Writers in the Storm

By Laura Drake

Sorry to have been absent awhile; I was finishing my last book under contract. Now, before I jump into the next one, I’ve vowed to take a break.  Not from writing – If I’m breathing, I’m writing. I’m taking a break from writing what I’m committed to. I’m stepping onto the wild side. I haven’t visited there in a long time.

I planned to try something new; maybe a short story, or a novella. Of course I assumed I’d write what I know; bull riding or motorcycles, romance or WF.

But I’ve had this random idea now and again over the past couple of years. I take it out,  play with it for a few minutes, then get scared and shove it back in the box, tape it up, and cram it under some old furniture in the attic of my mind.

But now it’s clawed through the box, and is crawling up my leg. It’s a whole different genre, a setting I know nothing about, and a character so damaged, she scares even me! Yikes!

Have you ever done that? Been cruising along in the comfort zone, and all of a sudden, you get beamed down an idea that’s so ‘out there’ you think the Universe sent it to the wrong mailbox? But still,  it intrigues me. Besides, the damned thing isn’t going back in the box, so I have to find a way to deal with it.

Maybe you’re starting you first novel. Maybe you’re querying for the first time. Or pitching, or . . .

Everyone gets scared when they try something new. I am so uncomfortable with this idea that I can’t even look at it, except out of the corner of my eye. I need tools to deal with the fear, so I’ve compiled the following. Hopefully, they’ll help you, too:

• Decode the message – Why does this idea intrigue me? There’s a kernel, under all the stuff I don’t know, that has captured my imagination. There’s a moral, or a high concept in there somewhere. Once I know what that is, I can put together a roadmap of where I want to go.
• You do know something – Start with the piece that IS in your comfort zone, and work out from there. What captured my imagination is the character. I know how to write a good, deep character. If I focus on that, it’ll give me a solid base to face the rest -- the unknown.
• Play with the Research – Thank God for the internet. It costs you nothing but time, right? So go play. I’m going to look up details– decide what city to set the story in, then dig in and get a feel for those mean streets.
• Give yourself some time – Don’t expect that this will come as fast as your normal writing. My son married a Panamanian, so his kids were raised bilingual from birth. It took them longer to speak – but when they did, they not only spoke two languages, they knew which to speak to each person. Give yourself permission to crawl instead of run.
• No expectations -- No one is making you do this; it's not homework. It’s supposed to be fun. Remember when you were a little kid, and you didn’t know the definition of ‘fail?’ You tried something, and if it didn’t work, you dropped it, and tried something else. Give yourself permission to do that again – keep no scoreboard. If you don’t like it when you’re done - you have a ‘delete’ key – no one ever has to see it.

So, what do you think? Are you ready to walk on the wild side with me?  Yeah, I’m scared too. But I’m going to try it anyway!

What are you dying to try that’s outside your comfort zone?

Laura's debut book, THE SWEET SPOT, has been selected as a Top Pick by Romantic Times Magazine!  Here's the review: "From the cover and title you expect a sweet contemporary western, but this is a sensitive, honest look at a family destroyed by loss, a family that must try to rise from the ashes of their old life and see what they are now -- different, certainly, but pieces or a unit? Drake's characters are so real, and so like us, that you will look at your own life and count your treasures."

THE SWEET SPOT releases May 28th! It's available for preorder Here.

It’s your first sentence. The opening line to your masterpiece. The words that will grab your reader and pull him into your world. They. Have. To. Be. Perfect. No pressure.

We’re not here to give you a lesson in writing the opening hook. But it is May 1^st and we thought that was the perfect opportunity to celebrate some firsts.

So, we’re posting the first lines of some of our books. And we invite you, our amazing WITS readers, to post yours. One line. That’s it. But do include the title please. And please limit to three.

Laura Drake

The Sweet Spot - release date, May 28, 2013.
The grief counselor told the group to be grateful for what they had left. After lots of considering, Charla Rae decided she was grateful for the bull semen.

Sweet on You - release date, May 2014
Another night of blood and adrenaline.

Her Road Home - releasing August, 2013
Running away from home at twenty-eight -- that’s gotta be a first.

Fae Rowen

PRISM
O’Neill knew exactly when the glorious Prism sunset became her enemy.

Keeping Athena
Athena WARme stared out her singleship’s viewport at the enemy fighters racing toward her squadron.

The Promised One
Weapons at hand, the three unsuspecting men slumbered around glowing embers.

Sharla Rae

How To Fell A Timberman
“Whiskey Spit?” Noelle Bridger stared at the tall, middle-aged Norwegian standing beside her on the deck of the small mail packet, Excelsior. Ole Gjerset had met her in Seattle to escort her to her new teaching position in Seabeck. Or so she’d thought.

Jenny Hansen

Risky Baby Business (high-risk pregnancy memoir)
I freaking hate menopause.

Untitled  mom book
The story of my birth began in a Shakey’s Pizza Parlor in Virginia during my father’s birthday celebration.

Orly Konig-Lopez

Your Life, My Way (current WIP)
I thought her life was utterly perfect until she hired me to rewrite it.

The Day The Merry-Go-Round Stopped
I used to be normal. Sometimes I think I still am. Although perhaps not so much on the days I talk to inanimate objects.

Okay, your turn. Post the opening hook, along with title of up to three of your books.

We have a lucky reader who took the time to comment on Kat Martin's Real Setting blog. Writers in the Storm is pleased to announce that random.org picked comment #3 as the winner of Kat's new release AGAINST THE EDGE. Lorna Lee (of Lorna's Voice)--that's you!  Congratulations!

