There are things writers do: eat, dream, write if the muse is good to us – and handle rejection. The last is frequently painful, but it’s a writer’s occupational hazard. Every writer, from beginner to the literary greats, gets those demoralizing emails. While the following suggestions can’t take away the hurt left by literary rejection, these tips may help keep you on track.
Deal with your feelings.
After a rejection letter, it’s normal to experience sadness. Denying feelings can be damaging, so feel free to wallow about in misery for a short time, and then do something positive.
Talk to other writers.
Give yourself a peptalk.
Write about it.
Have a jog.
Create a treat and consume it.
Dance.
Indulge for a while then pull yourself together and move on.
Research psychologists advise us to talk to about ourselves with kindness. Speaking or writing encouragingly to yourself can have a positive impact on your ability to recover quickly from a rejection. The research of Ethan Kross, a psychologist at the University of Michigan shows that “distanced self-talk” helps people to separate the rejection from themselves. He also shows how.
“Imagine that a friend comes to you after a rejection,” Kross said. “You’d say, ‘You got one rejection. You’ve got to move on. There will be plenty of other opportunities for you.’” He’s said that it helps when people think and use self-talk about themselves in the same friendly way with non-first-person pronouns. Instead of thinking, I was rejected, I must suck, use narration in the second-person—“Ellen, you don’t suck”—or in the third person to write about yourself. Any mode of communication used to get this information across can sort of trick your brain into rational, objective thinking. Kross mentioned there’s evidence that “distanced self-talk” helps people cope with rejection.
Accept that rejection is a way of life.
Don’t dwell on this thought, just be aware that it happens. Dealing with rejection is part of life, this goes for all the arts. Actors deal with this often.
Hearing “No” can be demoralizing, especially if you are certain that the editor or agent is a good fit. At times, a rejection can be an eye-opener, helping you for the better–work or career-wise.
A rejection email from editors and agents is better than silence. Sometimes pitches go unanswered, even after a follow-up. Editors and agents don’t have a lot of spare time but, if possible, it would be wonderful to get a short note of encouragement, even if it’s a “You write well, but your manuscript isn’t a good fit for us at this time.” That extra step means a lot.
Handling rejection and self-worth.
Writer Michelle Tea suggests, “Try not to over-identify with your creative work. It can feel like if somebody doesn’t like your work, then they don’t like you. But your work is this mysterious thing that comes out of you. It’s your job to serve it, help it, and then let it go and move on to your next thing.”
Your rejected work is not you. The writer’s journey is filled with bumps in the road. Believe in you and work out the rest.
Literary taste is subjective. Don’t let one person’s thoughts on your work get you down. Do more homework and find another agent or editor. Consider submitting to an agent/editor with a smaller list of authors.
Dealing with rejection is a numbers game.
Getting published really is a numbers game. It’s important to be persistent. Some people will like your work, others won’t. There are many tales of a book being turned down by multiple publishers, eventually finding a home, and go on to become successful.
Change rejection to motivation.
Do you feel that the agent or editor who rejected your manuscript is wrong? Channel that energy to start on a new and improved campaign to send your work to new agents.
Don’t anger the editor/agent.
Be the writer who is remembered for good reasons. Do not upset the person who someday may be able to help launch your career. Don’t argue or insult them if they reject you. That’s a great way to get blocked or ghosted.
Editor Chris Monks wrote that he’ll get pushback on rejections he sends out. Rather than engaging the angry writer, he places “these mean messages in a folder I’ve titled ‘Jerks’ and occasionally share screenshots of them (with the names of the jerks redacted) to my followers on Twitter.”
Get back in that seat and write.
After the emotional bruising of rejection is past, get back to writing. Prepare to create.
Rejection can be viewed as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and become a better writer. Ponder what may have gone wrong with your work and find what can be improved.
How is your narration-dialogue ratio? Find a good balance of description and chatting.
Did you focus too much on the plot and not fully develop your characters?
What about head-hopping? Be careful with the Point of View!
Did you put your content out before it was ready? There is no rush.
Were there plenty of eyes-on your work? Critique groups/partners are invaluable.
When you’ve found areas needing improvement, do what you need to do so they don’t cause you grief in future projects—increasing your probability of success.
Try to be positive.
Try to look at the situation positively. Consider your writing and focus on how to improve.
What did the reader/agent/publisher/ not like about my project?
How can I make my work more interesting?
While not easy, thinking about these issues and learning to take constructive criticism will make you a better writer and help you to develop a “thicker skin,” something we all need to work on to some degree.
