Writers in the Storm

Last month I wrote about editing 1200 pages in 12 weeks. Today, I give you Part Two of my revision journey for the first book I plan to self publish.

Late Friday night I will send The Book back to Tiffany Yates Martin for her third and final pass. Sometimes I think, "Good! Then I can take a break." But there are those random moments that I've wanted to see if she'll make a fourth, maybe a fifth pass to be sure I've done the best I can do. When I'm rational again, I know there will always be at least one more thing (or ten) that I can do to improve the book, whether it's the flow, the action, the character arcs, or the story.

Why? Because my brain never shuts down. And when I'm at the computer revising eight hours (or more) a day, my brain is on overdrive. Great for the book, especially while I'm still working on it.

But, back to this story.

Revising after a second pass by your editor.

I didn't know what to expect from Tiffany's second pass. Happily, I'd fixed most of the problems she noted in the first half of the book. You know, missed opportunities, emotions, transition scenes after an action-packed, knock-down chapter endings. So the first half  of the book's revisions were line edits, cleaning up questions about my science fiction language and technology—small things that didn't require a lot of thought or angst, just time.

Now I'm to the point where the changes are bigger, whole-book details. Like updating all the tech. Naming a colony ship then searching for references to "the ship" on every single page of the document. Starting at the beginning and adding in subtext and thoughts in just the right places, to show one character questioning the identity of the other. I've entered the realm of the Time Sump, looking for ways to show a gradual build-up of emotion or trust. Or distrust.

This week, I'm working on revising the ending. I did that after the first pass, but not enough. Read that as not hard-hitting enough for a climax that's been building since page one.

Thank goodness for Tiffany. She doesn't let me get away with glossing over anything. There's no magical hand-waving over this revision. Her comments are not pedantic or put-down-ish. Her suggestions end in, "What do you think?" or "OK?" And every time, she's pointed out an angle I couldn't see from my writer's perspective.

This is why I'm working with an editor. I get so caught up in the story that I know so well, I forget to communicate it to the reader - to put it on the page. And that's my job. Thank goodness I can admit that I need all the help I can get.

What can you learn from second-pass edits?

1. Check the ending of each chapter.

Did you leave out important thoughts, feelings, or actions that should have occurred before we see the characters on stage at the beginning of the next chapter?

Remedy: Add that information at the end of the chapter as a final scene. If you want to end the chapter on a cliff-hanger, show your character twisting, literally or figuratively, at the beginning of the next chapter. Take advantage of those raw emotions to move your story forward, to deepen character, an move the character along his/her arc. Don't miss the opportunity.

2. Check for "muddied motivation."

If your character isn't acting in a way your reader identifies with, you haven't supplied clear motivation for her goals.

Remedy: Go back to the beginning, or at least several chapters. Look for places to add subtext that implies those goals. If you can't be subtle, find where you can add one line of backstory that will give your reader that "Aha" moment for why your character acts the way he does. If you have to reinforce that motivation later, be sure it's a deeper motivation.

3. Show reactions more clearly. 

It's easy to show the reactions of your POV character. Heck, we chose that character's POV because she had the biggest stake in the scene. But we need to see the other character's reactions, too. That isn't easy to do when you can't be in their heads.

Remedy: Check your non-POV character's reactions - body language, expressions, dialog 'cues'. Have you shown  physical response to the confrontation? Stress or surprise? Your POV character can recognize, and react to those responses. Your POV character can interpret body language, like a stance or lack of swagger. You can share the non-POV character's mind-set in dialogue, particularly by using words only used when stressed (a non-swearing character swearing, for instance). The delivery of those words will show the feeling just as much as the words will.  

Do you have a "final pass" revision tip? Maybe a "while-you're-still-writing" revision tip?

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ABOUT FAE:

Fae Rowen discovered the romance genre after years as a science fiction freak.   Writing futuristics and medieval paranormals, she jokes  that she can live anywhere but the present.  As a mathematician, she knows life’s a lot more fun when you get to define your world and its rules.

Punished, oh-no, that’s published as a co-author of a math textbook, she yearns to hear personal stories about finding love from those who read her books, rather than the horrors of calculus lessons gone wrong.  She is grateful for good friends who remind her to do the practical things in life like grocery shop, show up at the airport for a flight and pay bills.

