Writers in the Storm

by Kathleen Baldwin

Alas, poor WAS! Thou art cruelly misunderstood and murdered most foul by brutal editors and unknowing authors. When should you use the ruddy WAS thing and when should you toss it over a cliff? Is passive voice given a bad rap? Can it be used for good, or is it always evil?

Beware of The Deadly WAS-Wipe…

My critique partner, Carole Fowkes, a brilliant horror and mystery author, suffered a vicious WAS-Wipe from an anthology editor at a publishing house. This naïve editor sent down an edict. “Behold, Thou shalt remove every instance of WAS.” And so, my diligent friend followed instructions, and the anthology went forth WAS-less.

For several weeks Carole labored under the assumption that the enemy of all good active writing must be the dastardly verb, ‘was.’ Finally, at my wit’s end, I grabbed her by the collar and shook that nonsense out of her head. “There is a use for was! WAS was invented for a reason.”

There. I just used was in an active sentence. Never mind that it constituted both the subject and the verb.

I will not bore you with grammar.

It is my considered opinion that grammar is like knitting—no fun to watch. The problem is, if one doesn’t understand the basics of either, one can end in a dreadful tangle. (Pardon my gratuitous use of a puppy.)

Nope. No boring grammar discussion here.

Instead, let’s talk about what works and techniques to keep your sentences and stories lively and active.

Hint: Occasionally you may need to employ a WAS.

Today I had an unexpected run-in with passive voice. It happened in a scene wherein a friend, Georgie, interrupts my heroine with urgent news in the middle of the heroine’s first passionate kiss with the hero, Quentin. Take a look:

Our blissful haze of kissing explodes. Immediately I break into a run. Georgie and Quentin are following me, but that does not matter. I must race death, and at times like this I am faster than anyone might expect.

Did you spot a was?

Nope.

Yet this passage feels passive. Let’s whip out a passive-voice cleaver and chop it to pieces. Put on your seat belts. Prepare for a messy ride through some hard-core sentence-butchery.

First up…

Pesky Ponderous Prepositions

There are approximately 150 prepositions in the English language. Some prepositions (not all) slow pacing and produce passivity. Here’s a list of twenty that tend to slow pacing. I’ve bolded the ten peskiest: above, along, around, as, at, before, behind, beside, between, by, from, of, off, on, to, toward, under, upon, with, and within.

Stay alert to pesky little prepositions. Gauge their sneaky behavior in your sentences. Are they producing ‘be’ verbs? Do they slow your syntax flow? Did you want to slow it down?

In my sample sentence, we collide smack-dab into “of kissing.” That pesky preposition, of, slams on the brakes right before we get to the delightfully active word, explodes. On a side note, why didn’t I show that crucial emotional explosion? I want the reader to experience that sensation of pleasure bursting apart, right? Yes, I do. Let’s try to fix that, too.

The reader already observed them kissing in the preceding paragraph. So, we can rewrite it like this:

Our blissful haze explodes into a million glittering shards.

That’s better. More active and visual. Which brings us to the next problem…

Beastly Bothersome Beetle-like Ings

I confess—I am the queen of ings.

Those dratted little devils! Ings are shifty little critters that often force you to add a ‘be’ verb, thereby convoluting a delightfully active verb into a languorous slug-like beetle.

Two ings haunt my example: kissing and following. Note: the new addition of glittering does not require a ‘be’ verb or a preposition to make it glitter in the example. Therefore, I grant permission for glittering to twirl across this sentence’s stage.

We got rid of the kissing ing already. Hooray! Not that it was much of a problem, but there’s definitely an issue with the next line: “Georgie and Quentin are following me, but that does not matter.” Following requires the be verb are in order to make sense. So we need to change following to follow.  

While we’re at it, let’s remove ‘but that does not matter.’

Here’s why:

Delving into the heroine’s thoughts during this urgent moment slows my curious readers. It compels them to ask, “Why does it not matter? Doesn’t she care if they are following her?” Yes, of course, she cares, but her race against death is more important.

We can change it to:

Georgie and Quentin follow hard on my heels, but I must race death.

