Writers in the Storm

by Laurie Schnebly Campbell

Some people read strictly for information. How to make a catapult or cassoulet. What dinosaurs evolved into. When to get the best deal on a new phone.

They don’t care about emotion in a book. So we don’t care about them, either, by golly.

We care about readers who want to know how these characters feel.

• Readers who might never swear revenge on their mentor’s killer but enjoy knowing what that’d be like.
• Readers who fell in love with their dream man way-back-when and appreciate re-experiencing that thrill.
• Readers who like the tense excitement of meeting dangerous challenges without actually walking dark streets at three in the morning.
• Readers who can’t let themselves cry over a personal sorrow but welcome the relief of letting go when a character suffers deep tragedy.
• Readers who wonder how they’d react to some incredibly dramatic situation even though their daily life doesn’t offer any such thing.

Those are the people we care about. They’re who we want to draw into a story by showing emotion in all its drama, all its dizzying highs and devastating lows, all its fervor, and all its simplicity, complexity and everything in between.

Donald Maas says "Only when a situation has heavy emotional baggage will a reader pick up that baggage and carry it.”

Readers WANT some baggage to carry. That’s one of the reasons they picked up this book.

So for all those readers, the writer needs to make it clear what the character is feeling.

What makes it difficult to show emotion?

That isn’t necessarily a challenge for every writer. But why is it sometimes hard for the rest of us?

Well, there are occasionally times we don’t WANT to feel an emotion if it’s painful. (“Why put myself through that agony?”) Sometimes we don’t want to see what we’re missing if it’s wonderful. (“My heroine gets to enjoy all of this while I can’t?!”) Sometimes there’s an emotion we haven’t personally lived through. (“I have no idea WHAT he’d feel in a situation like that.”) Sometimes we’re faced with a lack of experience. (“I can see it all just fine in my head, but getting it onto a page is tough.”)

And yet, drat it, enough readers seem to want books where emotion comes through clearly that it’s worth pursuing that challenge.

When you think about books that have held YOUR interest over the years, how did they handle emotion?

Was the viewpoint character someone who could be described as relatively detached? Like Sherlock Holmes, or the on-the-spectrum guy from The Rosie Project?

Was it someone who wears their heart on their sleeve? Like the heroine of Bridget Jones’ Diary, or Jamie Fraser in Outlander, or Lou the caregiver in Me Before You?

Was it someone who tried to suppress their emotions until everything comes spilling out, like the narrator in The Book Thief or Eve Dallas in the J.D. Robb series?

We can see characters showing emotions in all kinds of ways.

And yet those ways don’t always come to mind when we’re writing an emotional scene. Which leads to the first step in showing emotion, and that’s recognizing what it IS that this character’s feeling…or trying not to feel.

Identifying an emotion makes it easier to decide how to show it.

You don’t necessarily want to take the first one that comes to mind:

• “Let’s see, somebody shot at her so…she’s scared.”
• “His boss just fired him so…he’s angry.”
• “Her true love just proposed so…she’s happy.”
• “He won the gold medal so…he’s proud.”

There’s nothing WRONG with a character feeling fear, anger, happiness, or pride. But readers will love it when you drill down a bit deeper for exactly what’s going on within this person.

How are they feeling?

Some possibilities might be:

