Writers in the Storm

by Karen DeBonis

I’ll soon have my second Covid vaccine, and I’m already making my TJ Maxx shopping list, planning lunch dates with equally-immunized friends, and looking at flights to…anywhere. One thing I dread about venturing out in the world again, though, is running into acquaintances who may ask, “So, how’s that book coming along?”

Perhaps I had run into these casual friends in pre-Covid days when I declared my manuscript accomplit. Perhaps last year, they saw a social media post where I shared my excitement and trepidation about querying literary agents. Or, they might know me from 20 years ago, when I first started writing my memoir.

My short answer would be, “It’s coming along.” (For my long answer, keep reading.)

My Bout of Imposter Syndrome

Last December, I sat hunched over my laptop at my dining room table, glowering at sentences and paragraphs that would not gel. I was attempting to write a piece for this site—the award-winning, chock-full-of-wisdom Writers in the Storm blog—and it was clear to me I was an imposter. It was clear, at least to me, that I did not belong.

What could I, an emerging author, possibly offer to readers that the many seasoned, published authors who write here could not say a hundred times better? What could I possibly add to the conversation when I didn’t know what the heck I was doing?

Before chucking my laptop out the window, I reached out to Jenny Hansen to ask her to remind me why, exactly, she had invited me to write here. 

A Surprising Perspective

As usual, Jenny knew just what to say:

“I firmly believe that your perspective of ‘becoming’ is extraordinarily valuable.”

It was like sitting in the pre-dawn quiet and awakening to the realization of birds chirping. I didn’t connect the dots yet, but I had already identified for myself the worth of “becoming.” And I didn’t know it yet, but “becoming” would be integral to my emerging author brand.

Jenny’s words were so powerful, I posted them on my “bulletin board.”

The focus of my memoir and most of my writing is the destructive consequences of people-pleasing. In 2016, when I tiptoed into the public spaces of blogging and social media, I noticed  that most people who use hashtags like #peoplepleasing, #peoplepleaser. and #peoplepleasernomore were therapists or life coaches. If I posted that I lacked the wherewithal to ask the grocery store bagger to put the tomatoes on top, a half-dozen people replied with suggestions on how to do it next time, or to ask me how I felt about the outcome, or what I could have done differently.

I believe we all need a place to vent and express ourselves without someone trying to solve our problem. The intent of my social media posts was to say, “Look how silly I’m being. Can you relate?” It’s the same reason we post “life’s a bi***" photos of spilled coffee, flat tires, and cats dragging toilet paper throughout the house. Do you feel my pain? we want to know. Often, a “yes” gives us permission to smile and get back on the day's merry-go-round.

When I share a personal story of vulnerability on my website or on social media my intent is to be heard, not to be fixed. I can call my therapist for that. And when the roles are reversed—when I read a personal story by a kindred spirit—their vulnerability gives me a lens through which to view my own behavior, which heightens my self-understanding.

In her book, The Disease to Please (truly the bible of people-pleasing), the late  Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D. writes, “Sometimes we can see in others what we can’t see clearly in ourselves.”

Society endorses the value of having arrived with thousands of books, articles, and posts espousing helpful (and sometimes unhelpful) ways to accomplish X, Y, or Z. But the value in becoming is the support we provide our traveling companions as we move toward our common destination. Support from the trenches feels different—more immediate, more real—than advice coming from those already there.

Clearly we all need advice from experts. I need all the advice I can get, and I take advantage of every webinar, article, and post that is relevant to my writing and stage of becoming.

A Personal Turning Point

In February, I made a long-overdue decision to update my website. I hired a web designer to do the heavy IT lifting, but I had to decide the content and write the copy. And I had to figure out what my site was all about.

*gulp*

In our strategy calls, we talked through messaging. My web guru suggested common headings like “Ten ways to…” and “Five steps to….” None of it felt right. Although I’d started to recover from my disease to please, I still relapsed, and I wasn’t ready to impart “how-to” wisdom.

