Writers in the Storm

(or How To Meet People in Mutually Beneficial Ways Without Feeling Like a Salesman or Wanting to Chew Your Eyes Out)

by Laura VanArendonk Baugh

I see a lot of writers stressing about talking with other writers at events. The stereotype, of course, is that writers are writers because they would rather sit in a dark room by themselves than interact with other people. And yes, it’s true, I do spend a lot of time with my imaginary friends.

But not only are writers capable of socializing like normal functional humans, it’s essential that they do. Publishing is too big to go alone; you’re going to need to take along some colleagues, for everything from critique partners to comparable marketing to moral support.

I’ve been attending 2-5 in-person conferences a year (except in 2020) for writing and my day job for the last decade or more. I’ve done a lot of conferences. Here are some things to keep in mind and to try!

Starting Point:

Remember, we’re all in that room for the same general purpose.

You already have common ground, something to talk about, and similar goals. I am not going to find myself sitting beside someone whose only interest is NFL fantasy brackets or something equally incomprehensible to me; I know the person next to me likes fiction and making fiction, just like me. You’re not approaching a stranger on public transit, you’re getting to know someone who has already been pre-filtered for you.

At conferences, the speed-dating is built into registration—if you both registered, you have something in common! So even before you start, remember you are among your people.

Another Starting Point:

If you insist on using a label, make sure it’s the right one, and don't sabotage yourself.

I’m going to step on some toes here, but here we go: There are a few times that labels are helpful (mostly in marketing), but using a common internet misunderstanding to excuse unhelpful behavior isn’t one of them.

I see so much online about, “I can’t talk to people, I’m an introvert” or something similar. I had a friend who regularly made excuses of, “You should have known I wouldn’t get back to you about that work question, I’m an introvert.” This is flatly ridiculous.

An introvert is someone who “recharges” with alone time. An extrovert is someone who regains energy by spending time with other people. There are a few more details (an extrovert may have less filter when thinking aloud, etc.) but they’re just details. Those labels have nothing to do with shyness, social skills, public speaking ability, etc. -- and anyway, labels are primarily useful as descriptors, they do not determine your skills or ability to learn skills.

Most of the best conference speakers I’ve known personally for years are introverts. An extrovert can have clinical social anxiety. The label is not a predictor of social comfort or networking success.

So an introvert may need some alone time to reset for the next day (or especially after a conference ends!), but being a introvert does not make you shy or unable to have a conversation with other people. It’s certainly not a label that precludes networking ability.

Introverts and Networking

In fact, being an introvert may even make you better at networking, because you are less interested in general chatter (small talk) for energizing and more interested in specifics.

So if your concern is that networking will be hard because you’re an introvert—congratulations, the armchair psychologists of social media had lied to you, but now that worry is gone. Your concern is not whether you can talk with people, but how to most efficiently recharge after doing so. (More on that below.)

Action Point: Prepare some questions.

I actually like to lampshade this at writers conferences: “This seat’s open! Let me get my bag out of your way, sorry. Hi, I’m Laura. So, obligatory first question, what do you write?”

I have a script, gently satirizing myself and our community and using humor to ease the interaction. (I suppose people who are too serious for self-aware meta humor won’t like it, but they’re probably not going to be my friends anyway.) And this question is one I know the other person can answer, because they’re at a writers conference.

Okay, yes, I’ve met quite a few non-writers at writers conferences—and this question still worked! Because they answered with another reason they were present, and then we riffed on that.

Other questions in my regular catalog include:

• What do you do for fun? (not what do you do for a living; that’s a common one but less useful for me)
• What are you reading right now?
• What are you working on right now? (Warning, this one can be dangerous, especially with novices who haven’t learned how to elevator pitch yet. I’ve been trapped for 15+ minutes as someone recapped their entire plot paragraph by paragraph, with no polite way to disengage without offending. Use this one only after a few other questions—and also, make sure you’re the person who has an elevator pitch rather than a retelling!)

You get the idea.

Scripts save a lot of energy in not having to re-invent the wheel for every new encounter, and they're still very flexible when an exchange takes you into an interesting conversation. They also prevent awkward staring silence if you just don’t hit it off. Do not fear scripts! Think of some questions in advance.

Action Point: Know your goals.

So why are you meeting people at the conference?

