Writers in the Storm

by Lori Freeland

Commas cause confusion. I think we can all agree on that. It doesn’t matter if we write fiction, nonfiction, articles, blogs, or news stories. Even English teachers sometimes struggle. And while the comma may be a tiny piece of punctuation, it does pack a pretty powerful punch.

Using commas incorrectly can mess up more than just your grammar. It can play with the meaning and context of your message. Of what you’re trying to say. Think of your page as a road. Commas in the wrong places become speedbumps that slow down the ride. But commas in the right places pave the way for a clear, smooth ride.    

So let’s jump back in where we left off. If you missed the beginning of this series and want to get caught up or do a quick review, check out the previous posts here: To Comma, or Not to Comma Part 1 and To Comma, or Not to Comma Part 2.

Note: Watch for a list of quick comma reference sites at the end of this post.

Adjectives

An adjective has an important job—to modify the noun. Modify just means describe. Commas help adjectives do that.

Coordinating Adjectives (These need commas)

Coordinating adjectives equally describe the same noun. They both carry the same weight. There can be two or more, and we always use commas to separate them.  

• Correct: Maria is a mean, ungrateful teenager.
• Incorrect: Maria is a mean ungrateful teenager.

Mean and ungrateful both describe the same noun—teenager. She’s a mean teenager. And she’s an ungrateful teenager. Since she’s equally both, we add a comma between the two adjectives to show that. And we might think about shipping Maria off to boarding school.

Side Note: Make sure not to get comma happy and stick one between the final adjective and the noun. This is more of a problem with three adjectives than two. See below. But like with a single descriptor, we wouldn’t want to separate the adjective from the noun it’s describing. And that’s what commas do—they separate.

• Correct: Mark is a mean, ungrateful, rude teenager.
• Incorrect: Mark is a mean, ungrateful, rude, teenager.

Fairly straightforward, right? Now that you have coordinating adjectives down, let’s talk about cumulative adjectives.

Cumulative Adjectives (They don’t need commas)

Cumulative adjectives don’t equally describe the same noun. In number terms, cumulative means things like build on, add to, increase. In adjective terms, cumulative means the descriptors don’t carry the same weight. Because of that, they don’t need commas. We don’t want to separate them.

• Correct: She wore a bright purple headband.
• Incorrect: She wore a bright, purple headband.

The adjective closest to the noun (which is purple) combines with that noun and becomes a unit (purpleheadband).

It’s weird, I know. But if you think of that final adjective and the noun as one “entity,” it helps clear up what you do with cumulative adjectives. If purpleheadband is one unit, you can’t break it up with a comma. It’s superglued together.

The first adjective in the series (which is bright) is going to describe that entire unit (purpleheadband). It’s a bright purpleheadband.

Grab a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, and let’s try another one.

• Correct: The architect drew up plans for a unique custom cabin.
• Incorrect: The architect drew up plans for a unique, custom cabin.

It isn’t a unique and custom cabin. It’s a unique customcabin. Custom and cabin become one unit that unique describes.

Still confused? Need a little more help? Here are two tricks that tell you exactly when you need a comma and when you don’t. It’s all about retaining the meaning of the sentence.

Say YES to the comma if you CAN:

1. reverse the adjectives without changing the meaning

• Correct: I climbed the round, tall hill.
• Correct: I climbed the tall, round hill.

Either way you write it, it’s both a round and a tall hill.

2. add the word “and” between the adjectives without changing the meaning

• Correct: I climbed the round and tall hill.
• Correct: I climbed the tall and round hill.

The sentences make sense both ways.

Say NO to the comma if you CAN’T:

1. reverse the adjectives without changing the meaning

• Incorrect: They lived in a clapboard brown house.

This just sounds weird. Can you hear that too?

2. add the word “and” between the adjectives without changing the meaning

• Incorrect: They lived in a brown and clapboard house.

Same here.

Don’t like this example?

Purdue Owl (one of the references I’ll share at the end) uses this one instead.

• Correct: They lived in a white frame house.
• Incorrect: They lived in a white, frame house.

Using the two checks above, we see:

(reverse the adjectives) It’s not a frame white house.

(add “and” between the adjectives) It’s not a frame and white house.

But it is a white framehouse. 

