Writers in the Storm

by Lisa Hall-Wilson

Deep POV takes the idea of ‘show don’t tell’ to what seems like new extremes for those more familiar with limited third person POV, or first person narration POV styles of writing (not to mention more distant POV styles like omniscient or objective third person). The goal of deep POV is to entirely remove the narrator/author voice and immerse the reader in the character’s lived experience of the story as it happens.

Easier said than done.

Writers see the advice that readers only get the information the main character takes in (what they see, hear, know, learn, intuit, etc), but are then frustrated by how often critiques point out where the author/narrator voice has crept in.

Now, to be clear, how deep you go with your story – how often or where you choose to go deep with your story, is entirely subjective. There are no rules. And if you take the time to browse through the bestseller categories for various genres, you’ll find deep POV techniques used a lot but you’ll also see those “rules” cheated a lot. Most people are going to use deep POV subjectively to varying degrees of depth. The best practice then, is to learn the technique, what effect the various tools create, and then use those techniques strategically to best enhance your voice and what you need each scene to accomplish story-wise.

In Deep point of view, the author’s job is to be invisible. So, where does the author/narrator voice creep in, and how do we fix it?

What is Author Intrusion?

Author intrusion in deep POV is when the author pauses the story or speaks to the reader either through description, summary, explanation, backstory, justification, etc. It’s considered author intrusion anytime you – the writer – insert yourself into the story to give the reader information – either information the POV character doesn’t/can’t know, or information the character might know but not think of. It’s narrator intrusion in first person when the POV character narrates their own feelings or thoughts.

Let’s look at some examples of common ways that author/narrator intrusion creeps into our stories when we’re aiming to write in deep POV:

Remember in deep POV, the character is alone in their own heads. We don’t remind ourselves of information we already know, we don’t explain our actions or feelings to ourselves (generally), and we don’t rehash past experiences (especially painful ones) without there being something to remind us of them.

1. With Author Intrusion:

There’s Judy with Bob, her fourth husband, next to the lemonade.

(The POV character already knows who Bob is, so they wouldn’t explain who he is to themselves if they’re not talking to the reader.)

The Fix:

“Who’s that with Judy?”

“Oh, that’s her husband, Bob.”
“Oh, why did I think her husband was blond?”

“Her third husband, Jack, was blond. That’s Bob.”

Dialogue is usually a good way to work around delivering information to the reader that the POV character wouldn’t think of or explain to themselves. Do some research into newbies or Watsons, especially if your character has specialized knowledge or lingo they wouldn’t need to explain to themselves but might cause readers to pause or become confused. The TV show Bones did this really well, having the cop explain detective procedure to the Dr, and the Dr explaining forensic procedures to the cop.

2. With Author Intrusion:

Felora slid her seax, a small multi-purpose blade, back into her belt.

(Felora would already know what a seax is, she wouldn’t need to explain it to herself.)

The Fix:

Felora slid her seax back into her belt and reached for her sword. This called for a much bigger blade.

3. With Author Intrusion:

Shannon brushed out her long blond hair. “Good enough. Let’s go.”

Every word on the page comes from within the POV character’s head. When you brush your hair, do you take note of the color, the length, how curly it is? Probably not without a reason to.

The Fix:

Use a different character to give that info to the reader: “Your hair is so long, Shannon. And I love the blond.”

Give the POV character an organic reason to think of it: Shannon’s brush caught another snag in her hair. She worked on the knot. “Stace, should I go short?”

4. With Author Intrusion:

A blush crept into her cheeks.

The POV character can’t see their own face. Instead, describe how this feels to them.

The Fix:

Heat spread across her cheeks.

5. With Author Intrusion:

When the meal ended, Kenelm clapped. The sound bounced off the walls and the table quieted. Most lords employed traveling gleemen to entertain at important feasts, but Kenelm had his own scop. She preferred gleemen because they recited well known songs and stories, whereas the scop composed original songs that could be quite coarse and lewd.

Watch for places where the POV character describes an aspect of their world they’d take for granted. Thinking and emotion words can function as red flags for author intrusion (the word “preferred” here). Where are you – the author – summarizing, explaining, giving context for things the character wouldn’t bother or need to tell themselves? Remember, the character is alone in their own head, they don’t talk to the reader through their thoughts.

