"I love you" are pretty powerful words to say—and to hear. But there are usually a lot of words before your characters hear those words, and maybe even more words before they believe them. There are plenty of things our characters can do, actions they can take, to build the emotional level for their love interest to really hear and accept those words and feelings. The cool thing is, you can think of more by thinking about how—and why—you've fallen in love, because every one of these suggestions "works" in real life, too. That's why your readers will connect with them, and why they will fall in love with your characters.
Random surprises improve mood and relationship satisfaction. The surprises don't have to be costly or labor-intensive. Let me give you a real-life example. When I started having to travel for my job, I bought special "cute" post-it notes. One had a dotted line down the middle with "good gnus" (they had halos) on the left and "bad gnus" (they had horns and pitch forks) on the right. The title was "Good gnus and Bad gnus." Under the good news side I wrote "I love you" and under the bad news I wrote "I'm not here." I stuck it on the mirror my husband used every morning to shave. He didn't usually call the first couple of days I was away, but he called that night to say, "Somebody put a sappy note on my mirror." I asked him how he liked it. "I had to pull it off so I could shave." Yes, a real romantic. In the future I put notes in his underwear drawer, in the freezer, tucked inside a book he was reading, just to bug him. Years later, he'd asked me to look for something important in his filing cabinet, and in an unlabeled folder was every single note I'd written him.
Expressing concern for someone's safety promotes solid friendships and encourages healthy behavior. It also boosts self esteem and fights depression. One more from-Fae's-life example. My husband's got a thing for clean, well-maintained cars. I found this out soon after we got married. He came into the house after he'd washed his car and told me I needed to wash my car. I told him it was fine. After a few, okay more than a few, heated exchanges he stamped outside saying it was dangerous to drive with a windshield so dirty (it wasn't that bad), and he washed my car. When I complained that I needed to remember to stop and get gasoline or I may not make it to work the next morning, I'd get in the car and the tank (that I'd forgotten about) was full. [I hear you sighing ahhhh, but trust me, he is not a romantic.]
Remember the details of something important to the other character. Since we only remember seventeen to twenty-five percent of what we hear, paying attention to the details of what our partner is concerned about is important. Dialogue can be initiated, whether it is to commiserate or problem solve. But there can be no back and forth if your character doesn't know the important details. Questions can pull out other, perhaps secret, facts or emotions or backstory to make this suggestion do double-duty for your writing. The act of listening is powerful. In real life and for our characters.
Really caring about your day. Now this may sound mundane. Of course you're going to show your characters caring about what happened to each other. But did you know that this particular type of show-of-caring is ninety-three percent non-verbal communication? This is not the lip-service, "Oh, honey, that's too bad." This is the "knowing look," however you've detailed that look for your character, the light touch on the arm, or the long, silent bear hug. It's the stretch out on the sofa and put your feet in my lap foot massage. Or the slow walk to the wine storage and pouring a glass of their favorite before any verbal response. It's exactly what you would want someone who loves you to do for you.
Hand-written love letters. This is different from my post-it notes above. This is a full out, (maybe) carefully constructed letter proclaiming an undying love. It lists the hows and why of falling in love. It professes forever and that HEA. Maybe it was written but never intended to be discovered and read, and that discovery can make it a turning point in your story. It could be on the back or inside of a purchased greeting card. Its impact can be profound when the character who writes it has not verbally professed love before this point, and probably hasn't physically shown such softness to the other character.
Totally relaxing physical affection increases trust and stronger bonds. Yes, this one has big immediate payoffs for both characters. Hand holding for the first time, particularly if the walking is a little slippery, indicates a caring desire to protect. Rubbing the back of the neck requires trust and tenderness. From a hand or foot massage, to massaging the shoulders and back… well, you get the idea. Physical interaction that takes the everyday tension down to a relaxed sigh is the goal here.
Making your character feel included because they are important. Remember the first time you met the parents? It went well if your beloved included you in the conversation. Better if there was physical contact between the two of you, either seen or unseen by the others in the room. We've all been in situations where we went somewhere and wondered why we needed to be there because no one made an effort to interact with us. To someone who loves you, you are the center of the event and, even if your interaction is mainly with the one who brought you, you'll have a positive experience. How do you make someone feel included? You introduce them to the others, show them the important places: the restroom, the exit to the patio, the bar, the food, the people they'd most likely get along with. And you don't abandon them afterwards. Hovering isn't necessary, but visible checks are mandatory as are occasional personal check-ins to assure their well-being. If one character is the type of person who will slink to a forgotten corner, the other character will stay with them and move about the room as their escort.
Checking in to be certain of the other's well-being, mental health and status. Friends do this; lover's should, too. It begins as a courtesy, but when you love someone, you care about how they are doing. Communicating with them on a regular basis shows that love and also deepens the connection between two people. In historical fiction, it can be accomplished by a daily ride to the other person's home. In a contemporary, a text works, but other ways to check-in are needed to show a commitment to the relationship. A phone call or a quick meeting, even a surprise visit, all show a desire to be involved in the well-being of the other person.