Size, Color, Number

Most adjectives that refer to size, color, and number are cumulative not coordinate. All that means is—don’t use a comma.

• Correct: My four new white blouses are the same size.
• Incorrect: My four, new, white blouses are the same size.
• Incorrect: My four, new white blouses are the same size.
• Incorrect: My four new, white blouses are the same size.

Try to think of newwhiteblouses as one unit that four describes. Try not to wonder why anyone would even need four white blouses. Red or black, maybe. But white? Eh.

Side Note: Watch out for adjectives like “light blue.”

Why? Because light can mean “not heavy” or “pale in color.”

• Correct: She pulled on a light blue coat.

In this context, light doesn’t refer to the color of the coat. It refers to the weight of it. Light modifies the bluecoat as a unit.

• Correct: She pulled on a light-blue coat.

In this context, light does refer to color, and we use the hyphen to make that clear.  

Oxford Commas

The dratted Oxford comma—also known as the serial comma—has become controversial in the world of writing. Some writers hate it. Others will die on a hill for it. But either way, the Oxford comma is currently the correct way to punctuate items in a series in order to make the meaning of the sentence clear.

Let me show you why.

• Correct: Elena really gets into cooking, her family, and her dog.

This means she likes three things—cooking, family, dog.  

• Incorrect: Elena really gets into cooking her family and her dog.

This means she likes to cook her family and her dog. A good thing to know before you accept her dinner invitation.

• Correct: We invited the neighbors, Blake Shelton, and Taylor Swift.

This means we invited our neighbors and Blake Shelton and Taylor Swift.

• Incorrect: We invited the neighbors, Blake Shelton and Taylor Swift.  

This means the neighbors we invited are Blake and Taylor. How exciting! Do you think they’ll show up?

More Than Words: Phrases and Clauses Too

Did you know the Oxford comma isn’t just for words? You can use it for phrases and clauses that come at the beginning of a sentence.

• Correct: Hope, joy, and peace come at Christmas.
• Correct: Dad will ground me, take away my car, and quit paying for my phone if I miss curfew one more time.

Or at the end of a sentence.

• Correct: Christmas brings me hope, joy, and peace.
• Correct: Dad said if I missed curfew one more time, he would ground me, take away my car, and quit paying for my phone.

When Clauses Come In The Middle of a Sentence

Let’s look at something a little trickier. Don’t worry. You won’t run into this too often. I just wanted to give you a heads-up.

• Correct: Mom argued that my sister, who was leaving for college, who no longer needed a curfew, and who was becoming an adult, should not be grounded.

Whoa. Stop. Go back. Hang on there a second. What in the actual comma is going on with that example? Why is that scrappy little mark showing up after “sister” and after “adult” too?

In order for the sentence to make sense as a whole, we need to be able to remove everything between the beginning and the end. In this case, “sister” and “should.” If we do, it reads like this:

Mom argued that my sister should not be grounded.

And it’s a complete sentence on its own. Which is what it needs to be.

When Oxford Commas Aren't Enough

Sometimes Oxford commas aren’t strong enough to provide a clear picture of what a sentence means. In these cases, you have two choices—reword the sentence or add an “and.”

• Incorrect: I listened to advice from my friend, Will Smith, and my brother.

Grammatically, Will Smith is “the friend” in this sentence. But you meant three people, not two.

There are two ways to fix the clarity. Either restructure the sentence or add a few “ands.”

• Correct: I listened to advice from my friend, my brother, and Will Smith. (restructure)
• Correct: I listened to advice from my friend and Will Smith and my brother. (add “ands”)

We are done! For now. Whew. You made it. Pat yourself on the back. Do you feel how much more comma savvy you’ve become? After you recover from this post, stay tuned for next. We’ll talk about modifiers, pauses, people, titles, places, and dates.    

In the meantime, here’s a quick guide with links to my favorite grammar sites.

My favorite go-to or commas is Purdue Owl, where they break down the basic comma rules into a quick guide as well as an extended guide. You can check them out here. Quick Comma Rules and Extended Comma Rules.

But you can also find great information at:

• The Chicago Manual of Style
• The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation
• Grammarly.com
• The Grammar Monster
• Grammar Girl
• I’m also loving the PerfectIt 5 software. It’s partnering with The Chicago Manual of Style.

