Writers in the Storm

Shannon Donnelly

I teach a Show and Tell workshop online and everyone comes into that workshop wanting to know how to show more—they’ve usually been hit with the advice to ‘show don’t tell’. However, there’s a place for the narrative in any fiction.

What most writers really need to look at is how to tell better in the right places and show more of the character expressing emotion. It’s usually emotion that gets left off the page (and out of the scene). How do you do this?

There are some technical tricks that can help.

1 – Tell when you need to get some quick information on the page—or to shorten what you need to convey to the reader. Telling is a great way to compress time, handle a transition to a new scene, or simply put some info that on the page that you need for the reader. Nothing is worse than exposition put into a character’s mouth. That makes your dialogue stiff and often makes the character sound stupid for stating what is probably obvious.

2- Show more by eliminating ‘telling’ dialogue tags. She exclaimed, he smirked, she pouted, he expounded, she tossed back, he leered, she sighed…all of these are telling the reader an emotion. You want to show how your characters express emotion on the page—that’s where you need to show more.

3 - Use telling to alert the reader that the character is relatively unimportant. This is where a lot of writers get it wrong by telling too much about the main character, which makes that person seem unimportant. This sentence makes it clear that the cab driver is not a main character: The cab driver dropped her off at the train station. If you spend three paragraphs describing what that cab driver looks like, how he drives, and how he acts, you are showing that character is important. Keep things clear for reader—what you give pages to matters most.

4 – Show your character in action right away to get a reader’s interest and sympathy. This is key to creating likeable characters, or at least character that a reader is willing to settle down with for a few hours. If your main character is supposed to be smart, show that person doing something smart. If your main character is an ace magic user, show that character using that magic in an amazing way. A lot of writers feel like they have to show the character in a tough situation—that’s fine. But really look at what you have shown—is the situation all that tough or is the character just being stupid? You may get the reader’s scorn instead of sympathy.

5 – If you tell, you don’t need to show; if you show you don’t need to tell. This is about trusting your readers to ‘get it’. You do not need to hit the reader over the head. You don’t need to say: He was angry. And then show that character being angry. Repeating information can blunt the impact on the reader—your writing starts to feel dull and the scene sags. Sometimes repetition can be used for a certain impact, but use this technique carefully and with intent.

6 – Do remember to get the emotion onto the page—either show it or tell it but put it on the page. It’s easy when you’ve got a lot of action to get lost in getting that sorted out and forget that the reader really wants to know what the character is feeling. This is something I see a lot of in contest manuscripts. The writing is good, there’s plenty of action, but I have no emotional involvement because I have no idea if the character is frightened, amped up on adrenaline, angry, or covering up feelings. Know your characters, and get their emotions on the page!

7 – Cut the clichés in both your showing and your telling. Readers want a familiar read, but not a duplicate of something read a hundred times before—cliché actions and reactions flatten your story. Cut or change every cliché. This means no stalking into the room like a panther. No gazing into a mirror and doing an inventory of hair, eyes, and the standard description. No women (or men) who had their hearts broken once and so that person has vowed never to love again. Put a fresh spin on every cliché—whether it is narrative or a reaction to a situation. To do this, you need to know every character and your character must react in character—this means no making character take actions to make a plot work.

Work on your telling so it’s tight, brilliant writing—no one’s going to tell you to cut writing that is wonderful, even if it’s all telling. And then in scenes get more emotion on the page by showing how your characters express emotion. It’s that simple—but simple is always hard work.

Which do you struggle with most in your writing? What have you found that works well for you?

About Shannon

Shannon Donnelly’s writing has won numerous awards, including a RITA nomination for Best Regency, the Grand Prize in the “Minute Maid Sensational Romance Writer” contest, judged by Nora Roberts, RWA’s Golden Heart, and others. Her writing has repeatedly earned 4½ Star Top Pick reviews from Romantic Times magazine, as well as praise from Booklist and other reviewers, who note: “simply superb”…”wonderfully uplifting”….and “beautifully written.” She is also the author of the Mackenzie Solomon, Demon/Warders Urban Fantasy series, Burn Baby Burn and Riding in on a Burning Tire. She is currently working on her next Regency romance, Lady Chance.

 

I’m not one of those people who always knew I wanted to become a writer, especially not a fiction writer. I took a couple of creative writing courses during college and grad school out of curiosity. Let’s just say it wasn’t a natural fit. My creative muse laughed her butt off at me with each attempt.

