Staying Sane in the Wild, Wonderful World of Writing
by Sarah "Sally" Hamer
Ah, writing. That glorious pursuit of creativity, passion, and—let's be real—occasional existential despair. We writers open that proverbial vein and drip blood on the page, dress our “babies” in pretty words, and present them for the world to see.
Then comes the criticism and the rejection and the telling us that “our babies are ugly and we dress them funny.” Unbelievable! How can they not think it’s the greatest thing they’ve ever read? How can they not just send us a million dollar check and set up a publicity tour? What’s wrong with them?
Or…
We find out that the editor who actually is thinking about taking us on and has told us how good we are, has quit the business and become a forest ranger. (This actually happened to someone I know. She was worried that the former editor was using her manuscript as a fire starter.) Or, we get the query letter envelope back in the mail with a note scrawled across it: “Wish I liked it but I don’t.” (Also a true story!)
Then comes the sulking. And the crying into our pillow. And even the “I’m never writing again!” statement.
Unfortunately, these things happen. Even non-writing strangers have a say-so and can give you a one-star rating because the book didn’t get there for her mother’s birthday. But it’s okay. Because you’re not writing for her mother anyhow.
So, how do we feel better about this crazy, soul-sucking business?
Here’s a short list:
1. Don’t take it personally
Just because someone doesn’t like your work, it doesn’t mean that everyone won’t like your work. Really, if everyone only liked one kind of book, there’d only be one book. You may have to work a little to find that perfect match between your style and someone who likes that style, but I guarantee someone out there will. Don’t let criticism wear you down.
2. Remember why you write.
If it’s just for the money, then you may need to grow a thicker skin. But if it’s because you can’t NOT write, because writing is in your soul and you can’t imagine not writing, then what others think is not important. Yes, you may not ever sell a book. That happens. But, if you write because you love it, it will bring you pleasure.
Writing is a roller coaster. Period. Some days you’re going to love every minute, no matter what the chaos, and some days are soul-sucking. The sooner you accept that, the better. Embrace the highs, survive the lows, and remind yourself that even bestsellers were first drafts at some point.
3. Perfection is a Myth (and the Enemy)
Editing is essential, but perfectionism? A creativity killer. Some of the greatest stories were written by people who dared to put words on the page, even when they felt imperfect. Be kind to yourself—your first draft is just that: the first. No one’s expecting a masterpiece straight away (except maybe your inner critic, who really needs a vacation).
4. Find Your People
Writing can be lonely, but it doesn't have to be! Connect with other writers, whether online or in person. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community can help you weather rejection, celebrate wins, and share in the collective struggle of "why is writing so hard today?" Because we all have them.
5. Take Breaks—Seriously
Nothing fuels burnout faster than staring at a blank page. Get up out of the chair. Take a walk. Call someone you trust. Sometimes, I take a shower and pretend it’s a warm waterfall to help wash the critical thoughts away. Give your brain space to breathe, and watch your creativity flow again. NOTE: This is not an excuse to procrastinate. Set a time limit and get back to writing. Because it is what we love.
6. Rejection is Part of the Deal
Rejection. Why does it hurt so badly? Even the greats were told "no" at some point. But it helps us to grow into better writers. We learn from rejection, even if it’s only to be okay with ourselves. So, when rejection comes, allow yourself a moment of frustration, then remind yourself: it’s not personal, it’s just the process. Keep going.
7. Remember Why You Started
At the end of the day, writing isn’t just about publication, deadlines, or impressing the internet—it’s about the joy of storytelling. The magic of words. The thrill of creating something that never existed before. Hold onto that magic, and you’ll stay sane amid the chaos.
Writing may be wild, unpredictable, and occasionally maddening, but it's also one of the most rewarding journeys. So, laugh at the messy drafts, be kind to yourself on tough days, and keep going—because the world needs your words.
Learning Opportunity!
Join Sally, Margie Lawson, Lisa Norman, Jenny Hansen, four other amazing writers, and a panel of agents for an online symposium, Staying Sane in the Publishing World, on June 21st and 22nd. Email sally (at) mindpotential (dot) org for more information.
Now, tell me—what kind of writing adventure are you currently on? Can you think of another way to stay sane? Please share it with us in the comments section!
* * * * * *
About Sarah (Sally)
Sarah (Sally) Hamer, B.S., MLA, is a lover of books, a teacher of writers, and a believer in a good story. Most of all, she is eternally fascinated by people and how they 'tick'. She’s passionate about helping people tell their own stories and has won awards at both local and national levels, including two Golden Heart finals.
