By Lynette M. Burrows

Once upon a time...

Learning to hook a reader with the first lines of a story is a skill all authors need. Long ago, tradition dictated that most stories should begin with those four words.

Today, readers will accept the “once upon a time” opening only for myths or retold myths. Other stories need an opening that has elements common to the genre of that story.

Regardless of the genre or style of fiction, the beginning of the book is critical. Often, readers will pick up a book at the library or store and read the first few paragraphs before deciding to buy the book. If the first lines grab the reader, the book goes home. If the first lines of the book make the reader go ‘bleh,’ they put the book down and move on to something else.

If you’ve written and rewritten first lines and first chapters of your book, trying to achieve that perfect first impression, and are still struggling to create a great opening, it’s time to step away from the manuscript for a little study session.

Studying First Lines

In my personal quest for a great opening, I studied the first five pages of ten favorite novels. Obviously, the first five pages of ten different novels would make a very long post. So, for this, I’ve arbitrarily defined the opening of the story as the first 100 words. I will show you the process I used from three of my favorite reads. If you want to do this exercise for yourself, I recommend you choose two or more of your favorites that are in the same genre as you write.

Below are the openings of three of my favorite novels. In a moment, I'll have you tread them three times: once as a reader, once aloud and finally, read it as a writer. But first, let's discuss one way to systematically analyze opening lines for fiction.

Analyze

We know that the first lines need to “hook the reader.” What that doesn’t tell us is how. Different readers respond to different hooks. Different genres need to include specific tropes. Listing the expected tropes in your genre goes beyond the scope of this article. If you don’t know the tropes of your genre, I encourage you to search via your favorite browser. But don’t depend on your browser. Look at Trad published books and at Indie published books. Use books published recently, but don’t ignore older books.

But openings need more than tropes. When analyzing a published book’s openings, I look for answers to:

The hook: The hook doesn’t have to be the first sentence. Sometimes, the hook is more a mood or tone or voice that develops over a paragraph or two.

The protagonist: who does the reader think this story is about?

How the author introduces the protagonist: Look for more than descriptive words. Look for the when, what, where, as well as how.

Why this character? This one is tricky. It's often very subtle hints that you may not be able to see until you're further into the story.

Setting: This includes the things that put ground under the protagonist’s feet. Place, time of day, time of year, etc.

Why now? Does the reader get a hint of why we learn about this character now?

Sensory input: Look for all five senses and how naturally they fit in the story.

Mood: What emotions does the text create in the reader?

Hint of Conflict and Stakes: Often the conflict and stakes in the beginning are “smaller” than the story conflict and stakes.

Tone: This hints at the promise to the reader made through word choice, sentence structure and style.

Genre: Learn more about genres here on Writers In the Storm.

Questions raised by the opening: What questions do you, the reader, have after reading the opening?

What is it you don’t like about this passage? This is your personal reaction. If your first reaction is I don’t like any of it, or I like everything about it, look again. Is there anything that could be stronger?

What do you feel is the strongest feature of this beginning? What is it that makes this beginning one of your favorites?

Not all writers will include all these things. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. That’s why I ask the last two questions. Sometimes an emotional reaction is the whole reason a story becomes your favorite.

Examples

Dune

by Frank Herbert, Ace Books, 1965

“In the weeks before their departure to Arrakis, when all the final scurrying about had reached a nearly unbearable frenzy, an old crone came to visit the mother of the boy, Paul.

It was a warm night at Castle Caladan, and the ancient pile of stone that had served the Atreides family as home for twenty-six generations bore that cooled-sweat feeling it acquired before a change in the weather.

The old woman was let in by the side door, down the vaulted passage by Paul’s room, and she was allowed a moment to peer in at him where he lay in his bed.”

Remember, read the passage as a reader, read it aloud, then read it as a writer.

My Analysis of Dune

There are 103 words in the first three sentences.

The hook: “In the weeks before their departure to Arrakis, when all the final scurrying about had reached a nearly unbearable frenzy, an old crone came to visit the mother of the boy, Paul.” 

The protagonist: Paul, the only named character.

How the author introduces the protagonist: “the boy, Paul” and “where he lay in his bed.”

Why this character? Since the old crone has an interest in Paul, the reader suspects there’s something important or special about him in particular.

Setting: a location (not Earth), a sense of place and time (ancient pile of stone, home for generations), a warm night, Castle Caladan- home to generations

Why now? It’s the moments before a big change in Paul’s life.

Sensory input: warm night, that cooled-sweat feeling it acquired before a change in the weather.

