Writers in the Storm

Margie Lawson

If you are an NCIS fan, you know about Jethro Gibbs’ fifty-plus rules. I want to be as cool as Jethro Gibbs. This blog features my third Margie-Rule for writers.

Margie’s Rule # 3: Lock in the Emotional Set

My term, Emotional Set, refers to the mood of the scene. Writers know the emotional set of their POV character in each scene, but they need to be sure they slip it in each scene a variety of times, in different ways, for the reader. Everything should support the emotional set of that scene.

How can you show the reader the emotional set?

• Body Language
• Dialogue Cues
• Visceral Responses
• Action
• Internalizations – thoughts, narrative, exposition
• Themed Words – especially in description, setting, thoughts, and dialogue

We’ll look at the first three: body language, dialogue cues, and visceral responses.

 

Body Language:

Most writers use body language, and more, to share their characters’ emotional sets. They may rely on overused (clichéd) facial expressions, gestures, movements, and postures. Aack! Those read-it-before, said-it-before phrases invite the reader to skim, skim, skim.

This example includes a visceral response, body language, and a power internalization with a fun hyphenated-run-on.

Chasing Luck, by Brinda Berry, Multi-Margie-grad, 4 time Immersion-grad, three paragraphs

My stomach flutters like a moth caught in a jar.

His gaze sweeps down my body. Those twin dimples of danger match eyes that I swear can see through my clothes.

And I almost melt into a pool of girly goo. Jerk. Totally gorgeous-beyond-words jerk.

What did Brinda Berry do to make that piece work?

She started by giving a stomach-based visceral response two fresh twists. Moth, not butterfly. And this moth is caught in a jar.

In the second paragraph she added three hits of body language (gaze, dimples, eyes). And she amplified with an internalization we’ve seen before, but she makes it work because she amplified even more with a third paragraph. A big time amplified reaction, a fun teenage-girl themed piece with an approach-avoidance twist.

If you’re getting the idea that amplifying with fresh writing is a good thing, you’re thinking right.

Here are two smile-based sentences from Chasing Luck:

JT takes a sip of red wine and relaxes into his you're-being-unreasonable smile.

Hyphenated-run-ons make that smile unique. Easy to know his emotional set.

He hesitates and his sad smile reaches across the table to trap my breath.

Brinda Berry made that sad smile a stimulus that impacts the POV character. Smart!

Dialogue Cues:

If you’re not a Margie-grad, you may be wondering about the term Dialogue Cues. It’s a subset I carved out of dialogue tags. Dialogue Cues share the subtext of the dialogue. They cue the reader regarding the psychological message shared in how the character says the dialogue.

Examples:

Cloaked In Danger, Jeannie Ruesch, Multi-Margie-grad, Immersion-grad

The words flew out like desperate birds, and Aria clamped her lips shut to keep any more from escaping.

His voice had grown thick, a deep caress that sent tingles up her arms. He remembered, too.

When You Are Mine, Kennedy Ryan-- Her debut novel was just released June 17, 2014, Multi-Margie-grad, Immersion-grad.

“Oh, no. You just missed the last bus.” The girl’s voice was husky-hot and sweet. Honey burned to a crisp.

Jo used her don’t-play-a-player voice on him. “He’s going to propose again.”

The next example has a character whisper, but Kennedy Ryan amplified that basic dialogue cue with a power internalization featuring a cliché twist. Powerful and fresh.

“You’re in love with Cam,” Walsh whispered, awestruck that he had been so close for so long and never seen it. It was skywritten all over his cousin’s face

What if Kennedy Ryan hadn’t amplified? What if she hadn’t worked harder? What if she hadn’t given the reader anything fresh?

Here’s what she could have written:

  “You’re in love with Cam,” Walsh whispered.

Umm. Yep. Kennedy Ryan’s fresh writing deepened characterization for the non-POV character and for the POV character too. And it gave the reader a boost.

The Last Breath, Kimberly Belle -- Her debut novel will be released Sept. 30, 2014, Multi-Margie-grad, 4 time Immersion-grad

“Lexi.” My tone is weighed down with enough warning to sink a ship. “Don’t even think about bailing.”

Cal’s tone has cooled by a thousand degrees, and I hear a new note in it, one that sounds strangely like relief.

