Writers in the Storm

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To Comma, or Not to Comma (Part 1)

by Lori Freeland

The comma. It’s a scrappy little mark—that’s often the bane of an author’s writerly existence. With every clause, the question becomes, to comma, or not to comma?

As an editor, I’ve had quite a few clients tell me they tend to stick commas in wherever they “sound” like they should go. It’s a trend you’ll find even in professionally published manuscripts. My inner editor always wants to post a warning on these books. Caution: Be on the Lookout for Random Raining Commas Ahead.  

On the flip side, I’ve had other clients tell me they have no idea where commas belong. So, they don’t use any. I’d post this warning on those books. Caution: Ambiguous Sentences Ahead. Navigate at Your Own Risk.  

Considering that your average, everyday author doesn’t have a degree in English, what’s a conscientious writer to do? If English was your least favorite class <raises hand>, you might not be too hyped about the answer, but I’ll share it with you anyway.

Put in the time to learn the basic comma rules and the “whys” behind them. Or at least learn how and where to accurately look them up.

Side Note: All websites are not equal when it comes to correct grammar and punctuation. I’ll share some great sites at the end of this post. And don’t rely too heavily on spellcheck (now called “editor”) in Word. It doesn’t have a degree in English either.

Avoid Comma Abuse

Let’s start with the worst offender. Never, never, ever use a comma to separate the subject (noun) from the verb. When you do this, you’re breaking up the basic definition of a sentence.

What is a sentence? A sentence is a group of words with at least one subject (noun) and one verb that has a complete thought. Basically, a sentence doesn’t leave you hanging.

Correct: The coolest thing about a unicorn is its horn.

Incorrect: The coolest thing about a unicorn, is its horn.

The comma in the second example separates the first part of the sentence from the second. “The coolest thing about a unicorn” (is what?).  And “is the horn” tells us nothing. Neither part makes sense alone. Both leave you hanging.

That’s going to be your biggest clue about where to add commas and where to leave them out. Tuck that information away for now, and let’s jump into some relevant definitions.

Sentences, Clauses, and Predicates, Oh My!

If this subheading is giving you nightmare-esque flashbacks to middle school English, no worries. Let’s take these one at a time.

A clause is a group of words with a subject and predicate that make up part of a complex or compound sentence

If you’re already shaking your head, let’s redefine in simpler terms.

A CLAUSE has both a noun and a verb and is part of a longer sentence.

There. That wasn’t too bad, right?

A SUBJECT is simply a noun (person, place, thing) doing the action.

A PREDICATE is simply a verb that tells you what action that noun is doing.

And because it’s going to come up later, an OBJECT is simply a noun (person, place, thing) receiving the action. Not all sentences have objects, and that’s okay.

Example: My sister (noun) drove (verb) a sleek black Porsche (object).

This is a simple example of WHO (noun) DID WHAT (verb) to WHAT (noun).

In case you were wondering, a complex sentence has one independent clause and at least one dependent clause, and a compound sentence has two independent clauses.

Sometimes a clause can stand on its own (when it’s independent). Other times it can’t (when it’s dependent).

Still confused? Read on!

Independent Versus Dependent Clauses

What makes a clause independent or dependent? Think of clauses like small children. If they’re independent, they can get dressed and feed themselves without help from you. They can “stand alone.”

If they’re dependent, they can’t get dressed or feed themselves without help from you. They can’t “stand alone.” They’re depending on you for their survival.

If a sentence is independent, it doesn’t need help doing its job. If it's dependent, it’s depending on another part of the sentence to get the job done.

Hint: Remember, all clauses need a subject and a verb.

INDEPENDENT CLAUSES:

An independent clause can stand alone because it forms a complete thought.

If you “fuse” two independent clauses together, you’ll have a run-on sentence. It’s sort of like fusing two trains together—engine to caboose. Both engines want to “drive,” and that makes the “tracks” of your sentence hard to navigate.       

Incorrect: The wind blew the branches swayed.

Notice the two subjects (wind/branches) and two verbs (blew/swayed). When you read this out loud, you’re not sure where one part ends and the other begins. You don’t get the proper pause that gives a reader clarity. And you also throw a stumbling block into the path of a smooth read.

You can fix that run-on sentence two ways—separate it into two sentences with a period or add a comma after a coordinating conjunction (and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet).

Correct: The wind blew. The branches swayed. 

Correct: The wind blew, and the branches swayed.