A “hard” scientist who avoided writing classes like the plague, she now shares her brain with characters who demand that their stories be told.  Amazing, gifted critique partners keep her on the straight and narrow. Feedback from readers keeps her fingers on the keyboard.

When she’s not hanging out at Writers in the Storm, you can visit Fae at http://faerowen.com  or www.facebook.com/fae.rowen.

Holly Robinson

I am no fan of Halloween. Maybe that's because, as a young child, I started having waking nightmares about a cloaked figure with a pumpkin head that would regularly appear and sit in a rocking chair beside my bed. He never said anything. Just rocked and rocked, until I screamed for my mother.

This guy followed us to every house we lived in—a lot of houses, since my dad was in the Navy and we moved every couple of years. Who knows why that strange figure was my chosen metaphor for fear? I had never read The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, and there weren't a lot of scary movies on TV back then. Yet, there he was, my own bedtime monster, the product of an overactive imagination.

For years, I was an insomniac. As soon as the lights were turned off, I'd lie on my back and stare at the ceiling, afraid of turning over because I was so certain I would see, if not Mr. Pumpkinhead, a face peering at me through the window or at the side of the bed.

I'm still afraid of the dark. If my husband's out of town, you can bet I keep a light burning. And, if I'm dumb enough to visit a haunted house attraction with my kids, like that Ripley's Haunted Adventure in Myrtle Beach where they have an actual clown chasing visitors with a chain saw, it might be weeks before I get a good night's rest.

Still, none of this compares to a writer's fears. Whether you're aspiring to finish your first book, a debut author, or an old workhorse like me (my sixth novel, Folly Cove, was just published), I bet you suffer from the same night terrors I do—fears that may drive you to quit, as Orly suggested in her recent post.

Here are my top five fears. What are yours?

1. You'll never finish this book.

Many of us get about two-thirds of the way through a manuscript and despair about it ever coming together. And guess what? Sometimes it doesn't.

2. Who'd ever want to read anything you write?

There is always a black place in your mind where a little gremlin is whispering, “You're not good enough for anyone to want to read your writing. Give up!”

3. Nobody reads anymore!

Let's say you get lucky. You get an agent, an editor, and a publisher. Or you self-publish. Congratulations—but you're still not free of those night terrors. As you listen to friends discussing the many TV shows they watch, you can't help but ask, Hello? Is anyone even reading anymore, in these glory days of Netflix and Amazon TV binges?

4. My book won't get reviewed.

How many print magazines and newspapers do you actually subscribe to at your house? How many of those carry book reviews? And what happens to books that are never reviewed? Enough said.

5. The reviewers will hate it.

Oh, the trolls, the trolls. You know they're out there, waiting to descend in hordes to punch in their single-star reviews. Why should you escape their blood lust?

So, Happy Halloween, my fellow writers! It's time to stock up candy—you're going to need it to get you through the night—and your manuscript! If it's any consolation, keeping the lights on at night is a great way to get more words on the page and keep the monsters at bay...for a little while.

Your turn. What are your top 5 writing night terrors?

 

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About Holly

Novelist, journalist and celebrity ghost writer Holly Robinson is the author of several books, including The Gerbil farmer's Daughter: A Memoir and the novels The Wishing Hill, Beach Plum Island, Haven Lake, and Chance Harbor. Her newest novel is Folly Cove, available in October 2016. Holly's articles and essays appear frequently in publications such as Cognoscenti, The Huffington Post, Parents, Redbook and dozens of other newspapers and magazines.

She and her husband have five children and a stubborn Pekingese. They divide their time between Massachusetts and Prince Edward Island, and are crazy enough to be fixing up old houses one shingle at a time in both places. Visit her at www.authorhollyrobinson.com and on Twitter @hollyrob1.

Janice Hardy, @Janice_Hardy

Readers experience your novel through the eyes of your narrator. Sometimes this narrative filter is invisible and readers don’t perceive any distance between them and the point-of-view character, such as with a first-person point of view. Other times the filters are obvious and readers feel the space between them and the characters, such as with an omniscient narrator.

A point-of-view character by definition is relaying everything she sees, hears, feels, touches, smells, thinks—she’s already filtering for you; it’s just a matter of how obvious that filter is.

If a tree is described, readers know she saw a tree. Saying, “She looked at the tree” and then describing it is redundant at best, clunky and telling at worst. The filter words create a layer between the character and the reader you might not want.