The Fix:

Taryn poked Fin and nodded towards the man by the fire. “Who’s that?”

“Kenelm’s scop.” Fin tipped his cup to his lips.

“I’ve never seen a scop. Is it the same as a gleeman?”

“No. Gleemen recite songs and stories they’ve heard elsewhere. Scops compose their own.” His tone hardened, his frame stiffened.

She leaned in closer to whispered. “Is that bad?”

“Not bad.” Fin stared at his cup, turning it in his hands. “But unpredictable and often lewd. Mind your temper.”

6. With Author Intrusion:

Buzzards circled above the house in slow dizzying circles. Sarah reached for the alarm and yawned. Time to get up.

If the POV character can’t see or hear something, if they don’t know something is happening outside of what they can directly observe – they can’t tell the reader about it.

The Fix:

Sarah pulled back the curtains. Buzzards circled over the yard in dizzying circles.

The Fix:

She opened her eyes, frowning at the open window. Raucous bird chatter from the yard filled the room. She got up and looked out. Buzzards bounced around and chased one another off a fresh roadkill.

7. With (possible) Author Intrusion:

Shawn climbed the pine tree, his palm landing in a great gob of sap.

This is fine, as long as being able to distinguish a pine tree from a spruce tree is something this character would know -- not something YOU know. Every description needs to be how the character would describe it. Every detail described needs to what the character would notice or prioritize.

If Shawn is a city boy who doesn’t know one tree from another, he shouldn’t label it in his internal dialogue. If he spends a lot of time in the country and knows one tree from another, he’ll be able to label the tree.

The Fix:

Shawn crawled up the trees, weaving through the maze of clustered branches. His hand stuck to the bark and he swiped it against his pants, but the gobs of sap wouldn’t come off.

Instead, focus on details that would stand out to him instead of taking the short cut of labelling a specific tree. This goes for car parts, clothing designers, plants, etc.

8. With Narrator-Voice Intrusion:

I’d just been fired from a job I’d had for five years to an obnoxious kid with no experience.

This is very subjective – what does this character consider obnoxious? Readers have to take it for granted that the “kid” has no experience – can we trust this character’s perception? Further, how does this FEEL? Emotions are the glue of deep POV, they’re what makes dee POV so powerful.

The Fix:

I forced a smile and leaned in for the group selfie to mark the start of the ‘new’ marketing initiative. A lump the size of Montana filled my throat, blocking my air, stealing the moisture from my mouth. I returned to my chair, my back pressed against the wall. Being an Instagram influencer was not the equivalent of a four year marketing degree. I opened my phone and tapped in the password to my cloud storage and pulled up my resume. Heat filled my face and I stared at the screen just to have something else to focus on. Just let me crawl beneath the carpet and hide under the floor boards. Why wouldn’t this meeting just end?

9. With Author Intrusion:

She chewed on her bottom lip as she scanned the document. She satisfied herself that the corrections had been made.

This is author summary. The author is telling the reader the conclusion the character’s made and skipped over the details of how the character made that decision, or WHY they made that decision.

The Fix (going deeper):

She chewed on her bottom lip, her gaze skipping to each section she’d flagged on the previous version. The extra spaces had been removed. The client’s name was now spelled correctly. The timeline adjusted. Steve’s name and tainted reputation was no longer on the solicitor’s team list. She handed it back to Cindy. “Looks good. Go ahead and send that version. CC me.”

10. With Author Intrusion:

She chewed on her bottom lip as she scanned the document. She satisfied herself that the corrections had been made.

The Fix (going shallower):

She chewed on her bottom lip as she scanned the document. Steve’s name and tainted reputation was no longer on the solicitor’s team list. “Looks good.”

The decision of where to go deeper or shallower has to be made strategically depending on how important this is to the goals you have for this scene. Are the details in this contract important to the story? Is her missing a detail important? Are you trying to show that this character is distracted, meticulous, hard to work with, dedicated – whatever? If not, going deep without reason can slow the pace of the story. Going deeper causes the reader to lean in and assume this detail is important and causes frustration if these details are extraneous to the story. You can still avoid the author intrusion without going deep.

If you choose to go deeper in these situations, an editor unfamiliar with deep pov might flag this as ‘writing on the nose’ so it’s important to know WHY you’re including these details here – now.