Side Note: This is an example of a compound sentence. It has two independent clauses connected by a conjunction (and).

Here are some examples with the other conjunctions.

  • The party ended, but no one would leave.
  • We didn’t drive across town, for we didn’t have a car.
  • Should we go to dinner, or should we see a movie?
  • She didn’t like fruit, nor did she like vegetables.
  • Today was their anniversary, so they went on a date.
  • I wanted to know why, yet my brother didn’t care.

DEPENDENT CLAUSES:

A dependent clause can’t stand alone because it doesn’t form a complete thought.

Correct: The dog whined at the table while I was eating.

Incorrect: The dog whined at the table, while I was eating.

By adding the comma, you’re splitting up the sentence into two parts.

Incorrect: The dog whined at the table. While I was eating.  

Splitting this up doesn’t work. The first part (The dog whined at the table) can stand alone. It has a subject (dog) and a verb (whined) and forms a complete thought—

BUT

—The second part (while I was eating) can’t stand alone. While I was eating what? It leaves us hanging and doesn’t form a complete thought. It’s depending on the first part of the sentence to make sense.

Why do we even care about “while I was eating” then? It adds relevant information to the first part of the sentence. It tells us what was happening while I was eating.

WATCH OUT FOR: Don’t automatically insert commas when you see a conjunction (and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet).

Don’t put a comma after the main clause when a dependent clause follows it.

Correct: Mom said the road was closed and that I shouldn’t drive on it.

Incorrect: Mom said that the road was closed, and that I shouldn’t drive on it.

Why are these not two independent clauses? The main clause (Mom said the road was closed) is an independent clause in that it has a subject and a verb and forms a complete thought. But the context is lost without the dependent clause (and that I shouldn’t drive on it).

We need both parts to fully understand the meaning of the sentence. We need both parts because Mom said both things.

Exception: Use a comma if you’re going for an extreme contrast and want the reader to notice.

Correct: Dad was still quite upset that I was two hours late, even though I promised to come straight home.

Clauses with Compound Subjects, Objects, or Predicates

Don’t freak out. Remember, a subject is just a noun, a predicate is just a verb, an object is just the noun receiving the action. And compound means more than one.

Don’t put a comma between two compound subjects. Watch for more than one noun doing the same action.

Correct: The cat on the street and the dog in the shelter are both looking for a forever home.

Incorrect: The cat on the street, and the dog in the shelter are both looking for a forever home.

Incorrect: The cat on the street, and the dog in the shelter, are both looking for a forever home.

Why? Neither “the cat on the street” or “the dog in the shelter” are complete thoughts. They’re compound subjects. And they both need the same thing—a home.

A word about compound predicates...

Don’t put a comma between the two verbs or verb phrases in a compound predicate. Don’t be put off by “compound predicate.” That just means that the subject (noun) is doing more than one thing.

Correct: We grabbed some books and coffee and began to study.

Incorrect: We grabbed some books and coffee, and began to study.

We (noun) did two things. We grabbed and studied.

Side Note: What would make the comma correct? If we add in another subject and make two independent clauses.

Correct: We grabbed some books and coffee, and we began to study.

Introductory Clauses

The easiest way to look at introductory clauses is to think of them as stage setters. They set up the main clause. Kind of like the backstory in our books provides the setup for our characters and plot.  

They tell us things like when and where and how and why things are happening.

They don’t come between or after commas, so we do consider them essential to the meaning of the sentence, and we don’t want to take them out.

Side Note: Don’t get caught up in the technicality of what each phrase below is called.

  • Introductory absolute phrase: The fire alarm screaming loudly, the students ran out of school.
  • Introductory prepositional phrase: After the adjustment for taxes, my paycheck barely covered my rent.
  • Introductory infinitive phrase: To stay on top of math, you have to practice every day.
  • Introductory participial phrase: Yelling loudly, Mom got us to pause our video game.
  • Introductory appositive phrase: An accomplished and loved athlete, Jimmy was our first pick for the team.

Helpful Hint: If you flip the sentence, don’t put a comma. You no longer have an introductory clause.

Correct: Because her phone died, she missed your call.

Correct: She missed your call because her phone died.

Incorrect: She missed your call, because her phone died.

By putting the comma before “because her phone died,” you’ve made those words nonessential. Except they aren’t, and we need them for the sentence to make sense. You can also look at that clause in terms of being dependent. It’s depending on the main clause in the sentence to make sense. It can’t stand alone.

Here are a few more examples.

