Writers in the Storm

Before we get to the awesome Shannon Donnelly, I wanted to be sure you all saw the winner of Tiffany Lawson Inman's critique: Angela Quarles!

By Shannon Donnelly

I just finished reading a story that had a major problem—no sparkage between the hero and heroine. Even worse, there was plenty of sparkage between the heroine and a secondary male character. I started rooting for her to get together with that guy, that that started me thinking about sparkage—where does it come from, and how do you get more of it on the page?

The problem with the story mentioned is that while the secondary male character was a jerk, he was a charming jerk. He admitted his flaws, which made him more likeable. He had a past, too, and was trying to do better, which made it easy to relate to him (don’t we all want to do better?). He also had problems that put him in big conflicts with the heroine. Finally, she also didn’t start to drool and fawn over him—they had sparkage going due to rubbing up against each other's personalities.

So here’s my take away for what I like to do to get sparkage. The things I go for are:

Personality conflicts. This goes beyond misunderstandings or mild differences of opinion, or even external conflict. I’m talking  base values that are in opposition—as in the Old Couple. They had sparkage due to one being a neat-freak and the other being a slob. Of course, to set up different values, I have to know their values to start with. It’s no good just having a hero, I’ve got to know his personality (and how it sparks against the heroine’s personality) and how this gives these two different approaches to life.

Flaws that rub. These can’t be random—her flaws have to hit his, and his need to hit hers. I want these two to realize very quickly that the other person does have flaws, and that those are deal-breaker issues. (Having them mirror each other is a great way to do this, too.) This can make for a couple that spark off each other like metal on flint.

The no-way Street. Immediate attraction is overdone these days and almost always comes across as weak. Yes, we’ve all seen someone who gets a second look. But that’s not sparkage—that’s going to end up being description. So attraction needs to be overlaid with a heavy dose of no-can-do (and I’m not just talking a character thinking about the other person being off-bounds, I want to show how these two cannot have a stable relationship at the start of the story. I want them on a 'no-way is this going to work' street so the reader wants to read how this is going to work (that’s the fun.)

Proximity. It’s really, really hard to get sparkage going if you have the hero and heroine in different locales. It’s like putting that flint and the metal in different drawers—the lack of interaction means a big lack in the story. But…here’s the trick—it can’t be contrived. I always want very good reasons for the characters to be together, and those reasons have to make it to the page.

Dialogue. The secondary character in the story I mentioned above had great lines (as did the heroine) due to their conflicting goals, and their personal issues. This made them a lot of fun for me, the reader—I started rooting for them to be together because they were fun together.  The hero also didn’t get to have those great lines since the heroine was tongue-tied around him, which made them a dull couple. Too often I see folks putting all the great lines into thoughts instead of letting the characters say the stuff we all want to say—hey, this is where you want to have more fun so the reader has fun with your characters. I always want my characters talking—a lot!

Awareness. A character’s awareness of another person doesn’t have to be so much them thinking about the sexiness of the other person, but more on the awareness that the other person is a “match” for them. I like the awareness to be on the “personality” more than the “person.” As in I try to make sure my characters don’t want to lose a single point to the other person. In the story I mentioned the heroine and the secondary character were on their best game—they were out to get something, and were willing to do whatever it took to get it. When a character’s awareness is focused on getting what they want (or getting the other character to do what they want) that’s going to make for sparkage.

What all this means is my goal is to set up romantic couples as if it really is impossible at the start of the story for them to have a relationship. Thier personality, desires, and everything else I can think of clashes. It’s not that they find the other person desirable—it should be the opposite, in fact. I want characters who are certain that the other person is the last one they want to get involved with—but the sparkage makes it irresistible not to go back and get the best of that other person. That, in my opinion, is what leads to the start of a beautiful friendship—and then more.

How about you? What do you use to make your characters spark?

Shannon Donnelly’s writing has won numerous awards, including a RITA nomination for Best Regency, the Grand Prize in the "Minute Maid Sensational Romance Writer" contest, judged by Nora Roberts, RWA's Golden Heart, and others. Her writing has repeatedly earned 4½ Star Top Pick reviews from Romantic Times magazine, as well as praise from Booklist and other reviewers, who note: "simply superb"..."wonderfully uplifting"....and "beautifully written."

Her Regency romances can be found as ebooks on all formats, and with Cool Gus Publishing, and include a series of four novellas.