And all of you really stepped up the comment love for Margie Lawson's Stellar Writing Sells  -- maybe because the kind words you had for Margie served as your ticket in a drawing for a free course. Cover your ears, because Patricia Yager Delagrange is screaming now that she knows she's won Margie's free online class.  Congratulations to both of our winners. Kat and Margie will be in touch with you soon.

This is the third in a series of five posts by Fae Rowen of Writers in the Storm. In the first, the Secure Attachment style--the gold standard of human interaction--showed how easy it can be to fall in love. The second focused on the Avoidant Attachment style. Today she's back with more characteristics and another style, and we'll see why our characters can desperately yearn for love but are afraid to embrace it.

by Fae Rowen

The third attachment style is the Ambivalent/Anxious Model. A character with this attachment style grew up with parents who intruded their own mental/emotional state on their child. There was a lack of boundaries in the home. The caregiver had unresolved past issues that caused her to be distracted even when the child clearly needed help. Inconsistent availability, perceptiveness, sensitivity or effectiveness sometimes made the child angry. Instead of flowing communication which continually enhances a secure attachment style, unpredictable disruptions contribute to the Ambivalent/Anxious style.

As a child, your character was uncertain whether their own emotional needs would be met. This caused insecurity, worry, anxiety, and anger. Separations provoked interpersonal stress. Insecurity and unpredictability in life fueled desire for external relief, causing an urgent need to rely on and seek comfort from external interactions. (I bet you're seeing how this can play out in one of your characters!) Unnecessary caution, uncertainty and insecurity begins to manifest in relationships.

As an adult, the child's perception and expectation of "the worst" shifts real emotional connection to ambivalence. A relationship can end up with little chance of being accurately perceived.

Possible ramifications of Ambivalent Attachment in Adult Relationships

1. May unintentionally create own nightmare through replaying inconsistent emotional availability or intrusiveness
2. Preoccupation with previous attachment wounds so that they are negative, angry, or despairing
3. Fraught with complaints and a feeling that there is no hope of ever finding fulfillment
4. Always defending against the next loss
5. Leaky boundaries between past and present
6. While s/he hungers for emotional joining, the primary feeling is wanting, but no having.
7. New relationships may be experienced as inconsistent and unreliable
8. Accept what they are given instead of asking clearly for what they want
9. Expects abandonment or the worst of their partners
10. Experiences chronic anxiety, frustration and despair related to relationships
11. Gives, in order to get, then wonders why partner sometimes feels angry instead of appreciative
12. Has difficulty trusting themselves, their partner, and the relationship
13. Need reassurance that partner is committed, will not leave them and cares about their needs
14. They have a lot of "story" and tell everything to try to get everyone to "understand"
15. See their children through the filter of the past, continuing generational trauma
16. Obsesses on trying to keep a relationship
17. Shows greater distress at having some quality attachment then losing it without warning
18. Has unresolved longing, yearning, and feeling that s/he can never have what s/he wants

Yes, those of us--and our characters--who grew up with caregivers that fostered the Ambivalent Attachment Style have a lot of obstacles to overcome in our adult lives to get to the happily-ever-after ending. You can use these "tells" of the Ambivalent style to lead up to the black moment, and your black moment will not only be believable but will carry more emotional power.

What kind of a partner, what kind of "repair messages" help the Ambivalent/Anxious character to cross the bridge to secure attachment? Through words and actions, let the partner demonstrate the messages that "say":

1. You are loveable.
2. I will be here for you.
3. I respect your boundaries.
4. You have a right to your own space and privacy.
5. Think of me as loving you when we're apart.
6. I hold you in my heart.
7. You can come to me or call me when you need me.
8. You don't have to give yourself up to be in relationship with me.
9. I love you just the way you are.
10. I am not going anywhere.
11. I am here for the long haul.
12. You are mine and I am yours.

I'm sure you can figure out ways to show these feelings to your Ambivalent character. I'm going to let you in on a secret here. Remember back in Part 1 of this series, I said that during this class I finally figured out why my husband fell in love with me? Well, when I heard this list, I knew why.

I tucked little notes where he would find them when I wasn't around. Notes that said: Bad News--I'm not here. Good news: See you soon. Thinking about you. Wish I was there. You're the best.

You get the idea. None of the notes were "hot." But every one of them reaffirmed that he was loveable. And that I wasn't leaving. I didn't call him or ask where he'd been when we weren't together. I gave him his space and privacy. He knew I was a little fussier about appearances than he was, but I never griped when he wore his cowboy boots to a fancy restaurant. I didn't try to change him. (Looking back, maybe he may have been testing me.)

And guess what? I didn't do any of these things to try to "catch" him. I didn't even want to get married, and at thirty, I thought he was a confirmed bachelor. But he got the consistent repair messages he needed to get to a secure attachment style. And he was able to recognize the caring, loving, and nurturing behaviors without minimizing or overlooking them. The rest is, well, years of wonderful history.

How can you drive this character crazy?

• An intermittent reward system. (Think Pavlov's dog here.)
• Perceived inconsistency in the behavior of others.
• Put them in uncomfortable situations where they must give or receive.
• Involve them in a tale or a movie of unrequited love--this highlights their feeling of deprivation.

The secret for the black moment with this character?  When love truly presents itself, it may be rejected because it feels unfamiliar and disorienting. A reader with this style will connect with this moment. Any human will recognize the character's behavior from their own interactions with the loved ones in their lives. And they'll believe, based on their experience.

So, how can you use the Ambivalent/Anxious Attachment Style in your writing? What characteristics can make your writing fresh and hook into the emotions of your readers?

Part Four in the series will post Monday, May 20.