How writers end up in Spam Mode (and how to rescue them)

by Lisa Norman

This is part 2 of my posts on author spam. Read part 1 here.

Opening: Observed in the Wild

A client once emailed me in a panic.

She’d finally done it. After weeks of working up the nerve, she’d written a newsletter and sent it out. She’d followed a whole stack of “best practices” she’d read about newsletters. She’d hit send. It was out there.

And now something was wrong.

No one was opening it. No one.

At first she told herself it was probably timing. Then she refreshed again. And again. Still nothing. That’s when she discovered the real problem: no one was getting them. So she called me in to see what was wrong with her website.

Nothing was wrong. Her hosting company had simply flagged the email as spam.

Her crime was simple and painfully human. She’d used the word Free in the subject line, and then she’d committed the even more horrid sin of adding an exclamation point after it. She was genuinely excited to give away that free book and thought her readers would be happy to get it.

Email companies decided she was a spammer and that email went nowhere.

She hadn’t done anything sneaky. She hadn’t bought a list or tried to trick anyone. She’d done what she’d been told worked. What everyone else was doing.

The systems disagreed.

That moment stuck with me because it revealed something uncomfortable and oddly freeing at the same time. Sometimes what feels normal, even encouraged, no longer lands the way we expect. Not because we’re wrong, but because the environment and the technology has changed.

No one sits down at their keyboard thinking, Today I will mildly annoy strangers. And yet… here we are.

Spam happens.

Note: email is still the writer’s most powerful sales tool. I’m not recommending dropping your email list!

Entry One: The Reluctant Spammer

Classification: Common
Disposition: Well-meaning
Primary trait: Surprise

The Reluctant Spammer is not a villain. In fact, most writers who find themselves here are thoughtful, generous people who care deeply about their readers.

What makes someone a reluctant spammer isn’t their intent. Writers don’t set out to become spammers. Spam happens when there’s a gap between readers and the writer.

We mean to invite them to join us, but inbox software is more interested in how much email we’re sending and how much the reader is receiving.

We mean to connect with them, but spam filters see patterns: How many people actually opened that email we sent? Did that reader rush to open the email or drop it into trash without even peeking?

We mean to give readers a gift, but anyone opening their email inbox these days is suspicious.

Being a spammer, in this sense, isn’t a personality flaw. It’s a mode. It’s something writers can slip into without noticing, often by doing exactly what they were taught to do. Collect the reader’s email. Keep all of the good stuff behind a paywall. Keep showing up frequently. Stay visible.

None of that is wrong. But when inboxes are crowded and trust is thin, those same habits can start to register differently on the receiving end.

The key thing to remember is this: spam is behavior, not always intent. You don’t become a spammer. You momentarily enter Spam Mode. And like most modes, it’s situational, reversible, and far more common than we like to admit.

Entry Two: Common Habitats

Reluctant Spammers tend to appear in familiar environments.

You’ll often find them around large giveaways, exciting reader magnets that you can only get to by providing an email address, or signups designed to make joining effortless and instant. These structures didn’t appear out of nowhere. They were built in a time when inboxes were quieter and attention was easier to come by.

They worked. And then the world changed.

What once felt like a friendly open door can now feel, to an inbox, like just one more thing to defend against. The behavior hasn’t changed nearly as much as the context has.

Spam Mode thrives in places where speed and numbers are rewarded more than intention. When we value the number of people on our list more than the connection we have with readers, we’re at risk of slipping into spam mode. I’ve seen writers with thousands of email addresses on their list where the open rate is 20% or less. That’s a lot of emails they’re sending that aren’t helping them.

And once you get a list that big, you’re usually paying to send those wasted emails out. Consequently, it's no wonder writers who’ve done “all the right things” get burned out on email!

Entry Three: Signs You’ve Entered Spam Mode

This is the part where writers sometimes get uncomfortable, so don’t feel picked on or called out. These things happen slowly over time.

Signs of Spam Mode aren’t dramatic. They tend to show up quietly. Open rates slowly slide. Replies dry up. You hesitate before hitting send, even when you like what you’ve written. Your email starts to feel less like a conversation and more like a broadcast.

None of these mean you’ve failed. They mean your connection to your readers has weakened.

And when that connection weakens, the solution usually isn’t sending more emails. It’s clarity, and intent. It’s remembering that those readers wanted to connect with you, but somehow they no longer feel that connection, if they ever did.

Entry Four: Why This Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing It Wrong

This is where many writers turn inward and assume the problem is effort, consistency, or enthusiasm. So they try harder. They send more. They push through the discomfort.

Or they just decide email doesn’t work and they stop altogether.

But Spam Mode isn’t caused by laziness or lack of commitment. Instead, it’s often the result of following advice that prioritized growth instead of relationship.

That advice wasn’t malicious. It was just a little out of context. Good advice for businesses or for growing a big email list is still good advice, but not necessarily for writers looking to connect with their readers.

And contexts expire and change. When email was new and any message from a writer was a delight in the inbox, we could get away with sending emails that were less about connection.

Recognizing that the world has changed is a power move that sets you apart from the hordes of accidental spammers filling people’s inboxes.

Entry Five: How Reluctant Spammers Adapt

Field guides don’t give you all the answers in the form of should and rules. They describe patterns and point out alternatives. So let me offer some alternatives for our accidental spammers.

Writers who step out of Spam Mode often start experimenting with small, human shifts. They let readers sample the work before asking for an email. They use calmer, clearer signup language. By sending fewer emails, they enjoy them more. They allow unsubscribes to be information, not rejection. They even make unsubscribing easy. (Although: making it easy for people to unsubscribe IS an actual rule these days.)

Instead of asking, “How do I get more people?” they begin asking, “Who actually wants to be here?”

That question changes the tone of everything that follows.

Entry Six: Designing for Desire Instead of Capture

Spam Mode is rooted in capture. Real reader connection grows from desire.

In contrast, designing for desire means trusting readers to choose you, not trapping them into staying. It means writing emails that feel like a continuation of your work, not a requirement attached to it. You’re a writer, which means you’re an entertainer. This means your messages to your readers should be entertaining!

This approach doesn’t scale as fast, but it lasts longer. And it feels better on both sides of the inbox.

Final Entry: Good News from the Field

Here’s the most important thing to know.

Real Spammers don’t worry about being spammers. They don’t pause to wonder how their emails land. They don’t write field guides.

Reluctant Spammers do.

If you’ve ever hesitated before hitting send and wondered if your readers would even open it, you’re already doing the most important part. Attention is the beginning of every meaningful change you can make. In a world where there are more bots hitting our inboxes than humans, intentional clarity and connection is something algorithms can't fake, and the one thing humans are desperate to find in that haystack of email.

Spam happens. And writers, being writers, adapt.

* * * * * *

About Lisa

Lisa Norman's passion has been writing since she could hold a pencil. While that is a cliché, she is unique in that her first novel was written on gum wrappers. As a young woman, she learned to program and discovered she has a talent for helping people and computers learn to work together and play nice. When she's not playing with her daughter, writing, or designing for the web, she can be found wandering the local beaches.

Lisa writes as Deleyna Marr and is the owner of No Stress Writing Academy. She also runs Heart Ally Books, LLC, an indie publishing firm.

Interested in learning more from Lisa? Sign up for her newsletter or check out her school, No Stress Writing Academy, where she teaches social media, organization, technical skills, and marketing for authors!

Her next book, The Work of Joy is now available here.

Top image from depositphotos.