This is going to be very individual. A new writer might go to a conference hoping to find new friends with similar aspirations and to get some moral support in a relatively isolated activity with an extremely delayed gratification. Another writer might be looking for critique partners. Another might be looking to recruit colleagues for an anthology. Another needs some newsletter swap partners in their sub-genre.

These goals do not influence whether you talk to people—I’m going to invite someone to the empty seat regardless—but it might influence some of the script you prepare. “Oh, I write big fat epic fantasy, too! We’re trying to put together a critique group…”

I know that sounds incredibly obvious, but trust me, it’s far easier than you think to realize later that d’oh, I should have asked him if he’s interested in doing a swap. If you consciously put your goals into your script, then it’s easier to remember.

And if you did realize only later, you can still recover with the business card.

Action Point: Have business cards!

I know, I sound like someone over 30. That’s because I am over 30, and also because business cards still work.

Your card should have:

• your name
• your email address (NOT just social media, though you can include them if there's room and you want to)
• your website
• your genre or subgenre (be specific if applicable)
• a little personal flavor, please

Don't just put "writer" on your card, however hipster-cool that may have sounded in your head, because that gives nothing to work with when someone pulls that card out later. Was this the person doing memoir or the paranormal romance? I don't want to contact them for the wrong thing or admit that I can't remember, so I just won't contact them.

Because my cards have my website address, I have been able to use the same ones for years, rather than needing to reprint every time a new social media platform launches or becomes politicized or is sold or whatever. Social media is too volatile to hang an entire network on; include email and website. Just email if you don't have a website yet. (And for the love of Ada Lovelace, do check your email.)

Business cards can be cool (mine look like I'm a character in a trading card game), and they can also be extremely affordable, as low as under $10 for 100-500 cards depending on source.

Make a Note

And then when you receive a business card, consider taking a moment to make a note on it. "Contact re epic critique" takes only a couple of seconds to write and will save a lot of time later of wondering why you kept this card among a few dozen others. (Note: I'm speaking here of American conferences, where this is largely okay. It's not okay to casually write on someone's card in some cultures, and there you should make alternate notes. Please be aware of your setting!)

Prefer digital archives instead of trying to save cards? I like to snap a photo of a business card in Evernote and add any notes there. Then I have the card and useful annotations saved together permanently.

In short, business cards are a great way to automate or alleviate much of the mental load of networking. Use them.

Action Point: Build in recovery.

This is primarily for introverts, but does apply to everyone to some degree. Remember, introvert/extrovert is a continuum rather than two separate boxes, and extroverts also need some alone time, if not as much.

You know you need time to recharge, so plan it just as you plan anything else in your conference schedule. You wouldn't skip mealtime and then complain of being hungry, would you? (Well, some people would, but don't be that guy.)

I sometimes get a hotel room for myself so I am guaranteed a solitary time block in the evening. If I feel like going out to join others for dinner or a game or whatever, I can—and if I want to go back to my room and do something solitary, I can.

When room-sharing is a financial necessity, then make another arrangement for yourself, just as you would plan for alternative meals if skipping expensive restaurants. Is there a park where you can go to walk? I've also gone walking in hotel corridors that were not near the hip-happening conference rooms, or used empty meeting spaces to sit and work for a bit. Go outside—it's not only usually less crowded, it's also just better for you to have air and light and grass.

Or room with an introvert, and agree to ignore each other in the evening without guilt. I've happily sat on my bed with my headphones on while someone else ignored me with her own headphones on. We've promised one another zero pressure to interact, just recharging.

Give yourself short breaks during the day. Scheduled session breaks or meal breaks can be used for networking or for a few minutes to yourself. It's also okay to miss a session, if you need a break. Catch the video replay online or trade session notes with a new friend.

I also block my calendar for post-conference recovery time. As much as possible, I don't book private clients on that Monday; that's a day to do solitary administrative work.

The point is, plan ahead as you would for any need.

Action Point: Make yourself available.

When it's not your recovery period, be accessible.

If I see someone sitting in the far corner of the room with headphones on, I'll assume that person is taking a personal moment and isn't interested in networking at this time. If you put yourself to the side because you need some time for yourself and the corner with headphones is the only place to get it, that's fine. If you put yourself in the corner regularly and then are disappointed that you're not making connections, consider putting yourself somewhere else.

