Writer's Block vs Turkey Block
by Jenny Hansen
November is here, which means our American Thanksgiving is at the end of the month. In other words, the holidays are upon us, which often leads to stress for writers. Over the years, I have noticed a remarkable similarity between Writer's Block and the Dreaded Turkey Block. I'll share my story, and let y'all decide.
I am late in reserving my organic grass-fed turkey this year. (Yes, I know. I'm from California.) I'm new in my town, so it took me a while to find the best local turkey dealers. And, as always, the minute I reserve that glistening gobbler, my stress-meter cranks sky-high.
My Holiday Confession
I am deathly afraid to take responsibility for the bird.
Really, really afraid. Like heart-pounding-faster-than-a-caffeinated-writer-on-deadline afraid. Obviously, I have a whopping case of the Dreaded Turkey Block.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with this malady, it's like writer's block...only instead of a fear of the page, it's a fear of the bird.
My big brother (we call him the Bag Whore), talks about his Thanksgiving Bird like it's his holiday love muffin: rubbing it with butter, seasoning it...BRINING it, for Pete's sake. I can't listen to him.
And right now, at every cooking store, there's a whole freaking wall dedicated to the bird. An. Entire. Wall.
It's wigging me out.
My Short-term Solution
I can't take the responsibility of being in charge of the main event (aka The Bird). I just can't. So I pawned it off on my husband.
For a decade now, Hubby has been tasked with The Bird and I do everything else. Basically, I'd rather make sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, cranberry fluff, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and three pies than do ONE turkey.
Last year, I even got the Hubs a "brining kit," although I wasn't exactly sure what it was.
This year, my sis and the Bag Whore are coming and they're in charge. I heard rumors about a smoker and injections. (In my mind, that means they are giving the turkey Botox and lip fillers.) Whatever they're doing, I'm just happy I don't have to be involved.
The Remarkable Similarities
I saw the five main symptoms of Writer's Block, and I have ALL FIVE when it comes to The Bird. I'll put them below so you can see what I mean (and heap sympathy upon me in my time of angst).
5 Symptoms of Writer's Block
Writers Block has these five main symptoms when it comes to how people feel about working on their stories:
- No ideas
- Boredom
- Lack of confidence
- Anxiety
- Stress
I feel blessed because I seem able to overcome these feelings when it comes to writing.
Now, let's apply these to The Bird.
Symptom #1: No Ideas
If you are stuck and have no ideas, it is probably because you started writing, prepping your bird, without doing the groundwork of brainstorming and planning.
Remedy: Give the job to your spouse. If you're single, invite someone like The Bag Whore to your feast.
Symptom #2: Boredom
Either you have chosen a topic turkey you are not particularly interested in, or you've been assigned a topic bird you just don't care much about. Either way, you are stuck because you are bored with your topic turkey.
Remedy: Give the job to your spouse. Or run to the internet. Pray if you need to.
Symptom #3: Lack of Confidence
If you feel you aren't qualified to do the writing turkey, you will be stuck from the onset. You may worry that your grammar gobbler technique isn't good enough or you have poor spelling basting skills. You may be hearing criticisms in your head from previous attempts at writing turkey-making.
Remedy: Give the job to your spouse. Or open wine. Lots and lots of wine.
Symptom #4: Anxiety
When you are full of anxiety about something, you feel agitated, fidgety, jittery. Your mind goes in every possible direction except to the task at hand.
[Yesssss.]
Remedy: Sit or lie comfortably in a quiet, dimly lit space. Close your eyes and settle your breathing. Then picture yourself doing the required writing turkey. Don't think about the content bird that needs to be written conquered, only see yourself writing conquering said gobbler. Notice details surrounding you and the turkey...Then notice how you feel about the image and how the person you see feels. Sit with this image for as long as you can.
[I'm pretty much calling crapola on this "remedy." I absolutely don't feel less anxiety about jacking up the turkey.]
Symptom #5: Stress
When stress has its grip, you can't think straight. You can't even begin to sit still and do some writing turkey-wrestling.
