Writers in the Storm

Margie Lawson

 A huge THANK YOU to Laura Drake for inviting me to be a guest blogger, and big miss-you hugs to all the WITS gals!

If you wish review the rule that started it all... Margie-Rule #1: Never Take Any Word for Granted

 

Are you an NCIS fan? A Jethro Gibbs fan? A Mark Harmon fan?

If you said YES, you know Jethro Gibbs has rules. Smart rules. I wanted smart rules too.

Margie’s Rule #4: First things first. Add power to blah.

None of us want to read blah.

I’ll share five examples, and show how you can give blah a boost.

We’ll focus on an interaction between characters most writers have written several times.

A hug. 

That’s right. Just a hug.

We’ve read sentences like:

• They hugged.
• She gave him a quick hug.
• He pulled her into a tight hug.
• She threw her arms around him in a quick hug.
• He grabbed his brother in a one-armed hug.

Nothing special there. No subtext. No power.

Check out these examples of hugs:

Live Wire, Harlan Coben, 3 examples

Mom hugs grandson and son:

Mom was at the door. She hugged Mickey first, the way only Mom could. When Mom hugged, she gave it her all—holding nothing back. Mickey closed his eyes and soaked it in. Myron waited for the kid to cry, but Mickey wasn’t one for waterworks. Mom finally released him and threw the hug at her son. Then she stepped back, blocked their entrance, and fixed them both with a killer glare.

Deep Editing Analysis:

The first hug is amplified. The second hug is shared in a fresh way:and threw the hug at her son. We feel her intense love.

But between those hugs, Harlan slipped in two goodies for the reader. First, Harlan felt his mom’s love for her grandson:

Mickey closed his eyes and soaked it in.

Second, he slipped in a hint of a Humor Hit that deepened characterization:

Myron waited for the kid to cry, but Mickey wasn’t one for waterworks.

It’s barely a snicker, and it’s quintessential Harlan. Plus, it informs the reader how close Mickey is to his grandmother, that Myron expected Mickey to cry.

The last sentence carries news-of-a-difference power. It’s backloaded with killer glare.The emotional set of the scene shifts.

Did you notice that Harlan slipped in three words in the middle of that last sentence, three words that add power?

…blocked their entrance…

We all know what is implied with that little hit of choreography.

Mom is strong. And she’s not letting them in the house until she knows everything.

Look at all Harlan Coben accomplished with that paragraph.

Harlan showed the love mom had for Mickey and Myron, they’d done something dangerous and she’d been crazy-worried.

He showed the depth of the relationships.

Harlan also showed that after mom knew they were safe, her anger surfaced, big time, and now she’s crazy-mad.

Emphasis on the word SHOWED.

Harlan didn’t give us a paragraph that TOLD the reader that Myron knew how much his mom loved Mickey, and blah-de-blah-blah-blah…

You all know those TELLING paragraphs. If it’s more than four or five lines long, you probably skim. You get the gist. You don’t miss anything important.

What if Harlan had written it like this.

Margie’s Blah Rewrite:

Mom was at the door. She gave Mickey a hug and held him close for a long time. Mom finally released him and pulled Myron into her arms. Then she stepped back and fixed them both with a cold stare.

The same message is shared in my version, but that paragraph wouldn’t rank high on interest. Nothing fresh. If longer, definitely an invitation to skim.

Would you skim Harlan’s paragraph?

I’ll share four more hugs, but I won’t dig deep. I’ll just add a few points.

Live Wire, Harlan Coben

Girl hugs guy friend:

She came over to him, spread her arms, and hugged him. Myron held her tight, feeling the warm belly against him. He didn’t know if that was weird. But as the hug lasted, it started to feel good, therapeutic. Suzie lowered her head into Myron’s chest and stayed there for a while. Myron just held her.

What did Harlan accomplish?

• Shared fresh writing
• Deepened relationship
• Took what could have been blah, and added power!

 

Hug between two best guy friends:

Myron hugged Win. Win hugged back. The hug was fierce and tight and lasted a long time. No words were exchanged—they would have just been superfluous.

• Short and powerful!
• Masterful writing.
• Fresh content. Compelling cadence.
• Used polysyndeton: The hug was fierce and tight and lasted a long time.

Polysyndeton -- one of thirty rhetorical devices in my Deep Editing class.

 

He pulled his brother into an awkward embrace. His arms trapped at his sides.

Test of Faith, Christa Allan, multi-Margie-grad, 2 examples

Carried by the irrational current of the moment, Julia embraced her. As could be expected, there was a reciprocal effort—the teacher treated hugs like a contagious illness—but Julia didn’t care

• Fresh writing
• Deepened characterization
• Compelling cadence
• Humor Hit
• Universal theme. We know this feeling. Most of us have been super excited, and hugged someone we wouldn’t usually hug.