• Abandoned, Accepting, Admiring
• Adoring, Aggressive, Agitated
• Alert, Amazed, Amused
• Angry, Anguished, Annoyed
• Anticipating, Anxious, Apathetic
• Appalled, Appreciative, Apprehensive
• Aroused, Ashamed, Astonished
• Attentive, Awed, Betrayed
• Bewildered, Blissful, Bitter
• Bold, Bored, Brave
• Bullied, Busy, Certain
• Challenged, Concerned, Confident
• Conflicted, Confused, Contemptuous
• Contented, Courageous, Creative
• Critical, Curious, Cynical
• Daring, Defensive, Delighted
• Depressed, Desiring, Disappointed
• Disapproving, Disbelieving, Disenchanted
• Disgusted, Disillusioned, Dismayed
• Dismissive, Disrespected, Disrespectful
• Distant, Distracted, Distressed
• Eager, Ecstatic, Elated
• Embarrassed, Empathetic, Empty
• Enraged, Envious, Euphoric
• Excited, Excluded, Exposed
• Fatigued, Fearful, Fearless
• Flustered, Forlorn, Fragile
• Free, Frightened, Frustrated
• Glad, Gloomy, Glum
• Grateful, Grieving, Grouchy
• Grumpy, Guilty, Happy
• Hateful, Helpless, Hesitant
• Homesick, Hopeful, Horrified
• Hostile, Humble, Humiliated
• Hurt, Impatient, Inadequate
• Indecisive, Indifferent, Indignant
• Inferior, Infuriated, Insecure
• Insignificant, Inspired, Intimate
• Isolated, Jealous, Joyful
• Jubilant, Judgmental, Lonely
• Longing, Lost, Loving
• Mad, Merry, Miserable
• Misunderstood, Moody, Nervous
• Numb, Optimistic, Overjoyed
• Overwhelmed, Panicked, Passionate
• Peaceful, Peeved, Pensive
• Persecuted, Playful, Pleased
• Possessive, Powerful, Powerless
• Pressured, Proud, Provoked
• Raging, Regretful, Rejected
• Relieved, Reluctant, Remorseful
• Repelled, Resentful, Resigned
• Respected, Respectful, Revolted
• Ridiculous, Rushed, Sad
• Satisfied, Scared, Scornful
• Secretive, Selfish, Self-loathing
• Self-pitying, Sensitive, Serene
• Shocked, Shy, Skeptical
• Smug, Sorrowful, Sorry
• Sour, Startled, Stressed
• Strong, Stubborn, Submissive
• Surprised, Suspicious, Sweet
• Tender, Terrified, Thankful
• Thoughtful, Thwarted, Timid
• Tired, Triumphant, Trusting
• Unsupported, Unworthy, Upbeat
• Valued, Victimized, Vigilant
• Vivacious, Vulnerable, Weak
• Weary, Wishy-washy, Withdrawn
• Worried, Worthless, Worthwhile

There are quite a few techniques for making every single one of those feelings come through clearly on the page, which next month’s Showing Emotion class will cover in more detail. And if more than two dozen people leave responses below, one of ‘em will win free registration TO that class!

Here’s the question to respond to:

What scene from any book, your own or someone else’s, sticks in your mind as an example of showing an emotion from the list above?

I love hearing about (and from) writers who do it well! And I’ll announce the winner, if there is one, on Saturday morning. While feeling, let’s see, jubilant. No, excited. No, optimistic. Hmm…

About Laurie

Laurie Schnebly Campbell was honored when a friend observed, “For somebody who tends to be pretty low-key about expressing emotion, you had me crying AND laughing harder than I expected while reading your book.” She’ll present techniques for doing that (and more) from May 10-21 in Showing Emotion, an all-email class at WriterUniv.com.

by Barbara Linn Probst

I worry, sometimes, that we’ve gotten in the habit of thinking of telling as the bad twin and showing as the good one—as if there are only two options and, of those, only one that the skillful writer would choose.

It’s more complex, however. And we have more options. Let’s take a fictitious story-moment and look at...

10 different ways to get a point across

Here’s the scenario:  Evelyn, our imaginary POV character, has just been blindsided and let-down by her friend Kerry. At the last minute, Kerry has reneged on a promise to meet Evelyn for lunch during her layover in Dallas, something that Evelyn was looking forward to. Although it’s hardly a life-or-death matter, Evelyn is angry and hurt. It isn’t the first—or second—time that Kerry has done something like this; Kerry’s casual sorry in response to her just confirming makes Evelyn feel devalued and dismissed, yet she keeps believing Kerry will keep her word because they’ve known each other since adolescence and, she thought, have a deep connection.

The scene takes place at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport. Evelyn has phoned Kerry, who’s just delivered the bad news. Your goal, as the writer, is to make the reader see, believe, and empathize with Evelyn’s response.

You can sabotage that goal by doing too much—if Evelyn’s reaction feels over-the-top for the situation or is conveyed through a chain of repetitious clichés. You can also undermine your goal by doing too little—if you gloss over the moment and miss the chance to bring Evelyn’s feelings to life before moving on to the next story beat.

Viewing the moment in the context of the entire manuscript, you can also undermine your goal by doing the same thing in every scene, predictably, and to the exclusion of other techniques.

A useful approach—for self-diagnosis and, if needed, for varying your repertoire—is to consider the different ways you can convey a POV character’s response.

Direct telling.

            Evelyn was livid.

            Short and sweet, this can be all you need, or can serve as a lead-in to an action or conversation.