Thanks for hanging in there. Now it’s your turn.

Do you struggle with punctuating adjectives? Or just rely on your best guess. How do you feel about that pesky Oxford comma? And have I changed your mind? I love to read your comments. I also use them to make my next posts stronger. So, please, share!

About Lori

An encourager at heart, author, editor, and writing coach Lori Freeland believes everyone has a story to tell. She’s presented multiple workshops at writer’s conferences across the country and writes everything from non-fiction to short stories to novels—YA to adult.

When she’s not curled up with her husband drinking too much coffee and worrying about her kids, she loves to mess with the lives of the imaginary people living in her head.

You can find her young adult and contemporary romance at lorifreeland.com and her inspirational blog and writing tips at lafreeland.com. Her book, Where You Belong: a runaway series novella, is currently free on Kindle Unlimited. 

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Where You Belong

A girl can run from her roots, but she can’t escape her heart.  

Six years ago, after a practical joke gone wrong, Hendrix Marshall blew the single stoplight in the town of Runaway, Wisconsin, and never looked back. But when Grandpa Joe—retired hippie, Jimmy Hendrix devotee, and the man who raised her—ends up in the hospital, she reluctantly agrees to take a cab home. As long as she can keep the meter running.

But then she comes heel-to-boot with Alexander Ryland—former best friend, sometimes nemesis, always secret crush. And his ocean-blue eyes still have the power to launch cartwheels in her belly. Too bad his freestyle attitude makes her certifiable. He’s the reason she left. He won’t be the reason she stays. Even if he’s determined to collect interest on the kiss she’s owed him for the last ten years.

by Piper Bayard
of Bayard & Holmes

I write with a partner who is a 47-yr veteran of Intelligence Community field operations. My friends know to unplug their Alexas and their Smart TVs when I’m in a room. Sometimes, I even ask them to turn off their phones and put them alongside mine in their microwave oven before a conversation continues.

This is not because I talk about classified information. I don’t. It’s also not because I’m particularly interesting. I’m not. It’s because I know who does think I’m interesting and how they can use the mundane information of my day.

Today, we will only look at spying on the part of corporations and governments. For information about hackers and their criminal activities, see my earlier WITS article, “Hacking: It Isn’t Just for Thrillers Anymore.” 

So which of our devices can be used to spy on us?

In short, all of them. If it has a mic and/or a camera and connects to the internet, it can be and likely is being used by someone to listen to everything we say and watch everything we do within the field of reception.

Writing Tip: For our characters who are undercover or in hiding, this means they either hide in plain sight with plastic surgery and false identities, or they must be very isolated to be genuinely off the grid. It is not enough that they don’t carry their own electronics or use credit cards. Cameras and mics are ubiquitous in our daily lives, and they are all watching and listening in. With facial recognition software, our characters are not likely to be able to hide in society for very long.

Voice-Activated Devices

Smart TVs, Alexa, Siri, and all other voice-activated electronics are created specifically to listen for and respond to commands.

Think of those devices as entire teams of marketing specialists and hostile government spies sitting in our living rooms with us, and they never sleep or go away unless we unplug them and/or toss them in the garbage at the curb.

Devices often come with manufacturer statements saying that they only collect “voice data” for the purpose of recognizing and responding to commands. However, for the device to determine whether we are issuing a command, all detectable sounds are collected and transmitted to an unnamed third-party vendor.

Companies that sell electronics do not release information about that third-party vendor. That anonymous third-party vendor owns and maintains the computer hardware that runs the programs that collect and sort through everything that is said to determine if anyone is giving a command to the device.

That third-party vendor could be a corporation, it could be Russia , it could be the People’s Republic of China (“PRC”), or it could be skeevy Uncle Fred with the servers in his bathroom.

These devices also usually come with language stating that the company does not sell the voice data they collect to third parties. Keep in mind that “voice data,” as it pertains to the device, might only include legitimate commands. So what does the company do with all of the rest of the data collected that does not fall under the definition of voice data?

I’m seeing plots here. How about you?

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More importantly, even if in some alternate universe corporations can be trusted, what do the third party vendors do with our data?