Plus, I’d discovered when I posted embarrassing failures—like not texting my friend to see if she got the gift I’d left in her mailbox because I didn’t want to bug her—people reached out to me privately to share their own weak moments. They knew I wouldn't judge them. How could I when I still walked in their shoes?

In her best-selling book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown says, “If you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

Being in the arena—being a work in process—was the gem I had to offer. And because I had shown up online day after day when I had a success to share—for example, telling my hairstylist that, no, I could not move my appointment up—followers could imagine themselves having success, too.

My website needed to convey that I was approachable, that I understood, that I was in the process of fighting my way out of the arena, but I wasn’t there yet. I wasn’t ready to proselytize on “how-to” overcome people-pleasing, but I was an expert in “how I grew more assertive."

That’s when I realized becoming is an end in itself.

The phrase “becoming emboldened” popped into my head seemingly from nowhere, but really, it was Jenny’s comment, right there on my bulletin board, coming to life. It was early morning birdsong all over again.

You can see the end results on my website here and here.

Final Thoughts

Someday, I’ll arrive at a place where assertiveness comes more easily to me, and I’ll know I have arrived. I’ll need to update my website and change my taglines, and I might even write a “how-to” book. For now, becoming fulfills me.

Someday, I’ll look forward to running into acquaintances, hoping they’ll ask about my book so I can reply with those three coveted words: It is published. I know I’ll have arrived as an author.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to show up here from time to time, embracing all I have to learn, and all I have to share in the process of becoming.

Where are you in the process of becoming and when will you know you’ve arrived? Please share your thoughts down in the comments.

About Karen

Karen began writing twenty years ago after her eleven-year-old son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Those early pages are now a real-life medical mystery about a mother who must overcome her toxic agreeability if she's to save herself and her son. The manuscript is currently available for representation.

A happy empty-nester with her husband of thirty-nine years, Karen lives and writes in upstate New York. You can find out more about her journey at www.KarenDeBonis.com.

Top Image from Depositphotos. Middle image by John Hain from Pixabay.

By Kris Maze

Writing Inspiration arrives like a lightning bolt and disappears like a mist, but we can replenish this elusive entity each day with our surroundings. When I examined my workspace for writing 'fuel', I found many ways it helps me coax the words onto the page.

13 Ways I'm Already Surrounded by Writing Inspiration

Below are thirteen of my "writing vitamins." These are items that inspire me, or boost my productivity. Many are tangible reasons of why I keep writing. In the meantime, I'll sit and wonder which of these you can relate to. Hopefully, you will share in the comments how you curate your own writing inspiration.

1. Photos of my People

I have photos of family and friends posted around my work calendar. It keeps joy in my writing process. Details in pictures can also become a key part of a scene and sometimes those bits of inspiration take on their own life on the written page.

In a short story I submitted to the NYCMidnight contest, I created a futuristic Supergirl character from a picture of my young niece wearing a black leather jacket and aviator sunglasses. It was fun to write and my niece thought it was cool to have her own story. If your writing is stuck, perhaps your own pictures can be sources of inspiration.

2. Artwork or Images

Whether it’s a 3rd-grade sculpture from my kid, or an Instagram picture I couldn’t part with, I surround myself with idea-packed items that can evoke emotions.

One item in my writing nook I procured at an antique store is a raven. A rare outing as stores opened after COVID lockdowns, I bought the bird statue for $13 and left the price tag around its thin ankle. Perched on a shelf before old editions of Poe, Dickens, and The Lord of the Flies, its eyes are a piercing reminder to carefully craft my words, holding stories waiting to be unlocked. In one glance I am back to work, writing away.

3. Pets

Our furry and feathered family members can aid us when we are discouraged, and our words are not flowing as we like. They can sense our frustration before we fully realize it and bring comfort as they curl up at our feet or stretch across our laps.

But, of course, they can bring chaos to the process as well.  See #4 below for an example.

4. Pets Redux

Our pets can also add a distraction factor to our writing process, at times bad enough to wonder why we didn’t buy a goldfish instead. My German Shepherd is a typical high energy, smart-as-a-whip pooch, always wanting to establish her place in the family as one of the people. She even figured out how all the doorknobs and handles work, letting herself out at will until we added additional deadbolts and latches to absolutely everything.