Fresh dialogue cues!

See how those dialogue cues inform the reader about that character’s emotional set?

Visceral Responses:

Visceral responses are emotionally triggered, involuntary, physical responses experienced by the POV character. Responses like hearts pounding, stomachs clenching, vision narrowing.

If the writer slips a few visceral responses in emotionally charged scenes, they take the scene from the POV character’s head, and the reader’s head, to the reader’s heart. In a well written scene, the visceral responses on the page may give the reader a visceral response.

The Last Breath, Kimberly Belle -- Her debut novel will be released Sept. 30, 2014, Multi-Margie-grad, 4 time Immersion-grad

No. My heart races, and every tiny hair soldiers to attention on the back of my neck, commanding me to run. Never again. No.

Her words zap me like a Taser, temporarily paralyzing my heart, my lungs, my conviction Lexi would do the right thing.

The last example used the rhetorical device anaphora. Powerful content, powerful cadence.

Nothing Sweeter, Laura Drake, Multi-Margie-grad, Immersion-grad, released January, 2014

“Well screw you both and your puffed-up male egos. I am so sick of caveman attitudes.” Her jaw locked so tight, the roots of her teeth ached. She was pissed that she had to fight tears. And even more pissed because she couldn’t stop them. Bolts of emotions cracked like lightning in her mind: anger, guilt, failure. Disappointment. Another lost opportunity.

Sweet On You, Laura Drake, Multi-Margie-grad, Immersion-grad, to be released August, 2014

The next example looks so easy to write. But writers know the sentence below required some brain cells. It carries cadence and impact.

Her heart stumbled, then double-timed, a hammer against her ribs.

Right? That sentence is simple, and stellar.

Here’s another simple-looking sentence.

A knife of homesickness slid between his ribs, hitting near his heart.

Wow. Laura Drake got me.

Katya jerked, and before she could control her body, she was crouched under the table, sweat popping in her armpits and her heart hammering like the piston of a redlined engine.

Katya is having a PTSD reaction, and Laura gives us a clear visual and a strong visceral reaction.

She played off a hammering heart, but she empowered the reaction and amplified that visceral response which made it carry power.

Deep Edit Analysis:

• Katya jerked – Physical reaction
• and before she could control her body -- Power Internalization
•  she was crouched under the table – Strong visual
•  sweat popping in her armpits -- Visceral Reaction
•  and her heart hammering –Visceral Reaction
•  like the piston of a redlined engine – Amplified simile. It’s amplified with the power word, redlined.

Laura could have written: Katya started sweating and her heart hammered like a piston.

Kudos to Laura Drake for working harder. She definitely locked in the emotional set!

Chasing Luck, by Brinda Berry, Multi-Margie-grad, 4 time Immersion-grad

I stare up at him, confused, unable to move or breathe. My heart picks up speed in way that usually occurs on the second mile of a run.

There’s a moment of panic that rises in my stomach like a bad meal, but I look at Ace and he smiles. The panic settles and disappears.

He's staring at me like he can actually hear the blood rushing in firehose-volume to my heart.

The bass ba-bum-ba-bum-ba-bum of my heartbeat booms in my head.

Each of those examples carries power. She added a fresh element. A fresh image. A fresh sound.

Enjoy this empowered example from When You Are Mine, by Kennedy Ryan.

She fumbled through rebuttoning her jacket, fingers shaking. She closed her eyes for a few erratic heartbeats, struggling to rein in her body’s response. She was a running engine slowly cooling down.

Stellar writing! The imagery, content, cadence, and simile help lock in the emotional set for the reader.

The Last Breath, Kimberly Belle -- Her debut novel will be released Sept. 30, 2014, Multi-Margie-grad, 4 time Immersion-grad.

No. My heart races, and every tiny hair soldiers to attention on the back of my neck, commanding me to run. Never again. No.

The same caution about using overused phrases applies to dialogue cues and visceral responses. Same-old, same-old doesn’t Velcro the reader to the read. Smart to push harder and write fresh.

Kimberly Belle deepened the emotional set with two visceral responses. Both visceral responses are common, but she paired them, and she freshened the hair-on-back-of-neck visceral in two ways. She gave it a boost of freshness with ‘soldiers to attention’ and she used that visceral as a stimulus for the command to run. She added two short frags that empowered content and cadence.