A teacher of memoir, beginning and advanced creative fiction writing, and screenwriting at Louisiana State University in Shreveport for over twenty years, she also teaches online for Margie Lawson at www.margielawson.com and for the No Stress Writing Academy at https://www.worldanvil.com/w/classes-deleyna/a/no-stress-writing-academy. Sally is a free-lance editor and book coach, with many of her students and clients becoming successful, award-winning authors.
You can find her at in**@***********al.org
Top photo purchased from Depositphotos.
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36 comments on “Staying Sane in the Wild, Wonderful World of Writing”
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Loved your post. It is hard to stay sane but you have to take the bad if you want the good, right?
Anna, of course, you're right. And, I don't necessarily believe that even what seems to be bad in the moment is necessarily bad in the long run. Perspective is everything!
Thank you!
I think I’ve found my writing soulmate on Substack!
It’s hard to explain otherwise. It may not be for everyone, but just thinking about playing the traditional publishing game wears me out—even though it was once my dream.
Strangely (or maybe not), once I let go of the idea of being paid in dollars, I could finally breathe—and enjoy writing again.
And here’s the beautiful twist: I am getting paid—through thoughtful attention, meaningful connection, and genuine community. It doesn’t pay the bills, but it feeds my heart. And that’s why I write.
Note: This isn’t meant as a Substack promotion, but a gentle nudge to follow your heart—whatever form that takes.
Sally, your seven points speak to that truth so well. Thank you.
Wonderful news! I'm so glad you're following your path so beautifully, Jennifer. I'll quote my favorite movie, Galaxy Quest: "Never give up! Never surrender!" And add my own, "Follow your dream and keep writing!"
Good for you!
A vastly underrated movie - love it!
I do too. Amazing!
I'm so glad you are finding your people AND the validation your soul needed. That's lovely.
Being self published, half the anxiety (anything related to agents and publishers) does not exist for me. I write nonfiction (philosophy and political essays and 3 books, many book reviews) and in the last 5 years (my latest hobby), 4 comedic novels...
Since I am not under any contract I do not pressure myself to write. Changing things up helps. If I don't feel like working on latest novel, I can work on a book review or essay... Writing is fun for me. I've been writing something or other since highschool.
Finally my #1 secret... Two or 3 times a day, when I sit down to write for an hour or two, I accompany my work with a cigar and dram of rum!
I'll bet that cigar and the rum help lure you to the page. Glad you're enjoying your journey, Matthew!
Matthew, it sounds like you have found the perfect way to "fill your cup!" Both with your writing "style" and with your break-taking time.
I'm raising my glass of cold lemonade in your honor. Don't do cigars. 🙂
Debbie, good for you! Celebrate every win, no matter how small. I have a binder full of every rejection I received over the years but, on top of them, I also have every good review and thank you note and contest win and whatever else makes me happy.
Keep it up!
Matthew, I left out a word in my post -- I meant to say, "I don't do cigars," not that you shouldn't. 🙂
Although I do love the smell of a good cigar...
I freelance as a writer and editor. I get paid for that, and I know someone thinks I can write. Clients come back. And I've sold a story an a few poems that were my ideas to start. This helps me through the tough moments with my own projects. Every sale, no matter how small, is a win.
Love the post, Sally! I write for my day job that gives me money, so for sure my validation needs are met. That lets me just enjoy my fiction writing. Would I love to have money for it? Sure. But the non-fiction is what pays the bills.
Jenny, it's all good. You obviously have found a balance in your life. Wonderful! If it's working for you, it's a blessing. And we can all use those!
My writing journey? Right now I'd say fractured. I finished my second novel, which I feel is quite good, so am querying it out (we all know the pains of the process). My third and fourth novel are plotted out, and I have a handbook of vessel agency work outlined and started. A Nebula Award winner who liked my first book recommended I try short stories, which are easier to publish and could lead to interest in my novels (that's how he got started). I've got the beginnings of two promising short stories written, but beginnings are relatively easy–thinking through to the endings is what's important.
And, finally, I'm trying for the third time to mount a serious effort to build a writer's platform–which everyone recommends as a de facto necessity. However, my website needs serious refurbishing, so I'm working to build up a critical mass of articles to get it though the early months.