 

She passed around her signature faux-hug, one hand on your shoulder and enough forward body movement to suggest hugging.

Wow!

• Fresh writing
• Compelling cadence
• Clear choreography – not always easy to convey
• Deepened characterization

You can see the difference between a shares-no-power hug, and a makes-your-scene-strong hug.

I could have focused on any scene element for this blog—facial expressions, dialogue cues, proximity, internalizations, dialogue, setting, action, character descriptions, visceral responses….

If it’s important, add power!

You can add power with subtext, internalizations that deepen characterization, rhetorical devices, humor hits, choreography, fresh writing, and cadence, cadence, cadence.

You can add power with everything I teach.

BLOG GUESTS: IT’S YOUR TURN!

Want to share a fresh hug?

Or comment on these hugs?

Or just say Hi?

Post a comment, and you’ll be in the drawing to win an online course from Lawson Writer’s Academy!

Due to a health issue, Margie will be not be here to comment today but she will answer your comments when she returns. Her drawing for a class will still be chosen using the comments on this blog.

Check out the courses we’re offering in September:

1. Submissions That Sell, Instructor: Laura Drake
2. Story Structure Safari, Instructor: Lisa Miller
3. From Blah to Beats: Giving Chapters a Pulse, Instructor: Rhay Christou
4. The Hero’s Journey in YA Fiction, Instructors: Jennifer McAndrews and Linda Gerber  
5. Mastering the Synopsis, Instructor: Jennifer Archer
6. Virtues, Vices, and Plots, Instructor: Sarah Hamer
7. Getting Serious About Writing A Series, Instructor: Lisa Wells

The drawing will be Sunday, August 24, 8:00 PM Mountain Time.

See you on the blog!

All smiles................Margie

 

About Margie

Margie Lawson teaches writers how to use her psychologically-based editing systems and deep editing techniques to create page turners. Margie has presented over ninety full day master classes for writers in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.

Margie is excited to share that Romance Writers of Australia is bringing her back to present at their conference next summer!
To learn about Lawson Writer’s Academy, Margie’s 4-day Immersion Master Classes (in Denver, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Dallas, Seattle, San Antonio, Columbus, Jacksonville, Houston, and on Whidbey Island), her full day Master Class presentations, keynote speeches, on-line courses, lecture packets, and newsletter, please visit www.MargieLawson.com.

 

Laurie Schnebly

When you think about the three elements needed to braid your story together, you probably think of plot and character first.

That makes sense. If you had to write a book using just those two items, you could do a pretty good job of keeping it interesting and entertaining.

Sure, readers might be even happier if they get to see your voice. And the way you describe the setting. And the kind of dialogue your characters use. And the humor, the drama, the tension, the emotion, the -- well, all those other colorful things.

So why aren't those other things as big on the Must-Have list of items to consider when writing your book?

Maybe because we're all writing such different types of stories.

It's not just the plot which makes 'em different, although that certainly contributes.

Nor is it just the characters which make 'em different, although they certainly contribute as well.

But what really sets one book apart from another is how that plot and those characters come together.

Let's call that the situation.

Think about it. If your story is about the heroine facing ninja assassins, it's in a completely different league than your story about that same heroine facing her prom date falling for her best friend

And that's completely different from a story about James Bond facing ninja assassins, or Bond discovering that his prom date (hmm, his casino date?) is falling for HIS best friend. (Hmm, who would that be?)

Anyway, you get the idea. The plots, whether they involve ninjas or a prom date, take an enormous shift when you envision them involving Cinderella or Bond.

Just as the characters, whether Cindy or James, vary tremendously depending on whether they're facing assassins or a love tangle.

Or -- just imagine it -- both.

 

Those are basic scenarios, sure. And basic characters whose personalities we already have a pretty good idea about...but you see what a difference the situation makes?

That's the third strand of your braid.

 Maybe your heroine is a wanna-be Cinderella at the office party.

Or maybe she's a ninja assassin.

Maybe she's an elderly widow who bakes cookies for the neighborhood children.

Maybe she's forced by a wizard to put arsenic in the cookies.

Maybe she's a cop looking for the poisoner.

Maybe she's a nurse looking for the antidote.

Maybe she's a terrified mother looking for poisoned Emily's favorite doll.

Maybe she's Emily, all grown up and looking for a BDSM costume party.

 

Notice how all these situations move your story into a whole different category?

 

 

Each one of them contains a character and a plot idea you could transfer into some other book...but just think how that story would change.

This is where the magic comes in. The situation -- or even, to use a broader term, the genre -- influences your plot and characters to such an extent that it might be considered the most important element of your story braid.