Final Thoughts

Goodness, I could keep going but this is a good summary list of the common ways author/narrator intrusion creeps into deep POV. Make use of beta readers and critique partners because this can be very difficult to spot in your own work.

Do you feel confident enough in your knowledge of deep POV to know where you can cheat ‘the rules’ and what effects the techniques aim to create?

About Lisa

Lisa Hall-Wilson is a writing teacher and award-winning writer and author. She’s the author of Method Acting For Writers: Learn Deep Point Of View Using Emotional Layers. Her blog, Beyond Basics For Writers, explores all facets of the popular writing style deep point of view and offers practical tips for writers. 

She runs the free Facebook group Going Deeper With Emotions where she shares tips and videos on writing in deep point of view. 

by Ellen Buikema

(Part 1 of this series can be found here.)

Begin in the Past

When building the world for your science fiction story, consider creating the backstory, or history.

Whether your world is an advanced space-faring civilization, about to encounter aliens, or if a virus wiped out most of the planet’s peopled population, you need to begin in the past.

How did it happen? Why did your world get to the point it’s at when your story starts?

Work backward to figure it out. What did the world look like a few years ago? Twenty years before? A century? You already know the effects. Now determine the cause.

The cause is critical for writing a well-developed world within your science fiction story. As you delve into the past, occasionally falling into the rabbit holes that we all know and love, you will find other plot points to explore.

Plan Your Civilization

After building your foundation, ponder the details of your story’s societies and their social structures. Spend quality time on this aspect, as the more detail you have, the easier your plot building will be.

This link has a helpful template to use while word-building.

The science has to be believable. Good science makes good science fiction.

William R. Leibowitz, author of Miracle Man and The Austin Paradox, stresses the importance of research as well as keeping a good balance within the story telling.

“If a work of science fiction is to be believable and engrossing, the science in it must be plausible—and the science must be understandable to the reader. Too much detail easily becomes boring and makes the readers think they are back in school being harangued by a tedious teacher. Too little detail, and the author is asking the reader to take giant “leaps of faith,” undermining the credibility of a science fiction story.”

William R. Leibowitz, for Writers’ Digest

Soft sci-fi stories may take place in a dystopian Earth or a futuristic society in space, below the ocean, or floating above the planet. Science still needs to be a guiding force in the world you create to be true science fiction.

Soft SF is more concerned with social aspects. The technical details of the fictional universe aren’t essential. Whereas, hard SF is grounded in scientific laws and understanding, and the elements of natural science form a critical part of the plot.

Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games  trilogy, and Frank Herbert’s Dune series are examples of soft sci-fi.

Look here for more information on soft sci-fi vs hard sci-fi in part 1 of Writing Science Fiction.

Invent Your Technology

Developing sci-fi tech can be an enjoyable part of the process. It’s time to turn up your geek gauge and create new toys for your world.

Think about the following as you develop your tech:

• How was the tech created?
• Why is the technology needed?
• What is the tech’s power source?
• Does this technology help or hurt people?
• Who has access to the tech?
• What might go wrong with the technology?
• How does the tech weave into the story themes?

Consider any current, real-world examples that are related to the technology. While pondering these questions, let your imagination run amuck.

Peter von Stackelberg has a fantastic guide to writing sci-fi technology.

Develop Your Characters

Now that you’ve built your world, it’s time to populate it.

Keep your story’s themes in mind when creating your protagonists and antagonists. How will their traits, flaws, and character growth weave into the subject matter?

Characters need motivations and goals that make sense within the world paradigm. They should also have flaws that are relatable to the readers. Those imperfections can contribute lots of tension in the story.

Solve (or Create) a Problem with Science

Something is wrong in your characters’ life. They need to reach their goal, and an object, person, formula, or other impediments are in the way. Therein lie the conflicts.

Your main characters advance toward their goal via the plot. When writing science fiction, the way your characters fail and succeed depends on science. Sometimes it’s in the math.

The science in your story might be causing your characters' problems, keeping them from achieving their goals.

Ian McEwan, who wrote Machines like Me, had this to say,

“There could be an opening of a mental space for novelists to explore this future, not in terms of traveling at 10 times the speed of light in anti-gravity boots, but actually looking at the human dilemmas of being close up to something that you know to be artificial but which thinks like you,” McEwan told an interviewer with The Guardian.