Mood: The mood is anxious and foreboding (final scurrying, nearly unbearable frenzy, old crone, cooled-sweat feeling). The overall mood is of an in-between state; what was normal is ending, and the next state is unknown.

Hint of Conflict and Stakes: Their impending departure to Arrakis, a mysterious old woman, the ominous sense of imminent upheaval hint that the future will not be as safe as the past was. That implies there will be difficulties or dangers to come.

Tone: It has an epic/mythic tone. The language is formal. The words “their departure to Arrakis” treat the journey as a momentous, life-changing event. “Before a change in the weather” hints at impending upheaval. “Old crone” gives us a sinister fairy tale connotation. “Ancient stone” and referring to the number of generations living there, suggests the weight of long history is involved.

Genre: Arrakis, generations at Castle Caladan, ancient stone, and the old crone provide hints that this is an epic science fiction or mythic fantasy. 

Questions raised: What and where is Arrakis, who is the old crone, why did she visit Paul’s mother? How old is the boy, Paul? What is so important about him is that he’s the only named character? Why are they leaving the castle that had been their home for generations? Why did Paul’s mother allow the old woman to peer in at him?

What is it you don’t like about this passage? Personally, the removed narrator in this isn’t a technique I like to read or use. But it serves a purpose in this story.

What do you feel is the strongest feature of this beginning? For me, it’s the tone and voice. There’s a foreboding and a rhythm that draw me in.

This is my analysis; yours may be different. That’s okay. No two readers or writers are alike. We each bring our own experience, knowledge, and skills to this process. 

Okay. Let’s try another passage from another book.

Seventh Son

by Orson Scott Card, Tor 1987

“Little Peggy was very careful with the eggs. She rooted her hand through the straw till her fingers bumped something hard and heavy. She gave no never mind to the chicken drips. After all, when folk with babies stayed at the roadhouse, Mama never even crinkled her face at their most spetackler diapers. Even when the chicken drips were wet and stringy and made her fingers stick together, little Peggy gave no never mind. She just pushed the straw apart, wrapped her hand around the egg, and lifted it out of the brood box. All this while standing tiptoe on a wobbly stool, reaching high above her head.”

This beginning is 108 words and seven sentences long. 

The hook: “Little Peggy was very careful with the eggs.”

The protagonist: Little Peggy, first two words and only named character. 

How the author introduces the protagonist: Every phrase hints Peggy is young, used to living on a farm, and is trying to do her part. Examples: “very careful,” she roots through the straw, “bumped,” gave no never-mind, “wrapped her hand around the egg,” “on a wobbly stool, reaching high above her head.”

Why this character? Little Peggy appears very young, probably not even school-aged. That hints that there is something special about her.

Setting: She’s in a henhouse and thinks about a roadhouse (an American frontier phrase) where Mama never crinkles her nose at the “spetackler” diapers of babies with folk who stay at the roadhouse. The terms roadhouse, spectakler, and folk all hint at a rural American setting, possibly a historic or pioneer setting. 

Why now? The details about the roadhouse and travelers and babies in diapers hint that someone is coming and that event will change Peggy’s life.

Sensory input: There is touch and texture and equilibrium in phrases like, “rooted through the straw”, “bumped something hard and heavy,” “chicken drips,” “wet and stringy and made her fingers stick together,” and “a wobbly stool.” And if you’ve ever been in a henhouse, you have an implied sense of smell.

Mood: Peggy’s concentration and determination to gather the eggs sets up some anxiety and expectation that something important is going to happen. 

Hint of Conflict and Stakes: The extra care with which Peggy approaches the eggs hints she’s had past problems performing this chore and may have suffered some consequences. The travelers with babies hint at potential problems. We don’t get a strong sense of the stakes, though.

Tone: It has a rustic, down-to earth, and intimate tone that hints of a regional or folk story.

Genre: Potentially American frontier or pioneer fiction with a combination of the regional/folk storytelling tone, and the fairy tale style name, “little Peggy,” plus the detailed description of a child performing an adult task might suggest a historical fantasy.

Questions raised: Will Peggy gather the eggs without incident? Why is a small child gathering the eggs? Are there now or will there soon be travelers at the roadhouse? 

What is it you don’t like about this passage? I got so enchanted with little Peggy; I had a tough time figuring this out. It isn’t something I don’t like as much as it’s something I think could be better. The author could have given us a stronger sense of the time and place. However, its softer approach did not lessen my enjoyment of this beginning.

