Try a Little Kindness
OR Tips on How to Edit or Review Someone Else’s Work
by Sarah Sally Hamer
So, you publish a book and wait anxiously to see what other people think about it. But, instead of the kudos and praise and coveted stars you are sure the book deserves, you get told that your baby is ugly and you dress it funny. Somebody doesn’t like the name of one of your characters, or they don’t appreciate the research details. Or maybe they are just being mean.
Sigh. Of course, it sends you into a tizzy. Of course, it feels like you’ve just been kicked in the teeth. And, of course, you feel terrible. How dare they rip your book – and therefore you, yourself – apart?
Where does critique meet kindness? Whether it’s a review or edit, whether you are giving or receiving, there is a place where we can practice just being nice to a fellow writer. Even when you really, truly hate whatever that writer has written.
A manuscript is a person’s interior landscape—work made visible, risk taken, voice offered. To edit or review is to foster that offering, not to bulldoze it. After all, a critique or review is nothing more than an opinion. Like noses, we all have one and, like noses, some smell better than others.
Unfortunately, critiquing and reviews are sometimes used to boost egos or purposely harm others. I actually sat near enough to an award-winning, multi-published author to hear her tell her friend that the easiest way to keep someone from asking her to read for them was to destroy them in critique. That was after she’d tried to destroy me and my writing. Thank goodness for good, kind, and caring critique partners! Otherwise, I may never have written anything again. Her confession from years ago does, however, give me pause when I am critiquing someone else. It reminds me of the opportunity to find kind words.
Other reasons for someone to purposefully give bad reviews could be frustration with our own writing or feeling forced into doing something we really don’t want to do. It could also be that what we’re reviewing really is awful. It could also mean that the person reviewing the book just really doesn’t know what they’re doing.
But are those good enough reasons to be cruel or unkind?
So how can we review or critique someone else’s stories, and give clear, practical ways by being both honest and kind? How can we help the writing grow instead of shutting the writer down? Here are some things to think about, regardless of your perspective:
- Start with the right mindset – are you in an available space to review or critique? Or to be reviewed or critiqued?
- Begin by believing the person doing the work tried their best, aims to improve, and will benefit from what you say. That stance changes the tone of every comment you make.
- Separate the work from the author. Critique the text; never critique the writer’s worth or intent. Language like “this passage needs…” keeps the focus on craft.
- Adopt curiosity, not certainty. Replace “You must” with “Have you considered” or “What if.” Curiosity invites collaboration; certainty closes it. On the receiving end, try to see the reason for the comment, even if you don’t agree with the comment itself. It could be that there is a problem but the reviewer didn’t know how to express their thought.
- Remember the manuscript’s stage. A first draft needs encouragement plus big-picture guidance. A final draft deserves precision. Match your kindness to the work’s developmental needs.
- Lead with what works. Open with one or two concrete strengths. This isn’t cheap praise; it orients the writer and creates receptivity.
- Prioritize issues. Use a short list: “Top three things to fix.” Writers can’t do everything at once; prioritize clarity, structure, and emotional truth in that order unless otherwise necessary.
- Frame problems as opportunities. Instead of “this is confusing,” say “this could be clearer if…” Then offer a concrete way forward.
- Use “I” statements for impact. “I got lost after paragraph two” beats “You lose the reader.” It reflects the reader’s experience without blaming.
- Be specific with examples and listen to what it is that the reviewer is saying. Quote a sentence and show a revision, e.g., “Try: ‘The house held its breath’ instead of ‘The house was silent’ to tighten the image.” Concrete rewrites teach craft.
- Avoid absolute language. Words like “never” and “always” escalate defensiveness. Replace them with “this part” or “here.”
- Name the effect you want. Instead of “Make it stronger,” say “Aim for more immediacy here by shortening sentences and adding sensory detail.”