  • While I slept, she worked. She worked while I slept.
  • If you’re sick, you should stay home. You should stay home if you’re sick.
  • When he snores, I move to the couch. I move to the couch when he snores.

It’s not only phrases that can be introductory. Single words can be too.

WELL, YES, NO, and HOWEVER should be followed by a comma.

  • Well, perhaps you were right.
  • Yes, let’s go shopping.
  • However, you may not like his personality.

And since we’re on the subject of those single introductory words, let’s take them a step further.

Words like HOWEVER, STILL, FURTHERMORE, and MEANWHILE create continuity and transition from one sentence to the next and should be followed by a comma.

  • The teacher graded the tests. Meanwhile, the students worked on their essays.
  • Most of the time she behaved. Still, her meltdown today pushed me over the edge.

Congratulations! You made it through the first set of crucial rules and no longer have to live in comma chaos. The more you use commas correctly, the more natural their placement will come. Pretty soon, your fingers will be typing commas on their own.

Stay tuned for the second part of this series. We’ll talk about what you do with essential and nonessential information in a sentence, commas with multiple adjectives, why you should care about that pesky Oxford comma, and more.   

At the beginning of this post, I promised to share some of my favorite grammar sites.

  • My favorite go-to or commas is Purdue Owl, where they break down the basic comma rules into a quick guide as well as an extended guide. You can check them out here. Quick Comma Rules and Extended Comma Rules.

But you can also find great information at:

Let’s discuss. I love to read your comments. What’s your biggest comma struggle? What are some things that helped you overcome your comma chaos? What are your favorite grammar references? Please share your comma tips and tricks below!

About Lori

An encourager at heart, author, editor, and writing coach Lori Freeland believes everyone has a story to tell. She’s presented multiple workshops at writer’s conferences across the country and writes everything from non-fiction to short stories to novels—YA to adult. When she’s not curled up with her husband drinking too much coffee and worrying about her kids, she loves to mess with the lives of the imaginary people living in her head.

You can find her young adult and contemporary romance at lorifreeland.com and her inspirational blog and writing tips at lafreeland.com. Her book, Where You Belong: a runaway series novella, is currently free on Kindle Unlimited. 


Where You Belong

A girl can run from her roots, but she can’t escape her heart.  

Six years ago, after a practical joke gone wrong, Hendrix Marshall blew the single stoplight in the town of Runaway, Wisconsin, and never looked back. But when Grandpa Joe—retired hippie, Jimmy Hendrix devotee, and the man who raised her—ends up in the hospital, she reluctantly agrees to take a cab home. As long as she can keep the meter running. But then she comes heel-to-boot with Alexander Ryland—former best friend, sometimes nemesis, always secret crush. And his ocean-blue eyes still have the power to launch cartwheels in her belly. Too bad his freestyle attitude makes her certifiable. He’s the reason she left. He won’t be the reason she stays. Even if he’s determined to collect interest on the kiss she’s owed him for the last ten years.

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Writing and the Law of Loss Aversion

by Jenny Hansen

I was just introduced to the Law of Loss Aversion on the marketing side of my life and was shocked at how much I see it in action in the writing world.

What exactly is the Law of Loss Aversion?

It describes the very human foible that we feel loss more than we feel gain. Researchers have proved that you will spend more emotion on a $100 loss than you will on a $100 windfall. In other words, a real (or even a potential) loss will be more severe emotionally than an equivalent gain.

The two researchers who defined this theory, Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman, actually showed that losses carry more than twice the psychological impact of gains. So it would be common for a person to feel an equal amount of contentment between not losing $5 and finding $10 on the street.

Loss Aversion is why gambling is so seductive. Marketers and casinos know you can’t deal with the pain of losing out on an opportunity. This is also why "10% off for today only" or "6 hours left" are successful marketing strategies.

Bottom Line: We hate losses even more than we love gains.

It's not completely rational, but it's true. Here's Loss Aversion in action:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBX-KulgJ1o

Managing Loss in Writing

Writing is a profession where we're required to accept loss as an intrinsic part of our jobs. We fight an uphill battle all the time, in my humble opinion. Writing is about heart and vision and drive. On the other hand, the Business of Writing is about numbers and sales and distribution.

We bring heart and emotion to our work. We have to, or the stories will suck. Or worse, they won't get written.

Yet the selling of our work is in many ways heartless by nature. Emotion has no place in numbers - you're either selling or you aren't. Marketing metrics are pretty black and white.

