Writers in the Storm

By Sarah (Sally) Hamer

Writers often talk about opening a vein, giving our life-blood to a page. But is that all we give when we write? Writing takes time, effort, research, digging through memories, skill, emotion, and, possibly, even a little bit of our soul. We don't just bleed on the page, we write about things that matter to us, things that make us who we are. And, blood may be the least of it.

As I write this, my life is about to turn upside down. My younger son and his wife are in the process of adopting an unborn infant after a decade of trying. The little boy whose face looks very squishy (so cute!) in the ultrasound pictures sent to me on a regular basis, will be loved and cared for in beautiful ways, but the adoption won't be finalized until five days after he's born a month from now. We won't know until then if he will be ours.

How do you prepare for a baby when you don't know how the process will end?

They've created a comfortable, sunny, warm nursery and I'm busy knitting and sewing and creating. We'll be ready physically if everything goes well. But how do you prepare mentally and spiritually? How do you know how you'll feel?

Write to sort through emotions

Because my life is wrapped around writing – articles, blogs, teaching, editing, coaching – I am using it to sort through my emotions, finding solace in the fact that I can express what I'm feeling on the keyboard and in my written journals. I can explore the possibilities of both the joy of a newborn grandson and the pain of it not working out. To allow myself to feel things I can't share with my son and daughter-in-law, who are traveling their own path of expectation. I won't "dump" my concerns on them when they have even greater ones than I do.

So, I write.

I put words down on paper and screen, knowing that they are private and sacred only to me. I deal with the emotions as they come and cry when I need to. And, over time, I'll heal my own wounds, old and new, and find strength and peace.

In her book, Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives, Louise DeSalvo says, "writing about traumatic or troubling life experiences initially unleashes difficult, conflicting emotions." Yes, it does. It brings up memories, both good and bad. It can help us face our insecurities and fears and problems.

But it also can help us create pathways to better understanding who we are and why we feel the way we do. It can allow us to find the source of and reasons for our reactions. And, it can allow us to heal.

Use writing for self-care

Managing the emotions as they emerge from the dark recesses of our minds requires us to learn how to care for ourselves. DeSalvo suggests that allowing ourselves to experience the emotions in "real time" can help us to deepen the process. She also believes that we can keep those emotions from disabling us, by using writing to heal us.

What I find is that writing about uncomfortable things permits me to sort through the old memories as an adult. I'm not a powerless child beating against a wall of people who told me "no" over and over again. I was lucky to have caring, loving parents but, like most children, I couldn't understand rules and regulations and attempts to make me into a civilized, obedient human being.

I have feelings of abandonment and fear and anger that emerge, whole and ugly, when I am stimulated by outside sources. So, having a simple and loving way to revisit and rethink these old memories now that I am completely in control of my life, has been empowering and beautiful. And so worthwhile.

Final Thoughts.

Do you have painful situations that control your current life? Here are a few things that can help you to care for yourself.

1. Write. Refrain from editing yourself. Don't feel like you have to share it.
2. Don't get overwhelmed. If something you're writing is painful, stop for a while. Recognize it is just a memory, not necessarily something going on now.
3. Be kind to yourself. No matter what the "mistake" there is redemption.
4. Allow yourself – and others – forgiveness. Everyone has done something they're not proud of.
5. Remember we are all in this together. Take care of yourself!

How can we replenish ourselves? How do we find meaning in both what we write, and in the life around it? What really matters?

What do you do to take care of yourself?

Caveat: If you are overwhelmed in any way, please seek professional help. There are amazing folks who have learned how to help us work through these things and I can't tell you how important it is to get help when you need it.

To learn about how to use writing as a part of healing, you can find out more at a Self-Care for Writers symposium on March 23-24, 2024 at mindpotential.org.

About Sally

Sarah (Sally) Hamer, B.S., MLA, is a lover of books, a teacher of writers, and a believer in a good story. Most of all, she is eternally fascinated by people and how they 'tick'. She’s passionate about helping people tell their own stories, whether through fiction or through memoir. Writing in many genres - mystery, science fiction, fantasy, romance, medieval history, non-fiction – she has won awards at both local and national levels, including two Golden Heart finals.

A teacher of memoir, beginning and advanced creative fiction writing, and screenwriting at Louisiana State University in Shreveport for over twenty years, she also teaches online for Margie Lawson at www.margielawson.com. Sally is a free-lance editor and book coach at Touch Not the Cat Books, with many of her students and clients becoming successful, award-winning authors.

You can find her at sally@mindpotential.org or mindpotential.org.

Top Image by John Hain from Pixabay

by Edie Melson

As writers in this day and time, we combat a specific kind of stress—digital stress. So much of our lives are spent seated at a computer, on the phone, or even in digital meetings. Because of that, I've discovered there are certain things I need to build into my life to stay healthy—spiritually, physically, and emotionally. So below are my tips, with thoughts about how to apply them in our lives.