- Don’t moralize taste. When you dislike something, say what you felt and why, not that the choice is wrong. “I felt distance in this scene because the narrator steps back; consider a closer point of view” is better than “This POV is wrong.”
- One-line summary. Open with a brief neutral summary of what you think the piece is about. It shows you’ve read with attention.
- Line/edit examples. Provide three targeted line edits or passages rewritten to model your advice.
- Tone & voice note. Comment on voice consistency and whether the emotional register matches the material.
- Encouragement & next steps. Close with a short encouraging sentence and a suggested next step, e.g., “Try a pass focusing only on verbs” or “Let’s rework the opening paragraph together.”
Kindness as Craft
Being nice while reviewing is not about softening every critique; it’s about creating conditions where the writer can actually use your honesty. Kind editing is rigorous and clear. It assumes the writer’s good faith, names specifics, offers options, and preserves agency. The result is feedback that repairs and illuminates rather than deflates.
If you want a simple checklist to keep beside you while you edit, use this:
- Did I start with strengths?
- Are my top priorities clear and limited?
- Did I offer at least one concrete rewrite or example?
- Is my language specific, nonjudgmental, and actionable?
- Did I close with encouragement and a next step?
Kindness in editing and in writing reviews is a discipline, not a soft skill. It asks you to hold both the truth of the text and the dignity of its maker. When you do that, your words become gifts: precise, rooted in care, and built to help a manuscript or a published book stand taller.
Have you reviewed other authors' work? Have you had a particularly good or bad experience you'd like to share?
Sally and several others of our amazing WITS folks will be presenting at the Pen and Potential virtual writing conference on October 24th and 25th: "Creating Creativity: The Soul of the StoryTeller." There's still time to sign up!
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About Sarah (Sally)
Sarah (Sally) Hamer, B.S., MLA, is a lover of books, a teacher of writers, and a believer in a good story. Most of all, she is eternally fascinated by people and how they 'tick'. She’s passionate about helping people tell their own stories and has won awards at both local and national levels, including two Golden Heart finals.
A teacher of memoir, beginning and advanced creative fiction writing, and screenwriting at Louisiana State University in Shreveport for over twenty years, she also teaches online for Margie Lawson at www.margielawson.com and for the No Stress Writing Academy at https://nostresswriting.com. Sally is a freelance editor and book coach, with many of her students and clients becoming successful, award-winning authors.
You can find her at in**@***********al.org
Featured Image by Deleyna via Canva.
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22 comments on “Try a Little Kindness”
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This is an extremly helpful post, Sally. I almost always review books I read, and am in a critique group, too, so this practical advice is useful.
Good! I appreciate the comment, Vivienne! I believe that encouragement is SO necessary. Without it, we all have the possibility of walking away.
Thanks!
My two critique partners and I have been together for about 20 years. We've reached the point where we point out flaws, confusing bits much more than we point out the 'good stuff.' We don't want praise, we want our work to be the best it can be. Of course those little happy faces now and then are appreciated, but we're beyond that.
It creates a challenge when I have to leave a review, or when I'm at book club, because I expect to like what I'm reading, so the negatives jump out at me.
This is me too. Unless the praise shows something I can lean into and do more of without it becoming too much of a good thing, I see no purpose in it. Get me to the stuff I need to fix.If I make a smiley face on something, it's stellar.
Debbie, I agree that, when I get a critique or review, I want the truth, whether it's nice or not. But it took me years to grow that thick skin so I didn't take something personally. And, I really don't think that established and experienced writers need a smiley or give brutal reviews. But some people say horrible things to harm. It was certainly done to me in my early writing days by people who saw me as competition.
But we live and learn, right? And can find a middle ground where we can be honest AND kind.
Terry, that is so common! We train ourselves to find the negative and forget to add those smiley faces. For an established critique group, smiles aren't as important, but "new" folks don't always have the necessary thick skin. One of my friends edited a full manuscript for a relative newbie and concentrated only on the problems. The newbie almost cried, asking, "Wasn't there ANYTHING good in it?" It was eye-opening for both my friend and I and we tried to make sure there was at least one "good job!" on the page from then on. 🙂
This isn't a hobby for me, I want to hear the stuff that does not work, not the flattery or the "Lets put this on the refrigerator" comments.
