Writers in the Storm

By Julie Glover

The last time I was here, I gave five quick tips from my workshop on “Writing Dialogue That’s Real But Even Better.” But there are ten tips in that presentation, so here are the second five!

Remember, all of these are subtle changes that, over the course of a novel, add up to a smoother and better read.

6. Limit verbal graffiti.

Real dialogue is littered with verbal graffiti, which includes the ums, uhs, likes, yeah, you know, and other fairly meaningless words. My own favorite is just, with all of my characters just doing this and just doing that. Those words typically aren’t pulling their weight, so you should discard as many of them as you can. (By the way, curse words used too frequently and/or flippantly can become verbal graffiti, actually distracting from the dialogue between those words.)

Before

“What are you doing?”

My body seized up, and my eyes pinched closed. I knew that voice.

When I opened my eyes, Jet was looming over me. Looking as gorgeous as ever, ebony-black curls rippling around his face and eyes so blue I could swim laps in them. But he also held a searing stare of suspicion.

“Um, nothing.” I glanced around to make sure he was the only one watching.

“You don’t look like you’re doing nothing.” He pointed with his good hand at my bag. “Like what’s that?”

“Um, nothing.”

“What is it, Faye?”

“Seriously, why should I tell you?” I dropped my caught-off-guard tone and moved to my he’s-still-a-liar tone. He’d hid plenty from me, so whatever I was up to was none of his business.

After

“What are you doing?”

My body seized up, and my eyes pinched closed. I knew that voice.

When I opened my eyes, Jet was looming over me. Looking as gorgeous as ever, ebony-black curls rippling around his face and eyes so blue I could swim laps in them. But he also held a searing stare of suspicion.

“Um, nothing.” I glanced around to make sure he was the only one watching.

“You don’t look like you’re doing nothing.” He pointed with his good hand at my bag. “What’s that?”

“Nothing.”

“What is it, Faye?”

“Why should I tell you?” I dropped my caught-off-guard tone and moved to my he’s-still-a-liar tone. He’d hid plenty from me, so whatever I was up to was none of his business.

Above example from My Team's Fairy Godmother.

I kept one um, because Faye really is caught off guard doing something she isn't supposed to do (with fairy dust!). But the second one wasn't needed, and the like and seriously were unnecessary too.

7. Check beginnings of dialogue.

Writers have a tendency to begin dialogue in similar ways, no matter which character is speaking. Common sentence beginnings include so, well, and you know. Check the first words or phrases used in your dialogue, and make sure that (1) you’re not overusing certain ones, and (2) different characters don’t always use the same words and phrases.

Before

“So for a moment, I thought you might be dead.” He drove slowly, more slowly than necessary, and I leaned my head against the door’s window and peered over at him. “You know, I saw your head hit that rock and then you lying still. So...I figured you cracked your cranium.”

“My cranium?” Disbelief shattered my restraint. “You’re talking about my cranium, and you’re a freakin’ bird?”

“Well, hawk,” he said calmly. Like we were discussing Friday night plans, instead of supernatural transformation.

After

“For a moment, I thought you might be dead.” He drove slowly, more slowly than necessary, and I leaned my head against the door’s window and peered over at him. “I saw your head hit that rock and then you lying still. I figured you cracked your cranium.”

“My cranium?” Disbelief shattered my restraint. “You’re talking about my cranium, and you’re a freakin’ bird?”

“Hawk,” he said calmly. Like we were discussing Friday night plans, instead of supernatural transformation.

Above example from My Neighbor's Shapeshifter.

There's nothing wrong starter words like So, but they can become too frequent, thus distracting from the rest of the dialogue, where the real spotlight should be.

8. Get real with sentence fragments, interruptions, and trailing off.

Your junior high English teacher isn’t here to stop you from using sentence fragments. In fact, they work well in dialogue, because that’s how we talk. We also get interrupted and trail off at times, so use those tools as well when it works for your scene.

Before

“I don’t like Rebecca, but more importantly, I don’t want her to scoop me. I want to interview you myself.”

His half-smile drew into a full-mouthed laugh. “I thought you were protecting me from some heinous evil.”

I chuckled too, laughing less at his statement than the irony. Who’d expect a vampire to want protection?

“See,” I continued, “Rebecca and I are both up for newspaper editor in the spring, and if she got an exclusive with a vampire, she'd stand a better chance of becoming editor.”

“Ah, but if you got an exclusive with a vampire, you'd become editor. Too bad it’s merely an interview request. I had hoped you were making romantic gestures.”

After

“I don’t like Rebecca, but more importantly, I don’t want her to scoop me. I want to interview you myself.”

His half-smile drew into a full-mouthed laugh. “And here I thought you were protecting me from some heinous evil.”

I chuckled too, laughing less at his statement than the irony. Who’d expect a vampire to want protection?