Anthropomorphized or passive-voice telling, through a metaphor or simile

            Anger snatched her up with a swipe of its claw, the way her cat snatched at an unsuspecting mouse.

            Anger surged through her.

            Here, the emotion, not Evelyn, is the subject of the sentence. Used strategically, this can be very effective because it draws the reader right inside the emotion itself.

Interior reflection (talking to self about what just happened, more mental)

            This was exactly the sort of thing that Kerry always did. Why did she always fall for it? She never seemed to learn.

This is the voice of the POV character, talking to herself as if she were another person. This kind of interiority has gotten a bad reputation lately (“in her head”), but there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with it. It will misfire, however, if it goes on too long, is employed too frequently, or is used as an all-too-obvious ploy to convey information that the author wants the reader to know, especially if it refers to backstory. 

Put yourself in Evelyn’s shoes. In the middle of an intense emotional reaction, would you really tell yourself a detailed story about something you already know?  Of course not!

However, if that anecdote has already appeared in the book, then a quick reference to it, in the present scene, can be very effective. In the example above, Evelyn is remembering a pattern. Words like “always fall for it” and “never seemed to learn” will evoke that pattern in the reader too.

Used judiciously, this can also be a place for the POV character to worry about something that might happen in the future.

            This was exactly the sort of thing that Kerry always did. What if she pulled that disappearing stunt again at the meeting with Lionel, when she really needed Kerry to come through for her?

Interior reaction (describing how it feels, more emotional)

            Damn it. That woman made her blood boil. She wanted to reach through the cell phone and grab Kerry by her shoulders, right in the middle of her oh-so-airy shrug, and scream into her smug little face.

This kind of blow-by-blow emotional accompaniment to the narrative is associated with what’s called “close third-person POV.” Explicit rather than evocative, overt rather than subtle, it’s meant to pull the reader deep inside the experience. For me, a little goes a long way. Used endlessly, it feels like I’m being bombarded and told what to feel. It’s most effective, in my view, when saved for climactic moments and interspersed with techniques that give the reader more space. 

Visceral response (sensation)

            Evelyn felt her stomach twist.

            The fist in her stomach twisted another forty-five degrees.

Instead of being named or described, the reaction is evoked through a bodily sensation that readers can recognize. The reader will make the connection; the author doesn’t have to tell her to.

In the first example, Evelyn is the subject of the sentence. In the second, the fist itself is the subject. As with other techniques, the challenge is to use visceral examples that are universal enough to be recognizable, but not trite.

Dialogue, using an evocative verb instead of “said”

            “Actually, it’s not okay,” Evelyn snapped.

The verb “snapped” is economical, conveying a tone of voice and the emotion behind it in a single word. Although used freely in the past, adverbs are now frowned on, so strong verbs can be a good alternative—again, if used strategically.

Dialogue, using a tag that describes how she delivers her comment

            “Actually,” Evelyn said, her voice cold, “it’s not okay.”

            “Actually,” Evelyn said. She dropped the words like chips of ice. “Actually, it’s not okay.”

Here, the generic “said” is accompanied by an extra phrase that tells the reader how the comment is being uttered. It’s another way of doing what adverbs used to do.

Evocative gesture, with or without a comment

            Evelyn sucked in her breath. “Actually,” she said, “it’s not okay.”

            Evelyn lifted a strand of hair from her cheek and placed it carefully behind her ear.

The first example describes what else Evelyn is doing before or as she speaks. Unlike the example above, it doesn’t tell the reader how she is speaking. Rather, it adds to the overall impression by bringing in another sense, beyond the auditory.

In the second example, nothing is said. Instead, gesture is used to show how Evelyn is feeling. Presumably, by this point in the story the reader will know what “adjusting a strand of hair” means for her, especially if it’s a characteristic gesture—if it’s her way of buying time, feeling in control by putting things in their proper places, self-soothing, and so on.

Movement—an external action to convey her internal state

            Evelyn crossed the boarding area in three quick strides and banged her hand against the wall.

This strategy differs from the use of gesture because it puts the POV into interaction with her environment. As a result, something (or someone) outside of herself may be affected, and additional events may be set in motion.

“Pulling away” for an external description, through the lens of the narrator

            The airport corridor was filled with people hurrying to and from the gates, dragging suitcases or holding cups of coffee aloft. Evelyn stopped, the phone still pressed to her cheek, as people stepped around her in surges of color and movement. She was the only person not moving, the only one with nowhere to go.