“If a machine seems like a human or you can’t tell the difference, then you’d jolly well start thinking about whether it has responsibilities and rights and all the rest.”

What do we do when the line drawn is fuzzy?

Now that you’ve figured out what role science plays in your character’s development and story arc, you’re ready to roll!

What technology would you invent for a sci-fi story? How would your world be different? Do you prefer stories where the science hinders or when it helps?

* * * * * *

About Ellen

Author, speaker, and former teacher, Ellen L. Buikema has written non-fiction for parents, and The Adventures of Charlie Chameleon chapter book series with stories encouraging the development of empathy—sprinkling humor wherever possible. Her Works In Progress are The Hobo Code, YA historical fiction and Crystal Memories, MG Magical Realism/ Sci-Fi.

Find her at https://ellenbuikema.com or on Amazon.

Top Image by kalhh from Pixabay

By Kris Maze

Can authors ever really, truly Put-Down-the-Pen? While many dream of spending endless mornings writing the next Great Novel, others eyeball-deep in edits and deadlines count down the days until they can just sleep in.

Whether you are starting out in writing or embarking on your fiftieth publication, it is uncommon for writers to officially retire. At some point authors find an equilibrium with their craft, energy, and ambitions levels, the question is when these tip towards losing their creative passion, should they stop writing?

Is your writing career just ahead of you? Waiting for you begin once life allows you the time, energy, and better focus? When is it a good time to begin a career as an author? Regardless of your writing status, we can look at common considerations people have when making a big career change.

Writing is a career open to anyone with a pen and a desire to continuously improve their craft. When to start is a personal decision.

3 Considerations to begin or end a writing career

Here are 3 considerations when contemplating an entry or exit from the work of being an author.

Age

The muse can strike at any age. Started at late age can make a difference on the longevity of a writer’s career, but it doesn’t have to impact the amount of total writing or influence those words have.  Many writers have started writing later in life and have become very prolific. 

One example is of an older man, who after ending a failed career, wrote one of the world’s most notable books.  Arguably the worlds first published modern novel, a satirical response to the decades of picaresque stories of knights saving damsels in distress flooding the bookshelves his time, this Spanish author wrote a masterpiece from his prison cell while serving time for his incompetence as a military leader.

Miguel de Cervantes published The Man of La Mancha in 1605, when he was 58-years-old.  In the middle ages, a person’s life expectancy was near 35 years. According to the World Atlas, El Ingenioso Hidalgo Don Quijote de la Mancha, is the world’s most best-selling individual novel ever with around 500 million copies sold. In modern terms, the Harry Potter series is the only set of novels to come close, with the group of books selling near the 500 million mark.

Cervantes didn’t retire when he found success, he continued writing. His second novel in the series was published in 1615. And in 1620 in English. Cervantes wrote in many genres and had his works published in several languages over the next 10 years. In a dedication he bade farewell to the world, and with grace and competence said he was “with a foot already in the stirrup” only 3 days before dying. He passed away with a clear mind in April of 1615, with many posthumous works published after his death.

Some writers wait until they have retired from another line of work, holding off on their dreams of publication and waiting to have time to focus solely on the story that burns within them. They benefit from having a story build over time, working it over in their mind subconsciously, and ideally, making it easier to write down. But what about writers who begin at an earlier age?  Those who started in a different line of work or are considering a change mid-career?

Occupation

Some writers begin their author journeys slowly in piecemeal bites. They may chunk off a writing career between breast feedings and/or budget meetings. They may find their first job a misfit for their creative ambitions, one they need that may simply pay-the-bills.  Or they may have found jobs requiring skills that revolve around words only to yearn for time to craft their own novels. Writers who heed the call of the muse concurrently with another line of work can also find success.

See these famous examples:

• Amy Tan “made-up” astrology for a hotline service, later wrote ad copy, and became a technical writer before becoming a published author. She was 37-years-old when Joy Luck Club was published.
• David Baldacci worked a couple of years as a lawyer even after getting a big contract. He wasn’t sure his career as a writer would pan out.
• JK Rollings was a single mom and financially broke when her career broke loose. After college, she worked at various jobs including working as a bilingual secretary and teaching English in Portugal.  She reportedly wrote her ideas for the iconic novel on scraps of paper while commuting to work via train.