Remedy: Have a pre-writing pre-bird ritual that helps you to slow down and relax. Know in advance where you plan to write cook, and prepare your space. Make it free of clutter and get out your supplies and materials. Then do some physical activity to relax your muscles and clear your mind. Take several deep breaths and do some long, slow stretches.
[Pffffftttt.]
Addendum: Nope. Not working. I'm still thinking about having to look my guests in the eye and apologize for a dry-as-hell pitiful bird.
Remedy: Give the job to your spouse. Make TONS of gravy. Drink more wine, or eat some chocolate.
Pep Talk Time
So there you have it...the five symptoms of Writer's Turkey Block and my remedies. I'll get through it. I always do. And whether you're thinking about your bird or your manuscript, I promise you will break through to the other side too.
Now back to you, my lovelies...
Have you conquered the Turkey Frontier? How about Writer's Block? What are your secrets? Enquiring minds (and Thanksgiving hosts everywhere) would love to hear them!
* * * * * *
About Jenny
By day, Jenny Hansen provides brand storytelling, LinkedIn coaching, and copywriting for accountants and financial services firms. By night, she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction, and short stories. After 20+ years as a corporate trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.
Find Jenny here at Writers In the Storm, or online on Facebook or Instagram.
Top photo purchased from Depositphotos.
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29 comments on “Writer's Block vs Turkey Block”
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My Thanksgiving stress is GRAVY. At home is fine. I have a traditional plan, but this year I'm taking gravy as a side and I may not be able to get the piece de resistance:the essence from the cooked turkey. HELP! Your post today brings a smile to my stress!
This is a solid worry, Beth! Here's what I'd do...see if a local butcher (or the host) will give you the turkey neck and organ meats early. You can have a sauce pan going the day before with the turkey neck, some onion, garlic, and all those organ meat neck parts on simmer. Take them off and pull all that meat off the neck. Store that in a bag for the final gravy. But you can make a gravy base with the broth from that neck and just heat it up the day of.
Works like a charm!
I can feel your anxiety while reading the article!
This year we are going out of town for Thanksgiving, so we are not playing "Bumper Spouse" in the kitchen while making the whopping huge dinner.
These days, if I am Turkey Master, I buy a Kosher turkey from Trader Joe's as they are not injected with delightful chemicals that my system can no longer tolerate.
To survive, I've learned to preplan by day and by hour.
When cooking for Thanksgiving, I am an extreme plotter. When writing, I'm mostly a pantser with a plotting glaze.
Super interesting comparison!
Thanks, Jenny!
Ha! I totally have a holiday turkey phobia, which is hilarious since I make whole chickens all the time.
I hear you on getting the best bird possible. No one needs any of that YUCK. My sis said she's making a mix for the internal injection -- local apple cider, cinnamon sticks, bay leaves, cloves, peppercorns and salt. I don't know what any of this will look like, but I like all that stuff, so win-win. 🙂
And I really like that "pantser with a plotting glaze." Nifty metaphor!
ROTFLMA! I have been in charge of the bird every holiday for years...My solution has been to make everything else ahead of time and keep it refrigerated or frozen until the day of (day before if frozen). Then the day of it's the bird's turn. Yup I'm one who lovingly(or do I mean vengefully?)rubs it with spice-laden butter and stick it in the bird bag and into the oven. After a few hours, I'm checking the bird's temperature too often, like an over-anxious mother. Everything else gets warmed up so I can look like a cooking wizard when it all arrives on the table hot and scrumptious looking. Oh wait, that's my dream. Reality has more wine in it. A lot more. Thanks for the laugh-out-loud moments today, Jenny.
Bird bag? Now I want to know what a bird bag is. And wine...every holiday prep saga needs wine. 🙂
I'm a lot more comfortable with a blank page than I am with a turkey! This year the family couldn't get on the same date, so I have TWO Thanksgivings to plan for. (rolls eyes) I'm going to try this for one of them: https://grilling24x7.com/nashville-hot-turkey-oven-roasted/ because if nothing else, it'll be an adventure!!!
Exactly! I'll take the blank page EVERY time over The Dreaded Thanksgiving Turkey. I absolutely bow to you with your double Thanksgivings!