Much of your post is grounded in common sense, but as writers we should be seeking out the negatives, over basking in the raves.
This being said knowing that each person is writing for a different reason. As such, they are looking for different things.
Bill, I agree. Although those occasional "Good job!" notes do soothe some of the ouches that we can receive. And, I think we can have both excellent reviews of what doesn't work in a story at the same time we can praise what does.
I guess my beef is about the few folks, writers or not, who seem to love tearing something or somebody apart for fun. Yes, writing isn't a hobby for most of us. Tell me the truth about what doesn't work for you. But there's no need to be ugly about it.
Thanks for the comment! It's good to look at this from two different directions. And with kindness!
I managed the critique section on the SCBWI Discussion Forum. Often new posters would bring first drafts that did everything the market says you shouldn't do in picture books: no unique twist on the tried and true, poor rhyme and rhythm with language twisted to meet it, adult characters as the focus, a main character who doesn't solve the problem, etc.
I tried to find something cute or a well written sentence to point to the positive because people can lean into that, but I also asked questions. Have you read recent picture books? Have you studied works in rhyme? How will a five year old connect to the main theme or character? What will make them read ten times? And I provided resources on rhyming books, etc. Questions get the author to think without me presenting a bunch of negatives. They can also be followed by concrete examples of why you're asking.
Exactly! What a great example of what I'm trying to say! And, I agree that sometimes it's hard to even find something good to say about any of it. One of my friends gave a "good job" to a new writer in the only she could -- "Nice margins!" It happens. And, giving advice and help like you do, Debbie, may be the only way those writers went forward in doing something they were passionate about.
Thanks for the comment!
I have greatly benefitted from the mindset you describe, Sarah. I clearly remember a member of my writing group teaching me the "sandwich" method of critiquing--begin and end a critique with positivity.
Yes, in my critique group (which never fails to provide invaluable perspective on my work) we adhere to a few rules: Comments must always be about aspects of the work, not the author; couch comments from "my" perspective (I was confused by this section"), not directed to the author ("You need to do it this way"); point out at least one positive word, turn of phrase, sentence, or paragraph that is nicely wrought (I usually find at least three or four).
My critique group has been together for six or seven years. We have become close enough friends that one of us can bring a rough draft, fresh off the printer today, and another of us will say, "WHAT were you thinking, anyway?" and we all laugh and get down to serious critique. Every draft, no matter how rough, has a gem within, just waiting to be polished.
Sally, rules in a critique group are probably one of the best ways to keep all of us honest and kind. It certainly was for the ones (good or bad) that I was in. We all needed to be held to a standard that worked for all of us.
I believe that's how we learn.
I wish we could spread those kinds of standards to the people who think that, if they don't like something, they not only can rip it to shreds, they think they're entitled to do so.
It's a hard enough business without trolls!
Thanks for the comment!
Exactly! I was taught that method also and think it's the best way to do it.
Thank you for reminding me!
Oh, boy! This article is timely!
I swapped books with a potential client who is considering hiring me to edit her second manuscript. Her first book is published already, and reading it made me grit my teeth. Grammar, punctuation, POV, and sentence structure are all over the map. It is rampant with repetition, passive language, and telling, not showing. Clearly it was never edited.
As a result, I haven't dared look yet at the manuscript she sent. I've been wrangling with ideas (so far, dead ends) about how to talk to her about this. I know I need to look at the manuscript - it is possible that her skill improved. (A writer friend whose first book was badly disorganized did show dramatic improvement in subsequent books.) I hope to see improvement. If not, teeth-gritting shall resume ...
Wish me luck! Wisdom! And discernment!
