Writers in the Storm

by Lori Freeland

If you’ve whipped around the writing block a time or two, you may have lots of experience with POV. If this is your initial test drive, you might be Googling—P . . . O . . . What? Either way, this post is for you.

First, you can stop Googling. POV stands for Point of View. Some of you are nodding and saying, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got it.” Others might be asking why we care about a view.

We care because the view is everything. You’ve heard the phrase, location, location, location when it comes to prime real estate. And where is the prime real estate on the page? Inside your POV character’s head.

What Is a POV Character?

Before we jump in, let’s define a POV character. It’s your main character. The one telling the story. You might have one or two or three depending on your genre. But unless you’re George R.R. Martin, be careful not to have too many. But that’s another post.

Sometimes it’s hard for writers to remember that their characters are supposed to feel like actual people to the reader. At least that’s the idea—to make a character so real, the reader can imagine living in their world. Better yet, living in their head.

I’d like to point out here that actual people, in general, don’t have psychic or omniscient abilities. They’re not mind readers, and they’re not gods, unless that’s part of your story world. If it is, feel free to check out here. If it isn’t, stay with me.

Two Rules To Stay Focused

You can go really deep when it comes to POV. There’s a lot of information, dos and don’ts, tips and tricks. It can be overwhelming. But if you start with two rules, you’ll almost always get it right.

Rule #1

While you’re writing, put yourself in the scene and become your POV character.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Imagine you’ve literally stepped into your character’s skin. Then keep that in mind as you take the movie running through your head and translate it onto the page.

If you are your character, this means in each scene “you” can only:

• see what your character sees
• hear what your character hears
• smell what your character smells
• tase what your character tastes
• feel what your character feels
• know what your character knows

This holds true whether you’re writing in first person (I) or third person (he/she). And if you have multiple POV characters, you will become multiple people as the point of view switches from scene to scene. Sometimes it helps to take a minute to really get into a particular character’s head. That’s okay. Give yourself that time. It will make the writing process that much smoother.

Rule #2

Don’t let your character do anything you (as a real person) can’t do.

This one is a little more involved. Let’s try to make it simple. The idea is to hold your POV character accountable as a “real person.” And that isn’t always easy. Below are some questions that can help you dig deep into POV. 

Remember, you are your main character. So if you, as a real person, answer “no” to the questions below, your character has to answer “no” as well. Spoiler alert: the answer to every question below is going to be “no.”

Examples:

• Can you see your own expression?

I had a sparkle in my eye. / She had a sparkle in her eye.

Unless you’re looking in the mirror or experiencing an astral projection moment, the answer is “no.”

• Do you generally notice how you’re speaking?

“My tone was one of condescension.” / “His tone was one of condescension.”

We don’t often think about how we’re speaking. Sometimes that gets us in trouble when others take our tone the wrong way.

Side Note: you (as your character) can choose to be deliberate about speech. That’s different. It’s purposeful. A conscious choice. It looks something like this:

I made sure to pour on the condescension. / He made sure to pour on the condescension.  

• Would you refer to yourself as “the girl,” “the boy,” “the naive child,” “Jim’s wife,” or anything else that distances you from yourself? This is mostly an issue when you’re writing in third person.

You could say: Myron handed the baby to me. Myron handed the baby to her.

I would think of myself as “me” in first person and “her” in third person. And so would your character.

But you can’t say: Myron handed the baby to his mother.

I wouldn’t call myself “his mother” in first or third person. This is an omniscient, eye-in-the-sky view, not a personal, I’m-in-the-character’s-head, I-am-the-character view.

I hope you see that the examples above are things you (as your POV character) would not observe about yourself. They’re things you would observe about someone else. Someone outside of yourself. Someone who is not you (as your POV character).

So, let’s move onto more things you (as your POV character) would observe about someone else.

Examples:

• Can you read someone’s mind or know their thoughts?

We can’t say: Hillary hated it when Julie and John argued.

How do you (as the main character) know that? Without any context clues, dialogue, or past experiences, you can’t know and neither can your character.

We can say: Hillary’s eye twitched the same way it had the last time Julie and John argued.

• Can you discern someone’s motivation without any outside clues?

We can’t say: Hillary hated it when Julie and John argued, so she left the room.