Check out another example from Kimberly Belle.

Her words zap me like a Taser, temporarily paralyzing my heart, my lungs, my conviction Lexi would do the right thing.

The last example used the rhetorical device anaphora. Again -- powerful content, powerful cadence.

And then I remember something else. Something that shoots a shiver up my spine and slams my heart to a standstill.

This example from Kimberly Belle has two paragraphs, for fun.

 “Gia, I…I have something I need to tell you before you make that promise.”

My stomach does a slow flip-flop that’s not entirely pleasant. “Is this the part where you tell me you’re married, or that you used to be a woman?”

Ah! Love that humor hit!

Some emotional story triggers are huge, and the writer needs to provide an empowered response. The following paragraph from Kimberly Belle is loaded with visceral responses. Trust me. This amplified response is needed. It has a big trigger.

My adrenaline suddenly spikes, smashing my anger instinct out of its paralysis. A cold ball of fury forms in my belly, pushing at my throat, putting down roots in my organs, snaking through my veins, growing and pulsing with life. I feel it swirl inside me, and somewhere in the very back closet of my mind, I acknowledge relief that it’s rage, rather than grief, gripping me by the guts. At least my anger, even as sharp as it is, feels like it’s holding me together rather than ripping me apart.

Look at all that power! The reader feels this character’s emotions. The emotional set is locked in and powered up.

Visceral Responses:

• My adrenaline suddenly spikes
• A cold ball of fury forms in my belly, pushing at my throat, putting down roots in my organs, snaking through my veins, growing and pulsing with life.
• I feel it swirl inside me
• gripping me by the guts.

The rest of the phrases and sentences in that paragraph are Power Internalizations.

I’ll share one more example from When You Are Mine, byKennedy Ryan. Enjoy this power internalization featuring a cliché twist.

“You’re in love with Cam,” Walsh whispered, awestruck that he had been so close for so long and never seen it. It was skywritten all over his cousin’s face

Wow! All those examples from Margie-grads make me proud!

If you some of these examples grabbed you, tweet or FB the authors, and post a comment below. They’ll all stop by the blog. Let them know they wowed you!

One more point about clichés. Reviewers notice clichés too.

BLOG GUESTS: NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!

Post a comment and you could win an online course from Lawson Writer’s Academy!

Check out the courses we’re offering in July, August, and September

1. Story Starters, Instructor: Koreen Myers

2. Battling the Basics, Instructor: Sarah Hamer

3. Visceral Rules: Beyond Hammering Hearts, Instructor: Margie Lawson

4. Self-Editing Your Manuscript, Instructor: Kathy Ide

5. 30 Days to a Stronger Novel, Instructor: Lisa Wells

6. Fab 30: Advanced Deep Editing, A Master Class, Instructor: Margie Lawson

7. From Good to Sold, Instructor: Shirley Jump

8. Story Structure Safari, Instructor: Lisa Miller

9. From Blah to Beats: Giving Chapters a Pulse, Instructor: Rhay Christou

10. Creating Reader’s Guides for Young Adult and Middle Grade Books, Instructor: Koreen Myers

11. The Hero’s Journey in YA Fiction, Instructors: Jennifer McAndrews and Linda Gerber

12. Writing a Synopsis that Helps You Sell! Instructor: Jennifer Archer

See you on the blog!

All smiles................Margie

Margie Lawson —psychotherapist, editor, and international presenter – teaches writers how to use her psychologically-based editing systems and deep editing techniques to create page turners. Margie has presented over eighty full day master classes in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand. Writers credit her innovative deep editing approaches with taking their writing several levels higher—to publication, awards, and bestseller lists.    

To learn about Lawson Writer’s Academy, Margie’s 4-day Immersion Master Classes (in Colorado, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Dallas, Seattle, San Antonio, Houston, and on Whidbey Island), her full day Master Class presentations, keynote speeches, on-line courses, lecture packets, and newsletter, please visit www.MargieLawson.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kathryn Craft

Turning Whine into Gold

Continuing to mine Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements for wisdom applicable to writers, we come to number two—and it’s a doozy.