Sit next to people. If you're the first at a table, pull out chairs for others. Put down your phone, take out your earbuds. Make it obvious that you're approachable. Maybe even look up and make eye contact. (Okay, maybe a step too far for writers.)

Seriously, think of the image you're presenting. You're a writer, so you already know about characterization; use that! Present yourself as someone who is interested.

What's your plan?

I hope this gives you some practical points on making connections at your next writers conference. If you have more tips, please add them below! This post was plenty long enough already. ;)

Writers, what networking techniques or tools work for you?

About Laura

Laura VanArendonk Baugh writes fantasy of many flavors as well as non-fiction. She has summited extinct, dormant, and active volcanoes, but none has yet accepted her sacrifice. She lives in Indiana where she enjoys Dobermans, travel, fair-trade chocolate, and making her imaginary friends fight one another for her own amusement. Find her award-winning work at LauraVAB.com

Laura@LauraVanArendonkBaugh.com

Image Credit:

First image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Second photo by Van Tay Media on Unsplash

by Ellen Buikema

As a writer, you have the power to create new worlds filled with characters, places, and plots. 

To make sure your readers emotionally invest in the characters you create, you need to develop interesting ones so your readers will connect with them on a personal level.

Is it vital to know everything about your characters before you write? Maybe not. It’s important to know some background, strengths, flaws, and the personalities of your main characters before you get started but remember that these fictional people will evolve as you create their stories.

Background

The journey helps make us who we are.

The background is a blending of personal history, life experiences, and situations that shape who people are in the present. Knowing a character's background helps readers understand why characters do what they do.

Here are several points to keep in mind while creating a character's background:

Family

“People in a family act to control the range of one another’s behavior.” - Gregory Bateson, anthropologist and systems theorist

Depending on the relationships with their closest caregivers, people are more relatable, shy, or rowdy. Relationships with siblings, parents, and extended family influence characters’ values and how they relate to others.

How they are raised impacts, but does not limit, their worldview.

Makeup of Family Structure

Families are complicated, and they may be made up of various members, a point worth exploring in your writing. Who are your protagonist’s closest relatives? Are these people present? Absent? How does your character feel about them? Answers to these questions can uncover essential details about your protagonist.

What is the birth order of your protagonist? The baby of the family will have different perspectives than a firstborn. Children who grow up in a single-parent household may have a different viewpoint than someone who grows up in a two-parent household.

Is the family a tight-knit family? Or rarely has contact with their relations? This can affect your character’s motivations and decisions.

A tip for those writing historical fiction:

In medieval Europe, birth order for upper-class males, was significant. The eldest inherited the father’s title, the parents sent the second son to the church, and the third went to the military. Birth order back then had vast implications for sons’ futures. All paths led to possible positions of power, but very different types.

Interdependence of Families

To develop realistic families, consider how one person’s decisions affect the others. What if your protagonist leaves home to save themself but leaves siblings to deal with the aftermath? Like physics, does one reaction produce an equal and opposite reaction? The joy of freedom to be gone versus anguish at being left behind? Or there may be emotional scarring on both sides. Consider the inter-relationships of family members as you weave your story.

Socioeconomic status 

Financial situations can influence attitudes as well as opportunities. Funding may create or remove obstacles in their growth path.

Say, for example, that your protagonist leads a life of privilege and faces the loss of everything. Will there be enough emotional “cushion” for her to bounce back on her feet? Will she be at a disadvantage, not streetwise enough to cope?

Perhaps your main character is flat broke, and then wins the lottery, or inherits a fortune. How will that change his future? Will he be bamboozled by those who would take advantage? How might his personality be affected?

Culture

A character's values, worldview, and experiences are all influenced by their cultural background. Cultural identity affects how they interact with others within and outside their primary sphere of influence and how they maneuver within their environment.

The novel that came to my mind regarding family and culture is Mario Puzo’s The Godfather.

In The Godfather loyalty to La Famiglia is more important than anything else, and family ties are close.

“A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.” Mario Puzo, The Godfather.

Friends, a close second.

“Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than the government. It is almost the equal of family.” Mario Puzo, The Godfather.

Protection from the outer-world, outside these characters’ culture, is provided by La Famiglia.