She also has out the Mackenzie Solomon, Demon/Warders Urban Fantasy series, Burn Baby Burn and Riding in on a Burning Tire, and the Urban Fantasy, Edge Walkers. Her work has been on the top seller list of Amazon.com and includes Paths of Desire, a Historical Regency romance.

She is the author of several young adult horror stories, and computer games. She lives in New Mexico with two horses, two donkeys, two dogs, and only one love of her life. Shannon can be found online at sd-writer.com, facebook.com/sdwriter, and twitter/sdwriter.

Her Urban Fantasy, Burn Baby Burn, is free on Amazon.com from September 1 to the September 5.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/silverdragonfly/6262629758/">©SilverDgfly</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">cc</a>

Just a quick reminder: Laura is teaching a class at Margie Lawson's Writers Academy for the month of September - Submissions that Sell!  If you need help on your submission, check it out!

Now, here's Lori!

By Lori Nelson Spielman

I typed The End and did a little happy dance in my office. I’d finished my manuscript and could hardly wait to query Agent X. How quickly would he sell it, I wondered? I’d been writing the entire story with him in mind. He had, after all, read my previous manuscript and liked it. He called me a talent. He invited me to submit future projects. So naturally, he’d scoop up my new project, right? Wrong.

Agent X’s rejection—an impersonal form letter from his assistant just one day after the query was sent—stopped me cold. The easy path to publication I’d hoped for was starting out exactly like my previous attempts—with rejection.

I knew landing an agent was a vital first step on the path to publication, and arguably the most difficult. I didn’t have friends in the industry. I didn’t have writing credentials. I was a teacher, not a journalist. What I had was a story I believed in. But was I willing to repeat the past, submitting query after query and collecting rejection letters? No, I wasn’t. This time, I had to do something different. But what?

After much deliberation, I decided to make an investment—a fairly hefty investment at that. I hired a professional editor.

I didn’t want anyone to know. Hiring an editor seemed like cheating to me. Shouldn’t a genuine writer be able to see her mistakes and fix them herself? Would it still be my story? And if the manuscript wasn’t already good enough to gain representation, then maybe I didn’t have the chops to be a writer.

I was afraid I’d be judged--the girl who had to attend remedial writing class. Can you imagine a teacher being expected to teach for free, sometimes for an entire school year, all the while being critiqued by a supervising teacher? Or a doctor, providing medical care under someone else’s supervision before venturing out on her own? What about a cook, offering free samples from his test kitchen before actually serving it to his patrons?

Um, well, yes, we can imagine these scenarios. Of course other professions require consultation and internships and residencies. Why should writers be any different?

Through the recommendation from a friend, I hired Erin Brown from Erinedits.com. Erin had worked as a women’s fiction editor at two major publishing houses, so she was a perfect fit for my manuscript.

Now, here’s the hard part…professional editing is expensive! Most editors have a variety of packages available, ranging from a complete manuscript evaluation and feedback, to simply a query letter and/or synopsis review and edit. A complete manuscript evaluation and feedback can cost upwards of $3,000! That’s right, not exactly chump change. And query and synopsis reviews are typically a couple hundred dollars each. So, whether it’s your last stop before publication, or you simply want to take your manuscript to the next level, it’s important to proceed cautiously when hiring a professional editor.

1. Unless money is no object, make sure you believe in your project whole-heartedly.
2. Ask other writers for referrals.
3. Scour editor websites. Make sure the site and the editor look professional. Does s/he belong to editor guilds or associations? Who are their other clients? Can you contact them?
4. Ask the editor for a sample edit, either one s/he has available, or a sample page or two of yours.
5. Check out the editor’s credentials. Does s/he have writing or publishing experience?
6. Look for an editor who specializes in your genre, if possible.
7. Ask about a payment plan.
8. Try negotiating a discount if you choose to purchase a combined package.

Since selling the book, I’m no longer embarrassed to admit that I used an editorial service. I’ve learned it’s actually quite common among published authors. Today, publishing houses expect a polished manuscript, not a work in progress. And so do agents. The onus is on the writer to find, and pay for, outside editing.

I have no way of knowing whether The Life List would have sold had I not invested in an editorial service, but I’ve never once second-guessed my decision. Having someone with expertise read my work, provide feedback and suggest changes was invaluable, and very likely made the difference between a pass and a purchase.

So, what do you think? Would you ever consider using an editorial service?

A former speech pathologist and guidance counselor, Lori Nelson Spielman currently works as a homebound teacher for inner-city students. Her debut novel, THE LIFE LIST, has sold in 16 countries and Fox 2000 has purchased the film option. Lori and her husband live in Michigan.