Don’t take anything personally.

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

This second agreement allows both writer and critic such incredible freedom. Let me count the ways.

1. Following your dream.

As an aspiring writer you may be criticized from the get-go. Cynics disguised as family members, best friends, bosses, and even writing partners might say you are wasting your time. The odds are against you. You will pour more money into this endeavor than you will ever make back. It takes years to hone that kind of craft and what if you never make it? You are a fool.

It’s hard to hear such invalidating comments from the people you love. But listen again, through the filter of the second agreement. What are your loved ones saying about themselves? They are saying that they are afraid for you. That they fear the loss of your time and attention. That if you turn away from your dream, they can be released from their own striving.

By adopting the second agreement you can allow them to deal with their fears on their own. They cannot stop you, because you are untouchable.

2. Receiving critiques.

I was once in a critique group with a man who said he was “correcting” my manuscript. One man in an esteemed and expensive workshop wrote off my first manuscript as a “chick book” (yes, it was women’s fiction). One reader said I should rewrite my story because they didn’t like first person. These opinions were not helpful; it is not why I sought critique.

The second agreement suggests these advance readers were simply telling me things about them—that one thought of himself as a teacher, another as a manly man, another as a reader who prefers third person. Does this mean we have cart blanche to ignore our critiquers? Absolutely not.

But adopting the second agreement does help you translate usable critique. When a beta reader recently told me that seven pages of backstory weren’t needed, I heard her say, “For me, you have not yet made these pages relevant.” Rather than delete pages I knew were crucial, I instead honored her feedback and rewrote, deepening their connection to the overall story. When my agent read the revised section, it was one of her favorite parts.

By adopting the second agreement you can act on the feedback that you deem useful. Discard the rest, because you are untouchable.

3. Seeking an agent.

Some of you may know by now that I have rejected the word “rejection.” It is such a harsh, judgmental term—how does it help you to go through life feeling multiply rejected?

I prefer “misalignment,” a choice empowered by the second agreement. When 112 agents said “no thanks” to my manuscript, they were not judging my work as unworthy; they were telling me that at this time they were not the right agent for my work. Now I am not emotionless. The eight-year length of the search was at times discouraging, even though I continued to improve the manuscript. But why would I want to hire an agent to sell my work if they didn’t know how to develop or champion it? Each “no thanks” indicated a misalignment between my project and that agent.

By adopting the second agreement you can continue on until you find the agent with whom you are perfectly aligned. The others cannot hurt you, because you are untouchable.

4. Surviving reviews.

We humans love the arts because we get to know each other, and ourselves, through discussing them—whether that’s on a date, during book club, or by writing reviews. Indisputably, we writers will all receive both good and bad reviews of our work. We want this debate—it’s so much worse if your work is roundly ignored. But if you are going to discount the bad reviews as personal opinion, you must discount the good reviews as the same. You haven’t changed just because your work was reviewed—you are still a working writer doing the best job that you can.

By adopting the second agreement you allow your readers to decide whether or not they connect with your work without disparaging you. If an attack sounds personal, it is because that reviewer is the type of person who can only gain personal power by trying to steal yours.

Let them try. They cannot hurt you, because you are untouchable.

In what other areas of a writer’s life might the second agreement come in handy? Have you struggled with damage caused by the opinions of others? Let’s talk in the comments.

*To celebrate the new WITS website, Kathryn will be giving one lucky commenter a copy of The Four Agreements!

About Kathryn

Kathryn Craft is the author of two novels from Sourcebooks: The Art of Falling, and The Far End of Happy, due May 2015. Her work as a developmental editor at Writing-Partner.com, specializing in storytelling structure and writing craft, follows a nineteen-year career as a dance critic. Long a leader in the southeastern Pennsylvania writing scene, she now serves as book club liaison for the Women’s Fiction Writers Association. She hosts lakeside writing retreats for women in northern New York State, leads workshops, and speaks often about writing. She lives with her husband in Bucks County, PA. Although a member of The Liars Club, she swears that everything in this bio is true.

The lucky winner of Gwen Hernandez's offering of a free online Scrivener course, or her new release, Blind Fury, is: DANA SCHWARTZ!