What other ways do your characters show their love?
ABOUT FAE
Fae Rowen discovered the romance genre after years as a science fiction freak. Writing futuristics and medieval paranormals, she jokes that she can live anywhere but the present. As a mathematician, she knows life’s a lot more fun when you get to define your world and its rules.
Punished, oh-no, that’s published as a co-author of a math textbook, she yearns to hear personal stories about finding love from those who read her books, rather than the horrors of calculus lessons gone wrong. She is grateful for good friends who remind her to do the practical things in life like grocery shop, show up at the airport for a flight and pay bills.
A “hard” scientist who avoided writing classes like the plague, she now shares her brain with characters who demand that their stories be told. Amazing, gifted critique partners keep her on the straight and narrow. Feedback from readers keeps her fingers on the keyboard.
My debut launches tomorrow. TOMORROW!!! ‘Scuse me a sec while I breathe into this paper bag.
Okay, I’m back. I’m better. I’ve got this.
I’m ready for launch day … I’ve written the guest posts, I’ve sent out the giveaway copies, I’ve updated my website. What I’m not ready for, though, is the congratulations. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?
Over the last few months, I’ve been overwhelmed by the number of friends who’ve asked about the book, congratulated me, and wanted to hear how excited I am.
I am excited. I am, really. And I’m not.
Before you write me off as a total nut, hear me out … When I worked in the corporate world, every project was part of the job. It was always satisfying to see the final ad or brochure but they were drops in the bucket (I know, cliché). I’d take out a copy, leaf through it (okay, okay, I’d also smell it), then file it and move on to the next project. No one asked if I was excited and no one congratulated me.
Writing a brochure is nothing like writing a novel. Brochures don’t take years to write, revise, and publish. They’re not products of your heart and imagination. So no, I’m not comparing them that way.
But here’s where I find myself struggling – writing is my job. And as such, I’m expected to write that book just like I was expected to write the brochure.
I’m torn between the me that’s hugging this pretty hardcover book with my name on it and wanting to show it to everyone I see, and the me that gave the book a hug and a sniff, leafed through it, and put it on the shelf.
I’m torn between wanting to take the time to enjoy the moment, the feeling of this accomplishment, and the need to put it behind me and focus on the next deadlines.
Author friends keep reminding me to enjoy this time, that debuts only happen once. I know they’re right. But I also don’t quite know how to do that. Granted, I’ve never been one who was comfortable in the spotlight. I’m much happier as the behind-the-scenes-get-it-done type. That’s part of my problem now – either way you slice it, I am in the spotlight as the author. My job as a writer isn’t just to write the book. And that means I have to not only be proud of my hardcover accomplishment, I have to be proud of the soft me.
So here I am, the day before my book comes out. Part of me is relieved that the anticipation is almost over. Tomorrow it will belong to readers. The focus will shift from the excitement of a new release to the anxiety over sales.
But today, it’s still mine. And after a strict talking-to with myself, I’ve decided that today will be a no-guilt day. Today, I’m not going to worry about what’s next. Today, I’m going to sit on the couch with my book and allow myself to be proud of my accomplishment.
(Anyone want to put bets on how long I can do that?) :-)
We always finish WITS posts with a question, something to generate discussion. I’m not sure what to ask you guys. Instead, I’d like to issue a challenge for anyone else who, like me, has a hard time looking people in the eye when they congratulate you … go to the closest mirror (this works better if you’re not in a public place – trust me!) and congratulate yourself. Whether it’s for a new release or sending out a query or finishing the first draft, those are huge milestones.
Oh wait, I do know what to ask. :-)
What are you proud of yourself for today?
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About Orly
Orly Konig is an escapee from the corporate world, where she spent roughly sixteen (cough) years working in the space industry. Now she spends her days chatting up imaginary friends, drinking entirely too much coffee, and negotiating writing space around two over-fed cats. She is a co-founder and past president of the Women’s Fiction Writers Association, and a member of the Tall Poppy Writers. She is rep’d by Marlene Stringer, Stringer Literary Agency LLC.
Orly’s debut, The Distance Home, will be released by Forge on May 2, 2017.
Plus as a special bonus for the first zillion readers: two updates on an earlier essay! Now what would you pay?
So I’m sitting here thinking about writing. I don't want to have to get up because I’ve got a cat on my lap, but it's all right because I’ve got my iPad and cell phone within reach. And that means at my fingertips are the hundred or so iBooks I own, more channels on my tv than I can count, countless tweets, and web pages that sing and dance with kittens and baby pandas, buff guys and hot chicks, sometimes all on the same page, plus four remote controls that talk to a tv/computer, the cable box and I suspect to each other when I’m not around. In other words, there are many more entertainment choices than were available even a few years ago.
So what does this plethora of choices mean to writers, the ink-stained wretches that pump out the trillions of words that fill our modern story-o-sphere? It means your readers have other places to go — lots of other places. Does that mean you should pack it in, say there’s no way to stand out from this immense crowd and take up the flugelhorn? Spoiler alert: the answer is no.