What happens once you've got your strands?

 That depends on when you get 'em.

 

Some people start by planning each one, knowing their situation and plot and characters before they ever start writing. ("Yes, this'll be about the cop looking for the poison-cookie baker but falling in love with the evil wizard's innocent niece.")

Some people start with a situation ("Okay, this'll be about a BDSM costume party") and shape the plot and characters to fit it.

Some people start with a character ("I want to write about a nurse who dreams of making a difference") and build a plot around that person, while others start with a plot ("What would happen if a wizard made people carry out his dastardly schemes but got overthrown from within?")

All those ways of building a story work just fine. But sometimes the elements don't quite line up as smoothly as we'd like.

 

Prize-drawing question: What do you do?

When parts of your book don't line up as neatly as you want them to, what's the first thing you try? Or the second / third / 26th / whatever?

It's fine to mention techniques that HAVE worked for you, and also things that HAVEN'T. Because you know how we all operate differently? Something that didn't quite do the job for you might be the perfect "fix" for a writer who reads your comment!

 

 

 

So if you have any tips you'd like to share, please pass them along. (And if you'd rather I didn't quote you in next month's class on Your Plot-Character-Story Braid, just mention that in your comment.)

Thanks.

Laurie, who is always intrigued at seeing how other people do it

 

 

 About Laurie

Laurie Schnebly Campbell always loves teaching a brand-new class, so when a writer asked about "braiding" she was delighted at the chance to explore an untouched subject starting September 1 at WriterUniv.com's http://bit.ly/BraidClass.

Although she enjoyed braiding her own books, including one that beat out Nora Roberts for "Best Special Edition of the Year," she enjoys teaching even more. That's why she now has 15 novels on her bookshelf with acknowledgments from authors inspired by her classes!

 

Describing clothes on characters isn’t nearly as fun writing an action scene. But let’s face it, clothes and their condition say as much about our characters as they do on real people.

Thankfully there are ways to sneak clothing descriptions into a scene without sounding like a fashion magazine.

When ever possible, let clothing and the character’s appearance leak into the scene as a bystander.

Clothing descriptions as a bystander to body language is used a lot.

 Example: She sat, smiled and nodded her head. Beneath the table, her damp fists crushed the delicate silk of her evening gown while her kid boots tapped a rapid rhythm. This doesn’t sound like a description of clothing at all and yet the sentence shows the reader what the woman is wearing.

 Clothing descriptions as a bystander in an action scene is not the norm. Usually they just slow down the action and are better avoided. UNLESS, the type of clothing is important to the action.

Example: Set up: In my book Love and Fortune the heroine is a distraction while a group of Yankees soldiers surround a band of weary Rebels. Her attire is important to this scene.

 The dancer was one with the music … She raised softly curved arms, and a myriad of gold bangles jangled to the rhythm of the mounting beat. Only her green feline eyes were visible above the diaphanous red silk draped loosely about her head and across the lower half of her face. A red peasant blouse slipped down one shoulder, sparking the imaginations of her hushed, gray-uniformed audience. Inky tresses swirled about her undulating hips, hips that invited a man’s caress. … She pivoted abruptly and dashed into the oblivion of the night. Gradey started to rise, but the clicking of rifles being cocked and aimed froze him in place.

 Then of course, there’s times when a character arrives on stage, requiring a quick description of their appearance and little more. For those times, the word lists below come in handy. Knowing the exact name of a fashion also saves words and gives the reader an instant picture: Hobble-skirt, mini skirt, peasant blouse, cravat, kid gloves, pea coat, dickey etc. [That list of coats, shirts, skirts, neckwear, hats, shoes etc with their definitions will have to wait for another blog.]

Note: Don’t waste time and words describing an unimportant character who makes only one appearance in the book. Lengthy descriptions imply the character is important to the story.

Below is a list of my fashion terms for women and men. Keep in mind that descriptions of men’s attire should lend themselves to masculinity and durability with a bit of suave thrown into the mix.

By themselves these terms sound like they were taken right out of a fashion magazine. Their beauty is more evident when they're used to trim a wordy description to a concise expression.

Following the men’s list are words and phrases for the “Less Than Presentable,” “Getting Dressed” and “General Synonyms for Clothing.”