Our pooch also realized our family likes books and on one unattended, quiet afternoon, she perused my collection of used botany books. Pulling a few from a lower shelf, she decided to ‘read’ one. See Exhibit A:

After an initial scolding, I remembered how a mischievous pet can make a good sidekick in a story and worked on my main character's relationship with her dog. Love them or tolerate them, pets are a part of our lives and can inspire our stories.

5. Used Books

A secondary inspiration from my dog's attempt at reading led me to reexamine that book. My research on plants halted months ago when other job commitments took precedence in my life, leaving many shelved books gathering dust, but what my German Shepherd discovered was an incredible find. In “Seed to Seed, The Secret Life of Plants”, a handwritten note on an old-school “Due Date” library slip was glued to the inside cover. It blew my writer mind to find a hidden note.

See Exhibit B:

Are you a flower?

Because my love for you is blooming.

By - anonymous love stricken student?

I looked over the book, once housed in a Texas High School Library, and questions rolled through my mind. I pieced together an imagined backstory. Who wrote this secret note? Was it a cheeky side comment or an elaborate setup for a date to the prom? Did the intended ever see this message or was it a love unrequited? Why was it deleted? I added these juicy ideas to a problematic scene in a working manuscript, adding spice to an otherwise dull chapter. 

Inspired, I checked other used books in my collection and found more treasures. Bookmarks and old receipts. Pressed flowers, concert ticket stubs, and invitations. Hidden treasures lost when sent unboxed to a rummage sale, or shipped across the globe, unknown stories waiting for writers like us to give them life.

6. Podcasts

If you are like me, you get the Spring Cleaning Itch. After a year of extra people in the house, of spring blossoms leaving sneezy pollen on most surfaces, trying to work in an environment that is messy can distract even the most productive writer.

Perhaps your writing won't be derailed by the need to clean, but maybe you are distracted and uninspired. Either way, I find that I drop into the digital rabbit hole way too often in situations like these and can offer a suggestion. Taking a writing break to play Candy Crush can lead to guilt and a big time suck (*guilty!*). But there are many online resources you can tap into instead. Resources that can improve your writing knowledge.

Try a podcast instead. Most podcast streaming services offer gems like author interviews and craft advice via a simple search. You can listen "on demand."

So, put on those headphones and “clean” the house, puttering around until you are ready to work on the words once again. Building up your writing skills by listening to other authors’ insights is an inspirational way to hone your writer’s chops.

7. Timers

I have a kitchen timer sitting on my desk, to help me out when my muse is on her coffee break. Sometimes adding an audible ticking of time passing can kick my writing into gear.

C.K. McDonnell, a comedy-thriller writer living in the UK, said in a podcast interview of Writer’s Routine, that he never waits for the muse, but views writing like any other job, doing what it takes to create the pages and complete the work. But when it is hard to focus, he will use the Pomodoro Method, setting a timer and writing until the session is through. Using this method has helped him to make deadlines and maintain a regular work-life balance.

8. Control/Alt/Delete

In this interview, McDonnell also referred to his feelings about the words he finished each day, saying that he will often have to rethink his emotions about his day's work.  His view of the completed work varies from doubtful to fantastic, but he says he has a process that made him realize how arbitrary his perceptions can be. 

McDonnell starts off each writing session by reading the work from the day before.  Not only does this prime his thinking for the next part of his writing, but he also sees the work with fresh eyes.  This showed him how his writing is consistent and of like quality, even when he felt it was crappy after finishing it.  Re-reading his work the next day kept him from losing ground with unneeded re-writes and second guessing his craft.

It makes him a prolific writer as he produces a book nearly every 6 months. Timers can add a nudge when you can't get a jump-start any other way. If that fails, you should read my very effective Reason #9.

9. Caffeine

When the Pacific Northwest spring hits, it slowly rolls out the lush flowers and sunny warm afternoons.  Interspersed with long stretches of rain-filled cloudy dampness, one can turn to the benefits of a warm cup of Joe to keep the words flowing. There is a reason many coffee roasters come from this area and it's the birthplace of Starbucks!