I know you'll find a way, Sally. It is hard, especially when you know the first one wasn't up to speed. But you'll probably teach her so many good things that she will learn and improve. I am forever grateful of the wonderful teachers I learned from. Some of them were pretty blunt. Maybe I learned the most from them. 🙂
Pet peeve: I wish I didn't have to keep reminding people that it is a violation of Amazon's Terms of Service to do reciprocal reviews.
Someone will agree to read (and possibly review) - and then requests that I review THEIR book(s).
I feel like two cents informing them that it is verboten, because EVEN IF both reviews are perfectly honest, the mere APPEARANCE of impropriety kills that possibility when the reading population finds out.
Because, as a reader, I wouldn't trust either author. The dynamics are fraught - and it can't be fixed.
I am not wide - even though I started publishing in 2015. As a disabled person, it is on the list of things I may do in the future if 1) my real work is finished, and 2) there is ever any energy to spare.
So I can't afford to poke the Amazonian bear with anything the least bit iffy - I'd lose my only distributor.
I don't understand why so many authors either don't know or think they can circumvent this problem.
My partial, personal solution is that I'm disabled and chronically ill, and literally can't read their book or spend the energy it would take to write even a short review (I agonize over every word I write as it is). But it still begs the question of how can someone who has published a few books with Amazon NOT know?
Alicia, it always amazes me how many people can't read rules, especially ones that can so adversely affect them. I'm glad you've come up with a way to not poke that bear, but sad that you have to.
It's good that you're spreading the news about it -- hopefully, more folks will stop asking for something that you really can't do.
Oh how this post resonates with me! If something offends you on first read, it's so easy to critique from the moral high ground, as you see it, but devastating or potentially useless for the receiver. I love how effectively you'd portrayed not responding to a first impression.
Because of some of the mean, and occasionally illogical critiques I've received, I try really hard to make sure I find and appreciate the good things about a piece, before making suggestions. It's not being nice, it's being fair, and giving the author their due.
Negative criticism is easy. Positive criticism with recognition and empathy for the author, while still being truthful? Much more work, but so worth it.
Thank you for your inspiring blog. Deeply appreciated.
Wonderful, Sally! A friend I respected once said that there is no urge on earth stronger than the urge to edit someone else's writing.
Your post should be the introduction to the charter of every writing group. And each member should sign it. In their own blood.
We should also take oaths that unless we are trained and practiced in editing, we are only readers, not qualified to edit anyone's work but our own. I think of my input to a fellow writer as my answer to the question, "How can I help this person?" I like to begin by stating my understanding of what the writer is trying to accomplish---what and/or how it made me think or feel. I hope that establishes context and evokes receptivity.
All the points you make are so helpful. My favorites are: First, matching the input to the stage of the writing; who cares about perfect punctuation when they are struggling with story development? And second, the scope of the input. Usually, three areas of focus and never more than four. I remember instances in which, when it came my turn to input, the writer being helped was so overwhelmed that all I could bring myself to offer was encouragement.
Thanks so much for this. Can we get it on the nightly news? Tonight?
I view editing, reviewing, and critiquing as three separate things.
I'm a paid editor. While kind, I will tell you the truth, because I want you to be able to write and sell the best product possible.
Reviewing is post-publishing, unless reviewing for a blurb for a cover quote. If you can't say something nice, don't do it.
I also review for publishers and authors as part of a team. Again, this is where you have to be kind if you want to be considered as a reviewer again. You can usually always find something nice to say, even if the book wasn't what you expected.
Critiquing is pre-publishing. If you know your critique partners, you should have an idea of what to expect with the feedback you're receiving.
I hope the right (write) people read this. I was told I'd never publish but I stuck with my writing and now I have published. Critiquing is hard work. I have a contact that is a "Christian Writer," who have their own set of problems, and I'm waiting to figure out how to tell her that "her baby is ugly and not dressed well" in a kind and gentle way. Your article came at the "write time."