And Nashville Hot Turkey...is that like Nashvile Hot Chicken, by chance? If so, you are an amazing overachiever!!!
LOL I LOVE this analogy. Since I live alone, I go with the turkey roll, though I wish I could get one with all dark meat.
Writer's Block? I no longer believe in it. I discovered long ago that if it means I'm stuck. I don't know the character well enough for them to make a decision or I have plotted the events well enough for something to have happened forcing the character to make a decision. Having learned plotting from the experts, I enjoy sharing my discoveries with other writers. My beta testers discovered they had been stuck, too!
I am super jealous of the no-work turkey roll, although with my luck it would have gluten in it.
I don't believe in writer's block either, because there is always something you can do on your book, even if it wasn't what you originally thought you'd do.
But the turkey? If hives were a think from looking at the raw holiday bird, I'd totally get those.
I'd rather write a novel than cope with a turkey any day.
Hahahahahaha! Me tooooo.
'Writer's block' happens for me a lot, and is ALWAYS traced to a physical or mental problem due to chronic illness.
I can wait/hope until it goes away, or, like this last time, figure out why - and fix it if possible.
Turned out to be that the horribly erratic sleep I live with had gotten worse. Much worse. After some thinking and some experimentation, I've come up with a temporary solution which involves NOT thinking about it, but putting myself back to bed as many times as I need to over the course of the night, with as many small meals as the system insists upon until I have accumulated at least 6 hours total sleep (7 is better, 7.5 heaven, more - impossible).
It means going back to bed when I'm sure I have no hope of sleeping - any time spent with my eyes closed counts.
The current solution is good for as long as it lasts.
And is working.
The critical next step is to try to write first every day - so as not to waste that sleep. And to accept that whatever energy I might have for the rest of the day will have to do for those required chores that can be postponed, ignored, or not done.
I am so happy you have found a new sleep regiment that is working! That's excellent news. And yes, being physically or mentally exhausted is just asking for angst with the writing.
Music, music is the key. When writing, music blocks out the rest of the world and sets the mood for me. When I return to the same passage, if I play the same music I'm right back in the moment and the mood.
The same goes for the turkey. Music is the key! (Please note that any rumors that I listen to Christmas music while readying the turkey are just that, rumors.) In fact, I'll go a step further. Music and dancing. Both of these are perfect for the holiday and get my juices moving in the kitchen (the turkey's, too). In fact, with a little imagination, the turkey dances right along with me and yells, "Shake it, Christina, get the stuffing out!"
You absolutely crack me up, Christina!
Very well written article. I will use it as a guide as I develop posts for my blog.
I had to chuckle when I saw this title. It so makes sense! (even though I'm off the turkey-making hook this year).
Congratulations! And a very happy Thanksgiving to you, Kris!
Great analogy--and very well executed.
Happy Thanksgiving to you!
Thanks bunches, Marian! It was fun to write as well. 🙂
Ha! Very funny but it sounds like you solved your turkey anxieties years ago--give it to hubby!!! 😆😂👏
The writing issues you cannot give away so easily altho nowadays there are AI assistants 🤔🤔
Lol...thanks, Matthew! This year, I gave it over to my siblings. I am still so happy it's on the "Not My Job" list.
From my experience, Thanksgiving turkeys are always dry as heck. That just seems to be how God made turkeys. They're not very appetizing, but we eat them anyway out of a perverse sense of tradition. As long as you don't burn it or undercook it, you'll be fine.
🙂
I appreciate the pep talk! According to my siblings, a smoked turkey isn't dry. I will report back on that, because this year is my first one.
Too funny, Jenny! I'm fine with the turkey, but it's really nice to have married kids to share out the rest of the work!
Hi Jennifer! Long time, no see. 🙂
I'll bet that is a massive relief on the workload front. Congratulations!
my least favorite thing is picking the meat off the carcass for leftovers. and, I'm not crazy about leftover turkey.
That's interesting, Denise! That was one of my jobs as a kid, so I am aces at "deboning the bird," as we call it. I just don't want to be in charge of it. 🙂