First, let’s assign some numbers to “overchoice,” so we know just how much competition there is; then let’s talk about every writer’s second-favorite topic (the first being their own work): audience, and then let’s make a few specific suggestions. After that we’ll get to the homework assignment, and finally provide a brief update on an essay I contributed in December.
Overchoice
It’s not a jungle out there, it's a New York or Tokyo street at rush hour, — eight million stories in the naked city — with not thousands, but millions of stories, all of them throwing elbows and hip checks, jostling for position. The actual numbers are probably larger, but it is safe to say that Amazon has over six million books for sale. How many movies and tv shows are available on iTunes? Has anybody counted? Can anybody count, or does the number change so rapidly that the question becomes meaningless? And, of course, despite repeated reports of their imminent demise, brick-and-mortar bookstores are still out there with shelves crammed full of books and those stories are literally jostling for position on the shelves.
All right, your potential audience has an inconceivable number of titles clamoring for attention. Overchoice, historically-unprecedented overchoice. Is that depressing? Don't reach for the flugelhorn yet; there are people who want to read your story. You just have to find them. You need an audience. And to do that you need to —
Step One: Find your Audience
Word of mouth sells books. Take every opportunity to get in touch with readers. Increasingly, writers are finding their audience through personal contact. The same tidal wave of transistor-fueled change that has led to six million books on Amazon has also created multiple ways for you to find an audience. The jargon for this process is “building a platform” but for most of us it comes down to grabbing a potential reader and saying, “Hey, read my book!” Not literally, or at least save the grabbing for a fallback position. But you will find readers, and other essays in this blog will offer many ways to do that. Google “Finding an Audience” and you’ll see hundreds of sources. Look for Ken McArthur, “Top Ten Ways to Find your Audience” or Joanna Penn, “5 Tips.” After you find an audience, it's vital to —
Step Two: Treasure Your Audience
Once you find a reader, cultivate them! Learn about them. Respond to all their emails and tweets, try to find what people like about your work. In my case one facet is clearly the setting as character, local color that lets readers think, “Oh, so that’s what big wave surfing is like.” However, I firmly believe moderation is the key. Personally, I do not do a newsletter. I avoid flooding my readers with information, and the metrics on my emails show that it pays — my notices get read, not deleted from the subject line, I believe in part because there aren't very many of them. Yes, the flip side to this is that you need to learn about things like metrics and measuring how well your promotion works, or you need to hire someone who has already learned. You can't treasure your audience if they don't read your emails.
I guess the moral is treasure them but don't drive them nuts. Remember the guy in Peggy Sue Got Married who spent the entire reunion handing out business cards? Don't be him.
And, while it's great that you are reading this essay (Thanks!), don't overthink it.
“Don’t think so much.” Zucco to Kinicki in Grease.
Most of all, don't despair. Remember the line in Her, “I gave myself permission to find joy.” Do that! When you look back at a sentence you struggled with and finally got right, and think, “Hey, that works!” stop and allow yourself the joy.
Remember Don McLean says in “American Pie” that he could make them happy for a while. If you make some people happy for a while, maybe that's enough. For me, it is. Wear success like a loose suit of clothes; define it so it works for you.
To sum up:
Work on finding an audience.
Once you find them, treasure them.
And give yourself permission to find joy in your work.
That’s Success in the Age of Overchoice.
Homework
What do you do, once you are armed with this knowledge of the hordes of titles out there, and, unafraid, you are still banging the keys?
Don't just read this blog, research it. Study ways of contacting readers. I don't care for the term “Building a platform” but it's the best one around right now.
See the May 2017 issue of Discover magazine for “Caring Computers,” a great article about stories and artificial intelligence. I won’t give away too much but machines learning ethical behavior from stories is becoming mainstream. Think what you do isn't important? Think again.
Also, see the Los Angeles Times, April 21, 2017, for “How a Computer Program Can ‘Learn’ Human Bias” for a darker side to stories and machines: language itself makes subtle assumptions — like the term "doctor” is more likely to be associated with a male name — and those assumptions can be passed on to artificial intelligences. (Hmmm. On that one I’d like to see data on the average copyright date of the stories. The hopeful part of me wants to think that’s changing. And, sure, I liked Pollyanna. So sue me.) And Melissa Healy, the author, says computers don't actually believe anything. (The italics are mine.) Oh, yeah? How do you know? Nevertheless, a really interesting article.
Thanks for reading. Now it's your turn.
How do you connect? How do you cultivate readers? How do you define “success?”
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James R. Preston is the author of the award-winning Surf City Mysteries. The most recent is Sailor Home From Sea. He is finishing the second of a projected trilogy of novellas set at Cal State Long Beach in the 1960s. The next Surf City Mystery is called Remains To Be Seen and will be available in 2017. His work has been selected for the UC Berkeley Special Collection, California Detective Fiction. And when he needs inspiration for a great opening, he looks at a Jayne Ann Krentz.