But when my writerly sense can no longer override the foggy chill as inspiration to rewrite Sleepy Hollow or to mentally transport to London town, I get a toasty mug of tea. Some of my favorites are Twinning Earl Grey and Harney & Sons Lavender.

To make the process easier, I’ve made a beverage bar in my kitchen with a small coffee pot, an electric hot water heater, and an array of easy to mix beverages. There's cider and hot cocoa, chai mix, and instant oatmeal. I also have a grinder for my spoil-me beans from a small Roaster in Central Wisconsin: Ruby’s Creamery.

People in my house, big and small, pour themselves a warm treat, whenever they need a pick-me-up, and it inspires me to keep writing as well.

10. Footstools

I recently splurged on a footstool to complement my favorite writing chair. It has proven to have many uses to keep me writing, in addition to being a fantastic footrest.

• The circle stool has storage, so it houses my cozy blanket. When I feel a breeze, I never need to go searching for a blanket, providing one less excuse to procrastinate.
• When my back needs a break, I can change my seating to realign my spine and sit on the floor!  The stool is flat and sturdy, just right for holding my laptop or writing pad. I continue writing while supporting my posture and grounding myself.  It is helpful to have several different ways to write because our bodies need movement and variety to prevent injury.
• The stool is also the right height to fit at my desk and I have used it as an alternative chair.  The flat sturdy surface is just right for sitting cross-legged which stretches out legs and challenges my core. 

11. Body Movement

These various sitting poses above (in Reason #10) may not work for you, but consider other desk options, such as standing desks or tall tables.  Find what works for you. Being able to switch up your writing posture may allow you to write for longer stretches. You can keep your body healthy as you work hard on your writing.

Several writing friends have talked about back issues and nerve pain, which are difficult to treat and remedy. I have experienced lingering neck pain and back tension, and I'm sure you know of someone who has, as well.

Try to stave off these conditions before they happen, by checking in with your tight spots and taking the time to make movements and stretch throughout the day.  Your body and your writing will thank you.

12. Writing Community

Find your like-minded writing friends and send them encouraging texts or messages.  Write that overdue review or finish that critique you promised weeks ago. 

Keeping up with your writing troupe allows you to support others and provides a good feeling of giving back. You can never tell when you will need support from them. Your team around you can boost your writing path in the long run and encourage you when it becomes tough.

13. The Story

We all have a story to share and writing is the time-honored tradition that connects us through our written experiences.  Creating our narratives brings perspectives to the world and in turn, understanding of one another. 

Writers make the world a safer, more enjoyable, and caring place. At least I believe they do.

Done well, your writing will not only be inspired, it will ignite positivity in your readers. Honor your stories and work to make them the best you can. It's a large task, but I'm sure you are up for it! Look around and find your reasons for why your words to shine today. It may be that coffee cup or travel memento, but let it speak to you. It may be what your writing needs today.

How do you find inspiration around you? Have you had an unexpected nugget that ended up in your written pages? Share yours in the comments below.  We’d love to hear it!

About Kris

Kris Maze is an author, freelance writer, and teacher. She enjoys writing twisty, speculative fiction with character-driven plots. After years of reading classic literature, mysteries, and thrillers, she began to write and publish her own stories. She also writes for various publications including a regular post at the award-winning Writers in the Storm Blog. 

When she isn’t spending time with her favorite people and pets, Kris Maze is taking pictures, hiking, or pondering the wisdom of Bob Ross. You can follow her author journey at her website at KrisMazeAuthor.com

by Jenny Hansen

A little over ten years ago, I wrote a post that changed my trajectory as a writer. Writing this post literally pulled me back from that edge of giving up the thing I most love to do. It was January, 2011 and one simple resolution saved me. In these crazy pandemic times, I thought perhaps someone else could use the words of encouragement.

Some background on what was going on with me...

• I'd just lived through the kind of pregnancy where the chance of everyone dying is incredibly real and I had a mild case of post-partum depression.
• That baby I worked so hard for was about eight months old.
• I was really really ill with what I realized later was an insane allergy to gluten.