The Terrible Trap of Taking Time to Tell Time

Discussing time is almost always a passive act. I cringe, sheep-faced and scarlet-cheeked, that I wrote the next line. Go ahead laugh with loud guffaws. I deserve it.

“And at times like this, I am faster than one might expect.”

Really? Is she? My heroine stopped to make an aside to my reader about how “at times like this, she is faster than her frail figure might lead one to suspect.” Ha! At times like this, my dear, I think you ought to keep running as fast as possible.

The preposition ‘at’ ought to have given me pause, but two primary elements drag this line into a tarpit:

1. The generality of the statement weakens impact and dispels urgency. The reader may question, “At all times like this?” One may wonder how often do times like this occur in her life? Is this a daily incident?

2. Referencing time slows the reader and elicits a more reflective feel. Sometimes this is exactly what an author wants. Other times, as in my sample passage, it doesn’t work. (LOL, yes, I just used sometimes and other times. Here it works.)

Let’s take a look at the full edit:

Our blissful haze explodes into a million glittering shards. I break into a run. Georgie and Quentin follow hard on my heels, but I must race death. And that makes me faster than anyone expects.

Okay. That’s good enough for now. I’m sure I’ll tweak it more later. Let’s jump back to the problem of editors and authors thinking our poor innocent WAS is guilty of verboten passive poison.

Brilliant Fiction Writers Know When to Use WAS…

Use WAS to focus attention on the action, or another element, instead of the actor.

The best way to illustrate this concept is with examples. Or perhaps I should say… Examples illustrate this concept the best way.

[Note the preposition and passive be verb in that first sentence. Neither is wrong. They simply focus the reader differently. The first sentence emphasizes the best way to illustrate the concept. The second almost buries the word concept and lets the reader know examples are coming. Which one do you think does the job best?]

All of the examples will be given in past tense for usage equivalency comparisons. Changing to present tense is a naturally more active approach, but we often need to write in third person past tense.

Charlotte’s Web by E.B White

A spider named Charlotte spun an amazing web to save Wilbur the pig from slaughter.

[The focus here is on Charlotte spinning the web. Backloading the sentence with slaughter makes the reader realize the importance of what she did.]

Wilbur the pig was saved from slaughter when a spider named Charlotte spun an amazing web.
[WAS focuses our attention on Wilbur the pig being saved. We end with the intriguing idea of an amazing spider web.]

Which sentence did you like best? It may depend on what aspect you liked best about Charlotte’s Web.

More Examples

Three more examples built around The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum:

Dorothy splashed a pail of water on the Wicked Witch and killed her.
[The focus is on Dorothy’s action. Was is not needed.]

The Wicked Witch was killed when Dorothy splashed a pail of water at her.
[WAS changes the focus to the Wicked Witch being killed.]

A pail of water was tossed at the Wicked Witch by Dorothy. The water splashed over the witch and killed her.  
[This WAS shifts the focus to the pail of water as the instrument of death. This is an example of how a news report can focus reader attention.]

Use WAS to locate the action in time, or to focus on a particular aspect.

Dorothy was splashing water at the witch.

[We see the bucket in Dorothy’s hands, and water is splashing at poor old Wicked.]

Dorothy splashed water at the witch.

[Using splashed avoids employing WAS, but it completes the action. The witch is now doused and melting or already melted. There is no WAS, but the action is over.]

Water was splashed at the witch by Dorothy.

[This is extremely passive. Focus is on the water having been thrown. The witch is now a boring waxy puddle, and actor credit is prepositionally tacked on the end.]

Two more examples:

Suppose your hero or heroine sees a boy jumping off a cliff as she drives by. Do you write: The boy was jumping off a cliff. OR. The boy jumped off a cliff. 

There is a distinction. This last wonderful example is provided by author, Patience Griffin, and came from her brilliant Penguin editor:

The man was digging a grave. OR. The man dug a grave.  There’s a grave difference. LOL.

That concludes my case for the much-maligned WAS. It is up to you the jury to decide the fate of WAS. Cast your vote as a jury member.