But I thoroughly enjoyed writing and editing, and my first job as an editor at a trade publication was a dream. Then I switched to marketing and corporate communications. After fifteen years in the corporate world, I came to a somewhat sad realization--I'd abandoned all of my creative outlets. I’d started college as an art major. But along the way I stopped drawing and the only time my camera came out anymore was to take pictures of my new-born son or the cats.

When I told my husband I needed a creative outlet, he suggested I take the story ideas I kept torturing him with, and write a book. Snort … me, write a novel? Seriously? But the idea was planted and the more I thought about it, the more appealing it sounded. After all, I had nothing to lose. I signed up for a workshop, wrote a first draft, and fell in love with writing fiction.

Writing that first novel turned out to be the best (and cheapest) therapy possible. I found that creative spark that had been buried under years of corporate deadlines. As the workshop came to a close, the topic of publication was discussed. Woah! I hadn’t actually thought about publishing my book (okay, not quite true—there was that little fantasy about seeing my name on the bookshelves next to the authors I read).

But, the idea was planted. I submitted. I even received requests and positive feedback. That fueled another manuscript and more requests and more positive feedback.

With each new project, I found myself staring at the brainstorming board and asking more pointed, business related questions. What is the commercial hook? Is it high concept enough to sell? What’s the underlying theme I hope the readers will take away from this book?

About a month ago, I read an article in The Atlantic. The writer interviewed novelist Andrew Dubus III about the challenges and joys of writing without pre-determination. Mr. Dubus said: “When I began to write, I was deeply self-conscious. I was writing stories hoping they would say something thematic, or address something that I was wrestling with philosophically. I’ve learned, for me at least, it’s a dead road. It’s writing from the outside in instead of the inside out.”

I was frustrated with a story idea because the “high concept” felt puny and I couldn’t get to the heart of what I really wanted to say. I was trying to write from the outside in. That’s when the idea of a summer “writing vacation” came about. I was going to find that creative spark again and NOT worry about writing for publication. Cool idea, right? (For those of you who read my June post, we’ll take a quick break until you stop laughing.)

Shiny, fun new idea? Check. Let the brainstorming begin. Then in the middle of a frustrated rant, Laura called me out on the burr I was sitting on—my brainstorming had shifted to “does this idea have potential for a sale?”

Mr. Dubuis, in that same article wrote: “I do not ever think about career when I’m in my writing cave. I do not. I try not to think; I dream. It’s my mantra. I just get in there and try to be these people.”

Granted, he has a writing career that, he admits, is how he makes most of his living, but what he said hit home. The creative spark burns best when I let myself dream. It took some mental bargaining and bribing but I finally managed to let go. And guess what? The new story started coming alive and the “people” are keeping me company everywhere I go. I have a bunch of what ifs and plot ideas on the white board that came from dreaming up twists. But I will confess that there are three words I haven’t erased at the very bottom of the board—“high concept enough?”

So, here are my questions to WITS readers:

1) Once you’ve decided you want to become a published author, can you write without that constant thought of “will this idea sell” coloring your story decisions? Should you?

2) Are you able to compartmentalize—career thinking only in the business cave, not the writing cave?

3) And here’s a twist, can you read a novel without thinking “what made this a best seller” or “what about this concept/writing attracted an agent/editor”?

About Orly

After years of pushing the creativity boundary in corporate communications, Orly decided it was time for a new challenge. Three women’s fiction manuscripts later (plus a handful of picture books), it’s safe to say she’s found her creative outlet. When she’s not talking to her imaginary friends, she’s reading or at least trying to ignore everyone around her long enough to finish “just one more paragraph.” Orly is the founding president of the Women’s Fiction Writers Association.

You can find her on Twitter at @OrlyKonigLopez or on her website, www.orlykoniglopez.com.

I admit, odd people fascinate me. The marginal personalities, the walking damaged, the wierdos. When I look back in my life, it seems I’m the Pied Piper of The Quirky (Or maybe it just takes one to know one ;))

They show up in my novels often. I've written a New York fashionista transplanted in Texas Hill country, an L.A. up-and-comer on a Colorado cattle ranch, and a soldier suffering from PTSD on the bull riding circuit.