The “movie” in the reader’s head just shows Hillary leaving. There’s no bubble over her head that reads, “I hate it when Julie and John argue, so I’m walking away.”  

We can say: Hillary pushed out her chair, threw her napkin on the table, and yelled over Julie and John’s shouting match, “I’m not listening to this anymore.” Then with a twitch in one eye, she stormed out of the room.  

Why Pay So Much Attention to “The View?”

The point of writing as if you are your character is so that your reader can become your character.

Readers want to live lives that aren’t their own. They want to experience what your character is experiencing. They want an intimate view of someone else’s life. The only way for them to get that is to feel as though they’ve stepped behind that character’s eyes.

The only way for you to set up the framework to make that happen is to write behind the character’s eyes. When it comes to drawing your readers in, “the view” is everything.

For more information on POV, check out my other post P-O-What?

Let’s Talk About It!

As a writer, do you put yourself into your character’s head? Are you willing to try to see the world from their eyes? What are your POV stumbling blocks? What are your POV strengths? Have you thought of POV this way before? Share your tips, tricks, and struggles in the comments, and let’s talk about them.  

About Lori

An encourager at heart, author, editor, and writing coach Lori Freeland believes everyone has a story to tell. She’s presented multiple workshops at writer’s conferences across the country and writes everything from non-fiction to short stories to novels—YA to adult.

When she’s not curled up with her husband drinking too much coffee and worrying about her kids, she loves to mess with the lives of the imaginary people living in her head.

You can find her young adult and contemporary romance at lorifreeland.com and her inspirational blog and writing tips at lafreeland.com. Her book, Where You Belong: a runaway series novella, is currently free on Kindle Unlimited. 

By Piper Bayard
of Bayard & Holmes

Authors who write about crime need to understand crime. My writing partner, Jay Holmes, is a 45+ year veteran of field intelligence operations, and we often get questions about espionage and crime. In our last article, Writing Believable Driveway Crime: Carjacking & Kidnapping, we wrote about crime that commonly occurs in driveways. Today, we will take a look at crime in parking lots.

Burglaries & Robberies

Burglaries and robberies are the most common types of crimes in parking lots. The words are often used interchangeably, but they actually do have distinct meanings. Burglaries only involve property, such as breaking into a car to steal things. The only human involved in the act of the crime is the thief. Robberies involve an assault on a person, such as mugging or purse snatching. There is both a criminal and a physical victim. Robberies are generally considered more severe by the legal system.

Parking lot burglars are all about opportunities.

• Unlocked car doors. An unlocked car door is an invitation to steal either the vehicle or the property inside.
• Visible objects of value on the seats. Electronic devices, expensive sunglasses, or purses and wallets out on seats draw burglers like bugs to a bug zapper.
• Wi-Fi and Bluetooth signals. Some more sophisticated thieves will roam through shopping center, hotel, restaurant, and other parking lots with discovery devices to check for Wi-Fi or Bluetooth signals. This lets them know there are electronics somewhere in the vehicle. If they locate a device, the vehicle it is in becomes a target.
• People who aren’t carrying purses. At recreation centers and gyms, thieves are known to park and hunker down in their vehicles, watching for the women who don’t carry in purses. Knowing most women actually do carry purses most of the time when they leave the house, the thieves then break into the women’s cars to search for purses and other goodies.

Thieves also look at the exterior of the vehicle when deciding on targets.

• An NRA sticker or some other pro-gun indicator is a definite target for a thief looking for firearms.
• A political bumper sticker of any flavor in this Age of Outrage can also attract burglars who might see those who disagree with them as deserving of harm. (Political bumper stickers will also attract vandalism for the same reason.)
• On a creepier side note, the stick-figure families people like to put in their back windows tell predators how many children are in the family and give clues to their genders and ages.

Defense Against Parking Lot Burglars

While it’s best not to leave valuables in our cars, sometimes, we don’t have a choice. A number of tactics will help minimize the chances of being the victim of burglars.

• Always lock car doors.
• Never leave anything valuable in a visible place in the vehicle.
• Turn off Bluetooth and Wi-Fi on any devices that remain in the vehicle.
• Don’t load packages into the trunk and then leave the car to go into another store. Thieves wait in parking lots for those opportunities, particularly during the holiday season.
• Don’t advertise firearms, politics, or children on the vehicle exterior.