Keep moving forward.
You cannot publish unless you send out the work, beginning with query letters. No one is going to come knocking on your door. That’s your job until someone says, “Who’s there?” If someone does knock on your door it is likely a predatory publisher. There are many who are eager to separate a writer from their funds.
Every writer gets rejected. Every famous author started out dealing with the aftermath the of the “not right for us” or “I signed a book just like yours last week.” Here’s an article about best-selling authors who were initially rejected. It’s a common problem.
The “not right for us” doesn’t mean the book is unworthy. It’s likely that the agent doesn’t have a buyer for the book at that particular point in time. Keep writing and don’t give up hope.
Literary taste is subjective. Don’t let one person’s rejection of your work demoralize you. Do your due diligence and find another agent or editor.
“This manuscript of yours that has just come back from another editor is a precious package. Don’t consider it rejected. Consider that you’ve addressed it ‘to the editor who can appreciate my work’ and it has simply come back stamped ‘Not at this address’. Just keep looking for the right address.” — Barbara Kingsolver
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About Ellen
Author, speaker, and former teacher, Ellen L. Buikema has written non-fiction for parents, and The Adventures of Charlie Chameleon chapter book series with stories encouraging the development of empathy—sprinkling humor wherever possible. Her Works in Progress are The Hobo Code, YA historical fiction and The Crystal Key, MG Magical Realism/ Sci-Fi, a glaze of time travel.
11 comments on “Ways to Survive Rejection on a Writer’s Journey”
Good reminders. I very much miss the days when rejections came for everything. Often critique partners love the piece and then there is no reply at all. It makes it very hard to learn from the rejection and improve the work. Paid critiques or conference sessions can help, but even they only present one person's opinion. So we have to be careful to take what works for us and our goals for our work and leave the rest.
I find it hard to know what to read to find comps -- there are so many books in a genre, but only a few will comp to yours and the covers and first pages may not be enough to tell you which ones. And there is only so much time. I can't read them all.
I hear you regarding comps and have the same difficulty. It's especially hard when all you can find that are comparable are books that are much older. People seem to want current work. That not always possible. Plus, as you say, there is so much out there and one can't read it all.
As someone who has had to send rejections, I can say thank you for this post. I used to send "this is what you could do to improve" emails, but that just invited insults and arguments. So now I use a generic rejection... but I feel sad because often I could have helped.
Agents I've talked to also say that quite often the rejection has nothing to do with the work and everything to do with the market and what they've been tasked with finding. They're looking for an apple. You sent them a gorgeous orange. But they only have time for the apple, so they have to reject your work. One in particular told me she finds it heartbreaking when someone with a wonderful work then edits it to try to "fix it", thinking that the rejection was because they did something wrong.
At a writer's conference some years back, one of the presenters was an agent who had rejected my work, but not me. She emailed me to let me know that my writing was very good, but not a fit for her at the time.
After she spoke at the conference, I stopped by and thanked her. The poor woman was shocked. I don't think agents receive thanks all that often.
We had a nice chat, and she offered to take any queries from me even if she were "closed."
In 2014, I won a first chapter critique from an editor. She was extremely kind and supportive. The chapter also came back swimming in red ink. Yes, I had my moment of plummeting through the floor.
I'll admit that I was overjoyed at winning the critique because I was having doubts about my writing, and had been struggling to receive feedback. Feedback that came in the form of a blood tidal wave. Shaking, I filed it away, but soon returned to it. It was more than invaluable instruction, it was the honest talk I needed to have with myself.
There was a month of deep reflection, and more than just a little dejection, but there was also, in the end, the realization that there was opportunity in rejection.
I reinvented myself, becoming the writer I was, not who I thought I should be.
Shortly after, I participated in my first NaNoWriMo (out of nine). I committed to digesting writing advice, keeping what worked for me and setting aside what didn't, at least at that point. Epic fantasy wasn't working, though my worldbuilding was strong, so I switched to otherworld historical fantasy with a heavy women's fiction influence.
That world? I overhauled it, including the maps. I embraced structure (thank you, Jami Gold), and adopted Deep 3rd (thank you, Marcy Kennedy), leaving Distant 3rd behind. Seeking more support, I joined a few online groups. On and on it went.
Ten years later, as in last year, I published my first book, then its sequel this year, and all because of accepting the truth.
