even a more experienced one who hasn’t accomplished what they want—I find that some of us are writing for all the wrong reasons. And, even worse, sometimes we’re selling our soul.

Writing to publish is completely different from writing for oneself.

What reason are you writing? Is it to publish? (I remember when Snoopy from the Peanuts comics wrote his book on his typewriter on top of his doghouse and sent it off with a letter to the publisher – “Just send the check when you get this.” Would it be that easy!)

Publishing requires a subset of skills that not all writers have or are willing to acquire. It takes marketing skills, writing to a target audience, social media presence, and a whole bunch of other things that some people just aren’t up for.

The question I often get from that “newbie” is, “If I write a book, I’ll make lots of money, right?” Wrong. Well, it’s possible. Of course it is. There are many people who do just that. But it’s such a small percentage of writers that it may not be worth all the work that goes into it.

So, ask yourself:

  • WHY do you write?
  • Is your judgment of your WHY based on a set of standards you may not wish to meet?
  • Or, do you write because you want to learn how?
  • Does it come from your heart?
  • Are you learning what type of a writer you want to be as you write?
  • Do you believe in yourself?

Because, bottom line, there is hope. Set your goals. Understand what you’re trying to accomplish.


Give yourself a chance to find your inner voice. Then, you’ll never have to worry about what someone else—or your own internal critic—thinks.

* * * * * *

About Sally

Sarah (Sally) Hamer, B.S., MLA, is a lover of books, a teacher of writers, and a believer in a good story. Most of all, she is eternally fascinated by people and how they 'tick'. She’s passionate about helping people tell their own stories, whether through fiction or through memoir. Writing in many genres - mystery, science fiction, fantasy, romance, medieval history, non-fiction – she has won awards at both local and national levels, including two Golden Heart finals.

A teacher of memoir, beginning and advanced creative fiction writing, and screenwriting at Louisiana State University in Shreveport for over twenty years, she also teaches online for Margie Lawson at www.margielawson.com and hosts symposiums at www.mindpotential.org. Find her at info@mindpotential.org.

Tip Image by Vilius Kukanauskas from Pixabay

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Want Readers to Empathize? Use Hidden Experiences!

by Angela Ackerman

No matter who your protagonist is—a formidable galactic emperor, a morally complex teenager, or the retiree down the street with too many cats—readers must find something fundamentally relatable about them, something that resonates with their own human experience. This causes them to feel bonded to the character in a way they didn’t expect, and we need that to happen to get them invested in the story.

Tapping into our reader’s psyche to pull on their emotions is essential. Often writers focus on likeability, giving a character admirable traits, a passion, or noble mission that the reader can get behind. But the secret sauce is something more subtle yet nuanced: emotional common ground.

Tell me, do these experiences seem familiar?

  • Not knowing what to do
  • Making a mistake
  • Regretting a choice
  • Trying and failing
  • Wanting to quit
  • Needing to hide disappointment
  • Being unsure as to how to ask for help
  • Recognizing a truth too late
  • Knowingly doing the wrong thing
  • Pretending to be okay
  • Feeling taken advantage of
  • Having no good options


These are emotionally challenging moments common to us all, ones that stick with us due to the discomfort and vulnerability they cause. When we feel exposed, it’s human nature to keep those feelings to ourselves. As a result, they often become hidden experiences—things we go through that stir deep emotions but are rarely shared or discussed.

Hidden experiences are interesting because while we can feel utterly alone when they happen, if we realize someone else is going through the same thing, our first response is to feel empathy and possibly a desire to help. In fiction, hidden experiences can be a goldmine. If a character goes through something that makes them feel say, threatened, exposed, or inadequate, readers will instantly recognize it. Even better, a kinship forms because they know what it’s like to be in that character’s emotional shoes.

While it’s not exactly enjoyable to face life’s challenges—especially when we don’t handle them as well as we’d hope—the silver lining is that we can use those experiences to our advantage in fiction. Giving readers a front row seat to a character’s vulnerability, insecurities, and struggles is a powerful way to foster empathy and make them invested in what happens next. To get the best mileage from a hidden experience, we should think about points in a story where reinforcing common ground makes the most sense. A few ideas… 

Moral Dilemmas

Navigating conflicting morals or values is never simple or easy. When a character wrestles with a moral problem, they instinctively turn inward, reasoning through their options. This process will draw the reader in, especially as they recognize that whatever the character decides, it will say something about who they are. A solution is never perfect, either, meaning a consequence or cost, which is also relatable. Whenever something important is at stake—like a person’s identity—readers can’t help but think about what they would do in the same situation and be reminded of similar moral struggles they’ve faced in their own life.