Robber’s Approach

Like burglars, robbers are all about opportunities. Since a physical victim is part of the equation, robbers seek easy targets. They look for the following attributes:

• People who are average size or smaller.
• Usually women. All wishful thinking aside, the actual fact is that women are most often easier to physically dominate.
• Sadly, disabled people. However, genuine professionals consider disabled people to be low-value targets because so many of the disabled are poor.
• People with closed body language. Positions such as hunched posture, head down, arms covering torso, and hands in pockets or fidgeting imply fear, discomfort, and vulnerability. Serial killer Ted Bundy once stated that he “could tell a victim by the way she walked down the street, the tilt of her head, the manner in which she carried herself, etc.”
• People who are distracted or zoned out. The classic example would be texting or talking on the phone while going through the parking lot.
• People who don’t have a vehicle. The most vulnerable people for robberies are people who walk rather than drive. That is because they are often alone, they often go to the same places, and they are burdened with their purchases as they go places.

Robbers also, of course, look for items of value to steal. A purse over a shoulder or in a hand, a bag from an expensive store, fancy jewelry, etc., will show robbers that there is a reward for their risk.

Defense Against Parking Lot Robbers

• Be aware. When arriving at a parking lot, look into cars and spot people walking in the area. Know who is in the area and where they are.
• Don’t park near cars with people sitting in them.
• Before exiting the vehicle or the building, look around the parking lot. If something seems off, stay in the car or the building. Perhaps find security personnel to escort you.
• Stand tall and walk with confidence and purpose.
• Look directly at people and make eye contact. Criminals are less likely to attack someone who is paying attention to them.
• Do business during the middle of the day rather than at night.
• If out at night, park as close to the door as possible and under a light if there is one.
• Keep hands free. For example, before exiting the car or the building, finish all texting and phone calls so that hands can be available to fight.
• Keep packages in a cart whenever possible. This serves the dual purpose of keeping hands free and providing a cart to use to ram a criminal.
• Survey surroundings before unloading packages into the vehicle. Are there people in cars nearby? Are there people walking nearby? Is someone driving past?
• Keep purse strapped across the body so that people see it would be difficult to snatch.
• For those who need to walk to stores and businesses, travel with a relative or neighbor whenever possible and keep items in a pushcart to keep hands free.
• Carry a weapon and become proficient with it.

Carjackings and Kidnappings

Parking lots are also fertile ground for carjackings and kidnappings. Much of the information from the previous WITS article, Writing Believable Driveway Crime: Carjacking & Kidnapping, also applies in parking lots.

Carjackers usually work in teams and spot easy targets -- unlocked doors and distracted drivers. Kidnappers also work in teams, which usually include a woman to lure in their target. However, there are some general defense points that that article did not include.

• Watch for anyone following when exiting a parking lot. Kidnappers have been known to spot a target in a parking lot and follow them for an opportunity to snatch them off the street or in their front yard.
• If concerned that someone might be following, drive around a block to see if they stick with you in a circle.
• If someone is following, drive to a police station. Don’t lead them home.
• Always have at least a half tank of gas in the car to avoid going to a gas station after dark. Self-serve gas stations are prime locations for carjackings.
• Villains can attack from the sidewalk, so don’t drive in the right-hand lane unless intending to make a right turn.
• Never exit the vehicle to argue with someone. People are always more vulnerable when outside the car, so ram them with the car if necessary, but don’t get out.
• Never attempt to scare off an attacker by flashing a weapon. Letting a criminal see a weapon before it is used only gives them time to draw. In other words, any weapon not in use should stay hidden.

It is worth repeating from the previous article that if a kidnapper orders a target into a vehicle, the person should do everything possible not to get in or be put into the car. Scream, run, fight, hit the car alarm button on the key fob, etc. This is true even if the attacker has a firearm because if someone is willing to shoot someone in a public parking lot, anything they do in private would be much worse.

If someone is threatening with a firearm from a car, instructing the target to get in, the target should run away toward the back of the vehicle. That’s because the person with the firearm would have to turn around to shoot. Chances are good that they will not hit the target, or that if they do, the shot will not be fatal. Chances are excellent that getting in the car would be fatal.