Filter words are words that distance readers from the point-of-view character, and you often find them in prose using far narrative distance. These words can make the text feel detached. Filter words also remind readers they’re reading, explain things that are obvious, and often lead a writer into telling or crafting passive sentences.

Common filter words include: saw, heard, felt, knew, watched, decided, noticed, realized, wondered, thought, looked.

Filtering is one way writers control the narrative distance. How much of the point-of-view character’s experience is filtered can make the prose feel personal or detached. Using a large number of filter words can turn a shown scene into a told scene in no time at all.

The more filter words used, the higher the likelihood of the prose sounding told.

Let’s look at some examples:

• Bob could see three zombies shambling toward him.
• Sally knew she had to get out of there.
• I could feel the hard metal of the knife against my back.
• Jane heard a scream from the hotel bathroom.

Each of these examples has a filter word in it, explaining what should be obvious by the rest of the text. If Bob mentions shambling zombies, clearly he saw (or heard) them. Odds are some other details in the scene will have suggested that Sally had to leave. Describing the knife as hard against your back can only be done if you can feel it. The one filter word that lives in a gray area here is the word “heard.” Unlike the others, “heard” doesn’t jump out and feel redundant, though it’s still filtering the sound of the scream through Jane’s ears.

Look at these same sentences without those filter words:

• Three zombies shambled toward Bob.
• Sally had to get out of there. Or better: She had to get out of there. (Using the pronoun makes it more personal, and more like an internal thought)
• Hard metal pressed against my back.
• A scream echoed from the hotel bathroom.

Nothing is lost, and now these sentences feel more active and in the moment. They have a sense of immediacy that eliminates that told feeling.

Some filter words are borderline tells that depend heavily on use, such as the wondered, realized, decided, noticed, type.

• Bob realized he’d have to make a run for it.
• Jane wondered if they’d make it out of there alive.
• Sally decided they’d just have to jump and see what happened.
• I noticed the car was missing.

These summarize the thinking and decision-making processes. You don’t get to see Bob realize running is his only option; you’re told he does. The author tells you what Jane is wondering; you don’t get to see her wonder in her own voice with her own concerns. Sally’s decision reads more like an afterthought than someone making a hard choice. If you suddenly noticed your car was missing, your reaction is probably going to be stronger than realizing you “noticed something.” The importance in this example is on the noticing, not the missing car.

Eliminate the filter words and you get:

• He’d have to make a run for it.
• Would they make it out of there alive?
• They’d just have to jump and see what happened.
• Wait—where was her car?

Without the filter words, the focus is on what is thought and decided.

However, sometimes you want that filter word if it’s important to draw attention to the act (the feeling, hearing, watching, realizing), or it sounds more dramatic with that filter—this works well for chapter or scene enders. You might also want more filters if you’re doing a far narrative distance or an omniscient narrator and want to create a detached, observer tone.

For example:

• Bob watched the perimeter, eyes and ears alert for zombies.
• Jane closed her eyes and wondered if any of them would survive until dawn.
• I hoped for the best. Once in a while it worked out, right?

How much filtering you choose depends on which point of view you use and what narrative distance you’re pairing it with. An omniscient point of view with multiple point-of-view characters will likely have a lot more filtering as the narration floats from person to person. A tight point of view will typically have fewer filter words as everything is shown through the eyes of the point-of-view character.

Basically, ask yourself: Do you want to show more, or tell more? Then adjust your narrative distance and filter words accordingly.

For more on filter words, check out this earlier WITS guest post of mine on eliminating filter words for a tighter point of view.

How often do you use filter words? Do you have a preference?

Check out my new book, Understanding Show, Don't Tell (And Really Getting it), and learn what show, don't tell means, how to spot told prose in your writing, and why common advice on how to fix it doesn't always work. Also, please enter the Rafflecopter giveaway (look down below my bio).

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About Janice

Janice Hardy is the award-winning author of The Healing Wars trilogy and the Foundations of Fiction series, including Planning Your Novel: Ideas and Structure, a self-guided workshop for planning or revising a novel, the companion Planning Your Novel Workbook, and Revising Your Novel: First Draft to Finished Draft.  She's also the founder of the writing site, Fiction University. For more advice and helpful writing tips, visit her at www.fiction-university.com or @Janice_Hardy.

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