“See,” I continued, “Rebecca and I are both up for newspaper editor in the spring, and if she got an exclusive with a vampire—”

“Ah, but if you got an exclusive with a vampire… Too bad it’s merely an interview request. I had hoped you were making romantic gestures.”

Above example from My School's Vampire.

Fragment, interruption, and trailing off—check! But it flows fine and reads more realistically. (Despite there being a vampire. ~grin~)

9. Read dialogue aloud.

Want to know how real and impactful your dialogue is? Read it aloud. Not all the stuff around, but merely the dialogue—as if that part is a stage play. Both reading and hearing your character’s dialogue will alert you to issues you wouldn’t otherwise pick up. You can also try a text-to-speech function to have your dialogue read to you.

No example, but try it out!

Natural Readers Online

10. Have fun with it. This is your chance!

Think of your favorite book or movie, and I bet one of its strengths is the dialogue. Maybe there’s a memorable scene or line, or the distinct voice of a particular character appeals to you, or the banter heightens tension or humor.

You, too, can draw in your reader through well-written dialogue! Rather than think of it as serious business, have fun with it. Get creative. Try out various options. Give your characters their own speaking style. Say that thing you wish you’d said in the moment that you only thought of later.

Example A

She unfolds her arms and chuckles. “You should watch yourself, Courtney. Mom and Dad wouldn’t be happy if they found you misbehaving.”

“Don’t worry,” I say, finding my inner pluck. “I’d have to rob a bank or build a meth lab to tip the scales away from you.”

Example B

I pull the sable brown wood carving from my bag and clutch it briefly to my chest, praying its T-shape will do more to put this demon in its place. Holding it out in front of my body, I ask, “What’s your name, demon?”

Nickie laughs, all throaty and wicked.

“O-kay,” I mumble, “Cruella, it is.”

Above examples from My Sister's Demon.

I'd never think of those retorts on the spot! That took mulling over, but it was fun to include them—as if I'd be that witty in the moment.

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As you can see from this post and the last one, most of the time the tweaks are subtle. But over the course of a full novel, or even short story, following these ten quick tips can improve the dialogue's flow and impact.

About Julie

Julie Glover is an award-winning author of mysteries and young adult fiction. She also writes supernatural suspense under the pen name Jules Lynn.

Her most recent release is My Sister's Demon, the first of five YA paranormal short stories coming out this year.

When not writing, she collects boots, practices rampant sarcasm, and advocates for good grammar and the addition of the interrobang as a much-needed punctuation mark.

Top image credit: Christin Hume on Unsplash

By Linda Ruggeri

Earlier this month, I posted my Memoir Writing 101 Series: Getting Started Part 2. Today's Part 3: different ways we can revise our memoir once we’ve finished writing it. (In case you missed it, here's Part 1.)

Somewhere along your memoir writing path, you probably asked yourself “Why am I writing this?” As an editor, I like to follow that question with: What is your goal with writing this? What are you hoping to accomplish? Who is this really for?

Knowing your “Why?” is key to discovering if you’re accomplishing your goal when you start revising your work. The answer to that question (which you should tape to the bottom of your screen) becomes the “bar” you return to again and again during the revision process, when other questions come up, such as Does this part make sense? or Do I really need this story?

Once you know your purpose, and have that guideline, then you can move on to developing a revision checklist and a schedule. Below is what I use, and by no means is it exhaustive or exclusive but it’s a roadmap of what you can do to make the process easier. Feel free to add your own revision pit stops as you work and new things come to mind.

Organize your revision

• Set a revision schedule. Establish a block of time to revise your manuscript every day. Long blocks of time might actually not be productive. Be realistic about your attention span and plan accordingly. I like working into the late-night hours, but I also know from experience that my end-of-day work is going to have more errors in it, so I can’t do long hours after dinner for example.
• Avoid revising your manuscript by reading it from beginning to end. Instead, pick an item from your revision checklist and review that one item only throughout the whole work. (I.e. Do a pass where you revise for overused words only).
• Set up lifelines. Let a few trusted friends know you’re starting your revision work and that you might need to reach out to them to vent, ask questions, help you make decisions. And do that when the going gets tough. Talking with a trusted friend or colleague when you fall into manuscript quicksand can be uplifting and enlightening and will keep you moving forward with your work.
• Choose beta readers (not friends and family) or writing groups where you can read your work and get objective feedback and send them your manuscript once you’re done revising.
• Consider if your manuscript will need a sensitivity read, a copyedit, or a proofread down the line and start evaluating the cost and options.

“Revision is a natural consequence of growth.”

- Elizabeth Jarret Andrew, Living Revision

10 Point Revision Checklist for a Successful Memoir Writing Experience

Once you’ve addressed the organizational part of the revision, then it’s time to turn on the magnifying glass and discover the parts that aren’t helping our work or moving our story forward.

Each one of these items on the list should be done as a separate manuscript pass. I don’t recommend doing them together because each one needs your full attention and focusing just on one item at a time is actually a more efficient way of revising and going through your work than trying to do them all at once with a read.

