by Jenny Hansen

We've arrived at that late-January time when people start throwing in the towel on their New Year's goals. This third week of the year is when everyone starts to feel a bit crunchy about "that goals business." Why?

I wanted to know, so I looked up the reasons people fail New Year's resolutions, and here are the Top 3, according to Google.

• Setting unrealistic or vague goals
• Lacking a specific action plan (relying on motivation instead of structure)
• Having an all-or-nothing mindset that leads to quitting after one slip-up, often combined with a lack of accountability.

They further stated: "These factors prevent sustainable change, as people get discouraged by big goals, forget why they started, and don't plan for inevitable obstacles. "

Just reading all that superior-sounding stuff makes ME feel crunchy.

Gentle Goal Setting

Here at WITS, we limit ourselves to a single word of intention for the year. Last year, my word was "Implement," and this year, my word was "Receive." For some reason, this concept works extremely well for me and my ADHD brain. I only have to remember One Word.

Note: I'm one of those who also colors my word, to really cement the goal. If nothing else, it keeps me thinking about goals while I'm waiting on hold.

I've also started to do the One Word for each month. This month (January) is "Focus." I've been coloring it in throughout the month when my brain gets tired, or when I'm having trouble focusing. 🙂

I'll be interested to see what the other eleven months inspire in terms of words.

My Favorite Goal-Setting Class

[Note: Yes, I've taken several. Don't judge.]

Many years ago, I took Margie Lawson's Defeating Self-Defeating Behaviors (DSDB) class. She used to teach it live, but now she just sells the lecture packet (for only $22, which is pretty amazing).

What I liked about the class:

• Margie focused on taking the shame out of the whole goal process.
• Plus, she slowed things down to just 2-3 goals per day max. Anything extra went on what Margie called the "Super Star" list, signaling to your brain that you were a Supreme Rockstar if you got one or more of those done.

It was a great class, but. . .

Sometimes goals are HARD.

Sometimes, for some brains, goals elicit a response more like "Aaagh!" And this is where I have a confession to make.

I struggle to meet my own goals.

Constantly.

Notice I said "my own goals." I am aces with outward-facing goals. Work projects, family projects, Volunteer projects. I nail those suckers. But my own goals sometimes fall far behind the rest of my life's commitments. Perhaps this happens to you too.

Then, a few years ago, I began the year with a workshop about goals that actually made a lasting difference. Something about the way they presented two particular topics gave me "a-ha moments" of epic proportions.

Let me explain...

Two Phrases That Sparked Change

The class began with the instructor saying: "Joy. Progress. Power. Fulfillment. Learning. Impact. These are the important qualities about goals."

(And then he got to the parts I really needed to hear. The magic is in easy-to-find blue font below.)

"Your brain is meant to solve problems, not just store a bunch of to-do's. You can’t get clarity while you’re mired in a to-do list."

If you’re inside the jar, you can’t read the label.

And that was my first "a-ha moment."

Before Margie, I used to make grand lists that I would misplace or get overwhelmed by. Those lists often felt like running through molasses.

No joy.
Slow progress.
No fulfillment.

I think this is the true reason so many writers (especially ADHD writers like me) get procrastination paralysis on their projects.

It's those huge to-do lists with no clear action plan.

There is an art to writing to-do's, especially big to-do's, that must be respected.

Organizing is its own project, and it takes time. For someone with ADHD, big problems are overwhelming. I've learned to talk over the organizing with better qualified people and then use their plan if I can.

Because sometimes it helps to decide in advance what "done" looks like, so you don't get lost inside that jar.

Perhaps we cannot really manage time. Perhaps we can only manage priorities.

Example #1:

[Jenny Note: I lifted this example from a more organized friend.]

She recommends you break every goal into the smallest possible pieces.

[Another Jenny Note: I've learned from experience that when *I* try to go after a goal that takes up more than a page, it doesn't go well. In fact, it usually equals frustration and the need for a project manager. They tell me what to do and everything gets done.]

But for the more organized types:

Think about a website.

