Writers in the Storm

by Jenny Hansen

Do you have critique partners? Editors? Beta readers? Family and friends who look over your Work in Progress?

I’m betting you trade writing pages with someone and, for those of you who don’t know how to use Track Changes, you buy a lot of paper. And ink cartridges. And red pens (or whatever friendlier color you use to write in the margin and remind your critique partner to use an active verb).

Even if you do use Track Changes, are you doing so efficiently? It is one of the most useful word processing features for writers. Best of all, even though this post focuses on Word, Google Docs has a Track Changes feature as well.

Quick Primer for Track Changes

Turning It On

 Microsoft Word’s Track Changes feature can be activated a few ways:

• Older versions of Word: Go to the Tools menu and choose Track Changes
• Any version of Word: Hit Ctrl+Shift+E (sub in the Cmd button if you're on a Mac and remember, you don’t type in the plus sign for keyboard shortcuts)
• Newer versions of Word: the Review Ribbon is where you'll find the Track Changes feature.
• Double click on Track Changes in the status bar at the bottom of your Word window. (Pre-Word 2007, it said TRK.)

Note: Your status bar is the area that starts with “Page 1.” If you right-click on the status bar, you can turn on any number of things, including Track Changes. If you do this, glancing down at the status bar is the easiest way to tell if Track Changes is on.

What does Track Changes do?

While Track Changes is on, everything you do to a document is being recorded. Every space, every deletion, every bit of formatting. Everything.

The Reviewing toolbar has a great button that allows you to choose things like Original, Simple Markup (showing below), All Markup, No Markup. This button is invaluable if you want to print out the manuscript without all the changes showing.

If you have personalized your User Information in Word's Options (located at the bottom of the File menu) your name will appear next to the changes you make. If your critique partner decides to print up the document with the changes he or she will be able to tell your manuscript changes about transitions from that of your other critique partner who might be wild about head-hopping and adverbs.

Below is what this markup looks like so you can see the line in the left margin that shouts, "Yo! Change here." and the type of change made in the right margin.

How Track Changes Saves Time

My favorite part about the Track Changes feature is that the person receiving the critique can activate it on his or her own computer and choose to Accept or Reject Changes.

You can do this several ways:

• Right click on each change and Accept or Reject it.
• Click on the menu bar to Accept. Word will move to the next change, and then the next, and so forth.
• If you really trust your editor or critique partner, you can accept all changes and be done with it.

Remember: every change offered by a critique partner, editor or beta reader does not have to be accepted, as you know. At the end of the day, this is your book.

Other suggestions

Visit your Review ribbon and play with it. Seriously, you want to be super familiar with it before you're in a time crunch. Pass your mouse across all the buttons so that the tool tip will tell you what each button means. If you have more questions about the content in this blog, go to Microsoft Word's Help and find out more.

Get friendly with the Comments feature. It is located on the Insert ribbon, to the right side of the middle. Comments allow you to offer an opinion, that will show up in the right margin with the other Track Changes markup. It can be easily referenced and then deleted.

Note: In a former life, I was a software trainer, so you are welcome to ask me anything about this feature. The post was born the other day when I heard an experienced writer ask how to print a document without showing the comments.

Do you use Track Changes? What do you like or dislike about it? Are there features that you struggle with? Let's chat about it down in the comments!

About Jenny

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 18 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Facebook at JennyHansenAuthor or at Writers In The Storm.

I’m currently teaching my First Five Pages class at Lawson Writer’s Academy. I love helping writers strengthen their all-important openings. Joe Zarek is one of my students, and has agreed to allow me to share his ‘before and after’ first page. Kudos to him for working so hard and being willing to share his work to help others!

Here is the before:

“There shall be violence, bloodshed, and death.” The Marshal of the Field’s voice cut through the air, sharp and savage. He scanned the crowd made up of the Queen’s Royal Household, modern-day groundlings and a few goth-girls-in-waiting.

     Cheers rang forth from the packed crowds on either side of the jousting field.

     Boone smiled—Ah, mid-day May clear blue skies. Cheering crowds thirsting for blood. What’s not to love?

     A nasty sinking feeling stirred in the pit of my stomach.

     Whoa. That’s weird. Boone thought.

     I pat Henri on his firm neck and shoulders, and my eyes fall upon his head and ears.

     Henri’s standing fine, but the cock of his ears, and tilt of his head screams something’s off. But what? My eyes bounce from one side of the stands to the other. But, nothing’s out of the ordinary. Ah, it’s a horse thing. Henri’s new to jousting, and Flynn’s horse is older.

     “Come on, Henri, we got this.” I pat and rub his shoulders a little firmer.

     The Marshal signals us to come forward.

     Flynn and I ride towards one another, striking the tips of our lances together.