Is WAS guilty of unforgivable passivity? Or will you grant WAS a conditional reprieve? Share your examples of effective or ineffective WAS usages in the comments! I'd love to see them.

About Kathleen

Kathleen Baldwin is an award-winning author with more than 600,000 copies of her books in the hands of readers around the globe. Her books have been translated into several languages, and a Japanese publisher even made Lady Fiasco into a manga. Stranje House, her alternate history series for teens was licensed by Scholastic for school book fairs and optioned for film by Ian Bryce, producer of Spiderman, Transformers, Saving Private Ryan, and other blockbuster films. The series is currently in its third film option.

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November 1-15, 2021, Kathleen will teach a course on The Truth About the Writing Life and Money, at Margie Lawson Writer’s Academy   

by Laurie Schnebly Campbell

Let's say you have a pretty good idea of what Deep POV is all about -- at least in terms of using character voice, choosing first vs third person, showing emotional change, revealing things at the right time, and knowing when to deepen the viewpoint or step back -- but you don't yet feel quite sure how to write it.

As a friend observed the other day, "I understand logically what Deep POV is...but I still don't feel confident in MY ability to write in Deep POV."

Sometimes it's easier to learn by example, so let's look at some examples of what works and what doesn't.

These aren't coming from real books, by the way, because while I'd feel fine about pasting excerpts of "POV Hits," I'd feel bad for anyone whose treasured book wound up illustrating a "POV Miss." Which is why all these examples are made up out of whole cloth. They're all pretty decent shows of deep POV, but we'll see why the second of each pair is better than the first.

MISS:

I felt tired. I had no idea whether Drake or Colton was at fault. I knew it had to be one of 'em, but accusing either of those guys wrongly would mean the end of a lifelong friendship. Because how can you ever again trust someone who suspected you of murder, when you flat-out wouldn't have done any such thing?

HIT:

If I could just get some rest... But even that wouldn't help, because I still had no idea who it was. Drake or Colton, yeah, gotta be, but how could I accuse either one of those guys? I mean, Drake was at my bar mitzvah with that weird nutcracker. Colton got me through Scout Camp. You wanna trash 30 years with a guy who's like your brother, you just accuse him of murder.

Okay, what's the difference between those two examples?

Let's look at what works, and what doesn't.

"I feel tired" isn't generally something a person thinks way-deep-down when they're tired. It's the kind of rationalization they might use to justify why they're going to knock off work and get some rest, but they aren't likely to say those words to themselves.

"I knew it had to be one of them" is accurate and clear, but "Drake or Colton, yeah, gotta be" ALSO shows this character wants to convince himself he's right. That lets us in on his feelings without spelling out what's obvious -- the reader can deduce it and feel proud of their insight.

"Mean the end of a lifelong friendship" is a beautifully dramatic phrase, but it's not the kind of thing people think to themselves unless they're in the mood to be dramatic. Nobody tends to think in such glorious phrases when they're tired and have a weighty problem on their shoulders.

"At my bar mitzvah with that weird nutcracker" is such a trivial thing to remember that it shows how much this friendship matters, and how long these guys have known each other. That's not a detail that matters to the storyline, but it gives the reader an up-close-and-personal look at this character who's thinking about his friend.

On to our next example...

MISS:

Just because Marnie was 25 didn't mean she knew any better than 23-year-old Emma what colors a redhead could wear. Besides, she was visiting Dad in Boston until Thursday, so it wasn't like she'd ever know if someone happened to borrow that pink scarf. Emma grabbed it, knotted it around her dark curly hair, and hurried out.

HIT:

Her sister always insisted that redheads couldn't wear pink, but Marnie was wrong. Almost certainly, at least about that shimmery scarf in her closet. It was just crying out to be worn! And Ms. Fashion Dictator wouldn't be home until Thursday, so...why not? Emma grabbed the scarf, knotted it with the kind of flair such a treasure deserved, and hurried out.

What works and doesn't work here?

Characters know how old they are and, by and large, how old their siblings are. While age is a big deal to kids, by the time we reach adulthood we don't tend to think of such things unless there's a specific reason, like somebody's birthday or a friend asking "how old is your sister?"