What do writing losses look like?

The losses writers endure can feel endless - like a thousand paper cuts in any given year. Some losses may feel smaller or larger, but all of the items below are usually perceived as losses.

  • Rejection from an agent or editor
  • Edits requiring you to change an entire story
  • Not finaling in a contest
  • Losing your manuscript with no backup
  • Losing a critique partner
  • Missing an important deadline
  • Bad reviews
  • Not having a contract renewed
  • Your main contact leaving (ex: publishers, marketing firms, publicists)

What do our writing wins look like?

And just when we think about quitting...a "win" comes rolling in. They might look like:

  • Acceptance from an agent or editor
  • Edits showing that your [fill in the blank] loves your story
  • Finaling in a contest
  • Gaining a great critique partner
  • A great review
  • Getting a contract renewed
  • Winning an award
  • Making a "best of" list

How do you manage Loss Aversion?

So, if it's human nature to fear loss more strongly than we embrace joy, how do we keep ourselves motivated in a profession that guarantees loss? How do we fight against being more bummed out about a bad review than feeling joy over a good review?

In his Medium article, How Loss Aversion is Driving Your Fear of Failure, Daniel Schleien gives five solid tips about how to overcome loss aversion:

1. Be grateful.

Last year in our annual post on Writerly Thanks, I shared a quote from a conference I attended called LIFT:

"Gratitude lives in the same part of the brain as fear. You can’t feel both at the same time."

- Danny Iny

Especially amid a pandemic that included homeschooling (*shudders*), I badly needed Danny's advice. And I needed to read that there's neuroscience backing up those claims that a practice of gratitude actually rewires the brain.

Essentially, focusing on the things you're grateful for leaves less room in your brain for fear and angst.

2. Think long-term.

Lists help with this. Gratitude journals. Reminders on the mirror. Anything that makes you remember your wins will help keep your long-term goal-thinking more rational. If the losses take up twice as much of your energy, a review of your wins and a list of what you love about your work-in-progress will always save your writing day.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being excited of what could go right.

- Tony Robbins

3. Be honest about what could actually go wrong.

What is the worst thing that could happen? Seriously. If the positives aren't keeping you on track, take a moment to make a list of what could go wrong, and a plan for how to deal with it. Thinking about the fear of failure logically (when you aren't in the middle of a deadline) can help with the fear.

4. Create a strong information filter.

Stop letting all the negative news and information into your brain. Colleen Story calls this "doomscrolling." She did a terrific post about it earlier this year and offered amazing suggestions to help you keep your writing creativity strong. Seriously, set some Google alerts, curate some lists, and be selective about what you let into your writing brain.

5. Read books. Especially biographies.

Read books that make you happy, but also read books about people overcoming hardship. Memoirs and biographies are amazing for this. Kind of the "other people have faced this and I can face it too" mentality.

Pretty great advice, right? Seriously, read Schleien's Medium article. I took his 5 main points and riffed with them, but I really love the language and examples he used.

Final Thoughts

This is a glorious profession we've chosen, but the potential for loss is high and the fear of loss is real. I encourage you to be brave. Gain enough knowledge to have good craft, and then get out of the way and let your magical writing brain tell the story. Be selective in what you allow into that magical writing brain.

Most important of all, be compassionate toward that playful creative who lives inside you. If you care for your inner creative, they won't let you down.

Do you see the Law of Loss Aversion in action in your own life? How about in your writing? Do you have recent losses or wins that came to mind while you read this? Please share them with us down in the comments!

About Jenny

By day, Jenny provides corporate communications and LinkedIn advice for professional services firms. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction, and short stories. After 20 years as a corporate trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Facebook at JennyHansenAuthor or at Writers In The Storm.

Top Photo from Depositphotos by Vadim Vasenin

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What is a MacGuffin?

by Eldred Bird

In my last WITS post, Everything has a Story, I mentioned “The Maltese Falcon”. This movie revolves around what is arguably one of the most famous examples of a plot device known as a MacGuffin (sometimes spelled McGuffin). So, what is it?

Definition of a MacGuffin

Webster defines a MacGuffin as an “object, event, or character in a film or story that serves to set and keep the plot in motion despite lacking intrinsic importance.”

When we hear MacGuffin, most writers immediately think of an object like the falcon figurine from the movie, but as we see in the definition it can be just about anything. It might be a physical object, a specific character, or even something as intangible as an ideology or suspicion. It can be an event that pushes the main characters toward or away from something.