Any questions about burglaries and robberies in parking lots? What about other crimes that can occur in parking lots? Are there other locations you would like us to address?

What do the main intelligence agencies do and where do they operate? How do they recruit personnel? What are real-life honey pots and sleeper agents? What about truth serums and enhanced interrogations? And what are the most common foibles of popular spy fiction?

With the voice of over forty years of experience in the Intelligence Community, Bayard & Holmes answer these questions and share information on espionage history, firearms of spycraft, tradecraft techniques, and the personalities and personal challenges of the men and women behind the myths.

Though crafted with advice and specific tips for writers, SPYCRAFT: Essentials is for anyone who wants to learn more about the inner workings of the Shadow World.

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“For any author, this is the new bible for crafting stories of espionage.”

~ James Rollins, New York Times Bestselling Author of The Demon Crown

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About Piper and Bayard

Piper Bayard and Jay Holmes of Bayard & Holmes are the authors of espionage tomes and international spy thrillers. Please visit Piper and Jay at their site, BayardandHolmes.com. For notices of their upcoming releases, subscribe to the Bayard & Holmes Covert Briefing. You can also contact Bayard & Holmes at their Contact page, on Twitter at @piperbayard, on Facebook at Piper Bayard, or at their email, BayardandHolmes@protonmail.com.

Top Image by Kris from Pixabay

By Kris Maze

In a previous Writers in the Storm blog post, we covered several common filler words to avoid.  This post extends the list of word-culprits, along with searchable lists, to help you self-edit your writing.  Take some time searching for these in your WIP and tighten your writing today.

Here are 7 insights about trimming our writing by eliminating the fluff expressions. Which ways to do you already use? Which will help you write better? Consider looking for these extraneous words when editing your next WIP.

Pro Tip: Use Ctrl + H shortcut to get the Replace box in Microsoft word (PC).  Search for the words you want to avoid and see how many you can remove from your writing.

Leading Words, Just Leading on the Reader?

Leading words are like pesky flies attaching themselves to the beginning of our sentences.  They lead into the real meat of what you have to say. 

These phrases are my common downfall.  I simply love using the word so. So, sometimes, it infiltrates into my prose. It may be part of my Midwestern vernacular that trails into my writing, but in my stories it’s a distraction that should be cut. The exception to this is in dialogue or other characterization, which is considered later.

If your goal is to make your writing lean, avoid these phrases: So, Mostly, Most times, In order to, Often.  These words do not bring enough impact to your story to keep them. Swat those pests and get them away from your work.

Words to Search:

• So
• Mostly
• Most times
• In order to
• often

In, Out, Up, Down, Cut the Calisthenics

Writers like to add these direction words to common verbs like sit, stand, and go.  We can avoid the extra words by taking away In, Out, Down, and Up.

We may want to say the following things, but it is adequate to cut the direction word and use a simplified, more concise action instead.

She sat down on the tufted davenport.

Or:

 She sat on the tufted davenport.

They all stood up and applauded. 

Or:

They all stood and applauded.

Words to Search:

• Up
• Down
• In
• Out

Dialogue Tags

There are plenty of dialogue dos and don’ts when eliminating fluff words. We understand that dialogue is a place for making the characters sound like they actually are (or how we imagine them to be.)  Inside the quotes, we add what we want to make our characters come alive. It adds flavor to our characters and allows the story to be authentic.

But the opposite is true for those dialogue tags found outside the quotes.

When a dialogue includes more than 2 people, it may be necessary to show the reader who’s speaking, but that can also be accomplished through other means.

Eliminate most of the Robert said, or she said moments with one of following methods.

• Add clues to dialogue words about who they are talking to. Read this example and consider trying something that works with your story content. If you know one character was riding by on a bike, but stopped for a chat, have the other person indicate that with something about a bike.

              “Want to go out on a date?”

              “It looks like there’s room for 2 on that cruiser of a bike.”

• Add an action by the person who is speaking right after the statement and include their name as the subject of that sentence. See the difference between the two examples below.