We’ve pulled back, away from Evelyn’s close POV, and can see her in the airport after Kerry has delivered the unexpected news.  We’re not inside her thoughts or emotions, yet we can “see” very clearly how she feels.

Ten ways to convey the same story moment.

Telling, showing, and everything in-between. Used with intention, all these options are good. The same caution can be applied to all, of course:  Beware of overuse.

A useful exercise is to go through a few chapters of your WIP to see when, and how often, you’ve used each technique, since we all have habits and preferences. There may even be some that you never use!  If you’re working on a laptop, you can highlight instances of each technique in a different color font; on paper, you can circle them with a different colored pen.

If you suspect that you need variety, think about which approach might be most effective at a particular moment.

5 questions to ask yourself:

1. Is this a moment for economy or for lingering? Will economy short-change the reader’s experience? Will lingering interrupt the flow of the story?

2. Is this a moment when we want to see the character and her reaction in a larger context—how it’s part of the chain of her life, or how it’s embedded in a particular time and place?

3. Is this an important turning point in her emotional journey?  If so, it might call for some interior reflection.

4. Is this a shock or a moment of high intensity? If so, how can you pull the reader into the character’s sensations and body, as well as her emotions?

5. Does the reader need some space, a chance to have her own response, after several intense and immersive scenes?

Over to you, now:

As a writer, do you tend to use one or more of the techniques listed? As a reader, is there a style you especially like? Are any of the techniques new ideas for you, that you might want to try? Please share with us in the comments!

About Barbara

BARBARA LINN PROBST is a writer of both fiction and non-fiction, living on a historic dirt road in New York’s Hudson Valley. Her debut novel QUEEN OF THE OWLS (April 2020) is the powerful story of a woman’s search for wholeness, framed around the art and life of iconic American painter Georgia O’Keeffe. QUEEN OF THE OWLS was selected as one of the twenty most anticipated books of the year by Working Mother, a debut novel “too good to ignore” by Bustle, was featured in places like Pop Sugar, Entertainment Weekly, Parade Magazine, and Ms. Magazine. It also won the bronze medal for popular fiction from the Independent Publishers Association, placed first runner-up in general fiction for the Eric Hoffer Award, and was short-listed for the $2500 Grand Prize. Barbara’s second book, THE SOUND BETWEEN THE NOTES, launched April 2021.

by Becca Puglisi

I’m so happy to be back at Writers in the Storm today talking about writerly goodness with all of you. I get to do this a couple of times each year, thanks to this crew’s generosity. And it all started with me reaching out and begging requesting a guest posting opportunity.

Guest posting can be a great idea for a number of reasons. First, you’re helping a fellow blogger by providing valuable content that they don’t have to write themselves. Most bloggers are crazy busy, so having someone write a relevant, quality post for them is usually a godsend. At the same time, you’re providing that valuable content to potential followers who aren’t part of your regular audience—people who just might traipse on over to your blog and find out more about you and your books.

Best of all, guest posting is one of the quickest, most reliable ways of building up a strong author following.

Angela and I love to host quality guest posters at our blog, but the process of finding those people can be frustrating. We have to turn away many more potential posters than we accept—usually for superficial reasons that could easily be avoided.

So if you’re a writer who’s interested in guest posting (or podcasting, being interviewed on a radio show, etc.), read on through today’s therapy session as I work through my angst about common pitfalls in this area.

Tips to maximize your chances for success

When You’re Requesting to Guest Post

Follow the Blogger’s Preferred Procedures for Guest Posting

Bloggers have different ways of signing people up to post at their site. And if the blog you’re interested in is sizable, chances are, you’re not the first person to ask about writing for them. To simplify their lives, bloggers will typically create guidelines that provide the important details so they don’t have to answer the same questions over and over.

A cursory search of the blog’s menu bar will usually show you those guidelines. If you can’t find them, try the search bar. If you’re still unable to unearth them, send a quick message to the blog owner letting them know that you’re interested in providing a guest post but you were unable to find their guidelines, and asking them to point you in the right direction. This tells the owner that you’re willing to follow any parameters they have for submitting a post.

Believe me: they’ll be happy to hear that you’ve made an attempt in this area.

Offer Content That Hasn’t Been Done to Death

While posting at someone else’s blog can absolutely benefit the writer, it only works because if it also benefits the host. And it only benefits the host when your post offers new or fresh material for their readers.

