My name is Julie, and I'm a recovering plate-juggler.
And by "recovering," I mean I couldn't even get my 30-day chip in this program. I have serious trouble with taking on far more than I can handle, and my list of ideas and projects rivals St. Nick's naughty-nice list.
Are you in the program too? How well are you doing?
Why We Need to Say No
Most writers have more story or marketing ideas than they have time for. If we don't intentionally prioritize, the urgent or the easy or the involves-others projects will weed out what we most want to accomplish.
Last week, I was excitedly talking to someone about a new opportunity, and it wasn't until a day or two later that I realized I needed to pass. As cool as their idea was, it would take time and effort away from other projects I'm doing—projects that are more meaningful to me.
We simply have to say "no" to some projects so that we can say "yes" to others.
Take Inventory
Do you even know how much is on your plate? You may not realize how many projects you've taken on if you haven't taken stock.
Take inventory of what obligations you currently have, what projects you're working on, what you have planned, and what you'd like to do. You can make a list, a visual map, or a spreadsheet—whatever works for you. Also consider what other daily activities engage your time.
Photo credit: Pexels, Pixabay
Are you spending time where you really want? What could you offload? What could you add from your "like to do" list instead?
Get a clearer picture of where you are now to figure out where you want to go.
The Principle of One In, One Out
For the last few years, I've tried to follow the principle of "if one comes in, one goes out." So to take on a new project, I must push an existing one off my plate. That could involve finishing a current project—book published, conference over, etc.—or letting go of something I'd planned to do.
We have finite resources. There's only 24 hours in the day, 7 days a week, and you have to sleep, eat, and groom yourself in there somewhere. (Though grooming may be optional when up against an immediate deadline.) Unless and until you figure out how to clone yourself, you have to work with what you have.
If you're already up to your eyeballs, one more project will drown you. Commit to the principle of One In, One Out.
Photo credit: geralt, pixabay
Or, for some us, it should be One In, Two Out. But let's start with a step in the right direction.
Set Priorities
How do you decide what comes in and what goes out? What if you love all of your current projects AND the one that's just come up?
Ask yourself: What's my your overall writing goal? Why am I writing?
Not every potential idea or project will meet your goals equally. For example, if you want to make X amount of money in the next year, you prioritize tasks that could bring immediate sales—like more books out the door, marketing new or existing books, redesigning your website. If you want to publish traditionally, you might prioritize polishing your best manuscript, attending events with agents and editors, getting submissions out. If you want to develop your craft... Well, you get the point.
Look at each project honestly and ask how it furthers your primary writing goal(s). If something sounds good but doesn't make the cut in this analysis, cut it for real. Make space for what matters.
Involve Your Peeps
If you still feel overwhelmed and don't know where to say no, ask the people who support you—family, friends, fellow writers, therapist. Whoever has your back in this writing gig, request their feedback on where to focus your efforts.
Photo credit: mendtatdtg, pexels
My husband has been invaluable to me in this. I will often go to him and say, "Hey, I have this great opportunity!" Almost before the words leave my mouth, he's smiling but asking, "So what you going to give up to do this new thing?" Hmm. Good question, sage fellow.
Then I process through my options with him, close friends, siblings, or whomever is the best one to ask on that particular project. But I'm forced to think through the pros and cons while hearing their great advice, from a perspective often more objective than my own.
So if you're on the fence, involve your peeps. They'll help you land on one side or the other. (Even if they have to push you.)
Do you have too many projects up in the air? How do you decide what to keep and what to quit?
About Julie
Julie Glover writes mysteries and young adult fiction. Her YA contemporary novel, SHARING HUNTER, finaled in the 2015 RWA® Golden Heart® and is now on sale! When not writing, she collects boots, practices rampant sarcasm, and advocates for good grammar and the addition of the interrobang as a much-needed punctuation mark.
Julie is represented by Louise Fury of The Bent Agency. You can visit her website here and also follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, the song goes, but unfortunately for many writers, it’s also the time when we’re most anxious and stressed out.
In a survey of about 1,100
Americans, over half (54 percent) said they felt some symptoms of a syndrome
known as “holiday anxiety.” You can think of it as part social anxiety, part
holiday stress.
Another survey by Booking.com
found that over a third of people (36 percent) worried about things going wrong
the first day of their holiday, and in a Bankrate survey, 6 out of 10 said they
felt pressure to overspend on presents, travel, social outings, or charitable
donations.