General Fashion Terms for Women

…added drama
Accented with
Accentuated waist
Accessorized
Aesthetic quality
Bold detail
Characterized by
Charming
Clean lines
Contrasted
Cut generously
Daring creation
Dazzling sparkles
Deep pleats
Delicate and lacy
Displayed her assets
Dominate stripe
Eccentric designs
Essential elements
Exotic
Figure fattering
Fitted, tailored to fit
Flair for the spectacular
Flaring
Floaty and sheer
Flowing
Form fitting
Frame the face
French cut panties
Fresh, spring colors
Fullness
Graceful silhouette
Great daring and originality
Harmony
Harsh tones
Height of propriety
Highlighted by
Hot little off-the-shoulder number
Indulge herself with
Latest crazeLavished with ruffles/lace etc.
Lively print
Luxurious silk
Made a statement
Masterfully rendered in
Mode of dress
Modified the hemline
Motif of *** swirled around the hem
Noble simplicity
Ornate
Ostentatious extravagance
Outlined – figure, hem, sleeves
Piping detailed the
Plunging neckline
Portray the rich variety in design
Prestige of the label
Provocative
Prudish length
Rare
Richly decorated
Romantic
Rounded collar
Sashed at the waist
Savvy cut
Shabby chic
Shapeless
Shapely Profile
Silky scarves
Simplicity
Slim lines
Soft, supple
Spectacular style
Stunning
Stylistic melange
Taste
Thin as a Vail of tears
Trailing
Trends
Trimmed
Velvety soft
Vogue

General Fashion Terms for Men

All about comfort
Black, a logical choice for a man of noir
Convenient
Conventional
Cushioned inner soles
Dapper old gentleman
Decadent open collar
Durable
Expensive leather had some miles on it
Geared to a man’s needs
Generously cut
Hand-crafted
Handsomely tailored
Heavy duty
Indispensable
Intricately tooled
Lightweight
Long range wear
Moves from boardroom to elegance ease
Nattily unkempt
Relaxed fit
Sharp and dynamic
Sharp front pleats
Sporty elegance
Step out on the town shoes
SturdyTie upstaged his silk shirt
Traditional
Well groomed

Less Than Presentable

All flash and no dash
Beauty blight
Bedraggled
Blowzy over-done
Boots with newspaper stuffed inside to cover the holes in the soles
Clothes painted on her
Donned grubbies for yard work
Dress gone limp in the heat
Dressed like an unmade bed
Dressed like he’s fleeing a fire/the devil
Ensemble clashes
Flamboyant colors clashed
Foul-smelling socks
Gaudy/gauche
Gowns cut to see level
High water pants, flood pants
House dress that looked like a slipcover
Huge hat with a hectic array of
If she’s class, it doesn’t show on her back
It’s called the tacky cut
Jeans deliberately torn and frayed
Miserably shod feet
Misshapen straw hat perched at a jaunty angle
Motley hat tilted over one eye
Nondescript
Off-beat/kinky/Bohemian/hippie/beatnick
Old mossback cares nothing for fashion
Patched hand-me-downs
Poured into her jeans
Resembles Rummage Sal
Scandalous
Shabby as a
Shows more of her self than she does style
Tattered cast-offs
Teen uniform: jeans, scruffy T-shirt, dirty sneakers and no socks
Threadbare/napless/frayed/holey/dilapidated/misshapen
Vermin ridden/lice fleas/bedbugs
Whites that looked gray
Wretched condition

Getting Dressed

Array
Attire
Bundle up
Change into
Clad
Cloaked
Costumed herself
Doll up
Don
Dress fit to kiss
Dress to the nines
Dude up
Equip
Garb
Get beautiful
Get glitzed
Getting ready
Glammed
Gown up
Groom
Gussy up
Invest
Make ready
Outfitted himself
Primp
Rig up
Shroud
Slicked up
Slip on or into
Snaz up
Spiff up
Spruce up
Suit up
Swaddle
Swath
Wrapped in

General Synonyms for Clothing

Array
Attire
Best bib and tucker
Bling Bling – jewelry or sparkle added to clothing
Costume
Doodads
Drapery
Duds
Ensemble
Evening dress, wear
Fashion
Finery
Flashery
Floordrobe – clothes left on the floor
Frippery
Frocks
Garb
Garments
Garmenture
Gear
Getup
Gladrags
Grubbies
Guadery
Guise
Habiliment
Hand-me-downs
Number – as in wearing a sexy number
Outfit
Rags
Raiment
Regalia
Rigging
Suit of clothes
Suit up
Sunday-go-to-meetin’
Swag – accessories sometimes jewelry or gifts
Threads
Togs
Trapping
Trousseau
Uniforms
Wardrobe
Weeds
Wraps

About Sharla

Sharla has published three historical romances and her fourth, How to Fell a Timberman, is impatiently waiting to be formatted for Kindle.

When she’s not writing and researching ways to bedevil her book characters, Sharla enjoys collecting authentically costumed dolls from all over the world, traveling (to seek more dolls!), and reading tons of books.

You can find Sharla here at Writers In The Storm, on Twitter at @SharlaWrites or on Facebook.