Relationship Friction

Humans are social creatures, and we invest in certain relationships. Try as we might to pretend otherwise, we do care what certain people think, and we want to belong. This is why characters experiencing difficulties in a relationship—a partner constantly putting work first, parents who love conditionally, a daughter who is growing more and more distant—pull on a reader’s heartstrings. It’s easy to relate to the desire to erase tension, a gnawing sense of unfairness, or how it feels to have a relationship-based need going unmet.

Temptation

What makes a moral dilemma or tough choice even more difficult? The presence of temptation—to take the easy road, offload a problem onto someone else, give into a bad habit, or be untruthful about what’s transpiring. Temptation is a great hidden experience to use because all readers have been lured by its song. Everyone has felt the pull to justify their actions even knowing they are wrong. They also very likely have experienced the cost of giving in to temptation, so while they will root for a character to resist, they will be somewhat sympathetic if it goes the other way, too.

Life can be painful, so we all have a lot of real-world hidden experiences on our bingo card. But this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be choosy about which ones we write into the story. Sure, readers can relate to a protagonist’s shame and guilt at being caught in a lie, but if their choice to do so has no real bearing on the story or character’s arc, it won’t land right with readers. For hidden experiences to juice your story with meaning, think about where the plot needs to go, the lessons your character needs to learn, and what common internal suffering will be the perfect fit to make the character’s situation more relatable and poignant to readers.

Some of you might find it hard to poke your character’s soft spots, but I promise you, the payoff is huge. Not only are you building in powerful points of connection between characters and your audience, but you also ensure they become deeply invested in the story’s resolution. Readers want to see good things happen for the people they care about, especially those who have endured familiar trials and struggles. 

Have you ever read about a character’s hidden experience and felt instant empathy? Tell me about it!

* * * * * *

About Angela

Angela Ackerman

Angela Ackerman is a story coach, international speaker, and co-author of the bestselling book, The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression, and its many sequels. Available in nine languages, her guides are sourced by US universities, recommended by agents and editors, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, and psychologists around the world. To date, this book collection has sold over a million copies.

Angela is also the co-founder of the popular site Writers Helping Writers®, as well as One Stop for Writers®, a portal to game-changing tools and resources that enable writers to craft powerful fiction. Find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Top Image by hoahoa111 from Pixabay

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Writing Activities and Other Fun for Author School Visits

by Ellen Buikema

Author visits are very rewarding for everyone involved. The teaching staff have nonstop stress, much like parents do, and appreciate the visit. The staff is entertained, or at the very least have some down time, and the students like interacting with the author.

Students of all ages enjoy meeting writers. Be ready for all kinds of interesting and sometimes personal questions, such as: How old are you? Are you rich?

As authors, we can educate, entertain, become better known as writers, and sometimes receive funds.

For me, what worked best was personal contact with teachers and school librarians. Check your local school district and ask about author visits. Keep in mind that security is an issue and you may need to be vetted by the district before being allowed access to the classrooms.

Social media can be helpful. Search for teachers who work with students that are at the reading level for your books. This can lead to long distance—Skype or Zoom—visits which are a lot of fun.

Compensation

Be flexible. Some schools don't have the budget for a big fee, but can promote you and your books before the visit to students and their parents. That way you can sell your books on the day of your visit.

Equipment

Make sure the school has the equipment you need for your talks. But be prepared to have to go without. Technology is fantastic, until it isn’t. Let the teachers know how you'd like the classrooms set up. But be flexible. Keep in mind that sometimes more than one classroom will share the space for your visit.

Not all schools have the same level of technology. Be a good scout—be prepared for anything. You may end up using a board and markers, one never knows.

Book information

Be sure to send a list, with recommended reading ages and cost, a few weeks before your visit, so your contact at the school has time to send it out to families.

Instead of merely reading from your story, try incorporating a few of the following ideas if you’d like.