You'll read the rest in the post, but I was very much in danger of losing my writing. The details and the chaos of my life were pounding against my creativity, washing it away like waves on the sand, and I didn't have the mental or physical resources to turn the tide.

The Post...

Woody Allen said, “80% of success is showing up.”

My New Year’s resolution for 2011 is to show up for my writing. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? I thought so too until I spent 2010 showing up for everything else but my writing.

Now mind you, many of the things I showed up for were huge, life-changing events: a high-risk pregnancy, the birth of my first child, the loss of a treasured pet, the loss of my husband’s mother, our last living parent, moving from the home where I’ve lived for more than ten years. Plus there were the usual work, church, friend events that are important in keeping the day-to-day wheels of life running.

I continued to attend writing events where I could. Of course, I keep in close communication with my fellow members of Writers in the Storm, but I did not show up to my own works in progress on a regular basis. And it showed.

Laura Drake, our goal-oriented mover and shaker here at WITS, started making noises on New Year’s Eve for all of us to post our writing goals for the year (hers – in plural – were done). With the daily added tasks of a new baby, along with a husband and a job, her initial enthusiastic encouragement sounded like a loud, jarring squawk.  Writing goals for the YEAR? I could barely get to a writing goal for the week and my personal goals read something like “start exercising and get some sleep.”

Still, my Christmas present to myself was taking time each day to read at least two essays from Julia Cameron’s “The Sound of Paper” and I was immersing myself in the delight of her pages each morning for about 20 minutes while I ate breakfast. She discusses at length that “the role of an artist is to show up for the work and allow it to move through them.”

I sat weeping at my breakfast table on December 30th as I thought about this very simple answer to my writing angst – a derivation of the answer that I give to people starting out in a new career. "When you aren’t sure what to do, do something. Even if what you’re doing isn’t “THE” thing, you are out there showing up each day so you will be ready when the perfect thing comes along."

My Epiphany

I was crying because I hadn’t been following my own advice, especially when it came to writing.

I hadn’t understood that I just had to show up. I thought I had to build a writing temple, a schedule, a process, develop some sort of structure, all so the muse would have a set destination to show up to (and yes, I’m aware about how colossally dumb this sounds now that I’m writing it out loud for you).

My tears sprang from the joy and relief that I didn’t have to be somebody who had it together. My creative spirit could find me anyway. I just had to plop my overtired, cranky, insanely disorganized self down in front of whatever writing surface was handy, as often as possible.

That was it, my huge epiphany that year:

Show up to the page and the creative spirit will move through you if you stop trying to tell it how it needs to act, who it should be and what it should be saying. Park your inner control freak somewhere far from the page and just write. The rest will come.

My Resolution

With the above lesson in mind, I made a writing resolution that could fit into the life I had, rather than the life I wished for. (Of course, that dream life was filled with huge blocks of free time.)

My vow? Show up to the page for five hours a week.

As my daughter learned to crawl, walk, and run, I wrote. Sometimes it was a blog, sometimes it was a scene or a story. Whatever it was, I sent all my previously ordered notions about specific numbers of pages or chapters to the thrift shop for poor writerly habits and dead goals, along with all the other items I’d outgrown or stopped using. All those "shoulds" and negative self-talk ever did for me was stress me out during what was already a full-up busy, blissful, chaotic time.

Five hours a week -- or three, or even one when my baby girl was sick -- was a decadent gift to my creative self. Even when I had to break the time into twenty-minute chunks and set a kitchen timer, getting back to the page was an act of defiance and beauty and love. And for this new mom, it was as luxurious as a long, hot bubble bath.

Have you ever thought of chucking your writing over the proverbial cliff? What pulled you back from the edge? How did you get past it?

About Jenny

By day, Jenny provides corporate communications and LinkedIn advice for professional services firms. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction, and short stories. After 18 years as a corporate trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Facebook at JennyHansenAuthor or at Writers In The Storm.

Top Image by David Schwarzenberg from Pixabay