We are delighted to welcome back The Naked Editor, Tiffany Lawson Inman from hiatus! Whoop!

By Tiffany Lawson Inman

What do you do when your character needs to wipe his/her nose?  Or wave goodbye? Or hold back a tear? Or close a door? Or smile?

            Write the action. Simple. Right?

Is your character always in character? Is your character always in the moment? Yup, these are phrases usually used in the theatre. Most commonly used by the director, yelling out to an actor, “You aren’t in character.” Or, “That’s out of character.”  Or, “You’re not in the moment.”

What do those phrases really mean?

• When an actor isn’t in character, it usually means he/she is speaking dialogue and moving around the stage as the actor and not the character.

Example: Jane Smith the actor’s mannerisms instead of Blanche Dubois'.

• When they are truly out of character it usually means there is something “off” with the actor’s performance and the action or dialogue didn’t fit with how the director views the character.

Example: Jane Smith acting as Blanche Dubois, moves and speaks using robotic mannerisms.

• If an actor isn’t in the moment, then the emotion flowing through action and dialogue isn’t in sync with that specific moment.

Example: Jane Smith acting as Blanche Dubois is deadpan and stiff through her most emotionally intimate dialogue.

What does this have to do with writing and why is it such a big deal?

Small actions are big, no, HUGE opportunities for your written characters to show show show and if there is something missing, generic, or contradictory with your character and the moment, the agent will notice, the editor will notice, THE READER WILL NOTICE.

The smallest action can show personality, internal motivation, external motivation, intensity of the moment, attitude towards another character, etc.  Writing character specific action (in character actions) will boost character depth and your reader’s connection to them and the story.

Keep in mind while you are working hard to write your original and super complex or simple fresh actions, don’t get lazy and let your characters share actions. The action and dialogue should be specific to each character and each moment. Or else, what’s the point?

I feel compelled to mention this point because I’m currently reading a New York Times Best selling author’s most recent work and have come across a few speed bumps. This author deserves the title, hands down has some of the most original action and emotion and character chemistry that I have ever read.

However, I’m on page 184 and already this author has had three different characters share an action and with that action a certain attitude in the moment. Because the action didn’t always match the character or the moment – my brain tripped over that mental speed bump.

The action was a seemingly simple phrase: “I killed the engine.”  It has a certain sense of urgency and bite to it, yes? The fact is they are all three totally different characters in different situations.

In your own writing, which of your characters can you see “killing the engine?”  Probably not all of them. Off the top of my head, here are a few phrasing choices for the other character’s scenes instead of “I killed the engine.”

• He rolled to a stop and quieted the engine.
• I slammed my foot on the brake and flicked off the engine.
• She sat back in the seat and waited for the engine to die.

** I have 158 more pages to go. I shudder to think how many engines will be killed in the making of this novel.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist. :-) I’m hoping-praying-and-crossing-my-fingers that this was a copyeditor's doing and not that one of my favorite authors is getting lazy.

It’s the small stuff I think you should sweat with writing. Because those little changes can take your writing from “eh… .” to “WOOT WOOT!”

I bet you are thinking: But some actions are just simple actions, right? Like wiping a nose. Can’t all of my characters just simply wipe their nose? Of course they can.  If you want your agent, editor, publisher, friend, mother, or population of readers to think, “…eh…I guess that works.” as they put your book down and forget your name the next time they go shopping for a new juicy read.  Okay, okay, that’s a little extreme, but I think you see what I am saying here.

Think about these characters you have created. Really think. These are your babies, so you should know how to keep them in character and in the moment at all times by thinking about:

1. The mood of the scene.
2. The motivation of each character in each scene.
3. The details of their personality.
4. What words and phrases they would think (or the ones you can use in their POV).
5. Their emotional state at that moment.
6. If they are reacting to another character or event.
7. If this is a character changing moment.
8. How can you show the reader that change is happening?
9. What can you show the reader about the character with this action?
10. Is this an action that can remain naked and unattached?

Let’s say my characters are Stanley and Blanche from A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams.

For those who don’t know already, here’s a partial character description according to Sparknotes.com:

Stanley: he possesses an animalistic physical vigor that is evident in his love of work, of fighting, and of sex. His chief amusements are gambling, bowling, sex, and drinking, and he lacks ideals and imagination. Stanley’s animosity toward Blanche manifests itself in all of his actions toward her

Blanche: she is an aging Southern belle who lives in a state of perpetual panic about her fading beauty. Her manner is dainty and frail, and she sports a wardrobe of showy but cheap evening clothes.