Children have fleeting attention spans, so take this into account. Generally, the younger the child, the shorter the attention. What works for fifth graders will not translate well for kindergarten.

Pre-K and Kinder

Very young students do well with bright, cheerful voices that allow for lots of interruptions. They love an exuberant story told with lots of emotion and gestures. Illustrations work very well for them. If you have the capability to show your illustrated book on a large screen while reading the story you’ll keep your audience captivated.

First and Second Grades

I’ve had good fortune with poetry, specifically rhyming poetry, with the early grades. Try having the students help you come up with rhyming words and make up a logical, or nonsensical poem with the rhyming words.

Third Grade and up

The rule of three

For older students, breaking up your time into three segments is helpful. You talk for the first third, have the students work in small groups for second third, and everyone gets back together to share their projects/ideas for the last segment. Note that this method works very well for adults while giving talks at conferences.

This is a great method to introduce ways to write stories.

Chat with the teachers ahead of time to find out what you can add to their Language Arts time.

Aside from reading aloud to the students, teaching short lessons on writing, and using the rule of three: talk, small group work, big group share, you might try something different—particularly for the younger students. Puppets.

Sock Puppet Tim

The inspiration for Tim arrived when our eldest child, then eight-years-old, came home from school requesting a puppet she needed to bring to school … the very next day.

My very creative husband sewed a puppet together for her. I was in graduate school during the evenings and missed the puppet construction. And so, Tim was born. Although, he didn’t receive his name until thirty or so years later when he was needed as a sidekick for a video. A story for another day.

Tim has a wacky personality and voice.

Here’s a short script I wrote for a presentation on YouTube. In a classroom of younger students, something similar can be used with a teacher asking the puppet, in this case Sock Puppet Tim, questions on a particular topic. This script is about sharing.

Sock Puppet Tim Speaks About Sharing

Tim, why do kids have trouble sharing toys?  (VO) voice over

  • Well, toys are very important to kids.
  • What if someone said you had to share your car and didn’t say when the car would be back? How does that make you feel?

I don’t think I’d like to share my car unless it was very important. Good point, Tim. (VO)

Parents and kids all need to learn how to share. What can parents, teachers, and babysitters do to help kids have an easier time sharing? (VO)

  • Adult could say, “It’s your friend’s turn to play with the toy in five minutes.”
  • It’s easier to give the toy to someone else when you know you have more time.

Tim, what do you do when someone really can’t let go of a toy? Should you take the toy away and give it to another person? (VO)

  • Oh, that’s a bad idea. That will only make the child sad and maybe cry.
  • It teaches the kids it is okay to do what you want if you are bigger and stronger. I think this might be how bullying starts. Kids learn how to bully. They are not born that way.
  • Adult could say, “Here is a different toy. See if your friend will trade.” That works for me! One time I really wanted my friend’s cool red car. It was really fast. She wouldn’t give it to me. Tim was sad.

What did you do Tim? (VO)

  • Well, I had a purple and blue car. I showed it to her and asked if we could trade. She said yes. Made Tim happy!

Wow, Tim, you know your stuff. How did you get so smart? (VO)

  • Well, I may just be a sock puppet, but I pay attention. Sharing is in Ellen’s book. See, this one here. Good stuff in here.
  • Gotta go.
  • If anyone has questions for Tim, go to www.ellenbuikema.com  Find me there and ask me questions. I answer. Ellen types. I have no hands or feet!! Typing with nose hurts too much.
  • Bye Bye.
  • I love YouTube!

School visits are wonderful opportunities to get the word out, market your books, as well as practice working an audience. Public speaking is an artform that benefits from practice. The students and staff are a great audience. Enjoy!

Have you ever gone to schools for author visits? If so, what worked for you? Do you use the rule of three for presentations?

* * * * * *

About Ellen

Author, speaker, and former teacher, Ellen L. Buikema has written non-fiction for parents, and The Adventures of Charlie Chameleon chapter book series with stories encouraging the development of empathy—sprinkling humor wherever possible. Her Works in Progress are The Hobo Code, YA historical fiction and The Crystal Key, MG Magical Realism/ Sci-Fi, a glaze of time travel.

Find her at https://ellenbuikema.com or on Amazon.

Top Image is a photo sent from a classroom teacher in Vermont of our Author Skype event.

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