              “I’ll even let you steer.” Robert said. He tapped the handlebars and showed Cecilia his famous gapped front teeth.

              “I’ll even let you steer.” Robert tapped the handlebars and showed Cecilia his famous gapped front teeth.

• Add varying voices and characterizations to the dialogue.  Does one character have a drawl? Speak with a lisp? Have a tendency to gesture and grunt versus the phrasing of a highly educated erudite? Use appropriate dialogue that matches and enhances a reader’s understanding of your characters.  Your readers will enjoy your interesting variety and they will follow the dialogue with ease.

‘Went’ and So the Reader Did

One common word that can be modified is went. At times it is used as a clunky verb construction, at other times it’s an example of tired writing.  Something ready for revision.  Keep your readers engaged by trying these two tricks.

1.  When describing what happened in your story it may be tempting to use went followed by a verb ending in -ing. An easy fix for these constructions is to use the past tense of the second verb.

He went fishing with Karl every Saturday.

Or:

He fished with Karl.

They went on painting the whole fence the worst shade of putrid green I’ve ever seen.

Or:

They painted the fence the worst putrid green I’ve ever seen.

2. We can use more specific words than went when describing actions.  Try switching out the word went for more dynamic words of movement.

They went through the park after dinner.

Or:

They strolled through the park arm and arm after dinner.

Charlie went through the doggy-door.

Or:

Charlie wriggled through the too-small-for-a-Dane doggie door.

When using went, be certain it is the right word. A stronger word can usually take its place.

Words to Search:

• went

False Starts

Many writers fall prey to these filler phrases.  It is common to use start to, begin to, began to, begun to before the main action of a sentence.  Try a search an see how many you could eliminate from your writing.

He began to breathe again.

Or:

He took a breath.

They started to mix the batter and began to have a delightful conversation over the powder sugar scattered across the counter.

Or:

They mixed the batter and shared storied over the powder sugar scattered across the counter.

Overused Emotions & Expressions

If you have trouble with this one, you are in great company.  Most writers struggle to write facial expressions and emotional descriptions in a new way.  Avoid using clichéd writing and find ways to catch the readers attention with these important story elements.

I recommend taking a class from Margie Lawson for insight on how to write fresh.  She also offers webinars and writer-super-power packets of her foundational courses. As Margie says, “Keep the writing fresh.”  And then she teaches you how to create your own fresh writing in actionable ways.

Words to Search:

• breath
• breathe
• inhale
• exhale
• shrug
• nod
• reach
• See
• Saw
• get
• Add your own culprits here

Keep notes when reading your drafts of words you overuse. Search for any words that echo throughout your writing.  We all have our special go-to phrases to cut.  Keep a list of your commonly overused phrases and learn how to rewrite them in fresh ways.

Overused Body Parts

Another way writers overuse words is by inserting body parts. The words can lose their meaning when overly used.  Sometimes it covers up more sophisticated ways to express the action in a scene.  Do a search on these body parts and see which ones stand out the most. How else could you write these?

Here is a past WITS post from Margie about writing fresh body language.  Take a look at her suggestions and see which ones you could use in your novel.

Words to Search:

• Head
• Eye
• Heart
• Hand
• Arm
• Foot

BONUS FLUFF WORDS TO CUT:

• Honestly
• Absolutely
• Totally
• Virtually
• Literally
• Completely
• Definitely
• Certainly

These sneaky words have their place in dialogue and perhaps in characterization.  But unless it is an 80’s teen throwback on a John Hughes scale, there is no need to add these.  They dull the flavor of your writing with weak and incorrect wording. Like totally.

I hope you have fun with your editing.  Find the places where you can turn dull phrases into page-turning writing, and you can soon have readers rushing in to read more.

What fluff elimination tip did you like from this post?  What new ones can you suggest?

About Kris

Kris Maze is an author, writing coach, and teacher. She has worked in education for many years and writes for various publications including Practical Advice for Teachers of Heritage Learners of Spanish and the award-winning blog Writers in the Storm where she is also a host. You can find her horror stories and young adult writing at her website. Keep up with future projects and events by subscribing to her newsletter.

A recovering grammarian and hopeless wanderer, Kris enjoys reading, playing violin and piano, and spending time outdoors.

And occasionally, she knits.