It just seems like the rejections are unrealistically fast and zero feedback. When I queried my first novel about ten/twelve years ago, I actually got real feedback. One agent said, "Are you planning to make this a duology," my book was too long for a single novel. It was a dual narrative and one agent said, "I really liked Violet's story, but I couldn't connect with June." I went back to the drawing board, rewrote, found more beta readers and "fixed." Now, you get rejected and you don't know why. It's a form letter and sometimes the rejection comes so quick, there is no way anyone read it. So what's going on ? AI screening???
Good reminders. I very much miss the days when rejections came for everything. Often critique partners love the piece and then there is no reply at all. It makes it very hard to learn from the rejection and improve the work. Paid critiques or conference sessions can help, but even they only present one person's opinion. So we have to be careful to take what works for us and our goals for our work and leave the rest.
I find it hard to know what to read to find comps -- there are so many books in a genre, but only a few will comp to yours and the covers and first pages may not be enough to tell you which ones. And there is only so much time. I can't read them all.
Hi Debbie,
I hear you regarding comps and have the same difficulty. It's especially hard when all you can find that are comparable are books that are much older. People seem to want current work. That not always possible. Plus, as you say, there is so much out there and one can't read it all.
I'm glad that you enjoyed the post. Thank you!
As someone who has had to send rejections, I can say thank you for this post. I used to send "this is what you could do to improve" emails, but that just invited insults and arguments. So now I use a generic rejection... but I feel sad because often I could have helped.
Agents I've talked to also say that quite often the rejection has nothing to do with the work and everything to do with the market and what they've been tasked with finding. They're looking for an apple. You sent them a gorgeous orange. But they only have time for the apple, so they have to reject your work. One in particular told me she finds it heartbreaking when someone with a wonderful work then edits it to try to "fix it", thinking that the rejection was because they did something wrong.
Great post, Ellen!
Hi Lisa,
Thank you!
I feel for you, having to reject people's work.
At a writer's conference some years back, one of the presenters was an agent who had rejected my work, but not me. She emailed me to let me know that my writing was very good, but not a fit for her at the time.
After she spoke at the conference, I stopped by and thanked her. The poor woman was shocked. I don't think agents receive thanks all that often.
We had a nice chat, and she offered to take any queries from me even if she were "closed."
Kindness helps on all sides.
Great post, Ellen. Lots of solid advice and my favorite Barbara Kingsolver post!
Thanks, Lynette!
I'm glad to know that the information is useful.
This is all so true. Thank you for sharing.
In 2014, I won a first chapter critique from an editor. She was extremely kind and supportive. The chapter also came back swimming in red ink. Yes, I had my moment of plummeting through the floor.
I'll admit that I was overjoyed at winning the critique because I was having doubts about my writing, and had been struggling to receive feedback. Feedback that came in the form of a blood tidal wave. Shaking, I filed it away, but soon returned to it. It was more than invaluable instruction, it was the honest talk I needed to have with myself.
There was a month of deep reflection, and more than just a little dejection, but there was also, in the end, the realization that there was opportunity in rejection.
I reinvented myself, becoming the writer I was, not who I thought I should be.
Shortly after, I participated in my first NaNoWriMo (out of nine). I committed to digesting writing advice, keeping what worked for me and setting aside what didn't, at least at that point. Epic fantasy wasn't working, though my worldbuilding was strong, so I switched to otherworld historical fantasy with a heavy women's fiction influence.
That world? I overhauled it, including the maps. I embraced structure (thank you, Jami Gold), and adopted Deep 3rd (thank you, Marcy Kennedy), leaving Distant 3rd behind. Seeking more support, I joined a few online groups. On and on it went.
Ten years later, as in last year, I published my first book, then its sequel this year, and all because of accepting the truth.
Bravo Christina!
Dealing with bleeding-red-ink pages after editing is tough and humbling. Setting it aside for a bit was probably a very good idea.
I'm glad that you found your people and genre home.
Cheers and congratulations!
It just seems like the rejections are unrealistically fast and zero feedback. When I queried my first novel about ten/twelve years ago, I actually got real feedback. One agent said, "Are you planning to make this a duology," my book was too long for a single novel. It was a dual narrative and one agent said, "I really liked Violet's story, but I couldn't connect with June." I went back to the drawing board, rewrote, found more beta readers and "fixed." Now, you get rejected and you don't know why. It's a form letter and sometimes the rejection comes so quick, there is no way anyone read it. So what's going on ? AI screening???
Great and helpful advice.
Hi Denise,
I'm glad that you've found the information useful!