Start with these below and don’t forget to save each pass with an updated version name.

1. Is anything in my manuscript untrue? If so, then remove.
2. Am I unsure about the truth of any event/person/situation that I’ve written about? If so, can I fact-check it? If not, can I alert the reader this is how “I remember it”?
3. Do I need permission to share any images, quotes, anecdotes, names, stories? Make a list of the permissions I need and start getting them in writing. You just need to share the section of the manuscript that involves that person.
4. Are the themes of my memoir clear and identifiable?
5. Do I locate the reader in space and time at the beginning of every chapter?
6. Do I have a character arc? Am I a different person at the end of my story than I was at the beginning?
7. Can I replace overused words? Grammarly has a great tool for pointing this out, but you can also download this handy list I keep here.
8. Is my voice sincere? Will the reader trust me? (this will require reading sections/chapters at a time).
9. Where am I “telling” that I could be “showing”?

Janice Hardy has a terrific book on this where she reminds us that “showing brings a scene to life.” Keywords she recommends looking out for that often indicate “telling” are:

• As…
• In + emotion…
• Could see…
• The sound of…
• Realized…
• When…then

10. Have I spell-checked and proofread my work?

“Revision is messy.”

- Elizabeth Jarrett Andrew, Living Revision

Once you’ve completed your checklist, your manuscript should be pretty tight, error free, and ready for another set of eyes. Sharing it with your beta readers or a writing group is an excellent way to get the honest feedback you need and will benefit from, as well as polish any areas you might have overlooked. In memoir specifically, revision is akin to a spiritual practice. Be kind to yourself, and to the feedback of others, and only take in what is useful to you.

Now it’s your turn. Are you revising your memoir (or any book)? What has your experience been like? I’d love to hear what works best for you during the revision process.

About Linda

Linda Ruggeri is a full-service editor and project manager based out of Los Angeles. She co-authored the historical memoir Stepping Into Rural Wisconsin: Grandpa Charly’s Life Vignettes from Prussia to the Midwest and can be found online at The Insightful Editor and on Instagram. Her new book Networking for Editors will be released this summer.

by Tasha Seegmiller

About five or six weeks ago, I rolled my ankle while walking to work. It wasn’t significant, I didn’t even lose my balance. Just a slight not okay and then okay and I continued on my way to work.

To you, this may seem like a non-story. People roll their ankles ALL the time. But this ankle has been traumatized. Many times. Over many years. This ankle was first really sprained when I was fourteen years old, then again throughout the rest of high school. This is the ankle that I had reconstructed nine years ago. This ankle still swells when there is a massive switch in the weather patterns, one that I am intentionally rehabbing once a week.

So a minor roll, a quick not-even-worth-noticing not-quite injury is, six weeks later, still sore, still slipping, still swollen. The small, non-injury is clearly an injury, and the emotions that I had after tearing two ligaments, after having it reconstructed, after trying to come back with atrophied muscles and incredible soreness are all living in the forefront of my mind.

When we are looking at why a character is the way they are, why they act or react the way they do, we need to make sure readers understand the emotional impact of events in their past and remember/recognize that even purely physical traumas can be accompanied with significant emotional contexts.

Honoring the Past

While we don’t want to detail every single thing that has happened to a character in our book (really, please don’t), we, as the creators of these people do need to have a familiarity with what has made them who they are at the time of the story. People aren’t just self-conscious. They don’t “get big” when confronted for no cause, and they don’t shrink away in the same situation without a reason to be cautious.

Then, after you have learned/created/acknowledged this, you need to make sure that your readers have the same opportunity to understand. You need to pick the just-right time that will deepen the moment of the current situation by allowing the memory of the past to penetrate the awareness we have of what made the character who he/she is.

Merging Then with Now

One of the reasons reconciling with the past is so powerful is that it can often serve as catalyst for where the character is when the story begins and where the character would like or should like to go. Their past can be something that happened a day or week ago, or it can be something that is months, years or decades old.

What is important is that the character can first learn what it is to reconcile what they did or what happened to them with the reality of the situation. Secondly, they must brace themselves for the reality of what this means -- how they have to heal, and how they have to move forward. This may mean a candid conversation with themselves, and it may mean the incorporation of a therapist, counselor, or trusted confidant.

The Reality of a Past Wound

There may be some wounds, some damages, that do not allow someone to heal completely. This, too, is something that needs to be explored: how will the character continue while a little bit broken? How will they adjust to a new reality that is different from what they wanted?

Exploring a character’s past with intentionality will solidify an arc and improve the quality of a story as a whole.

Have you defined your main character's emotional wound? Do they confront it, resolve it...ignore it? Feel free to summarize this for us down in the comments! Also, Tasha is open for questions. :-)

About Tasha

Tasha Seegmiller writes about womanhood, families, mental wellness, and faith. She is a graduate of Pacific University’s MFA program and teaches composition at a regional university in the high mountain desert where her husband and three kids live.