     “Sir Flynn, I love you, brother, but today I win the Queen’s favor,” I said, a slow grin quirked across my mouth.

     “Yes, yes, Sir Boone. You’ve said so many times before when you turn twenty-two, you shall best me.” Flynn said, a hint of mockery edging his mouth.

     “You know what else I say, Sir Flynn.” A smirk splashed across my face.

     “What’s that, Sir Boone?”

      “More jousting and less talkie-talkie,” I said, pinch-flapping my fingers.

     I lower my visor.

     “Good one,” Flynn replies, dropping his visor and bobbing his head up at me.

     We part, ride to the ends of the tiltyard, signal each other, raise our lances, and gallop towards one another.

     The massive adrenaline rush galloping, horse hooves pounding vibrate up my spine.

     We lower our lances at each other’s shield. 

     Our eyes lock.

     A smile explodes from the corners of my mouth.

     This time Flynn your mine.

     Our lances pass one another, and my eyes focus on the prize—Flynn’s shield.

     Nowhere to go now, Flynn.

     “Bwaaat”

     No, wait. What…? Was that an air horn?

     Flynn’s mount throws him.

     Blink.

     Flynn’s blazing baby blue eyes and mine both pop wide.

---

My thoughts: Great tense scene, and well done on the first paragraph; it's not easy to set the scene as contemporary while describing a joust.

I got where Joe was going with this, but there are awkward sentences, tons of dialog tags, and name repetition. Paragraph breaks convey speed and tension, but when there are more than necessary, it makes the read choppy.

It took about four pass through edits, but here is his final version:

---

St. Louis Renaissance Festival, Wentzville, MO 2020

          My horse shifts beneath me, restless. I scan the crowd made up of the Queen's Royal Household, modern-day groundlings, spectators, and a few goth-girls-in-waiting.

          All fell silent as the Marshall of the Field sauntered to the middle of the jousting arena. "There shall be violence, bloodshed, and death." His voice cut through the air, sharp and savage.

         From the packed stands, cheers ring out.

          Ah, mid-day May clear blue skies and cheering crowds thirsting for blood. What’s not to love?

          A nasty sinking feeling stirred in the pit of my stomach. I glance down at my mount. He’s standing fine, but the cock of his ears and tilt of his head screams something’s off. I scan the field, but nothing’s out of the ordinary. “Come on, Henri, we got this.” I pat his neck, not sure which of us I’m trying to convince.

          The Marshal raises, then drops his hand.

          Flynn and I ride forward, striking the tips of our lances together.

          “Sir Flynn, I love you, brother, but today I win the Queen’s favor,” my ginormous grin spreads.

          “Yes. You’ve declared that when you turn twenty-two, you shall best me. Such donkey prattle is ever amusing, Sir Boone.” His crinkling eyes mock.

          “You know what else I say.”

          “What’s that?”

          “More jousting and less talkie-talkie,” I say, pinch-flapping my fingers.

       "Good one" He deadpans.

          I lower my visor. We spin and canter to the ends of the tiltyard, then turn, raise our lances, and gallop towards one another.

          The crowd roars, and the massive adrenaline rush of pounding hooves vibrate up my spine.

          We lower our lances and raise our shields. 

          Our eyes lock.

          This time, you’re mine.

          Our lances pass close, and I stay focused on the prize—Flynn’s shield.

          “BWAAAT.” An air horn spooks Flynn’s mount. It rears, and Flynn’s blazing blue eyes pop wide.

---

See how the scene didn't change at all, but the hundred micro-edits made this scene sparkle? Every single line of your beginning is that important. Spend the time until you are happy with the word choice, cadence, clarity and emotion of every sentence.

It'll be worth it, I promise.

Do you struggle with a story's beginning? Share your questions (and your how-to lessons) down in the comments!

About Laura

Laura Drake was one of the founding bloggers here at WITS, and she has a new website! Check it out, and sign up for her newsletter.

Laura is re-releasing her small-town series, Widow's Grove, set in the Central California wine country. Her Road Home released January 7, and The Reasons to Stay releases on Valentine's Day! Check them out!

by Lisa Hall-Wilson

After launching my Deep Point of View Frequently Asked Questions series here on Writers in the Storm, I’m working my way through those questions. Today’s question is: I struggle with the mindset, how to get there and know when you’re there.

The goal of deep point of view is for the reader to feel immersed in the story, to that end, deep point of view (DPOV), works best when you eliminate the feeling of being told a story.

We don’t narrate our own thoughts or actions do we? We’re alone in our own heads. That’s the shift I call the mindset. We need to shift how we capture story. It’s the deep pov drip – like readers are on a direct drip line to what the character is thinking, feeling, deciding, learning, etc. If you can get that right, then telling often ceases to be a problem.