1. Decide on boundaries, write them down and STICK with them.

These are some of mine: 

• Time is no longer driven by my phone. 
• I set a time to return text messages, emails, and phone calls—not during lunch or after working hours.
• I have set office time. And my phone is NOT my office. I don’t work during family time. 
• I’m specific with clients on what type of correspondence I expect. For example, while I will answer emergency text messages, all other correspondence should be in email. 

2. Weekends off are now the norm, NOT the exception.

As writers, it’s far too easy to always be at work. But for our mental health we need to learn to set healthy boundaries about time off and time for work.

3. Learn to limit digital meetings.

Zoom Fatigue is a real thing! Spending long hours staring at a screen leads to eye fatigue, back issues, and all the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle.

4. Work smarter, not harder when connecting with your audience.

Learn the things that help you connect with your audience. Even if you hire someone else for marketing, make sure you know how you want it done.

5. Families come first.

Let’s face it, life happens. Kids get sick, parents grow older and need help. One of the advantages to writing for a living is having a flexible schedule. But we should never sacrifice our family time.

6. Be aware of the pressure coming at you right now and make your own decisions.

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is this, just because I see a need doesn’t mean I’m obligated to fulfill it. There are ALWAYS things that need doing, and jobs that need filling. We cannot do everything. Don’t let life apply pressure that keeps you from saying yes to the things you are called to do.

7. Kick up the volume.

 I love to play music while I work. It helps me focus, inspires me, and even sets the mood for what I’m writing.

8. Relationships matter, and beyond that, they need nurturing to survive.

Many writers are introverts. That means we are energized by time alone and drained by time with people. Neither one of those truths is an excuse to ignore the relationships in our lives.

9. Reach out when you’re down.

This one is hard for me. I don’t want to be a burden or bring someone down. But I’ve learned that not asking for help discourages others from requesting help from me.

10. Field trips are time well spent.

I love going on field trips. I’m inspired by many things—a hike outdoors, a trip to the zoo, a movie, a concert, and a visit to a museum or art gallery. Visiting places that inspire me aren’t luxury ways to spend my time, they are necessities.

11. Mix it up.

I have certain things I usually write. I’m good at nonfiction, blog posts, and articles. But one of the reasons I do well is because I also write things that challenge me and force me to grow in my craft.

12. Quit judging how you’re doing by what you’ve accomplished.

This is another difficult one. I love checking things off my to-do list. I feel like I’m a success when I achieve something. But there is a lot of satisfaction found in the process and in being rather than doing.

13. It’s okay (even encouraged) to have hobbies that have NOTHING to do with writing and/or reading. 

Just like field trips, my hobbies feed my creativity.

14. Keep moving.

 Don’t neglect your physical well-being. That means staying active, limber, and in good shape. Trust me, it’s much easier to write when you’re not in pain.

15. Be gentle with yourself. 

Writing is hard. Walter Wellesley “Red” Smith said, “You simply sit down at the typewriter, open your veins, and bleed.” Our words mean so much and represent who we are. It’s emotionally taxing to write and then submit those words to the world.

16. Write it down.

I’m a hug fan of journaling. Writing things down helps me process life. In addition, it gives me good material for future projects.

17. Seek time apart. 

Yes, we need to nurture the relationships in our lives, but we also need to embrace solitude. For me this means time in nature, as well as time in prayer and spiritual contemplation.

These are the things I try to put into practice to stay healthy and care for the digital parts of my creative life. Now it’s your turn. How do you build Digital Soul Care into your creative life?

Learn more from Edie Melson, Sally Hamer, Margie Lawson, and four other amazing writers by attending the “Polishing Your Mirror: Self-Care for Writers” Symposium, March 23-24, 2024. Visit MindPotential.org for more info!

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About Edie

Edie Melson is a woman of faith with ink-stained fingers observing life through the lens of her camera. She’s learned to embrace the ultimate contradiction of being an organized creative. As an author, blogger, and speaker she’s encouraged and challenged audiences across the country and around the world. Her numerous books reflect her passion to help others develop the strength of their God-given gifts and apply them to their lives, often using creativity to empower this connection. The Write Conversation, the blog she developed and manages, reaches thousands and has been on the Writer’s Digest Top 101 Sites for Writers since 2017.

As a social media and blogging expert she’s worked with clients that range from authors and speakers to business and ministry leaders. She also knows the necessity of Soul Care and leads retreats, conferences & workshops around the world on staying connected to God. Her numerous books, including the award-winning Soul Care series reflect her passion to help others develop the strength of their God-given gifts. She’s the director of the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference and board member of the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association. Connect with Edie on her blog, The Write Conversation, Facebook, X (Twitter), Instagram, and other places on social media.

Top Image by Rosy / Bad Homburg / Germany from Pixabay

by Ellen Buikema

In the real world we want to get rid of flaws. But to writers, flaws can be precious jewels, reflecting light on the storyline and all the other characters within.