They can and likely do sell our data to marketing firms, governments foreign and domestic, private individuals, organized crime, or all of the above. The firms, corporations, governments foreign and domestic, and people who purchase our data can then do whatever they please with it.

In addition to the third-party vendors that collect all of our singing in the shower, there is the fact that the electronics are made somewhere.

That somewhere is inevitably the PRC. Communist China. West Taiwan. Xi Jinping’s Hundred Acre Wood.

Virtually every electronic device that is produced today is assembled in the PRC. It is simply assumed by those in the computer industry that both corporations and governments that come in contact with electronic components during the course of their production will attempt to design in what are called “back doors.” Back doors allow those corporations and governments to access devices without having to expend the energy of hacking.

In other words, the PRC installs back doors or at least attempts to install them into all of the electronic devices it assembles. The PRC does this specifically to spy on the West as part of its Thousand Grains of Sand intelligence-gathering program described below.

Electronics corporations, Western governments, and most people under the age of twenty-five know this, but, hey, cheap stuff and convenience, right?

Phones

Phones are especially convenient for governments and corporations to use to collect information.

They can use phones to locate and track people, collect conversations on and around the phone, and watch people through the phone cameras. Software can be embedded in phones by apps or at public WiFi locations. Phones also send signals that talk to other electronic devices around us.

For example, phone conversations are regularly intercepted by such things as the IMSI-catchers, or “stingrays,” that police use to hijack cell phone connections to spy on people. Stingrays mimic wireless cell towers and “force” all surrounding cell phones and mobile devices to connect to it.

 Their use is widespread across America. It’s an easy bet that the Department of Homeland Security has perfected the art. The legality of such unwarranted police surveillance practices is still being debated in the courts.

Also, the PRC, Russia (and any other nation that can afford the surveillance infrastructure) collect all of the phone conversations in and around Washington, D.C., San Francisco, New York, Chicago, and other major Western cities.

Those nations are not concerned with any legality. However, we do not know how efficiently they can actually sort through all of that data.

Apps & Terms of Use Agreements

Phone apps exponentially increase the spying capabilities of corporations, particularly in the realm of geo-location. These apps are used for the physical tracking of individuals for the purpose of generating filthy lucre.

Such companies as Google, Facebook, and Verizon capture their users' locations and sell the data to marketing corporations. This is actually all completely legal, as people agree to this tracking in the terms of the operating system, application, and telecom company when they agree to “terms” during the installation or start-up process.

Keep in mind that when we agree to those terms of service that allow these companies to do such complete surveillance on us, we have no idea what they will do with the information they glean. They might only sell it to marketing companies, who then sell it to whomever they please. They likely also sell that information to governments both domestic and foreign, which use it.

And computers?

They have mics. They have cameras. They connect to the internet. They were made in China, or at least they were assembled there. All of those corporate terms of service are the same for tracking your online movements. I’m sure you can do the math.

But . . . Why? We’re just not that interesting.

The primary reasons to collect, store, and transmit our data from our electronic devices, aside from the criminal activities of hackers, are marketing and espionage.

Marketing

Notice how we can have a conversation about Bragg’s Organic Vinegar in the range of an electronic device, and an ad for Bragg’s pops up on our computer? That is not a coincidence.

Companies have agreements with each other to share information about users for targeted marketing. In other words, our phone company collects the voice data and shares it with our internet carrier, which shares it with marketing corporations, which share Bragg’s with us.

A more direct connection is when the same company provides us with both phone service and internet service. Whatever is said on the phone almost immediately translates into ads all over the computer because all of the middle players are cut out of the process.

Then there is the marketing power that comes from location-tracking technologies made possible by phones. Location-tracking technologies follow people through stores using the apps on phones.

Stores can tell if someone put on makeup, tried on clothes, stood staring at their favorite cookies for ten minutes, etc. Marketing experts have no scruples when it comes to collecting our data and turning it into money.

See “Retailers Can Track Your Movements Inside Their stores. Here’s How.”

Your data, or shall I say your data, is the pay dirt of the computer age. It is worth more than gold, oil, or lithium. Keep in mind, too, that any data collected for marketing purposes can be used for more nefarious purposes as well.