I mentioned wiping noses earlier, so let’s stick with that action. It’s simple and a lot of writers wouldn’t think it could show much in a scene.

My version of Stanley wiping his nose:

Stanley grabbed a grease rag from his back pocket and knuckled at his nose with it a few times. He made sure to let it drop onto the table in front of Blanche.

Breakdown: Shown he has no qualms about rubbing dirty things on his face or in his pockets.  By using the word knuckled, I have shown a very specific action matching his personality. And I showed his attitude towards another character by involving her in the action. Action fits the moment.

My version of Blanche wiping her nose:

Blanche’s hands trembled as she dabbed under her nose, the worn silk barely kissing her blushing skin.

Breakdown: Showing what appears to be an emotional state, her hands trembling. The word dabbed shows a specific action matching her personality. Involving the type of fabric she is using ties in with her character and wardrobe. And as it barely touches her, you have to think about whether she needed to really wipe her nose, or if it is all a performance.

Can you imagine Blanche knuckling her nose, or Stanley dabbing his with silk? Good. Then I have done my job. These actions only belong to one character.

Do you have to go into this much detail for every little action? Heck no. Sometimes it’s as easy as a word change or an addition of a voice infused line.

Example: Character being chased through a spooky house. The action is closing a door.

Version one: I slammed the door as hard as I could.

Breakdown: Shows they really wanted the door shut. Doesn’t show personality. Doesn’t show anything about their environment. And a cliché?!?! BORING…

Version two: I slammed the door so hard I half-expected to hear an echo from the empty bowels of Mr. McScary’s house.

Breakdown: Shows the character really wanted the door shut. A little humor in character’s voice saying they expected to hear an echo, also shows exactly how hard the door was shut,    enough to create an echo. And by using the word bowels, I’ve compared something stanky, dark, and twisty to the house that this person is being chased through. Or alluded to the character being ingested by the house. And I used 'McScary' because it implements voice, and I have Grey’s Anatomy on my mind. LOL!

These are your characters.

You sat behind the rusted out pickup inhaling exhaust and created a story for the little old woman driving it.

You went to the amusement park with your four nephews and watched them get off the haunted ride - you created the story of how each of them handled the creepy skeevy darkness.

You painstakingly sat on the train commuting to work listening to every conversation and using the inspiration to write three back stories a day.

You are the writer.

Don’t fish out a character’s action (or dialogue tag, emotion, trait, description, or anything else for that matter) from someone else’s book.

It cheapens the experience for your readers and cheapens your worth as a writer.

As a reader and an editor I want to read a passage and say, “Hotdiggitydarn, that was amazing and original and totally in sync with the character at that moment. . . .and I can’t wait to read more!

Leave a comment today and share with us how your protagonist would wipe his/her nose in the same room as your antagonist. Or just say “hi.”  I’ll draw a name from the comments and edit the first 2 pages of your WIP. Sound good?

So, I’m sure you noticed I didn’t mention where or when these in character moments should happen, how you can use dialogue to show action, how to bring emotion into these small actions, how to manipulate non-POV actions, and about a million other teaching points surrounding this topic.

Well, this is a blog, not a class! :)

I will be teaching hands-on online courses this fall over at Lawson Writer’s Academy. Come learn learn learn from me about scene writing, Oscar worthy characters, emotional authenticity, writing violence, basic and advanced choreography, and dramatic dialogue.  Stay tuned to WITS because I’ll be on here again next month.

I can’t wait to see some fabulous in character nose wipes!

Thank you all for stopping by today and getting your WITS on! I am incredibly happy to be rejoining the WITS team every month. Thanks ladies!

Tiffany Lawson Inman (NakedEditor) claimed a higher education at Columbia College Chicago. There, she learned to use body and mind together for action scenes, character emotion, and dramatic story development.

She teaches Action, Choreography, Physicality, Violence, and Dialogue for Lawson Writer’s Academy, presents hands-on-action workshops, and will be offering webinars in 2014. As a freelance editor, she provides deep story analysis and dramatic fiction editing services. Tiffany will be off maternity leave and back on-line before the end of the year! Stay tuned to WITS to see Tiffany’s upcoming guest blogs, contests, and lecture packets.

Check out all the online courses offered by Lawson Writer’s Academy.