But the last two books I’ve written pushed the limits, tipping from quirky to borderline bad/odd people. And though they fascinate me, these characters can irritate readers. Jane Porter has written characters like that, and Catherine Ryan Hyde (wrote Pay it Forward) is famous for it.

A case everyone should be familiar with is Florence ‘Rusty’ Dennis, the mother in the film, Mask (played by Cher). She was in a gang, and a drug user. And yet, by the end of the movie, though you still may not like her, you have empathy, if not sympathy for her.

How the heck did they do that?

I recently wrote my first women’s fiction story. The main character, Harlie, was damaged and independent to a fault. She has a distorted view of the world that she’s seen from the trailer park and has made some questionable decisions because of it.

I loved this character.

The book was rejected by an editor, because the character was ‘one dimensional’. I had no clear idea of what that meant, and was afraid that I’d have to gut this strong but flawed character to sell the book. And I wasn’t willing to do that.

Thank God I have an incredible agent, who can read a book and not only tell you what’s wrong, but how to fix it. She told me that Harlie wasn't a well-rounded character because we didn't see anything different in her thoughts than we saw in her actions. In both, she was damaged, irascible, and closed off. It was basically repetition: the reader got that in the scene, by the way she reacted, AND in the sequel, when Harlie thought about what had just happened.

Queue the paradigm shift!

To fix that, all I did was go to those scenes and show, through her thoughts, WHY Harlie acted the way she did. It’s an opportunity to show what she’d never reveal to others – that she was vulnerable, lonely and afraid. Show why she was stuck in her thoughts/actions. In other words, what was her flaw – her misconception about how the world worked, that was holding her back from growing.

It’s like a small dog that bites your ankles. It doesn’t do it because it’s mean. It does it because it’s afraid. In showing that in Harlie’s thoughts, it made her much more relatable and likeable. I think readers will forgive a character almost anything, if they can relate to them. I know I’ve lashed out at others when I’ve been afraid, and I’ll bet you have, too.

The other story I wrote with an unlikeable character is Twice in a Blue Moon – and today is its release day!

 

Danovan DiCarlo is a winery manager, with several problems. He is gifted, but overly ambitious and arrogant. The unwanted son-in-law to the biggest winery owner in the valley, when his infant daughter dies and the marriage falls apart, his ex FIL makes sure he’s blacklisted in the Central Valley wine community.

Oh, and he lies. Over and over. Ugh. Tough sell, right?

With Danovan, I went back and read Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat! If you don’t have his book on your writing craft shelf, you should. It’s my go-to book, and is dog-eared and full of post it notes. He said,

“Because liking the person we go on a journey with is the single most important element in drawing us into the story…..I call it the ‘Save the Cat’ scene. It’s the scene where we meet the hero and he does something—like saving a cat—that defines who he is, and makes us like him.”

I needed a couple of ‘save the cat’ moments for Danovan, because he had SO many flaws! Here's what I came up with:

• He truly loved his wife – until she revealed herself as a narcissistic spoiled brat. Even then, he tried to make the marriage work, even to the point of leaving his job and opportunities to move away from her family.
• His beloved daughter died in a crib death when he was watching her. Not his fault, but he feels shame and guilt.
• He lies in the beginning to get the job at the heroine’s winery, but he offers to teach her the business. Each of his lies become less egregious from there – one being a lie of omission, and the last, to save her winery, which is, in an odd way, very heroic.

Only my readers can tell me if I succeeded in making Danovan likeable . . . and I’m giving you the chance to decide for yourself:  I’ll randomly choose two commenters to win Twice in a Blue Moon.

So what do you think, WITS readers? Have you ever written an unlikeable character? Have any tips for us?  Can you think of a Save the Cat moment in a book or a film?

About Laura

Laura Drake is a city girl who never grew out of her tomboy ways, or a serious cowboy crush. She writes both Women's Fiction and Romance.

She sold her Sweet on a Cowboy series, romances set in the world of professional bull riding, to Grand Central.  The Sweet Spot won the 2014 Romance Writers of America^®   RITA^® award in the Best First Book category.

Her 'biker-chick' novel, Her Road Home, sold to Harlequin's Superomance line (August, 2013) and has expanded to three more stories set in the same small town. Twice in a Blue Moon Releases July 1!

In 2014, Laura realized a lifelong dream of becoming a Texan and is currently working on her accent. She gave up the corporate CFO gig to write full time. She's a wife, grandmother, and motorcycle chick in the remaining waking hours.

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