Espionage

Many governments, such as the PRC, are hostile to the rest of the world, and particularly to Western governments.

The PRC is one of the most dedicated and most successful governments that practices electronic espionage, and it does so by being the world’s manufacturer of electronic devices.

The Chinese approach to espionage, known as the Thousand Grains of Sand, is different from that of the Western world and other countries.

While the Chinese have professional intelligence services like other countries, what’s different is that the entire Chinese population also has a legal duty to spy for the PRC, from fishermen (see Key Moments in Espionage), to business people, to tourists, to teachers, to students, to nannies and maids.

The Chinese government wants to collect all of the millions of “grains of sand” that it can glean from listening to and watching people around the world, either through human interaction or through electronics.

Why We Absolutely Are So Interesting

These are only a few of the reasons the PRC and other foreign governments want to spy on us in our everyday lives:

• To hunt down and keep tabs on expatriates
• To monitor trends in society for the purpose of improving subversion efforts
• To improve training of deep-cover agents
• To improve language skills for social media agents
• To better design propaganda efforts in foreign countries
• To identify blackmail targets
• To compile information on important foreigners for the purposes of subversion

I can personally attest to the effectiveness of the PRC’s campaign to listen in on the average American. As a decades-long student of political propaganda, I have seen the Chinese go from being blunt objects to precision tools in their online social media accounts, mastering the language, slang, and word sequencing of their targets to the point that experts have to stop and think twice to pick out the spies.

That is why each and every one of us is far more interesting to foreign governments than we realize.

So in short, if it is an electronic device with a mic and/or a camera, and it connects to the internet, it is spying on us, most likely for the purposes of marketing or espionage.

Any questions? Please put them in the comments below, or just say them out loud or type them into your computer, and we will ask our favorite hackers to pull it off the PRC “third party vendors” to answer them for you. (Kidding! Sort of. . .)

About Piper

Piper Bayard is an author and a recovering attorney with a college degree or two. She is also a belly dancer and a former hospice volunteer. She has been working daily with her good friend Jay Holmes for the past decade, learning about foreign affairs, espionage history, and field techniques for the purpose of writing fiction and nonfiction. She currently pens espionage nonfiction and international spy thrillers with Jay Holmes, as well as post-apocalyptic fiction of her own.

Jay Holmes is a 47-year veteran of field espionage operations with experience spanning from the Cold War fight against the Soviets, the East Germans, and the various terrorist organizations they sponsored to the present Global War on Terror. He is unwilling to admit to much more than that. Piper is the public face of their partnership.

In Spycraft: Essentials:

Bayard & Holmes share information on espionage history, organizations, firearms of spycraft, tradecraft techniques, honey pots, sleeper agents, the most common foibles of spy fiction, and the personalities and personal challenges of the men and women behind the myths.

Though crafted with advice and specific tips for writers, Spycraft: Essentials is for anyone who wants to learn more about the inner workings of the Shadow World.

by Colleen M. Story

When I was a young child, my adoptive father committed suicide.

Wow. I’ve never written that before.

But I have written a new novel (The Beached Ones) that explores, among other things, suicide, from the point of view of both the victims and their families.

I never expected to write such a novel. I fell into it “from the side,” you might say, when a movie that ended with a suicide plagued my thoughts for weeks.

I didn’t ask myself “why” this story stuck with me. I just accepted that it did, and gradually, it sowed the germ for a new story in my mind.

I pursued that story over a period of many years, and only when I’d completed a couple of drafts did I realize that:

• Yes, the story had been inspired in part by the movie
• But it had also come from my past real-life experience

Almost every writer has some sort of trauma (or more than one) lingering in their past. Maybe you've already written about it. But if you haven't and you're thinking of doing so, ask yourself these three questions first.

1. Are You Ready to Write About It?

Writing is incredibly therapeutic. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “For years, practitioners have used logs, questionnaires, journals and other writing forms to help people heal from stresses and traumas.”

Research supports this practice. In a 2019 study, scientists asked participants who had reported experiencing trauma in the past year to engage in a six-week writing program. The results showed that the program helped them:

• increase resilience
• decrease depressive symptoms
• reduce perceived stress
• limit rumination

If you’re compelled to write about past trauma, by all means, do so, as it may help you. But if you’re thinking of making a story out of it, think twice.