"Almost certainly" shows the reader Emma isn't 100% convinced she's right. "Ms. Fashion Dictator" gives us even more insight into her justification for borrowing the scarf -- Marnie is needlessly bossy and deserves to be taken down a peg or two. Besides, she'll never know! :)

Characters know perfectly well where their parents live and where somebody who goes to visit a parent will be. There's no reason to name that city unless it comes up in some other context: "She should've asked Marnie to bring her a Red Sox pennant."

Another thing characters take for granted is their hair color and texture. They might think of it in context, but not at random. While they can sure notice how a color enhances their looks, how often have YOU glanced in the mirror and thought "this shirt really brings out the deep brown shade of my eyes" as compared to "this shirt makes my eyes look good" -- and Emma's no different from us.

At least in that respect, although of course none of us would ever make off with our 26-year-old sister's shimmery pink scarf. (Or would we?)

The whole idea of immersing readers into a character via deep POV is making 'em feel like they ARE that character -- and we'll get into more detail on how to do it in Deep & Deeper POV starting November 1.

Which leads to our prize-drawing question....

Who writes Deep POV effectively?

Somebody who answers that, if there are at least 25 responses, will win free registration to next month's class...because I'd love to hear some opinions on:

What book or series or author do you think does a really good job of getting you sucked deep into the character's perspective?

My personal favorite is Suzanne Brockmann, but others have mentioned Veronica Roth, Harlan Coben, Patricia Briggs, Michael Connelly, Lois McMaster Bujold, Lori Wilde, Joe Abercrombie, Susan Mallery, and Julia Quinn.

There are bound to be other fabulous names, as well, so here's your chance to introduce that book or series or author to WITS readers who'd like some more great examples of deep POV. And since I might wind up quoting you in next Tuesday's lecture, please mention if you'd rather NOT be quoted -- thanks!

About Laurie

Laurie Schnebly Campbell (BookLaurie.com) heard so many writers say they'd like to know more about "deep Point of View" that she started exploring the techniques...and found there were more than enough for a workshop including (optional) homework, which always gets private feedback. Having written half a dozen romances, including one that beat out Nora Roberts for "Best Special Edition of the Year," Laurie finally discovered she enjoys teaching even more -- and now has 51 first-sale novels on her bookshelf from authors inspired by her classes.

by Kris Maze

The end of 2021 will soon be here and it’s time to double down on annual writing goals. This year, I took a focused approach to the business of writing. If you are struggling to end the year strong, read on. There are many processes you could try in this little "writer pep talk."

Employing tactics useful for adult learners, I found ways to streamline my writing goals and built in time for reflection. Borrowing from psychology, education, and management theories, these practices have enhanced my author life. Now my writing life brings me more satisfaction, higher word count, and stronger goal completion.

Mental Blocks to Writing

It is common for writers to battle mental hurdles like:

• Self-doubt
• Imposter syndrome
• Plain old drudgery of life

These road bumps happen with every novel, but we don't want these to derail our ambition to craft stories.

Writer Friends, we don't have to let these subtle beasts undermine our talent. With some intentional planning and personal discipline, writers can set themselves up for success.

Writing fiction is a unique career because we work alone, talk about people and events that never happened, and delight in the imaginary worlds in our heads and hearts. It is easy to get off track and neglect those worlds we create when the real-world buts in.

Weird, right? But since you are reading this, you just might be in the same little club. You get it. You want more from your writing. Because you have a taste of the writing life, which always seems to entice us from around the next page of the career.

Taking Control of Your Authorpreneurship

If you want to engage in a process that lets you take control of your authorpreneurship, and gives you peace of mind. You get to spend your creative energy in ways that you approve, and that moves your career forward. Below are some suggestions.

Hold Your Own Business Meeting

Business meetings for your author life are one of the techniques I used to stay on track this year. Most writers who persevere with this work are self-starters.