A flaw for one character may be seen as a strength for another. Greed and dishonesty may be strengths to antagonists, but thought of as flaws to the protagonists in the story.

Why are character flaws desirable?

Tension

In a perfect world nothing will go wrong. What fun it that? Flawless characters are boring.

The way characters act, think, and speak weaves into the plot. Character flaws increase the odds that things will go wrong, sometimes horribly wrong, powering up conflicts. Flaws also help to differentiate between characters.

Relatability

Readers like to see a version of the familiar in characters. Recognize the struggles, see the mistakes made and how the characters deal with the drama.

When a character is overly agreeable and never unreasonable or cranky, they are hard to connect with, to feel for their problems and joy for their successes.

A character’s lack of imperfections makes them unlikeable. Flaws are key to crafting meaningful conflict for our stories.

Keep characters memorable. The hero may be kind, have a great sense of humor, but also have narcolepsy and sing in their sleep. Mixed traits mold the character’s definition. No one will forget the character that breaks into song while snoozing.

Realism

Our world is rich in interesting people with diverse, and often troubled backgrounds. Fictional people must be interesting too. Life is messy and the journey filled with speedbumps in the forms of conflict and indecision. A good story will reflect all that.

Creating Character Flaws

In fiction, a flaw isn’t always a negative character trait. It can also be a false belief, quirk, fear, or limitation, that is part of the character. A character flaw might be an annoyance or be damaging, to the character who possesses it or to those they encounter.

Any flaw a character possesses can be categorized as minor, major, or tragic. Let’s look at three types of flaws.

Minor Flaw

This is a flaw that sets apart a character in readers’ minds but doesn’t impact the story in a major way. Examples of a minor flaw include:

• Excessive knuckle-cracking. One of many behaviors for nervousness.
• A disability that requires the character to use a cane. The cane can be a handy weapon as well as a mobility device.
• A bilingual character’s tendency to misuse words in their non-native tongue. One example is “chicken” for “kitchen.” I remember saying “cochinita” piglet instead of “cocinita” kitchenette causing my Spanish teacher to giggle.
• Wide-eyed innocence. This can work well as comedic relief. For instance, the Dill character in Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird.

Character flaws don’t have to be moral ones.

Major Flaw

This flaw impacts the character such that it affects the plot of the story. For example:

• An addiction that gets a character in trouble with the mob.
• Fear of intimacy that keeps a character walled away from love.
• Stubbornness that keeps a character from accepting help.
• Putting others first to the point of repeatedly nearly getting killed. Such as Katniss Everdeen in Susan Collins’ The Hunger Games.

Major flaws often represent moral failings, that may cause external, internal, or secondary conflicts that affect the plot.

Tragic Flaw

The tragic flaw that leads to a character’s downfall. Examples of a tragic flaw include:

• Sense of duty that leads a character to needlessly sacrifice themselves.
• Need for revenge that leads a character down a rampaging path toward destruction.
• Overly trusting nature that sends a character into ruin.
• The main antagonist of the Harry Potter series, Voldemort, has a tragic flaw—fear of death—that leads to his demise.

Tragic flaws are usually moral failings or idiotic tendencies that tie straight into a story’s main conflict. By the story’s climax, a character’s tragic flaw often results in a bad end.

Here are two useful lists of flaws to consider 101 Character Flaws and 70 Interesting Character Flaws for future works.

Consider the character’s journeys

To develop powerful flaws for your story’s characters, consider their journeys. Think about where your characters’ stories start and where you want them to end. Then create a flaw that will fuel the major internal and/or external conflicts they’ll experience. For example:

• Your character must defeat an evil wizard that forever dwells underground. Their flaw might be an overwhelming fear of enclosed spaces.
• You want your character to find true happiness. Their flaw might be the false belief that they’re unworthy of love.
• Your character must solve the murder mystery. Their flaw might be that they are insufferable, which keeps other characters from sharing information helpful for the case.

Final Thoughts

When writing your story, consider the different viewpoints. What does each character think their strengths and weaknesses are? Does this influence how they treat others, and in what ways? How do their flaws influence choices they make?

Discovering flaws is a fantastic way to learn more about your characters, assist with the plot, and give you a better sense of your story and where it’s going.

Flaws make your characters relatable and interesting to the readers. Give all your main characters flaws and let the story flow from there.

What character flaws do you find most interesting in the books you’ve written or read? Do you think characters should have combinations of flaws, like major and minor, or minor and tragic? Have you felt empathy for a character with a tragic flaw?

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About Ellen

Author, speaker, and former teacher, Ellen L. Buikema has written non-fiction for parents, and The Adventures of Charlie Chameleon chapter book series with stories encouraging the development of empathy—sprinkling humor wherever possible. Her Works in Progress are The Hobo Code, YA historical fiction and The Crystal Key, MG Magical Realism/ Sci-Fi, a glaze of time travel.

Find her at https://ellenbuikema.com or on Amazon.

Top Image by syaifulptak57 from Pixabay