What does all this mean?

Basically, it means a MacGuffin is simply a plot device that usually has no other value beyond driving the plot forward—it’s a motivator. It’s not just a motivator for a scene or a chapter, but a common thread that weaves its way throughout the narrative.

A Brief History

Though the use of an object to drive the plot predates the MacGuffin, it’s believed that English screenwriter Angus MacPhail, who worked extensively with director Alfred Hitchcock, first coined the modern term. When asked about its origin in a 1939 lecture at Columbia University in New York City, Hitchcock, one of the most prolific users of the MacGuffin, explained it as follows:

“It might be a Scottish name, taken from a story about two men on a train. One man says, 'What's that package up there in the baggage rack?' And the other answers, 'Oh, that's a MacGuffin'. The first one asks, 'What's a MacGuffin?' 'Well,' the other man says, 'it's an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands.' The first man says, 'But there are no lions in the Scottish Highlands,' and the other one answers, 'Well then, that's no MacGuffin!' So you see that a MacGuffin is actually nothing at all.”


Some Examples of MacGuffins

An Object

We’ve already talked about the statue in The Maltese Falcon, so let’s go back a little further. When you talk about objects driving adventures, you need look no further than the Holy Grail, also known as the Holy Chalice. The pursuit of this most coveted item has driven tales from the Arthurian legends to Monty Python. It’s so well known that the term holy grail has come to describe any object of such rarity that people will do just about anything to obtain it.

Another more modern example is the sorcerer’s stone in the first Harry Potter book. The pursuit of the stone drives the plot forward and motivates the characters at every turn, even though we almost never see it and never witness its power. The same can be said for the horcruxes in last books.

A Person

People are often the center of a story, but it’s usually not one or more of the main characters. It’s a bit of a twist when the character driving the action isn’t even present for most of the story. One good example is Saving Private Ryan. While the entire film is about finding and extracting Ryan from the theater of war, he’s not the hero, or even a part of the action for the majority of the movie.

A less serious, but no less entertaining example of a person as a MacGuffin comes from the master himself, Alfred Hitchcock. If you’ve ever seen The Trouble with Harry, then you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t seen it, I’m not going to ruin it for you, but if you have a dark sense of humor (like me), then you will enjoy this one.

An example from my own shelf comes from my first book, Killing Karma. The MacGuffin in this tale is Rose McCarthy, James’ mother. Though she is never seen (the book opens at her funeral), it’s Rose’s influence that pushes James forward, as well as holds him back, as he learns how to navigate a world that is completely foreign to him.

An Incident

If you’ve ever read a murder mystery or watched a crime drama on TV, then you’ve seen an incident used as a MacGuffin. The crime that’s been committed isn’t as important as the journey the hero takes in solving it. In this case, the incident can serve to motivate both the hunter and the hunted.

In Rear Window, Hitchcock turns this type MacGuffin a little sideways, as he was known to do. The MacGuffin here is whether or not a murder has even been committed.

In North by Northwest, Hitchcock uses a case of mistaken identity to drive the action. The twist here is the fact that the man the main character is mistaken for doesn’t even exist—a true case of the MacGuffin being nothing!

Some Final Thoughts

While people mainly associate MacGuffins with mysteries, they are a useful tool in any genre. They can be anything from a lost love that haunts the protagonist throughout a romance, to the search for a rare record album that leads to a character’s ultimate redemption (I’m talking to you, Jenny!). Just remember that the specific object is never as important as the actions and reactions it creates.

Do you have a favorite in books or movies? What about your own writing? Maybe you’ve used this plot device without even knowing it. Let us know in the comments.

About Eldred

Eldred Bird writes contemporary fiction, short stories, and personal essays. He has spent a great deal of time exploring the deserts, forests, and deep canyons inside his home state of Arizona. His James McCarthy adventures, Killing KarmaCatching Karma, and Cold Karma, reflect this love of the Grand Canyon State even as his character solves mysteries amidst danger. Eldred explores the boundaries of short fiction in his stories, The Waking RoomTreble in Paradise: A Tale of Sax and Violins, and The Smell of Fear.

When he’s not writing, Eldred spends time cycling, hiking, and juggling (yes, juggling…bowling balls and 21-inch knives). His passion for photography allows him to record his travels. He can be found on Twitter or Facebook, or at his website.

Note: All photos used in this post are public domain images from Wikimedia Commons.

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