If you are not feeling like the self-starting author today, there are ways to push through on your own. Before you hide away in your imagination and slowly let the world erode your writing presence from the page, consider the following…

One of my best ways to re-center my writing momentum is to reflect on my big author goals. Every 2 months the last 2 years, I have held a little, but very official, business meeting with myself. And I follow the steps common in any official meeting:

1. Read the minutes from my last meeting
2. Reflect on my yearly goals to date and determine how relevant they still are
3. Identify the semi-monthly goals and their successes–and celebrate with a crisp high-five
4. Check in on my plan’s progress or lack of and make assumptions why
5. Assess my current plans, including: what I am working on, how much time I need to finish each task, and what time I have available
6. Plot the tasks in an upcoming monthly goal planner. This one starts as a list, which I then flesh out in a spreadsheet, and assign into my tentative calendar.

Although the actual process is more akin to a teenager having a meaningful talk in the bathroom mirror, I make the business meeting official.

As the CEO of my author company, I dress the part (comfy clothes required), take a seat at my work spot, provide warm caffeinated beverages and light snacks at the center of the table, and wear my thick serious-toned glasses. I set a time, 10 am prompt, and stick to a schedule, so I respect my own time.

Are you still with me? You, my writer friend, are the CEO of your dream. Treat that honor with the respect it deserves.

Doubling Down on Authorpreneurship

You may not feel like an authorpreneur, but writers are in the business of creating a product (stories!) and connecting it to their buyers (reading audiences!) Even though the last couple of years have been extra challenging for creatives, it has also opened the door to new ways of publishing and writing.

It's true. The business side of publishing is sometimes intimidating and time-consuming. Let’s face it, there are more writers hesitant about marketing and showcasing their work than not.

Marketing yourself as an author is scary for many writers because it is personal, public, and mostly uncharted territory.

Writers need to be wary and savvy about what they really want to accomplish so they can avoid many publishing pitfalls. It's important to find your writing circle, which hopefully includes a multitude of caring individuals in publishing who will edify and strengthen your writing life.

Why Authors Need Time for Reflection

Reflection is imperative to becoming a better author.

As writers working in our own lanes, how can we take charge of our own improvement? John Dewey, a social reformer and educator, and the founder of pragmatism, changed the fundamental approaches to teaching and learning in the early 1900s. Without geeking out too much, we can sum his main cycle of inquiry up in this quote:

“(Personal Learning consists of) active, persistent, and consideration of any belief or supposed form of knowledge in the light of the grounds that support it, and further conclusions to which it leads.”

John Dewey

Phew. That’s a bit to unpack. To summarize, writers can use Dewey's theory to deepen their writing life and be more mindful as they travel their own personal road to publication.

What Does "Writing Reflection" Look Like?

How does a busy writer include the practice of reflection into their writing life, without feeling like it's "just another task" to add to their mile-long to-do list?

1. Start by engaging actively in your reflection. What are you working on now in your writing career?
2. Find “ground that supports it” What you observe now in your writing life?
3. Move upon the discoveries you find. What actions can you take now?
4. Rinse and repeat.

The process is a series of cyclical steps, so keep moving forward and grow in your author career.

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

Will Rogers (horseman, radio and TV entertainer)

Final Thoughts

This digital age provides many opportunities to connect with other writers, to collaborate and learn from one another.  But there's little that can match the benefits of hard work and personal reflection -- the act of being present -- to spur us forward in our growth as writers.

Stay tuned, partners... In a future post, I'm gathering the many resources available for writers to self-study and master the hard-to-learn pinch points of authorpreneurship.

Until next time, Keep on writing!

What ways to you keep yourself on track as a writer? What tips do you have for our readers? Do you have valuable self-study resources for me to include in my next post? Please share them in the comments below.

About Kris

Kris Maze writes for various publications including Practical Advice for Teachers of Heritage Learners of Spanish and award-winning blog Writers in the Storm where she is also a host.

She published a YA dystopian novel by a small press in the summer of 2020. Lately, she has been entering and placing in writing competitions, such as NYC Midnight’s Short Story and Micro-fiction contests. You can find her YA horror stories and keep up with her author events at her website.

Photo Credit: Kris Maze (with some help from Canva)