Are You Telling A Story Or Letting Your Character Live Out The Story?

When you, the writer, begin telling a story, the reader doesn’t feel like they’re IN the story any longer. This style is not wrong, but it adds distance and in DPOV the goal is to remove as much distance as possible between the reader and the POVC.

Quite a lot of telling in deep point of view is more properly called author intrusion – places where the author has inserted themselves in the story solely to give the reader information. It’s anywhere that feels as though the writer is now walking alongside the POVC, shushed them and turned to the reader to give them extra info, and then nods to the POVC – I’m done. Carry on.

There's Bob, Cindy's fourth boyfriend this year, but what's he done to his hair?

Can you picture it? The POVC walks into a room and sees Bob. Thinks – there’s Bob. The character knows who Bob is so wouldn’t need to explain to themselves who Bob is or give Bob context, but the writer needs to make sure the reader knows. The writer leans into the story, shushes the POVC and turns to the reader – he’s Cindy’s fourth boyfriend this year. The writer nods to the POVC – they’re clear to continue.

But there are ways to give the reader the necessary info without the writer inserting themselves into the story:

There's Bob, was he Cindy's third or fourth boyfriend this year... What's he done to his hair?

Red Flag Words That Tattle On Storytelling

Sentence construction using "when" or "and then" or "when this" and "then that" often tattles on storytelling. Instead, shift the mindset so that the character is living the story. Does that mean you should never use those words? Of course not, but they are red flags.

I was three days into my one-week vacation when the phone rang.

I walked down the street and then a dog bit my leg.

I hugged myself to keep all the emotions inside when this was the last thing I should've done.

This construction feels like storytelling. Alone in your head with your thoughts, this isn’t how you talk to yourself is it? Would you narrate your day like this to yourself?

Can you see the shift that I’m talking about? There’s no immediacy and there’s a ton of distance. The reader isn’t IN the story, but they’re being told a story. Not wrong, but not deep point of view.

This is written in real time as the character performs these actions: She didn't remember driving home or climbing into bed and falling asleep.

In this context, this is author intrusion because if the character doesn’t remember doing it, how can they tell the reader they’re doing it?

Thinking verbs are a red flag for telling. Would you talk to yourself in this phrasing as you’re performing these actions? Probably not. Rather, it feels like storytelling.

Here’s some ideas on how to fix that in the same context.

She wrestled her way out of the car, keys jangling with each stumble, begged the lock to turn, and fell into bed. (no internal dialogue, no introspection, little emotion)

She woke up and looked around. Where was she? She shut her eyes to shut out the morning sun and pressed the heel of her palm to her throbbing temple. She swallowed. Her teeth felt furry. Right... The bar. The drinking. So much drinking. But how did she get home?

Do you see the mindset shift? The telling is removed by capturing the story as the character lives it.

Provide Evidence For Emotions

Another place where the shift in mindset is important is when the writer draws a conclusion for the reader about their emotions.

Version 1:

She loved that his voice changed when he recognized her voice on the phone.

Version 2:

“Hello.”

“Hey, it’s me.” She rocked back on her heels and bit her lip. Would he know who it was?

“Shannon?”

A grin split her face and she clamped a hand over her mouth to squelch the giggle. He remembered her name! She forced her voice to remain even. “Yeah. I had fun at the dance last night so …” Deep breath. “I asked Justin for your number. Hope that’s OK?”

“I just texted Justin for your number.” He laughed. His tone warmed, got deeper and softer. “I wanted to see if you were busy tonight? If maybe, you wanted to do something?”

Is Version 1 wrong? No, of course not, but it’s not in deep point of view.

The gap between the information the reader has and the conclusion the character reaches disappears by shifting your mindset. That gap is usually bridged with telling without the mindset shift. Put the reader IN the scene as it’s happening and make sure the reader has all the information the character does when they make that decision/conclusion.  

Love is subjective and, in this case, means more than the version 1 sentence would imply it does. Secondly, we don’t narrate our own thoughts very often and very few people are able to label an emotion as they’re being swamped by it.

Let the reader draw their own conclusions, your job is to present enough evidence for them to draw the conclusion you want them to.

What do you think? In the examples above, do the deep point of view versions make you feel more like you’re IN the story?

Lisa’s 5 Day Deep Point Of View Challenge is launching again on February 10^th!! Make sure you join in on the fun and bring a friend!

About Lisa

Lisa Hall-Wilson is a national award-winning freelance journalist and author who loves mentoring writers. Fascinated by history, fantasy, romance, and faith, Lisa blends those passions into historical and historical-fantasy novels. Find Lisa’s blog, Beyond Basics for intermediate writers,  at www.lisahallwilson.com.