My adopted father’s suicide occurred when I was a young child. I didn’t start writing The Beached Ones until I was in my 40s. Plenty of time had passed. The wound was no longer fresh. I was able to approach the story from a novelist’s point of view. That helped me to be successful in writing it.

If you’re too close to the trauma, you may have difficulty writing about it objectively. We writers have to have empathy for all of our characters, including the “bad guys.” We also must create a solid story structure and plot to entertain and intrigue our readers—something that requires a clear head.

Writing about the event “as it happened” typically doesn’t translate well into a story. So ask yourself if you’re ready. Have you processed your difficult emotions? Have you healed from the event? Can you look at it objectively?

Only then should you start writing for the purpose of publishing. Before that, use your writing to heal.

2. Can You Handle the Emotional Consequences?

While writing The Beached Ones, I experienced some powerful emotions. Of course, we writers usually do become involved with our characters and feel what they feel. But as I wrote, I found myself haunted by what had happened in my real life.

I started wondering anew about the details. I went to bed ruminating over it, recalling the moment my mom came in to tell my brother and me the news. Memories of that time floated in and out of my consciousness like snippets of dreams.

I had to have more answers. I talked to my mom about it. She was kind enough to get me copies of old newspaper clippings from my hometown paper. It was helpful to see the event recorded in black and white. It chased away the shadows and helped me face reality once more.

You too may experience some difficult emotions when writing about past trauma. You can’t really “prepare” for it, but knowing that it may happen can help. Think about who you might call when you need to. Who could support you through this type of experience?

Then consider anything else you may need, such as more information. Perhaps you too will want to do some research to paste some plain facts over the wound.

Then make sure you’re ready to handle whatever may bubble up as you’re writing before you start. You’ll need to be strong.

3. Can You Bring Your Reader Hope?

Most traumas are dark and difficult. Certainly, suicide isn't uplifting—but according to my editor, my novel is.

When she told me that, I was honored. On a subconscious level, it’s what I wanted to do: offer readers hope. 

On one hand, you’ve suffered a trauma. At least a small part of you is probably writing about it as a way to heal. That means you may have to go to some dark places in your story. But you need more than darkness to make a novel succeed. The question is: how will you find your way back to the light?

Readers often come to books for more than entertainment (though that’s usually the first thing they look for). They long for a sense of belonging, a sign that they’re not alone in how they feel or what they’ve endured in life. They may pick up your book hoping that what they find there will help soothe their fears or bring them a certain level of peace.

If you’re too close to your trauma—or you haven’t yet found a way to understand what happened—you may not be able to find your way out of that dark place. The trail usually begins with empathy for all parties involved: the victims and the perpetrators. Then it travels through pain and suffering to forgiveness, justice, atonement, or in a tragedy, despair, and death.

I’m not saying you have to have a happy ending. But your main character will have to go through a significant change to create a successful arc. One option is to have your character find the light in some way. Readers will celebrate with him. The other is to allow him to descend into darkness, which may leave your reader there, too.

Whatever you choose, the important thing is not to forget about the reader. In the end, your novel is saying something about human nature and experience. Make sure that what it says is what you intend to say, and what you want to offer your reader.

Make sure that it’s something you’ll be proud to leave behind.

Do you write books that include trauma? Why or why not? If you do, what do you find to be the most difficult thing about tackling these topics?

Note: The Beached Ones is forthcoming from CamCat books in June 2022. Get your FREE excerpt here, or preorder now! (Buy links and book trailer here.)

About Colleen

Colleen M. Story is a novelist, freelance writer, writing coach, and speaker with over 20 years in the creative writing industry. Her latest release, The Beached Ones, is forthcoming from CamCat Books in June 2022. Her novel, Loreena's Gift, was a Foreword Reviews’ INDIES Book of the Year Awards winner, among others.

Colleen has written three books to help writers succeed. Your Writing Matters is the most recent, and helps writers overcome self-doubt and determine once and for all where writing fits in their lives. Other titles include Writer Get Noticed and Overwhelmed Writer Rescue. You can find free chapters of these books here.

Find more at her author website (colleenmstory.com) or connect with her on Twitter (@colleen_m_story) and LinkedIn.