So before you pitch an idea, look at what’s already been posted there. Most blogs have a Category function that groups content according to its kind. Look up the categories that fit your idea, and read those posts. (You can also use the search bar if you can’t find a breakdown of categories.) If there are already a few posts covering your topic, or one was just posted a few weeks prior, that blog may not be the best fit for your idea.

Becca’s Pet Peeve: Refrain from asking the host which topics they’d like you to write about.

This sounds like a thoughtful thing to do, but it actually creates more work for the blogger as they have to look back and see what hasn’t been covered—essentially doing what you, the potential poster, could do on your own. Remember: one of your goals in obtaining a guest post should be to make things easier for your host. So do your own homework, and you’ll likely get a better reception.

Offer More than One Topic

If you have multiple post ideas (and you’ve checked to be sure they haven’t been covered too much at the blog), give the host a choice. Our blog has been around in one form or another since 2008. That’s a lot of blog posts and finding new topics that we haven’t just pummeled into the ground can be a challenge. I LOVE when a guest poster provides options because it increases the likelihood that at least one of them will be a viable possibility.

Proofread Your Request before Submitting It

This should go without saying, but…it needs to be said. Your guest post request is kind of like the query letter for your book: it’s the host’s introduction to you and your work. If your submission is wordy, rambling, filled with mistakes, doesn’t provide the requested information, or otherwise needs more work, the host will know that your post is going to be more of the same. So read your request over carefully before sending it.

Becca’s Pet Peeve: Include your contact information. And make sure that email address doesn’t have typos. /facepalm

When You’re Writing the Guest Post

Follow the Host’s Guidelines

By the time you’re given the green light for your idea, you’ve likely been provided with all the info you need to write it. The person you corresponded with (or maybe the guidelines themselves) will have told you the target word count, how much promotion is allowed, what kind of rating is preferred in terms of language, and other blog-specific dos and don’ts. If you have questions, just ask.

Pro tip: bloggers want you to have the information you need before you provide the post because it cuts down on the work that has to be done once the post comes in.

Take It Easy with the Promo

Whether you’re reading a blog post, participating in a Facebook group, or engaging with someone on Twitter, one thing remains true about self-promotion: too much is a turn-off. This is especially true in a blog post, because the purpose is supposed to be to provide practical information to the reader. If every other paragraph contains a plug for the author’s book, product, or service, it starts to get old.

This became such a problem for Angela and me that we decided to reserve promotion for the poster’s bio. This doesn’t have to be your rule; many bloggers offer more latitude in this area. But the principle remains: too much promotion defeats your purpose of helping the host and their audience. So keep it to a minimum.

Proofread, Proofread, Proofread

There comes a point when the effort to edit a guest post just isn’t worth the host’s time. Like your manuscript when you start sending it out, your efforts are much more likely to be rewarded if your post is clean, practical, and concise.

After the Post is Published

Respond to Comments

DO NOT skip this one. It’s one of the best ways to gain new followers. Continue the conversation. Make real connections. Provide more help by answering commenters’ questions or pointing them toward people and resources that can. Even a simple Thanks so much for reading, or I’m so glad the post was useful can make a lasting impression.

Promote the Post on Social Media

Again, the guest posting opportunity is all about quid pro quo. A great way to help out your host is to share your post on your own channels, encouraging your followers to head over and check it out. Sure, they’re going to be reading your post, but they’re also visiting the host’s blog. It would be great for the blogger who gave you this opportunity to pick up a few followers they didn’t have before.

Now, maybe you don’t see this as a good thing. Maybe you’re concerned that turning your readers on to other blogs will pull them away from yours. In all honestly, this is not something to worry about. But as a writer, how many bloggers do you follow? Don’t you have different go-to people, depending on what information or specific experience you’re looking for?

Writers benefit from helping other writers. They just do. So get out there and share the love.

And get moving on those guest post requests! Everyone has something to say, knowledge to share from their own unique perspective. Put these tips to use, expand your audience, and help out a fellow writer at the same time.

Have you considered using the audience-sharing power of guest posting to build your brand? If you've done so, what was your experience?

Note: The link to Becca and Angela's guidelines is above, but please alert us in the comments if you would like the guidelines for posting here at WITS (after you've commented on Becca's stellar post, of course)!

About Becca

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and other resources for writers. Her books have sold over 500,000 copies and are available in multiple languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.