 

Janice Hardy

Before I dive in, I'd like to say congrats and cheers to everyone at WITS on their new home! It's hard to improve something so good, but they managed to do it. Kudos, Stormies! And thanks for letting me stop by to help you celebrate.

Okay, on to the writing tips...

When you pick up a novel, what keeps you reading?

The desire to see what happens next? The fear that something horrible will happen to your favorite character? The need to see it all turn out for the best? The need to know what happens next or what it all means? Maybe all of these at different times in the book.

No matter what hooks a reader about a book, she's made an emotional connection. She cares, and doesn't want to see the characters get hurt. But the wonderful things is, once you've made that emotional connection, "hurt" takes on a much broader definition. The emotional peril the character faces becomes just as important as physical peril. Probably more so, because readers know a major character isn't likely to die, so they don't worry as much about the outcome (unless it's Game of Thrones, then all bets are off).

But you can destroy a character emotionally without physically hurting her. She can survive, yet never be the same. (and if you're giggling in glee over the very thought, you're my kind of writer)

Once you get your emotional hooks into readers (pun intended), they'll follow you anywhere. There's almost a pathological need to see the characters through whatever devious and wonderfully evil plot you've created for them. Sure, readers know the protagonist will survive, but there's no guarantee she'll survive unscathed.

4 Ways to Create Emotional Peril in Your Characters

1. Make their worst fears come true

We all have things that scare us, and the thought of facing this fear is almost as scary as the fear itself. Give your characters cringe-worthy fears and then force them to face that fear to get what they ultimately want. Maybe they overcome it, maybe they don't, but it'll be so rich with emotion it'll be a moment your readers won't forget. Better still, readers will see this coming and dread it up until the moment it happens, keeping the tension high.

Bonus tip: This is especially useful during a major turning point in your plot when the stakes are at their highest and the protagonist can't afford to fail.

2. Put someone they love in jeopardy (double points if it's someone vulnerable)

A risk to a loved one can be more horrific than a risk to oneself, and protagonists can suffer greatly when people they care about are in danger because of them. If it's someone who can't defend or save themselves, it's even more emotionally charged. Readers know secondary characters are usually fair game, so even if they think that funny sidekick is safe, deep down they know something bad could actually happen.

Bonus tip: This is a great way to get a character invested in the plot, because now it's personal.

3. Make them do something they're morally opposed to

There are lines people swear they won't cross under any circumstances, but apply the right pressure points and anyone will do anything. When readers see a character is up against that line they start to worry, and the more they fear that line might be crossed (with terrible repercussions of course) the faster they read to see the outcome. And once it happens, they're grieving right along with character.

Bonus tip: This is handy when you want to show just how far the protagonist is willing to go to resolve the problem and get what she wants.

4. Have them screw up--badly

Even good intentions can go horribly, horribly wrong, and sometimes protagonists make mistakes. Huge mistakes that cost lives or get people in trouble or opens the doorway to a major evil upon the land. Since heroes are, well, heroes, your protagonist is going to feel terrible about this and be wracked with guilt. Your readers will sympathize and want to see if that poor soul finds the redemption she'll no doubt crave.

Bonus tip: This is a fun way to shake up a story and keep it from being predictable. It's even better if this mistake A) causes the protagonist to have to face her worst fear, B) puts someone she loves in jeopardy, or C) forces her to do something she's morally opposed to.

The more a reader emotionally connects to your story, the more likely she is to enjoy it (and talk about it to all her friends). Tug at the heartstrings and the fingers will keep turning the pages.

What books have tugged at your heartstrings lately?

 

 

Looking for tips on planning (or revising) your novel? The first book in my Foundations of Fiction series, Planning Your Novel: Ideas and Structure is out now, with over 100 exercises to help you develop your novel.

 

 

 

 

 

Janice Hardy is the author of the teen fantasy trilogy The Healing Wars, where she tapped into her own dark side to create a world where healing was dangerous, and those with the best intentions often made the worst choices. Her novels include The Shifter, Blue Fire, and Darkfall from Balzer+Bray/Harper Collins. She lives in Georgia with her husband, one yard zombie, three cats, and a very nervous freshwater eel. Find out more about writing at her site, Fiction University, or find her on Twitter @Janice_Hardy.

 

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