Writers are likely to be
particularly vulnerable as creativity and anxiety are closely connected,
according to scientists.
If you find yourself panicking
at the thought of one more dinner party or worrying you may not get time to
write during your vacation, read on for tips on how to cope.
Writers May Be Vulnerable to Holiday Anxiety
Anxiety can show up in many
forms during the holiday season. If you’re someone who dreads attending social
functions, you may suffer from a bit of social anxiety.
This is a type of anxiety many
writers may experience at various times of the year, though they may not label
it as such. It’s characterized by anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively
evaluated by others, or rejected in a social situation. Symptoms include:
Persistent fear of one or more social situations where embarrassment may occur
General anxiousness around other people
Inability or difficulty talking to others
Self-consciousness
Fear of others’ judgment
Anxiousness days or weeks before a social event
Other types of anxiety tend to crop up during the holiday season too. Writers may feel anxious about finances, potential family squabbles, or just being able to manage it all.
“As much as we love the holidays,” writes Arlin Cuncic, “they are undeniably a stressful time of year. Often, we find ourselves buying gifts for people we don't know that well, traveling to see people we don't like that much, and just generally doing things in a compressed manner—it feels like we need to pack in as much as we can.”
Writers who hope to have some
time to write during their holiday time off may feel more anxious when that
time seeps away because of other engagements or responsibilities. For many of
us, the page is where we feel most at home. It is our solace, our sanctuary,
and if we go too many days without it, we start to feel anxious and on edge.
By the time New Year’s rolls around, instead of feeling refreshed and restored, we can feel exhausted and resentful—feelings from which it can take weeks to recover.
Photo credit: fizkes - Deposit Photos
7 Tips to Help Writers Cope with Holiday Anxiety
You don’t have to suffer through
holiday stress and anxiety. A variety of coping techniques can help you to feel
more centered while making it possible for you to get the writing done you want
to do while still enjoying your favorite activities.
1. Write Whenever You Can
If you’re one of those writers
who gains solace from writing, find ways to fit it in no matter what. It may
not be as good as you’d like it to be, but for many of us, just the practice of
writing can help us feel more confident.
Grab a few minutes in the
morning before everyone else gets up, or at night after everyone has gone to
bed. Escape somewhere in the car for a half-hour if necessary to get some words
down. Likely the writing won’t feel as smooth as usual, and you may struggle to
pick up the thread of your story, so if need be, write about something else, or
simply record the thoughts you’re having.
Just the simple act of writing,
whatever shape it takes, will likely help you feel better.
2. Take a Walk
Exercise produces natural
feel-good endorphins in the brain and can help relieve stress and anxiety.
Whenever you feel the pressure building up, take a short walk. Even 20 minutes can
be enough to allow all nervous feelings to dissipate, creating space for your
more creative side to return.
3. Take a Break from Social Media
Research shows that the more
time you spend on social media, the more you’re at risk for anxiety. One study
of over 1,700 adults found that higher levels of social media use were associated
with a higher risk of depression and anxiety.
The effects can be worse over
the holidays, as we see images of everyone else supposedly enjoying perfect
meals, perfect parties, and perfect family get-togethers. We can begin to think
our lives pale by comparison.
To stay on a more even keel over the holidays, give your social media feeds a break and enjoy more face-to-face interactions instead.
4. Practice Saying “No”
This is a difficult one for many
of us as we don't want to let anyone down. But trying to make it to every
party, every get-together, and every dinner, all while creating perfect
memories for our families, can be too much.
Before you say “yes,” make sure that doing so won’t lead to resentment or exhaustion. Limit the events you attend each week if possible, and don’t forget to schedule in time for yourself and your writing.
Photo credit: gustavofrazao - Deposit Photos
5. Don’t Forget Self-Care
Sleep, exercise, and a healthy
diet often go out the window during the holiday season. There’s nothing wrong
with indulging in some of those ubiquitous holiday treats, but the more you can
stick with your healthy habits, the less anxious you’ll feel.
Eating high levels of sugar and fried foods have been linked in studies to increased anxiety.
Overeating stresses the body, prompting the release of the stress hormone “cortisol” in your system.
Sleep deprivation, according to one study, doubled the risk of developing an anxiety disorder.
Healthy habits can protect you.
In a 2019 study, researchers found that participants who engaged in moderate or
high physical activity had significantly lower odds of having anxiety and
depression. So continue your healthy routine as much as possible over the
holiday season.