What do you feel is the strongest feature of this beginning? The voice of little Peggy sucks me in big-time.

Leviathan Wakes, The Expanse Book 1

By James S. A. Corey, 2011

Prologue

The Scopuli had been taken eight days ago, and Julie Mau was finally ready to be shot.

It had taken all eight days, trapped in a storage locker, for her to get to that point. For the first two, she remained motionless, sure that the armored men who put her there had been serious. For the first hours, the ship she’d been taken aboard, wasn’t under thrust, so she floated in the locker, using gentle touches to keep herself from bumping into the walls or the atmosphere suit, she shared the space with. When the ship began to move, thrust giving her weight, she stood silently until her legs cramped, then sat down slowly into a fetal position.

This beginning is 108 words and seven sentences long.

The hook: “The Scopuli had been taken eight days ago, and Julie Mau was finally ready to be shot.” We assume the Scopuli is some kind of ship or place. The phrase “been taken eight days ago” implies some yet-to-be-identified person or persons has hijacked or overrun her ship or simply kidnapped her. And “finally ready to be shot” suggests she has endured much and is ready to give up.

The protagonist: The protagonist in the prologue is Julie.

How the author introduces the protagonist: “Julie Mau was finally ready to be shot.”

Why this character? This moment is when Julie’s life changes; she’s ready to give up and be shot.

Setting: In a storage locker on a ship called the Scopuli. Since she floats in the locker until the ship moves her weight,” we rightly assume it’s a spaceship.

Why now? Julie, a prisoner of someone, is ready to give up. That tells the reader that something important is about to happen.

Sensory input: She floats, keeps from bumping into things with gentle touches, her legs cramp. There than that, there is little sensory input which makes sense because she’s trapped in a locker.

Mood: The words finally ready and trapped hint at anxiety and fear and a desperate situation.

Hint of Conflict and Stakes: In the first sentence. “Armored men” put Julie in the locker, and she states she is in life-threatening danger. 

Tone: Desperate, determined.

Genre: Science fiction / space opera

Questions raised: Who took her? Why? Is she really ready to die? Will she get out of this predicament? 

What is it you don’t like about this passage? I find many prologues are unnecessary, so I rarely read them. However, the prologue is integral to this story. If you skip the prologue and start reading from chapter one, like I did, you’ll come back to read the prologue to figure out what you missed.

It is risky to start with a prologue, and Corey increased that risk in the first sentence. The reader has no emotional investment in Julie and her plight in the first sentence. However, his second and the following sentences introduce us to a strong female character we care about.

What do you feel is the strongest feature of this beginning? The character Julie’s desperation is conveyed, and though she says she’s ready to be shot, we also learn she’s desperately clinging to hope that she won’t be killed. 

Compare the Openings

Now, look at what these opening passages have in common. They each have a strong sense of character, and a tone and mood that promises something big is about to change these characters’ lives.

Armed with this information and my genre's tropes, I can now go back to my manuscript. I know the elements I want in my story’s beginning, and I can re-craft my opening to make the first words count.

Your Turn

Copy the openings of your favorite books into your word processor or journal or onto a piece of paper. (I use the dictation feature on my computer to make the process quicker.) 

Read as a reader. What that means to me is read for pure entertainment. Try not to analyze. Let the words color your reactions the story’s beginning.

Read the passages aloud. Listen to the cadence, the rhythm of the words. 

Analyze the opening. Look for character, place, time, mood, and foreshadowing. Notice words that pique your interest. 

Then return to your manuscript. Look for what it has in common with your favorite books. Strengthen those things, and I’ll bet you will have a much more engaging beginning. In fact, you may even craft first lines that your readers will favorite.

Share the best line of your favorite read and tell us what you think is the strongest feature of its beginning.

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About Lynette

Lynette M. Burrows is an author, blogger, writing coach, and Yorkie wrangler. She survived moving seventeen times between kindergarten and her high school graduation. She contends that alone qualifies her for writing stories of characters who struggle against the odds.

Book One, My Soul to Keep, and Book Two, If I Should Die, of her Fellowship Dystopia trilogy tell the story of a young woman in Fellowship America, where even the elite can be judged unbelievers and hunted by the merciless Azrael. The first two books are available at your favorite online bookstore. Book Three, And When I Wake, will be published in December 2025.

When Lynette’s not writing, she avoids housework and plays with her two Yorkies. They live in Dorothy’s home state of Kansas. You can follow Lynette on her website or on her Facebook page or sign up for her newsletter.