We can all dream of the success these household name branded authors have become, but they all worked in other venues before becoming fully invested in their writing. Deciding to move on to writing is a complex decision that can only be made on a personal basis.  Factors like dependent family members, access to important benefits like health care, lifestyle changes that occur with what is likely to be less income, stability of future retirement options, and current job satisfaction all play a role in deciding whether becoming an author full time is for you.

Calling

Some writers are published in their teens and others start to play with words late in their younger years. These writers have the opportunity to become the established base-of-knowledge that publishing relies upon. Respected resources in the field, with long backlists of publications, able to point to accolades and awards. They not only dream about life as an author, they have lived it.

And sometimes it is easy to glamorize what we don’t know.

Long term authors also can risk seeing what others see as a passion, become a joyless pattern of work. In their later years, they may have loyal followers, but lose the value in publishing one more thing due to burnout or difficulties with the business of publishing. They may be tired, worn, and at risk of losing their writerly faith. They may be those considering retiring from writing.

These writers may have been stuck at the hamster wheel of producing product and could benefit from taking a break.  Giving oneself time to reconnect with the joy of writing can rekindle the desire to write.  There is a possibility that a writer could retire, but that darn muse may have different plans. Being open to changes as a seasoned writer is also healthy to consider. If you are someone else you know is on a potential route to burnout check out these Writers in the Storm blog posts here and here for ideas on keeping your writing life healthy and vibrant.

Writing books from the grave. 

While some famous writers have ‘written’ books from the grave, it is more likely that they simply fade off into the publication horizon. See if you can recognize these famous examples.

• V. C. Andrews - Andrew Neiderman has written many gothic horror and thriller novels in his own name but is also known for his ghostwritten novels as V.C. Andrews, who died in 1986. The publisher, Pocket Books, has released 33 more Andrews books with more to come.  They have a small disclaimer saying that the author of the Flowers in the Attic series has passed away. He has been writing works under the Andrews name for 26 years.
• Robert Ludlum – The Bourne Identity fame had a manuscript remaining when he died in 2001. This was sold to another publishing company after his death and at that time the executive editor, Matthew Sheer stated that a ghostwriter would start writing as him in the future. The literary executor, Henry Morrison claims the material is Ludlum’s saying, “He’d been working very industriously since 1997. If something happened to him, he wanted enough books coming out over the next few years to provide for his grandchildren.”
• Louis L’Amour – The long standing westerns writer died in 1988, but his wife and literary manager released material for 13 new books since then.  She is quoted, “My main focus has been keeping Louis’ work alive. I don’t feel the need to put his name on something that isn’t his.”

These writers were prolific through their lives and kept their writing going after they passed. This may seem like a grim consideration, but it does present the question of how do authors handle their creative work?  How can they ensure their hard work goes into further creative venues, and ones that will follow their wishes?  Watch for part 2 of my mini-blog series for thoughts on how writers keep producing works for readers, even if they retire or pass away.

Final Thoughts

Writing is a gamble.  Any investment of time and energy can improve your skills as a writer, but doesn’t ensure a readership, recognition, or a financial reward. It has no guarantee of success. To some writers that is worth the chase. Writing as a career is creative venture and they are willing to take the risks. Others need time to transition their lives into their creative selves.  Still others took the jump into the world of publishing from their first career steps.

Where are you in your writing career?  Just starting to dabble in publishing? Are you shopping around your first manuscript?  Or ready to dive into the world of indie publishing? Do you have a coveted backlist of titles and followers and loving it? Or can’t wait to get out of the grind of publish edit polish promote, repeat-repeat-repeat?

What changes you have gone through or plan to make in your work as an author? What tips or pitfalls do you have to share regarding making decisions to write as a career or to slow down the grind?  

About Kris

Kris Maze is an author, writing coach, and teacher. She has worked in education for many years and writes for various publications, including Practical Advice for Teachers of Heritage Learners of Spanish and the award-winning blog Writers in the Storm where she is also a host. You can find her horror stories and young adult writing on her website. Keep up with future projects and events by subscribing to her newsletter.

A recovering grammarian and hopeless wanderer, Kris enjoys reading, playing violin and piano, and spending time outdoors.

And occasionally, she plays in snow.