6. Create Relaxation Times
While running around doing
everything you need to do for the holidays, you’re likely to forget to take
time to relax. Incorporating a regular stress-relieving activity into your week
can help you shed the stress and limit feelings of anxiety.
Good options include journaling,
yoga, meditation, daily walks, aromatherapy, or even 15 minutes with a good cup
of herbal tea. Use the method that works best for you—just be sure you’re using
it regularly.
7. When Going to Events, Focus on Others
If you experience social anxiety
when attending events, turn your focus outwards. Symptoms of social anxiety
tend to appear because we're too worried about how we are coming across and
whether others will judge us.
Use your powers of observation
to examine others, instead. How are they coming
across? What do you think of them?
How do you imagine they are feeling,
judging by their behavior?
Many writers experience success
by turning social events into character research. What unusual character traits
might you notice while people-watching at a party? Keep a notebook or a phone
app handy to jot those down that seem unique.
When you need to engage in
conversation, ask questions to dive deeper into what others are thinking. Listen with the ear of a writer looking for a
good story. You may soon find yourself so interested that your anxiety will
recede into the background.
How do you manage holiday anxiety?
Sources
Andreasen, N. C. (2014, June 25). Secrets of the Creative Brain. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/07/secrets-of-the-creative-brain/372299/
Chew, J. (2015, December 22). Why Most Millennials Find Holiday Gatherings Stressful. Retrieved from https://fortune.com/2015/12/22/social-anxiety-joyable/
Cuncic, A. (2017, October 23). How to Survive the Holidays When You Have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-generalized-anxiety-disorder-during-the-holidays-4153496
Garcia, A. D. (2019, November 13). Holiday Brings Spending Stress For Most Americans, Survey Reveals. Retrieved from https://www.bankrate.com/surveys/holiday-gifting-november-2019/
Harvey-Jenner, C. (2019, July 18). How to deal with holiday anxiety. Retrieved from https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/health/a10321989/holiday-anxiety-panic-attacks-fear/
Heaney, K. (2018, November 28). Sleep Fixes Everything. Retrieved from https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/sleep-deprivation-makes-your-anxiety-peak.html
Pengpid, S., & Peltzer, K. (2019). High Sedentary Behaviour and Low Physical Activity are Associated with Anxiety and Depression in Myanmar and Vietnam. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 16(7), 1251. doi:10.3390/ijerph16071251
Shensa, A., Sidani, J. E., Dew, M. A., Escobar-Viera, C. G., & Primack, B. A. (2018). Social Media Use and Depression and Anxiety Symptoms: A Cluster Analysis. American Journal of Health Behavior, 42(2), 116-128. doi:10.5993/ajhb.42.2.11
About Colleen
Colleen M. Story inspires writers to overcome modern-day challenges and find creative fulfillment in their work. Her first non-fiction book, Overwhelmed Writer Rescue, was named Book by Book Publicity’s Best Writing/Publishing Book in 2018, and her novel, Loreena’s Gift, was a Foreword Reviews' INDIES Book of the Year Awards winner, among others.
“Show, don’t tell” might be the three most misunderstood words in a writer’s vocabulary.
But—
Why is showing so important?
Is it always bad to tell?
How the heck do you even know if you’re doing it right?
And just what is the difference between them?
Start with a Definition
TELLING is: Summarizing for the reader.
Reporting information.
SHOWING is: Letting the reader draw her own conclusions. Using action, thoughts, senses, and feelings to allow the reader to experience the story for herself.
Now let’s take this
abstract idea and make it concrete.
TELLING is writing: He was short.
SHOWING is writing: A visual of him getting on a stool to reach the top cabinet.
You don’t even have to use the word “short.” In fact, it’s better if you don’t.
“Don’t tell us the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.” (Mark Twain)
“Don’t tell me the morning is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” (Anton Chekov)
“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader—not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” (E.I. Doctorow)
A word “picture” is worth a thousand word “statements.”
Examples: Delete This / Write This
He was bleeding. / Dark liquid dripped from his side.
It was snowing. / Fluffy white flakes covered the ground.
Mary loves chocolate. / Mary popped the last piece of Belgian chocolate into her mouth and closed her eyes.
Bailey was happy to see Brad. / Bailey sprinted through the crowd, flung her arms around Brad, and buried her face in his chest.