Perhaps the name of the goal is "Finish Website." But breaking down the actual goal might look more like this:

1. Brainstorm a list of steps (this lets your brain solve problems):

• Make list of 6 Hex Colors
• Find complementary graphics - at least two, must be landscape, min size: 1200x800
• Build wireframe
• Research plugins
• Choose WordPress theme
• Choose fonts

The list is much larger than this, but there's no need to bore you with it. Organize those steps into sequential tasks. Schedule some time on your calendar, because "what gets scheduled, gets done." Work on different areas of your goals several times a week.

2. Give the Goal a Realistic Deadline.

Then add at least another few weeks to it! Understanding that goals often take twice as long as we think they will takes some of the stress away.

Example #2:

Here's a goal we can ALL relate to: "Finish Book" (or even "Finish Chapter [fill in the blank]")

Y'all know that's a terrible goal as it's written, right?

Not only does it fail the SMART goal test, it's the kind of goal that's sure to send any insecure writer screaming from the page. At the very least, there will be questions like:

• Where do I start?
• How will I know when it is done?
• When will I ever finish Act II? (Maybe that's just me and Laura Drake.)

If you have any hope of finishing something as big as a book, your list of goals has to be broken down into much smaller steps that might look something more like this:

If you're a plotter...

Chapter 1 To-Do's

• List out chapter goals
• List out characters needed onscreen to accomplish these goals
• List the problems that must be solved in this chapter
• Divide all this into 3-4 scenes
• Write them one at a time
• Repeat over multiple chapters

If you're a pantser...

• Schedule writing time
• Set out kitchen timer
• List at least two chapter goals
• Start writing (Note: timed sprints often work best for pantsers)
• Repeat over multiple writing sessions

Our friend Laura Drake is a pantser of the highest order, but she has an Excel spreadsheet of what happens in every chapter. She updates it as she goes along. She might not know everything about where she's going when she sits down to write, but she knows where she's been and it helps her move forward until she can fully see the story.

Plus, she knows the big secret of goal achievement that I mentioned above:

What gets scheduled gets done.

If you set a habit of achievement in place, you will make progress on those goals. Remember, when it comes to goals, PROGRESS = HAPPINESS.

My second lightbulb (a-ha!) moment

Not breaking down my goals into manageable pieces hurts more than my work in progress. And here it is in a bright color for y'all:

When you don’t keep an agreement with yourself, it erodes your self-confidence and the ability to trust yourself and your own word.

In other words, it's highly expensive to your confidence (including your writing confidence) to break your word to yourself.

If you are scared or shamed about meeting your goals, you will get stuck.

If you're scared or shamed about your writing goals, your writing will stall.

It's human nature. Shame equals "I don't wanna" (aka "Aaagh!"). Plus, you don't get the lovely dopamine hit a finished goal provides.

That statement above gave me a visceral response.

I had a moment when the goals seminar instructor dropped that bomb about keeping agreements with yourself. Like, roaring in the ears, need-to-take-a-break, stare into space kind of moment.

Because often, I've done this, without realizing how expensive it is in the long run.

I'm so busy meeting the demands of others in my life that my dreams get shuffled to the back of the line. Instead of those dreams getting a luxury lakefront view, they're being relegated to the seat in the back next to the trash can for days or weeks at a time.

My dreams (and yours) deserve better treatment than that.

The Good News

If this breaking your word to yourself thing is a pattern, you can make the choice to put it behind you and move forward differently. The same as it does with our characters, a misbelief can create anxiety and procrastination. It can erode our confidence in ourselves.

When you keep your word to yourself, you are better able to keep it to others. In other words, prioritizing your goals helps the others in your life too.

Some great mantras for all you Goal Chasers:

• Where focus goes, energy flows.
• What gets scheduled gets done.
• FEAR = False evidence (that) appears real.
• COURAGE = action despite FEAR.

It is not the stars that create light but rather light that creates the stars.

don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

Go forth and embrace your light, y'all. We have the power to illuminate the world through our writing.

* * * * * *

About Jenny

By day, Jenny Hansen provides brand storytelling, LinkedIn coaching, and copywriting for accountants and financial services firms. By night, she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction, and short stories. After 20+ years as a corporate trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

Find Jenny here at Writers In the Storm, or online on Facebook or Instagram.

Top photo purchased from Depositphotos.