“I don't trust society to protect us. I have no intention of placing my fate in the hands of men whose only qualification is that they managed to con a block of people to vote for them.” Mario Puzo, The Godfather.

Education and Career Choices 

What our characters choose to do for a living, and the education that got them there shine a light on a character's interests, skills, and strengths. A character's schooling and profession influence their socioeconomic status, relationships, and lifestyle. What school did they attend? Was it progressive? Are they happy in their current job?

Traumatic Life Events 

Traumatic experiences significantly impact a character's behavior and personality. Trauma influences the way a character handles relationships, deals with fears, beliefs, and can drive their decisions.

Trauma may:

• Change the way a character thinks: Your protagonist may have spent life thinking that others are trustworthy. After being harmed by someone in a traumatic experience, they now think, “I can’t trust anyone.”
• Lead to avoidance: Trauma can cause a need to avoid situations reminiscent of the traumatic event, making the character think that the only way to feel safe is to make their world smaller. This makes it difficult to have a full life.
• Make one hyperalert: Trauma kickstarts our brain’s fear center, sending us into flight or fight mode for survival. But the brain may stay in this hyperalert state. Then everything becomes a potential threat. For example, if your character was beaten while walking in a parking garage, he might feel fear creep in every time he walks into a darkened area.
• Cause emotional numbness: Your character may feel “dead inside.” This happens in cases of inescapable trauma, like childhood abuse. Survival comes through entering a detached state to protect the mind.
• Create anger and frustration: After a traumatic event, your character may feel powerless and blow situations out of proportion. This may cause others in the story to react in anger. This makes for a self-fulfilling prophesy. Your character feels like no one will ever understand them.

Final Thoughts

Understanding these five key elements of a character's background lets you create a multidimensional, relatable character. 

Not all characters need a detailed backstory, but having a basic understanding of their background can help you develop an engaging, realistic character.

What do you think is the most important thing to understand about your character’s background? Of the stories you’ve read, which ones have exceptionally relatable characters? Did you have a good understanding of those characters’ background information?

* * * * * *

About Ellen

Author, speaker, and former teacher, Ellen L. Buikema has written non-fiction for parents, and The Adventures of Charlie Chameleon chapter book series with stories encouraging the development of empathy—sprinkling humor wherever possible. Her Works in Progress are The Hobo Code, YA historical fiction and The Crystal Key, MG Magical Realism/ Sci-Fi, a glaze of time travel.

Find her at https://ellenbuikema.com or on Amazon.

Top Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

By William F. Wu

I’m writing this with two longtime friends of mine in mind. I’ll call them Carol and Rick. Both were close to my age. Carol died in her sixties and Rick died some years later in his seventies, both of natural causes. 

They were published writers. Carol had poems published and Rick was an author of science fiction and fantasy short stories. They met briefly through me but did not really know each other, as they lived in different parts of the country. What they had in common in my view is that neither came close to reaching their creative potential.

I’m not using their real names because I want to focus on a point about writing. Even so, I find passing judgement on other people’s lives uncomfortable. If they’re somehow watching over my shoulder, I hope they don’t mind too much.

Interested but Not Ready

Carol and Rick talked to me often about their interest in writing. For many years, however, Rick did not write fiction at all and Carol wrote poetry very rarely. I still considered them writers and sometimes asked if they were working on something. 

Sometimes Carol would mention a notion she had about a poem. When I asked if she was working on it, “I’m not ready” was an answer I often got. When it was not said specifically, they sometimes made the same point in a roundabout way. Rick liked to talk about premises for short stories. If I asked if he was going to work on one, he would say that he wanted to write, but made clear he was not going to do so soon.

Not Ready Yet

I’ve spent my adult life around creative people, not only writers but artists, singer-songwriters, and jewelers among others. All of us have plans in various stages of development that we’re not working on yet. Yes, I have projects I’m not ready to write. I usually start with notes and develop a story of whatever length – novels and short stories -- over time. Sometimes a story comes together pretty fast, while others might sit for years. The difference compared to Carol and Rick is that most of us are working on something else while we consider those projects. 

Carol and Rick, after a certain point in life, weren’t ready ever again for any particular project. 

Obviously, none of us has any obligation to do creative work. What I noticed with Carol and Rick is that neither would accept the fact that they did not want to write. They always insisted they wanted to do so, and would at some point, but they just “weren’t ready” at any given time. Sadly, they were never ready for the remainder of their lives.