Writers, we can’t SEE the story you’ve created in your head if you don’t PUT it on the page. We can’t read your minds. RIDICULOUS, right? I mean, it would be so much easier if we could.
Active versus Passive Writing
SHOWING is ACTIVE. TELLING is PASSIVE. That’s true. Sometimes
telling is lazy writing. But sometimes it’s not. You can’t “show” everything. Painting
a word picture in every paragraph turns your novel into a tome.
When is it okay to tell?
when you need faster pacing
to show a minimal moment
as a way to move your story forward
if you don’t want your book to finish at 350,000 words
When should you show?
when you want to evoke emotion in your reader
during a crucial moment or traumatic event
to point out a turning point in the story
if you want to show a change in relationships or circumstances
to highlight important information or a big decision
If something is supposed
to be a BIG DEAL for your reader, it needs to be a BIG DEAL to your character,
and readers needs to “see” it for themselves.
Think of it this way. In
a news report, you hear the reporter say there’s been a devastating hurricane
in Florida, but it’s the images of the destruction on the screen that really
get you.
Want your readers to feel emotion? Make them feel like they’re actually there.
Be Prepared
It helps if you have a plan. Write a brief summary of what needs to happen in the scene and mark what’s important—then make a point to SHOW anything you’ve marked.
Keep It Real
If your character was a
real person, how would she respond? SHOW that.
Example: If a man comes home and finds his wife dead, he isn’t going to shower and have dinner like nothing happened. Unless ... he hired someone to kill her and he’s planning to admire the handiwork before he disposes of the body.
If you want to bring your
characters to life, treat them like real people.
I Could Write This:
Smiling, Alek moved in to put his arm around me.
I backed out of reach.
He frowned.
So did I. I didn’t want to be jumpy around him, but I couldn’t help it.
Or I
Could Write This:
Alek’s smirk went southern gentleman, and he moved close to put his arm around me.
A chill broke over my skin. I backed out of reach, and his grin dropped quicker than his arms. But my newly acquired auto flinch didn’t seem to care. It overrode every one of the thousand times he’d hugged me before.
Avoid Emotion Words
How do I know if I’m
showing? Kill your emotion words.
Telling: John was so mad he couldn’t stay seated.
Showing: Heat threatened to fuse the collar of John’s shirt to his neck. He stood so fast the metal chair toppled behind him.
Everyone has “go to”
emotion words. Make it a point to notice yours. Then make a list and do a
search. Take them out in places you want to show and give us a visual
instead.
If I Can’t Use Emotion Words, What Can I Use?
Description
Her face turned an odd shade of purple.
Action
He ground his teeth so loud I could almost hear his fillings crack.
*Sometimes
it’s powerful to show what doesn’t happen.
But she doesn’t yell at me. She doesn’t question me. She doesn’t even look at me.
Internal Thought for POV character
Forty-seven minutes of sleep was enough. Right?
Similes
A quick, bright smile went 'round the room like a streak of sunshine. (Little Women, Louisa May Alcott)
Metaphors
When it comes to digging into my life, my dad is Sherlock Holmes.
Comparison with a Universal Situation
My stomach took a ride on some seriously choppy waters.
Subtext (voice cues, expressions, body language, visceral reactions)
For in-depth info and examples, head over to Margie Lawson’s website at margielawson.com. She’s the queen of subtext!
Subtext evokes emotion. Emotion keeps your readers involved. If we don’t feel what your character feels, we don’t have a reason to care about what happens to her and ... we won’t turn the page.
One Last Thing—Consider Word Choice
Words convey moods. You’d
use different words at a funeral than a wedding, even if you were describing
the same church.
You’d use different words
describing a friendship than a romantic relationship.
How your character perceives a situation should come across through the types of words he uses.
Where do you struggle with “show, don’t tell,” and what helps you make this idea less abstract and more concrete? I’d love if you’d share in the comments!
About Lori
An encourager at heart, author, editor, and writing coach Lori Freeland believes everyone has a story to tell. She’s presented multiple workshops at writer’s conferences across the country and writes everything from non-fiction to short stories to novels—YA to adult. When she’s not curled up with her husband drinking too much coffee and worrying about her kids, she loves to mess with the lives of the imaginary people living in her head.
You can find her young adult and contemporary romance at lorifreeland.com and her inspirational blog and writing tips at lafreeland.com. Her latest release, The Accidental Boyfriend, is currently free on the Radish app.