In popular theory, having several irons in the fire is a good way to keep the juices flowing during one's journey. Maybe... it's more interesting but can't say I'm convinced whether this is progress or a fractured fairy tale (my apologies to Rocky & Bullwinkle).
You know, Jerold, I LOVE fractured fairy tales and remember them very well. The wonderful thing about it is that you can have a sense of humor in this wild, wacky business. My best suggestion is to follow your heart. Experiment and experience. Laugh at your failures. But don't throw them away because they may be the next best thing. I believe the truth lies not in progress but in writing because you love it.
Thanks for sharing!
Great post! I write because I love it, but I loved it a lot more before it became a job. So, I am switching back to writing for fun and if/when I publish, that will be a bonus, not a must.
Good for you! Writing for fun is one of the most satisfying things to do!
Thanks, Jenn!
Sometimes I think of writing as a form of rebellion. Maybe your sister thinks you are spinning your wheels, maybe your spouse wonders why you have chosen a field that costs more than in earns. Think of this as your way of enjoying something just for you. You love it. You don't do it for the money. You allow yourself to spin because it is thrilling. Rebel against the naysayers!
You go, girl! Absolutely! And we rebel writers are the future!
LOL!
Thanks!
Loved the article. I will be giving a similar talk at a writing event next week. I've been on the brink of quitting because I couldn't take it anymore. I'm glad I stayed the course.
CS, I really understand. I had three back-to-back illnesses earlier this year and thought I was done. Luckily, they all cleared up perfectly and I'm back on my game and to work. But I spent several nights staring at the ceiling, trying to decide if I wanted to write/teach anymore. I'm glad you stayed the course. I'm glad I did too.
Such an important post. Thanks, Sally.
Regarding taking breaks, I am learning to listen to my body. It starts nudging me far earlier than I pay attention to, but I'm getting better at listening. If I wait for my body to scream it needs a break, it's too late. I'll be burnt out for rest of the day at least.
One thing I'd add about finding your people, is to be the people you wish you could find. If you give criticism, take care not to make it personal. Be the buddy who lifts the other up when they need it. And always be honest. And if you're lucky enough to find more than one of your people. Thank them and your blessings every day.
Amen, Sister! Yes and yes. Thank you for the extra points!
My writing - my mainstream trilogy - is a race between the extreme slowness caused by my chronic illness (and my age) and LIFE which keeps intruding.
Lately there has been something or more every single day that uses my tiny bit of functional brain power - and keeping me from writing.
To be fair, the scene is a groundbreaking one for me, something I've studied and researched until I finally know what I'm doing, and I write linearly - so there's no going on until this one is done. But it's unbelievable how many out-of-the-blue interruptions I've dealt with instead of focusing. I'm getting quite grumpy about it.
It doesn't help that writers on several group blogs I follow have passed away suddenly, which only reminds me to wonder how much time I have left.
I just keep coming back, keep trying, keep getting a few words in, the next organizing step outlined... because the alternative is quitting, and I'm not doing THAT!
But it gets exhausting and demoralizing, and doesn't help when able-bodied writers seem to have such tiny problems that I'd trade for mine in a second!
I don't resent them - that wouldn't be helpful - and I keep going, and then someone lovely like you gives me a chance to let off some steam. Thank you!
You can always let off steam over here, Alicia. 🙂
Yep!
Alicia, we'll always listen. This is an amazing group of writers of all ages and all levels of writing and I know we can empathize.
My philosophy is to do what I can and let the rest go by the wayside. Life is too short to be aggravated all the time.
Thanks for commenting!
hills and valleys at the moment
Yes, but what a ride! 🙂 Hang on -- it will get better.
Get lost in the world of Sprunki Game! New updates and endless possibilities await. What will you create today?
Sarah, I have completed my Autobiography recently. Editor has given me her rendition; I have a tad editing of her editing to do-but it’s the Publisher department and adding the photos back and no time. It’s been a big and meaningful life, and very topical at this point in time, so how to survive to get over the finish line with my sanity intact.? WITS has been a boon in dark days, and I know I’m not quite there. Being full-time Carer for my husband who has helped me with his computer skills, is perhaps a bridge too far. Impossibilities are attended to immediately; miracles take a bit longer, I know.
Sandra, I agree that WITS and other writerly groups can help us immensely, not just with writing skills, but also with life itself. Glad you're here!
So. you have a lot on your plate. But it seems you're well on the path to achieving your dream. Congratulations! And, just because a miracle is slow in coming, they are still miracles. Keep going! You'll get there.
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