Studying, But Not Ready

I spoke at a weekend-long writers conference at a particular college a couple of times. Many attendees were writing, of course, and submitted finished work for critiques. I met others who were studying concepts about writing – how to plot, how to make a character come alive, and so on – in earnest. I also sat in on classes and lectures by other speakers. After one, I was making small talk with a twenty-something woman who was taking copious notes and asking pertinent questions at every talk she attended. She mentioned a genre in which she wanted to write.

I asked, in a conversational tone, if she was working on a story. She flinched, straightening up in her chair, with a startled, “Oh!” No, she had not started a story.

Because I had not meant to put her on the spot, I assured her I was just making small talk. Even so, I was surprised that she had been studying so hard without starting a story of some sort. And I was surprised that she was so surprised when I asked.

And, yes, she said she “wasn’t ready.” 

She was in a very different stage of thinking about writing compared to Carol and Rick from middle-age forward. I wasn’t being critical of her in asking if she was working on something, just wondering. However, the writers of fiction I knew, including me, had started writing before and while we were learning about story concepts. In my first year of writing and submitting to professional publications, I sent off stories that, I realized before too long, were nowhere near the level of story-telling that might sell. (I did sell a short story to a regional magazine fairly quickly, but it was a one-time thing for quite a while.)

Don't Wait

Of course, learning any skill requires starting. To play a musical instrument, pick one up. To sketch with charcoal, get the charcoal. The learning curve is different for everyone, but we can only prepare in advance to a limited extent. After all, writing isn’t like jumping into the deep end of a pool when you can’t swim. In fact, you don’t have to show your writing to anyone unless and until you choose to. In other words, sharing and submitting your work obviously can only happen after you’re writing and finishing your work.

The same issue applies to trying something new. Some writers work in one genre only and sometimes the plot, characters, or tone remain similar. Writing about very different characters and plots, and especially trying a different genre can also raise the question of being ready. 

Make a Decision

I also have friends who used to write fiction, and some who had work published, before deciding that writing wasn’t for them. Some of them were very successful. I’ve never had a problem with anyone making that choice. My concern for people who intend to write but “aren’t ready” is that they may be fooling themselves about their intentions or, no matter how supportive I try to be, they might not want to be honest with me.

The latter doesn’t matter. Whether someone writes or not isn’t my business. As a friend, however, I was concerned that Carol and Rick might be happier either writing or accepting that they did not want to write. Carol and Rick lived with the ongoing contradiction of wanting to write but not doing it for many years and they never resolved it. I should add that in a larger sense, they seemed less happy with their lives than most people. At least part of their unhappiness was related to the issue of writing. However, I have no way to know if they did not write because they were unhappy or whether they were unhappy because they couldn’t resolve the contradiction. I still believe they would have been more comfortable with their lives by deciding one way or another.

And, of course, the issue of rejections can be pertinent. Ongoing rejections can be discouraging , certainly. I still have work rejected frequently. Writing creative work in and of itself can be very personal and whether we submit it in the hope of having it published is a separate matter. 

For Carol and Rick, as the years accumulated, the issue of time became obvious. At some point we run out.

Ready or Not—Write

For those people thinking about starting who haven’t yet, the message is simple: Get to work. Be willing to write the best you can even if it doesn’t turn out as well you want, and then do it again. And again. And remember the old joke about getting to Carnegie Hall.

By the way, in writing this piece, I wrote the first paragraph and then did nothing for several days. I was thinking about what to include and how to express it – yeah, I wasn’t ready. 

Then again, here it is.

If you are writing, what helped you get past the "I'm not ready?" feelings?

About Bill

William F. Wu is a science fiction, fantasy, and crime author whose traditionally published books include 13 novels, one scholarly work, and a collection of short stories. Regarding his more than seventy published works of short fiction, he has been nominated for the Hugo Award twice, for the Nebula Award twice, and once for the World Fantasy Award. His novels Hong on the Range and The Temple of Forgotten Spirits are available in paperback, ebook, and audio book editions through Boruma Publishing. His science fiction collections Intricate Mirrors and Ten Analogs of the Future, the latter being ten collaborations with Rob Chilson, are available in ebook editions. For more information, see williamfwu.com.